ME: Massive Epic
by Midnight Lion
Summary: A recounting of the first game in the Mass Effect saga:  the story of Commander K.S. Shepard, Colonist/War Hero/Vanguard/Paragon.  I just really wanted to know what made my canon!Shep tick...    Updates when it updates.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One:**

**In Which We Meet Our Reluctant Hero**

At first, the dream is one of the good ones. There's music, of course; his mother sings as she helps his father fix a hole in one of the pasture fences. He feels as though he should be the one helping his father, but then he realizes that the weight on his hip is Willa, her chubby arms wrapped around his neck as she whispers to him about the things she wants for her fifth birthday next month. The dream is better than a memory, because this day never happened; nothing can ruin it. But then his father speaks those words: "Take your sister back to the house and start dinner, why don't you." He wants to say no, that he hates cooking, that he won't leave his parents, but his father gives him a _look_ and so he hitches Willa higher and walks back to start boiling rice and beans.

In the kitchen, there's no music, but Willa's babbling has a rhythm all its own, and he realizes he's stirring the rice in time with her words. Slowly, his dream-self lets his guard down, and he thinks that maybe he will have a restful night for once. He smiles at Willa.

Explosions rock the house. The boiling pot on the stove slides dangerously, and he yanks it off, takes control of it before it can spill and burn Willa. Water and rice come over the side anyway, turning his left arm into a block of intense pain. Some of it splashes upwards, and he thinks his face might be melting.

Everything now is black smoke and earthquakes, pain, screaming, and gunfire. He's fairly sure he's still in the kitchen, but he can't find Willa. She has to be somewhere in the tiny room. He starts to panic and shout her name.

* * *

Shepard woke up still panicked, the room pulsing with echoes of shouts and biotic flares. He forced himself to lie still and focus on breathing until he'd regained enough self-possession to remember he had left Mindoir behind thirteen years ago. As long moments passed, his heartbeat began to slow, and the blue flicker from his emotionally induced biotic charge began to fade. His eyes traveled to the nightstand, searching for a bottle of the sleep aids he'd stopped taking years ago. Every nightmare that came made him wonder why he'd ever given them up. Unconsciously, he lifted a hand to his nose, fingers settling into familiar positions on the overly smooth lines of the scald scars. More deep breaths. He did his best to wonder whether or not he'd forgotten to pack anything for the _Normandy's_ shakedown run tomorrow, not whether or not Willa might be alive somewhere.

Giving up on sleep, Shepard sat up and stared at his hands. _When did I get this pale?_ he marveled. Growing up, the skin of everyone he knew had been baked light brown by Alioth, the system's star. Now he spent all his time in space, serving on Alliance warships as an important member of humanity's military. No dirt or starlight or fresh air for war heroes. Not unless they were just popping in to save a colony from slavers, pirates, or a natural disaster even science couldn't mitigate.

It was ridiculous to ask when his skin had lost its tan. He didn't even have a fixed permanent residence. Motels, or furnished apartments willing to offer week-to-week leases, once, a girlfriend's home. These days Shepard only ever briefly touched down on land before being called back up into the stars. He frowned and shook his head. The Alliance had been his whole life for so long now. Most days he just accepted that reality and tried to forget that there might be something more for him to want. When he thought about Mindoir though, about what he had grown up with…There was plenty of money in his bank account, and Elysium had been seven years ago. His career had been relatively quiet ever since. Maybe after this tour on the _Normandy_ he would leave the Alliance and find a place to live.

He reminded himself that he wasn't ungrateful. The Alliance had saved his life more than once—Mindoir had just been the first time. When he needed a reason to keep waking up every morning, the Alliance had been there, offering him a career, self-respect, a new kind of family. Even if it was only a weak substitute for what he'd lost, the Alliance had given Shepard something to care about. What Shepard had forgotten about family though, was that you couldn't just walk away from it. He'd been on Elysium for leave, yes, but the day of the Blitz, he'd been at the local Alliance headquarters, applying for a groundside transfer. After four years on active duty, he felt as though he was finally ready to start thinking for himself again, to try to build a life like the one he'd wanted before enlisting. More than anything, he had wanted to spend his two reservist years on some out of the way homesteader colony where he could buy some land and start planning his future.

Then batarian slavers had attacked, and somehow, Shepard had stumbled into the limelight. Later, he'd try to find someone who would believe that he had had to keep moving, had had to keep thinking like a soldier, because if he stopped, he would've started thinking about Mindoir, would've been too afraid to be useful. No one wanted to hear that though. Both official stories and survivor accounts painted him as concerned for the civilians, calm and collected as he organized defenses, took control of the other marines, and single-handedly plugged a hole in the defensive wall until the attackers gave up and retreated right into the hands of slow-responding Alliance cruisers.

After Elysium, what little control Shepard had had over his life quickly evaporated. Everyone else knew what was best. Heroes didn't get crappy reservist postings on unimportant colonies, even if they wanted them. And all the arguments had made sense: he _was_ a good soldier; he _did _want to help humanity; there _wasn't_ anyone waiting for him to finish his tour and come home. So he kept doing well, kept being 'necessary' to the Alliance right up until now, when he'd been chosen to serve as the executive officer of the Alliance's newest stealth ship. Handpicked by the brass for two years of top-secret missions.

Thinking about Elysium had started his biotics up again. The blue sparks that swam over his skin irritated Shepard, their presence serving as a reminder that he didn't even have full control over his own body. Standing up, he stalked over to the window, pushing back the curtains to let in light from the street lamps and neon signs that would mask his own glow. Aside from basic training, which didn't count, he'd never been to Earth, and he'd found his stay on Arcturus Station fantastically disappointing. Not that he should have been surprised. With all the unexpected responsibilities that had come with his appointment as the _Normandy's _XO, there hadn't been an opportunity for him to go groundside. All he could do was stare out the window of whatever Alliance Navy office he'd been allowed to borrow for the day and wonder what the planet his parents had been born on was really like.

Someone in the street screamed incredibly vulgar epithets after the shuttle as it pulled away from the station without him. Shepard's forehead wrinkled in disapproval. He had never liked cities, and staying on the deep space station that served as the Alliance's capital did nothing to improve his opinion of such compact living arrangements. If anything, Arcturus was worse than other cities Shepard had visited; its ceiling made him feel claustrophobic. With a sigh, he turned away from the window, closing the curtains and making his way back to the bed.

In the darkness, Shepard lay down without bothering to get under the blankets. Only a few hours until he set out for the _Normandy_. He closed his eyes and made a promise to himself that this would be the last tour. After that, it didn't matter as much that he couldn't fall back asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

**In Which Our Hero Meets Leroy  
**

For the life of him, Shepard couldn't understand the logic behind stationing the Alliance Naval Headquarters on Arcturus Station, but having the actual base of operations for the soldiers tasked with protecting the station accessible only after an hour's shuttle ride. A holdover from the early days of the Alliance when its army was more of a toothless peacekeeping force lent to it by individual terrestrial governments. Only natural that Alliance leadership wouldn't want soldiers that didn't owe it any concrete loyalty too close by. Still, he couldn't help wishing that the first Alliance Parliament had taken steps to rectify the situation. Having to take yet _another_ shuttle to reach the _Normandy_ was ridiculous.

He dropped his bags and slumped into a seat in the shuttle terminal. With any luck, he'd be able to take a quick nap before his shuttle arrived. Other passengers were keeping an eye on their bags, wary of pickpockets, but Shepard wasn't worried. The crime rate on Arcturus was low, and he was wearing the uniform. Most thieves would think twice before going after a marine's belongings. And if a thief that bold did turn up, so what? Other than his music player and his shaving kit, Shepard wouldn't miss anything in the duffel bag. He crossed his arms over his chest—right over left—and closed his eyes.

"Commander Shepard? Oh my God, it's really you!"

For a moment, Shepard wondered if keeping his eyes closed would fool the owner of that overly enthusiastic voice into thinking he was asleep. After last night, he wasn't in the mood for praise or thanks or admiration for his efforts to keep humanity safe. True to form, Shepard had failed to fall back asleep, but had lain on the bed for a long while, pretending that it might happen. Now he was grumpy from lack of sleep and lack of food (he'd eaten before checking out of the motel, but was already hungry again). He didn't want to talk to anyone.

"I'm Commander Shepard, yes." Shepard uncrossed his legs and planted his feet squarely on the floor before looking up. The voice belonged to a red-headed young man in Alliance fatigues who grinned so excitedly at Shepard that the Commander couldn't suppress a small smile. The woman next to the marine was holding a toddler whose face was mostly hidden by an Alliance beret. The child's grin was a mirror image of his father's. Shepard stood up.

"Wow! I—We—There were rumors that you'd been assigned to the _Normandy_ too, but, I mean, every time the Alliance starts a new initiative, there're rumors that you're part of it. I guess I should have known that these ones could be true. I mean, Captain Anderson is in charge after all, but, just, wow! It's such an honor to meet you sir. I'm Corporal Richard Jenkins! I'll be serving under you!" Jenkins' arm jerked at his side, as though unsure whether a handshake or salute would be more appropriate.

Shepard held out his hand. "Pleased to meet you, Corporal. And…your wife?"

"Oh! Sorry!" Jenkins pumped Shepard's hand and gesticulated furiously. "My fiancée, Jessie Katz, and our son, Leroy. Jessie, this is Commander Shepard!"

Judging from the rueful smile on Jessie's face as she extended her hand to Shepard, Jenkins' eagerness was not an unusual state for the corporal. "I can see that, Rickie. It's a pleasure to meet you, Commander." She hesitated. "I know it was a long time ago, and I'm sure you hear this all the time, but thank you for Elysium." Shepard did his best not to stiffen. "My mother and my little sister were on the colony—she had an audition for the Jon Grissom Academy that week." Jessie's smile became a bit vague as she mulled over her sister's talent with obvious pride. "She plays the cello. Not badly, if you don't mind my bragging. She's due to graduate from Grissom this year, actually. Thanks to you."

"Please," he held up a hand in modest protestation, an actor in a well-rehearsed scene. "I was just doing my job. But I'm glad for your sister's sake."

The three of them stood around awkwardly for a moment, staring at each other. Shepard couldn't decide whether he should say something else. Jenkins seemed nice enough, but Shepard didn't want to start a precedent of being overly familiar with his subordinates. That tended to make things complicated. _Right, God forbid you make a friend on this cruise,_ the more self-critical parts of his psyche whispered.

Fortunately, Leroy chose that moment to remove his father's beret by throwing it at Shepard and yelling "Look out!" The hat bounced from Shepard's face to the floor. Jenkins turned bright red, and Jessie's eyes widened. "Leroy!" she scolded. "That's not the way we behave! Tell Commander Shepard you're sorry." Before Leroy could register his mother's words, let alone lisp out an apology, Jessie had turned back to Shepard. "I'm so sorry, sir. It's the terrible twos, I swear. Normally," she frowned, "well, honestly, this is normal behavior for him. Everything gets him excited."

To his own surprise, Shepard laughed. "Don't worry about it." He picked the beret off the floor and offered it to Leroy, who was unimpressed, before handing it to Jenkins. "Do you want me to take him so you can talk to Jenkins alone for a minute?" What was wrong with him? A dream about Willa, and he was suddenly willing to babysit for a grunt? But the words were irretrievably out of his mouth. Jessie looked grateful as she handed her son over, and Jenkins' expression as Shepard held Leroy said the man's every dream had come true. The two of them walked towards the windows, leaving Shepard alone with Leroy.

"Hello," Shepard said uncertainly.

"Hi!"

"You okay with me?"

"Yes!"

"You want your mom?"

"No!"

"Let's hope no one ever tries to kidnap you."

Shepard remembered the way it had felt to hold Willa in his dream; despite his best efforts, he remembered how it had felt to lose his grip on her that last day on Mindoir. Holding Leroy suddenly felt wrong, as though Shepard was breaking a law. He thought about putting the boy down, but felt fairly certain that course of action would result in a low-speed chase through the terminal. "You going to miss your dad?"

"No!"

"Really?"

"No!"

Shepard wondered how well Leroy understood his questions. The stages of child development weren't something typically covered in the Alliance's military-civilian relations seminars. Not that Shepard had much interaction with civilians. Usually whatever team he was serving with was tasked with fixing a problem, leaving cleanup duty to other squads. He tossed what he hoped was a casual glance towards Jenkins and Jessie. No sign that _that_ conversation would end anytime soon. Leroy reached out for the scar on Shepard's nose. The commander flinched at the touch.

"Did you fall?" Leroy asked. The smile had left his face.

"No."

"Does it hurt?"

"No."

"Good." Leroy smiled again, and Shepard felt himself smile back.

"You're a good kid, aren't you, Leroy?"

"Yes."

This was why he was still in the Alliance. So that kids like Leroy could grow up. Kids who only stopped smiling when they thought someone else was in pain.

"Do you like magic?"

"Yes!"

It took a little while for Shepard to dig a coin out of his pocket, and longer for his hands to remember how to move it around properly, but Leroy didn't seem to mind. He and Shepard were facing each other on the terminal floor, laughing, when Jenkins and Jessie came back.

"Thank you, Commander." Surprisingly, it looked as though Jenkins, not Jessie, might have been the one who leaked a few tears while saying goodbye. There was a hint of strain in his voice, although he smiled as widely as ever.

"Not at all." Shepard lifted Leroy off the floor. "We were all right, I think."

"Yes!"

Jenkins laughed at his son's enthusiasm and took him from Shepard, hugging the boy tightly.

"I'll see you on the shuttle then, Corporal." Shepard reached for his bags.

"Actually, Commander," Jessie interrupted him. "I hate to ask, but one more favor? Would you mind just snapping a quick holo of the three of us?" She produced a camera from her bag and took Jenkins' hand. "Rickie was hand-picked to serve on the _Normandy_. We're going to want to remember!"

Shepard thought about how the only things in his duffel he would miss could be easily replaced at almost any store in the galaxy. For a moment, he was unbearably jealous of Jenkins. But then he looked at Leroy, thought of Willa, remembered why he'd joined the Alliance. The jealousy ebbed a little.

"Say cheese."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

**In Which Our Hero is Ambushed...Twice**

Their first glimpse of the _Normandy_ was impressive enough that Jenkins stopped talking for a full nine seconds. Though Shepard had managed to nap a little during the trip, he felt exhausted again just listening to Jenkins; the corporal had kept up a nonstop stream of conversation since they'd stepped off the shuttle.

But the _Normandy!_ Any regrets about accepting another assignment were blown away, replaced by an overwhelming eagerness to be shipside. She was clearly built more along traditional turian lines than those of an Alliance vessel, although the _Normandy_ was less angular, and didn't sport the distinctive layered plating of turian ships. Shepard gawked at the set of double engines capable of shifting position based on the pilot's needs. He thought he might be falling in love.

"Look at that!" he gushed to Jenkins. "She's amazing!"

"Smaller than I thought she would be."

"Who cares? Stealth ship—size isn't important!"

Shepard and Jenkins made their way down to the loading dock. As they reached the bottom of the final flight of stairs, they hesitated. If all they seen on the far side of the _Normandy _was her beauty, on this side of the _Normandy_, it was clear the Alliance was making a last minute scramble to produce some publicity vids. A camera crew hovered around the entrance, blunting their frustration at not being allowed on board by holding Captain Anderson hostage and interviewing him.

"Wow," Jenkins said. "I guess we shouldn't be surprised but…" he looked nervous. "I've never been in one of the vids before."

"Don't worry about it. They've got Anderson down there. I doubt they'll notice us."

"Not notice you? Not likely!" Jenkins laughed.

"I can dream, can't I?"

Despite his best efforts to pass by unnoticed, Shepard proved an easy target. The pained expression on Anderson's face evaporated as soon as he glimpsed his XO, replaced by a calculating look. "If you wouldn't mind excusing me," he interrupted the reporter. "There are still a lot of things that need my attention before 1200 hours." The woman began to protest, but Anderson held up his hand. "I'm sorry. I have to go. If you still have questions, I believe that's my executive officer coming up the gangway. Commander Shepard will be more than happy to speak with you."

"Commander Shepard!" Suddenly, being brushed off by the commanding officer of the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy no longer seemed insulting. A chance to interview the elusive man who had saved Elysium and then done his best to vanish from public view was _much_ more interesting.

"I will pay you a thousand credits if you pretend to me," Shepard hissed to Jenkins as the woman turned towards them, a determined gleam in her eye.

"Sorry sir, but I'm not on duty yet…and I'm not ready to take a bullet yet, not even for you." Jenkins tossed the camera aimed at him a wave and a wink before abandoning Shepard.

"Commander Shepard! Anya Lang, I work for the BBC's galactic desk? We're working with the Alliance to produce a short newsreel about the _Normandy_. I'd love a chance to interview you." She didn't wait for him to agree, instead signaling to her assistants, one of whom trained a camera on Shepard while the other took his bags. Forgetting his long sleeves, Shepard started to cross his arms, right over left, before all of humanity saw his burn scars, but realized that by standing at attention he would have an excuse for keeping his arm behind his back.

"I do need to report in, Ms. Lang. But I don't mind answering a couple questions."

"Wonderful. Let me just say, I'm so excited to be able to speak with you. Word on the street is that you don't like interviews." She rolled her eyes, as if to say, _But we both know how ridiculous _that_ would be_.

"I don't think most marines like the camera too much. We can figure out the scope, but we don't know how to shoot with it."

Lang laughed. "A witty war hero? More than we could ask for." She looked back at the cameraman. "Tell me you got that." He gave her a thumbs-up and she beamed.

"So, first question: It's been a while since you were in the public eye like this. If I'm correct, you haven't spoken outside a press conference since being awarded the Star of Terra. It's no surprise that you were assigned to the _Normandy _project, but what about in between the two? What have you been doing for the past five years?"

"Most of my more recent assignments have been classified, I'm afraid. I guess the brass wanted to be sure that I could keep a secret before they let me aboard the _Normandy_. Just after Elysium I was assigned to lead an N7 unit tasked with responding to colonial disasters. If a distress signal went out, we were the first responders: pirates, slavers, I'm sure you can imagine for yourself the type of missions we were sent on."

"Slavers, yes. You had your first encounter with slavers at a young age, didn't you? Your family was killed on Mindoir. Did your anger over Mindoir prompt you to join the Alliance Navy?"

What was it about today that he couldn't get away from Mindoir? Shepard took a deep breath. "Without question, the attack on Mindoir was the worst day of my life. I can see why people would think that I joined the Alliance because I want revenge for what happened. That's not why I joined."

Lang didn't move the microphone away. She was waiting for him to say more. Shepard kept smiling blankly at her, hoping she'd take the hint and move on.

"Official relations between batarians and humans are strained at best, Commander. Anger at the batarian government and its tacit championing of slavery didn't factor into your decision to join the Alliance? Did it have an impact on the decisions you made on Elysium?"

Shepard shook his head. "I was angry for a long time, but it didn't bring my family back, did it? No," he answered his own question, "it didn't. When I joined the Alliance, I did it to protect other kids. So that what happened to me couldn't happen to them. That's what I did on Elysium. I protected other kids' parents. Their sisters.

"Revenge was something I thought I wanted. _Before _I joined the Alliance. But I only wanted it because I couldn't have what I really wanted: my family back. Once I realized that," he shrugged, "it was easy to let go of the anger and focus on trying to find something to protect rather than destroy." He hadn't meant to say anything nearly that honest. Surprisingly though, he felt better. Shepard smiled tightly at the reporter.

"Thank you for sharing that. All right, Commander. One last question? What do you think of the _Normandy_? We understand the entire crew is committed to a two-year tour. Are you excited to spend so much time on a ship this advanced, or do you regret having to leave your—friends behind for so long?"

"To be honest, Ms. Lang, I can't believe how amazing the _Normandy_ is. I'm sure the time will pass more quickly than any of us are expecting."

"And you're not leaving anything behind that you're going to miss?"

Shepard raised an eyebrow at the reporter and shook his head. "I'm single, if that's what you're asking Ms. Lang."

"That's a mystery most human women will find more intriguing than what the _Normandy's_ first assignment will be, I assure you, Commander."

He blinked in surprise. Where had _that _come from? Was it actually part of the interview or was she flirting with him? But there was no time to ponder the question. The camera lights were switched off, and Lang's assistant returned his bags to him. Then Lang was shaking his hand, oblivious to his unease. "Thank you so much for the interview, Commander Shepard! When I get a promotion for this, I'll remember to send you a thank you note."

Shepard shook his head again and finally boarded the _Normandy_.

* * *

If the _Normandy_ had seemed impressive from the outside, the inside was even more exciting. As Shepard counted the number of gunnery stations and wondered where the guns were mounted that he hadn't noticed them outside, it struck him that he was serving on the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy…maybe in all of Council space. Although he wasn't sure about the construction of this deck. Was it really a good idea to have the ship's main entryway open right onto the bridge? directly behind the pilot? yards from the CIC? Stealth ship or no, if the _Normandy_ was ever boarded, they could be in for real trouble.

He walked into the CIC, his eyes widening at the unusual setup. A raised platform, he assumed for the ship's commanding officer, dominated the room. _Bet the old man is gonna love yelling down at all of us from there._ Shepard caught the eye of Pressly, the Navigations Officer. Pressly saluted. "Good to see you, Commander."

"You too, Pressly. Which way's the officers' cabin?"

Pressly laughed. "No officer's cabin on the Normandy. Lockers and sleeper pods for everyone but Anderson. Down one floor, behind the mess. There's a list posted. Think you and I might be sharing a pod."

"Really?" Shepard asked. "We're not on the same watch?"

"Small ship, small crew, Commander. I'm serving as third officer _and_ Navigations Officer."

"I'd hate to be you."

"Aren't you still supposed to head up the ground forces? You'll be begging me to change places when you see how much paperwork an XO has to file." A comm unit beeped, calling Pressly away. "Talk to you later, Commander."

Shepard made his way below deck, located his sleeping pod, and struggled to stuff his bags into the tiny locker with his name on it. When he finally managed to force the hateful thing closed, he turned and found himself face-to-face with Captain Anderson.

"Shepard!" the older man smiled at him. "It's good to see you."

Shepard saluted, then reached out to shake his mentor's hand. "It's good to see you, too, sir. To be honest, I might've turned down this posting if they hadn't told me you had command."

Anderson frowned. "You're not thinking about leaving the Alliance, are you? I thought you'd realized you can do more good in the Alliance than you can as a private citizen." It had largely been Anderson's arguments that had kept Shepard from insisting on a groundside posting over the years. The older officer had taken an interest in Lieutenant Shepard when they met after the latter's graduation from the N7 program. After Elysium, Shepard had confided his frustrations to Anderson who had helped Shepard overcome his doubts and recommit to the Alliance.

"To be honest sir, I think it might be time. I don't know how much longer I can go without time zones and grass."

"Grass? Of all the—" Anderson shook his head. "You're a good soldier, Shepard. The Alliance needs more like you. It doesn't help anyone if you quit."

"I know. But if I get promoted much further, I'll just end up behind a desk eventually anyway." The argument was an old one, and Shepard always lost, but the two of them still felt obligated to play out their parts in their entirety. "I don't want that."

"You could also end up a fleet admiral! Don't be a fool. You're not even thirty yet. No one's going to pull you off active duty anytime soon."

"I miss having to look up to see the stars, Captain. I don't think I was meant for space. I know I never planned to stay out here this long."

The lines on Anderson's face deepened when he sighed. "We'll talk more about this later, Shepard. In the meantime, there's someone I want you to meet." He ushered Shepard towards the CO's cabin. "Remind me to set the ID locks so you have access to my cabin. There's a desk in here for you. Don't want the XO filing mission reports out in the mess." The door slid open with a quiet hiss.

"Nihlus?" Anderson called as he stepped inside. Behind the captain, Shepard wondered if Anderson was going to introduce him to his latest goldfish; the man had an inexplicable weakness for the mindless creatures. Then he stepped inside the cabin, and his eyes widened.

Nihlus was definitely not a goldfish. He was a turian.

"What's going on, Captain?"

"Nihlus, this is Commander Karl Shepard, the _Normandy's_ XO. Shepard, this is Nihlus Kyrik, a Council Spectre. He's going to be joining us for the shakedown run to Eden Prime."

"Sir?" Surely Anderson didn't expect him to believe that the Council would send an elite operative just to monitor a simple test flight to one of humanity's quietest colonies. No matter how much money the Council had floated the Alliance for this project, it didn't make sense.

If Anderson knew what Shepard was trying to ask, he pretended not to. "Nihlus came aboard last night. He's been stuck hiding here until the press left. We didn't want to raise unnecessary speculation about the _Normandy's_ trial run."

"Commander Shepard." Nihlus's nasal voice was clipped, as though his words stopped short just after leaving his throat. "I must confess; I've been looking forward to meeting the soldier who held off an enemy assault during the Blitz single-handed. You showed not only courage, but remarkable skill…I'd like to see your skills for myself, Commander. Hopefully, Eden Prime will be the first of several missions together."

"You're going to be serving on the _Normandy?_"

"If all goes well, yes. At least for a while"

"Well then, I look forwards to working with you as well." Shepard shook hands with Nihlus, before Anderson escorted him to the door with instructions to "Get familiar with the crew. Especially the ones assigned ground crew duties."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

**In Which There Is A Robot Joke**

Emerging from Anderson's cabin, Shepard was lost in thought. He'd always had a good relationship with Anderson—the older man was often more father-figure than military mentor. Why would the captain lie to him then? And not even lie very well! Introducing Shepard to Nihlus, Anderson must have known that Shepard would realize this wasn't a simple shakedown mission. So why bother to introduce Shepard at all? Did he expect his XO to head off the rumors a Spectre's presence would invariably incite?

Or was he trying to give Shepard a heads-up?

The more Shepard thought about it, the more sense it made. Clearly, there was something going on that Anderson couldn't tell him about. By making certain that Shepard was aware the turian was no ordinary Council representative, he could indicate that this was no ordinary mission without violating any direct orders. Shepard shook his head in admiration. Anderson wasn't just smart; the man was crafty.

His focus dissipated just a moment too late. Shepard collided with someone making his way down the stairs from CIC. "Sorry," he murmured, extending a hand to the man he'd knocked over. "Wait. Don't I know you?" He studied the man's face.

Whether or not Shepard actually knew the dark-haired man, he knew who Shepard was. Recognition dawned on his face, and his hand snapped into a salute. "Lieutenant Kaidan…"

"…Alenko, right. You were at that biotic training seminar on Pinnacle Station a couple years ago, weren't you?"

Alenko's thick brows lifted in surprise, and he smiled. "You have a good memory, sir."

"I have a good memory? I'd have to be brain-damaged not to remember the guy who nearly took down an asari commando squad in the simulator! I tell you, watching that, I almost wished I'd been pegged as a biotic early enough to have been fitted with L2s!"

"Almost, but not quite, right?" There was a hint of acerbity in Alenko's voice that Shepard couldn't source. He'd only been giving the man a compliment.

"Well, I wasn't exposed to element zero until I was fifteen, didn't manifest until I was seventeen. If I'd been exposed earlier, I would've been detected earlier, and probably sent away for training—" Alenko's mouth was now a thin line. "I didn't get to spend enough time with my family as it was…" Shepard trailed off, completely confused as Alenko suddenly looked ashamed.

"That's right, you're from Mindoir," he said. "Sorry, I thought you meant something else." Shepard wondered what else he could have meant that would have offended the lieutenant. Alenko shrugged. "I don't think as clearly when I'm hungry. I was actually coming down to the mess to grab something to eat."

At the mention of food, Shepard's own stomach roared to life again. "Would you mind if I joined you?" he asked. "I was talking with Anderson and I forgot to grab my early-mid-morning snack."

Alenko laughed. "What kind of person would I be if I tried to deny a fellow biotic food?"

"Thanks. You're not assigned to the ground team, by any chance, are you?"

It turned out that Alenko _was_ a member of the ground team. As they ate, the two discussed Alenko's abilities and specialties.

"So you're not only a biotic, but you're trained as a medic and technician?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah. I can handle basic field medicine, although nine times out of ten, I can't do anything more useful than apply medi-gel."

"Forget field medicine. Tell me about the tech!" Shepard said. "I always wished that I'd had the chance to learn more than just guns and biotics. There weren't a lot of advanced machines on Mindoir. I didn't get my first omni-tool until I enlisted, and I had no idea what to do with it."

"Ah, well. I've always been a bit of a geek," Alenko replied. "To be honest, I'm still a bit overwhelmed to be assigned to the _Normandy_. It's a dream come true.

"As excited as I am to tackle groundside missions with you, Commander, the real thrill this tour is going to be secondary piloting duties. Can you even imagine? Helping to fly the most advanced frigate in the Alliance fleet?"

"I'm jealous. But doesn't the _Normandy_ have autopilot programs? How much flying does she really need?"

"Any ship with guns needs a pilot. If you're in a firefight, nothing but an AI can react as quickly as you need it to, and those are outlawed by Citadel convention. And honestly, sir, would you want an autopilot VI guiding you through a mass relay? _Normandy_ does have autopilot programs, but there's no substitute for a human pilot."

"The _Normandy_ is a stealth ship, Lieutenant. She's not designed to hold up in a firefight. And carriers are piloted by VIs, and they do okay."

"Carriers." Kaidan's snort made clear his opinion of _carriers_. "How often do carriers go through the relays? They're assigned a sector, and they stay there. As for firefights, if your ship's not designed to be in one, wouldn't you want a pilot with a stake in staying alive reacting to enemy fire?"

"You make a good point." Shepard's lips twitched, pursing in the slight expression he typically used to replace a full smile when dealing with subordinates. The two men returned to a discussion of their individual skills, outlining possible ways they could combine their expertise in various combat scenarios. Alenko had a tactical mind, able to strategize effortlessly. Part of Shepard wanted to ask why the older man was still only a Staff Lieutenant, but he kept that impulse in check.

"Is there any way you could time a weapons overload to coincide with a biotic pull?" he asked Alenko. "If we could get them to loosen their grip on their weapons, it might be easier to take the guns than if we just used a targeted pull."

"Never thought of that," Alenko's eyes went distant as he considered the proposal. "An overload might work, but a tech proximity mine would work even better. Overheat a pirate's weapon, and he's going to _want_ to let go of it."

"I wish I knew more about tech," Shepard sighed.

"And I wish I knew how to fire something with more kick than a basic sidearm," Alenko retorted. "Tech isn't all you seem to think it is, Commander. Unless we end up fighting hoards of robots, your guns are going to be a lot more useful than my tech. Now, if we were stationed in Tokyo, I might agree with you…" Alenko laughed at his own joke before Shepard even realized that he'd made one.

"Why would anyone want to be serving on the _Tokyo_, when they could be on the _Normandy?_" Shepard and Alenko turned at the sound of Jenkins' voice.

"Jenkins, are you on the ground team?"

"You bet, Commander! Why else would the Alliance put a grunt like me on the _Normandy?_ Not much I can do besides shoot things."

"Come sit with us. Have you met Lieutenant Alenko?"

"The lieutenant and I go way back," Jenkins laughed. "First biotic I ever worked with." Watching Jenkins was amazing. His face gave away his every thought before he spoke. "Commander, you're a biotic too, aren't you? Doesn't the brass usually spread biotics out? We're not the asari, we don't have that many…It makes sense."

Alenko smiled like a teacher with a favorite student. "Usually they don't post more than one biotic together on a frigate, yes. _Normandy_ though, is already a special case. I'd bet that the brass is trying to innovate in more ways than one."

As Jenkins joined their discussion, Shepard realized that he was glad to be serving on the _Normandy_. If the camaraderie he already felt with his fellow marines was any indication, this tour wouldn't be so bad. It might even be good enough that he wouldn't walk away from the Alliance when it was over.

* * *

Their conversation only ended when the tones indicating the watch change blared over the comm. Alenko looked up with a frown. "Shouldn't we have left port by now?" he asked.

As if in response to his question, a tinny approximation of Captain Anderson's voice filled the mess hall. "Attention _Normandy_ crew. This is Captain Anderson. Welcome aboard. I know we were slated to depart on our shakedown run at 1200 hours, but orders from the brass have pushed us back to 1830. All crew members are relieved from reporting for duty until last dog watch, at which time Port division will begin preparations for our departure."

Shepard wondered what would have made the change in orders necessary, and whether Alliance brass or Council brass gave the order. Jenkins began loudly lamenting his assignment to Starboard division—"Port'll be the ones who actually take the Normandy through the relay!" Alenko frowned at the corporal, his forehead creased. Momentarily dismayed, Shepard wondered if Alenko was one of those officers who viewed all complaints as insubordination, until the lieutenant closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, and Shepard realized the man just had a headache.

He also realized that he was starving again—they'd been talking for two hours. "Alenko, I'm going to get something else to eat. You want anything?" Alenko shook his head.

"I think I'm going to take advantage of the time and go lie down in the med bay. Migranes," he explained when Shepard raised an eyebrow. "I'll talk with you later, Commander. Jenkins." The three of them went their separate ways: Alenko to the infirmary, Jenkins down to the hanger deck, Shepard to the kitchen, then up to the CIC. The commander spent the rest of afternoon watch talking with Pressly, and getting to know the other marines that had been assigned ground duties. When the tone sounded for first dog watch, he told Pressly that he was going to spend the two hours sleeping, asked if that would be all right.

"Sure thing, Commander. There'll be plenty of time for me to sleep when—" Pressly broke off, staring at something behind Shepard.

"What is it, Pressly?" Shepard turned to see that Nihlus had just entered the CIC. "Oh. That's Nihlus Kyrik, a Spectre. Captain Anderson said he's here to observe the shakedown on behalf of the Council. He might stay and help out on our first few missions."

"I'll just bet he will," Pressly muttered.

"Sounds like you don't trust our turian guest."

"Sorry, Commander!" The older man looked horrified when he realized he'd spoken aloud. "I didn't mean to cause any trouble." He hesitated. "But you have to admit, something's odd about this mission. The whole crew feels it."

"Do you think the Alliance brass is holding out on us?"

"Why is Captain Anderson aboard if all we're doing this run is testing the stealth system? Why are you aboard? Or even me for that matter? A skeleton crew would be cheaper—less chance of security leaks too. And now there's this Nihlus! Spectres are elite operatives, top covert agents. Why send a Spectre, a _turian _Spectre on a shakedown run? It doesn't add up."

"You don't trust Nihlus, do you?"

"I don't trust turians in general," Pressly admitted. "Runs in my family. My grandfather fought in the First Contact War, lost a lot of friends when the turians hit us."

"That was thirty years ago," Shepard frowned. "You can't seriously blame Nihlus for that."

"I guess not, but it still makes me nervous having a Spectre on board. Him being a turian just adds to it. Spectres operate outside the normal chain of command. And they don't come along just to observe shakedown runs. Nihlus is in full armor for crying out loud. He looks like he's expecting some heavy action. If you ask me, this shakedown run's a cover."

"You're probably right, but a cover for what?"

"Damned if I know, but I'm not a fan of being kept in the dark."

"Neither am I," Shepard replied, "but until Anderson tells us something, that's where we are."

"Unfortunately." Pressly agreed.

"Tell you what," Shepard said. "I'll see if I can get some answers out of Anderson before I turn in. I'll fill you in at watch-change."

Pressly laughed. "Good luck with that, Commander."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

**In Which Our Hero Finds All of the Surprises Unpleasant**

Shepard couldn't find Anderson, although to be fair, he didn't look anywhere that wasn't directly along the route to his sleeper pod. After making sure the soporific delivery system for the pod was off, he removed his shoes and climbed in, hoping he'd be able to fall asleep relatively quickly.

The tone for the watch change resonated through the pod much sooner than the commander expected, having only just managed to fall asleep—it always took him a while to adjust to sleeper pods, though the dreamless sleep he got from the confined space was worth it. Yawning, he exited the pod and prepared to head up to the CIC.

"Shepard!" Anderson's voice rang across the crew deck as he came towards Shepard.

Shepard stood at attention. "Yes sir?"

"Commander, we'll be starting our shakedown run in thirty minutes. After that, the run to Eden Prime shouldn't take more than two hours. That means we'll be arriving on Eden Prime while Port division is still on duty. I'd like you to be suited up for ground duty for the duration of those watches. That's all, Commander." Anderson cut Shepard off before he could ask any questions.

With a sigh, Shepard made his way to his locker, which proved harder to open than it had been to close. He watched the ensign next to him surreptitiously as she opened and closed _her_ locker with ease, and wondered if there was a trick to it. Maybe his locker was broken. Probably not.

The fight to pull his armor and weapons out of his locker couldn't dampen the excited feeling he always got from suiting up. Although Shepard had no idea why Anderson would want him in armor—he worried that there might be reporters waiting for the _Normandy_ to arrive on Eden Prime—the red N7 stripe on his shoulder reminded him that he was an Alliance marine, always ready for anything. He locked his various guns into place: sidearm, assault rifle, sniper rifle, shotgun. The shotgun he smiled fondly at before securing it at the small of his back. He'd been one of the only recruits to favor the weapon at basic training, and he still loved it. It was nostalgia more than anything; his father had taught Shepard how to shoot a shotgun when Shepard started high school.

Fully ready then, Shepard made his way up to the command deck, unsure what his duties would be, since Anderson was already in the CIC, calmly surveying the chaos of the junior navigators from his command perch. Nihlus stood nearby, arms crossed as if daring one of the humans to comment on his presence. Shepard cocked an eyebrow at Anderson, wondering if the captain wanted him nearby as well, but the captain shook his head.

"Don't bother coming over here." Shepard jumped as Anderson's voice suddenly came from his suit radio. "I'm going to test out this CIC. You're free to wander for now." Captain Anderson smiled briefly at Shepard, then turned back to the galaxy map in front of him.

It seemed as good a time as any to meet the pilot. Whoever it was, he hadn't been in the cockpit when Shepard came aboard. Since he'd met most of the crew by now, it would probably be best to meet the pilot as well. He made his way up to the bridge.

Shepard frowned a little at the sight of the pilot, who was seated in the center of the cockpit. The man sported a ball cap and a scruffy red-brown beard. Shepard was a bit of a neat freak, even for a marine: always clean-shaven, kept his hair in a crew cut so close it was nearly invisible on the sides, relished polishing his boots. He didn't like slovenly soldiers; they reflected badly on the Alliance. This pilot had better be able to really fly.

"Hello Commander." Shepard turned his head at the sound of Alenko's low voice. The lieutenant seemed to have recovered from his migraine, and sat in front of an incomprehensible display interface at the pilot's right hand.

"Shepard?" The pilot's hands stopped moving across the holographic control panels, and he turned to gawk directly at Shepard. "Huh. You're taller than you look on the vids. What do they do, surround you with really _really _tall guys?" He grinned and gave an ironic salute. "Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau. Call me Joker." Joker turned back to the controls.

Alenko shook his head at Joker's nonchalance. "Someday, one of your superior officers is going to make sure you get grounded."

"Yeah, right," the helmsman snorted. "The only officer that would ever try to keep me out of a cockpit is one who hasn't had me for a pilot. The ones who have fight over me. Why do you think I'm on the _Normandy?_ My rugged good looks?"

"I figured I was being punished for something."

"By karma or the brass?"

"Does it really matter?"

"I guess not," Joker responded. "I might have used a different word. Privileged, maybe. Not punished."

"You've never had to work with yourself, Joker," Alenko smirked.

"Fair enough. Seriously, though, shut up. Shepard is going to think I'm a jackass."

Despite himself, Shepard relaxed. Joker certainly wasn't the pilot he'd been expecting, but he'd heard enough about Jeff Moreau to know that he was a flying ace. And Alenko apparently liked him, which had to count for something. The lieutenant didn't seem the type to make hasty judgments.

"Is it all right if I just stand back here and watch?" he asked Joker.

"The commander is a tech junkie," Alenko explained.

"Anything for a fan," Joker replied. "Just make sure you ask Kaidan all your questions, Commander. He's the people person in this little odd couple."

Shepard smiled slightly and looked out the _Normandy's_ viewports as she passed by various planets on her way to the mass relay. "Are the stealth systems engaged?"

Joker laughed. "They've been on since we started. We'll leave them on when we hit the relay unless Captain Anderson says otherwise." His hand made an irregular gesture and the ship picked up speed, heading towards the edge of the star system. "You know," he said conversationally to no one in particular, "some people might argue that you should slow down when entering a debris field. However, those people are cowards." Shepard stepped away from the glass as a meteoroid loomed a little too close for comfort. "If you didn't know we were ducking and weaving out here," Joker continued, "you'd probably have no idea we were doing anything but cruising at a leisurely pace."

"You know you're insane, don't you?" Alenko asked.

"I never listen to vicious rumors." Joker turned serious as the mass relay came into view on his navigation screen. "Quiet," he commanded, and opened a communications channel to the CIC.

"The Arcturus Prime relay is in range. Initializing transmission sequence." Joker's voice had completely transformed, becoming calm and professional. Shepard turned to stare at him, and almost bumped into Nihlus who was standing directly behind him.

"Sorry, Nihlus," he murmured.

Joker turned his comm off long enough to tell everyone to either shut up or leave, then went back to work. "We are connected. Calculating transit mass and destination." A confirmation signal lit up on a display unit. "The relay is hot. Acquiring approach vector. All stations secure for transit." Joker nodded at Alenko, who began…doing something, Shepard couldn't quite figure out what.

"The board is green. Approach run has begun." The relay suddenly came into view, its arms wrapped around its glowing element zero core like a mother's last hug before sending her child off to school. These ancient Prothean devices had opened up the galaxy for the species that came after them. As the _Normandy_ approached the relay, and a familiar feeling of excitement settled in Shepard's stomach, he was grateful for the Prothean drive to settle all habitable planets.

"Hitting the relay in…3…2…1…" A tendril of eezo snaked out from the relay's core, pulling the _Normandy _in and propelling it through a corridor in the space-time continuum. Blinding light shone through the _Normandy's_ viewports for less than an instant before the ship exited the relay.

Although he turned the comm unit off, Joker was maintaining his polished attitude. "Thrusters…check. Navigation…check. Internal emissions sink engaged. All systems online. Drift…" he smirked. "Drift…just under 1500k."

"Fifteen hundred is good," Nihlus commented. "Your captain will be pleased." He exited as abruptly and as quietly as he had arrived.

"I hate that guy," Joker complained.

Alenko shook his head. "Nihlus gave you a compliment…so you hate him?"

"You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom? That's _good_," Joker said irritably. "I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead. So that's _incredible!_ Besides," he continued thoughtfully, "Spectres are trouble. I don't like having him on board. Call me paranoid."

"You're paranoid," Alenko replied, not missing a beat. "The Council helped fund this project. They have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment."

"Yeah, that is the official story. But only an idiot believes the official story." Joker glanced meaningfully at Alenko. "C'mon, think about it. A _Spectre_ on a _shakedown run._ It sounds like the beginning of a bad action vid. He wouldn't be here if something big wasn't going on."

"Joker!" Anderson's voice exploded out of the comm unit. All three men in the cockpit winced at the sudden burst of noise. "Status report."

"Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems engaged. Everything looks solid."

"Good," Anderson barked. "Find a comm buoy and link us into the network so I can relay mission reports before we reach Eden Prime."

"Aye, aye, Captain…Better brace yourself, sir. I think Nihlus is heading your way."

"He's already here, Lieutenant." Alenko and Shepard exchanged looks as Joker squirmed in his seat. "Is Commander Shepard still up there? Tell him to meet me in the comm room for a debriefing." The speaker beeped as Anderson signed off.

"He sounds upset," Shepard commented. "Something must have gone wrong."

"Captain always sounds that way when he's talking to me," Joker muttered as Shepard made his way across the bridge.

"Can't imagine why," Alenko retorted.

* * *

If the cockpit was the _Normandy's _mechanical hub, the CIC was her personnel hub. As he walked across the deck, Shepard was amazed that such a small crew could seem busy enough to fill the room. Pressly used his station comm to argue with Chief Engineer Adams about something, while ensigns and junior navigators passed datapads around like children with trading cards. At the back of the CIC, Jenkins was talking with the ship's doctor, Dr. Chakwas.

Shepard was well acquainted with the venerable medical officer, having met her even before he joined the Alliance. Judging by the expression on her face, Jenkins was going to be on the receiving end of a withering lecture very soon.

"I grew up on Eden Prime, Doc. It's not the kind of place Spectres visit. There's something Nihlus isn't telling us about this mission."

"Don't be ridiculous, Corporal. Captain Anderson is in charge of this mission. He wouldn't take orders from a Spectre." The doctor sounded indignant at Jenkins' lack of faith in the captain.

"Not by choice, Doc," Jenkins backtracked, "but Spectres don't answer to anyone. They can do whatever they want; kill whoever gets in their way."

The undisguised enthusiasm in Jenkins' voice plainly appalled Chakwas. It was several moments before she managed to respond and dismiss his opinions as the result of too many spy vids.

"What do you think, Commander?" Jenkins asked, taking notice of Shepard. "We won't be staying on Eden Prime too long, will we? I'm itching for some real action!"

"I sincerely hope you're kidding, Corporal." The doctor's ability to recover her calm dwindled significantly in the face of Jenkins' gung-ho attitude. "Your 'real action' usually ends with me patching up crew members in the infirmary."

"Settle down, soldier," Shepard agreed.

"Sorry, Commander. But this waiting's killing me! But I've never been on a mission like this before. Not one with a Spectre on board!"

Chakwas rolled her eyes, making Shepard smile. "Just treat this like every other assignment you've had and everything will be fine," he said.

"Easy for you to say," Jenkins complained. "You proved yourself during the Blitz. Everyone knows that you're a hero. Me? This is my big chance; I need to show the brass what I can do!"

Shepard tensed at the mention of Elysium. "You're young, Jenkins. Long career ahead of you. Don't do anything stupid to mess it up." The words tumbled out more harshly than he'd intended.

"Don't worry, sir! I'm not going to do anything to screw up this chance!"

"What do you know about the Spectres, anyway, Jenkins?"

Dr. Chakwas interrupted before Jenkins could say anything. She explained the role of Spectres as the Council's shadow operatives tasked with policing the galaxy in a detached, clinical voice until Jenkins broke in.

"Protect the galaxy _at any cost_, don't forget that part! Spectres operate above the law! They're worth twenty ordinary soldiers. That's why Spectres police themselves. If one goes rogue, they send another agent to take him down. That's Spectre justice!"

"The Corporal's confusing romantic legends with reality, Commander."

Shepard changed the subject before what was merely a strong difference of opinion blossomed into a full-blown argument. "Did I hear you say you were from Eden Prime, Jenkins? What's it like?"

"It's very peaceful, Commander. No city noise or pollution. It was gorgeous growing up there." Jenkins looked bored beyond words at the memory. "When I got older, I realized it was too calm and quiet for me; that's why I joined the Alliance."

"Any idea why Eden Prime was chosen as our destination?"

Jenkins shrugged. "Not really, Commander. I mean, it's one of our most stable colonies…I guess it's as good a place as any to take the _Normandy_ on her shakedown run. But there's gotta something more going on! We've got a Spectre on board! I can't wait for the real mission to start!"

"Oh, this is all just wild speculation," Chakwas scoffed. "Honestly, Jenkins. There's real work we should all be doing, I'm sure."

"The captain's waiting for me; I should probably go," Shepard admitted guiltily.

"See? Best not to keep him waiting. Goodbye, Commander."

* * *

Captain Anderson wasn't in the comm room when Shepard entered. Only Nihlus was, musing over images of Eden Prime on the room's vid screen. He turned at the sound of the doors opening.

"Commander Shepard. I was hoping you'd get here first. It will give us a chance to talk."

"Talk? What about? Captain Anderson told me to meet him here…" Shepard eyed the turian with suspicion.

"The captain is on his way," Nihlus said dismissively. "I'm interested in this world we're going to, Eden Prime. I've heard it's quite beautiful."

"They say it's a paradise."

"Yes, a paradise. Serene, tranquil, safe…Eden Prime has become something of a symbol for your people, hasn't it? Proof that humanity can establish colonies all over the galaxy—and can protect them. But how safe is it, really?"

"Do you know something?"

The Spectre shook his head. "The galaxy can be a dangerous place. Do you think the Alliance is truly ready for this?"

"I think it's about time we told the Commander what's really going on." Anderson strode into the room.

"Indeed," Nihlus agreed. He turned to Shepard. "This mission is far more than a simple shakedown run."

"I already figured that out." Shepard and Anderson exchanged looks.

"We're making a covert pickup on Eden Prime," the captain said. "That's why we needed the stealth systems operational. A research team on Eden Prime unearthed some kind of…_beacon_ during an excavation. It was Prothean."

It took Shepard a moment to absorb what Anderson had just said. All of galactic civilization had grown from the technology left behind by the Protheans. Without Prothean technology, humanity would still be trapped in its own solar system, ignorantly smug over its ability to sustain a tiny research colony on Mars. Viable Prothean tech was easily the most valuable commodity in the galaxy. A find on Eden Prime could be the most important discovery of the century. No wonder the Council had sent Nihlus on this mission.

"Needless to say, Eden Prime doesn't have the facilities to handle something like this," Anderson continued. "We need to bring the beacon back to the Citadel for proper study."

"Obviously this goes beyond mere human interests, Commander. This discovery could affect every species in Council space."

Nihlus probably didn't intend to sound condescending, but Shepard resented the implication that he needed a lecture on the importance of such a find. Still he managed to respond neutrally. "Good to have the extra hands on board, then."

"The beacon's not the only reason I'm here, Shepard."

"Nihlus wants to see you in action, Commander. He's here to evaluate you."

Alarm bells began to go off in Shepard's head. _Evaluate?_ "What's going on, Captain?"

"The Alliance has been pushing for this for a long time. Humanity wants a larger role in shaping interstellar policy. We want more say with the Citadel Council. Spectres represent the Council's power and authority. If they accept a human into their ranks, it shows how far the Alliance has come." Anderson wouldn't meet Shepard's eyes.

"I mentioned before how impressed I was with your actions on Elysium." Nihlus put in. "That's why I put your name forward as a candidate for the Spectres. We're an elite group. It's rare to find an individual with the skills we seek. I don't care that you're human, Shepard, I only care that you can do the job."

"I don't like people making decisions about my future." Shepard was furious with Anderson. He glared at the captain, wondering how he could have condoned this.

"This isn't about you, Shepard," Anderson snapped, finally meeting Shepard's gaze. "Humanity needs this. We're counting on you." He took a breath before continuing. "You'll be in charge of the ground team. Secure the beacon and get it onto the ship ASAP. Nihlus will accompany you to observe the mission."

"Just give the word, Captain." When he finally spoke, Shepard's voice was icy. Barring an unforeseen disaster, it seemed his future as a Spectre was all but assured. Freedom to retire from the military had slipped through his fingers yet again.

Anderson looked hurt at Shepard's tone. "We should be getting close to Eden—"

"Captain! We've got a problem!" Joker's voice blared out of the comm system.

"What's wrong Joker?"

"Transmission from Eden Prime, sir. You'd better see this!"

A grainy vid message crackled onto the screen. The sounds of rifle fire and explosions were clear before the picture resolved itself. A marine ran towards the camera. "Get down!" she ordered whoever was filming, pushing him down before returning fire. Another explosion rocked the camera, distorting the images of other Alliance soldiers. One of the squad's officers came into focus, his eyes wide with shock and desperation. "We are under attack! Taking heavy casualties. Repeat: heavy casualties. We can't…argh…need evac! They came out of nowhere. We need…" Something ripped through his shields and the man fell. An instant later, the soldiers all froze, oblivious to the explosions that continued to rip holes in the ground around them. The camera followed the line of their stunned gaze to a giant insectile shape—a ship?—hovering in the sky. The camera lingered for a moment before another explosion blackened the screen for good.

"Everything cuts out after that," Joker informed them. "No comm traffic at all. Just goes dead…There's nothing."

"Reverse and hold at 38.5," Anderson commanded calmly.

The alien ship came back up on the screen. For a moment, Anderson, Nihlus and Shepard just stared at it, as confused as the marines had been.

"Status report!" Anderson barked.

"Seventeen minutes out, Captain. No other Alliance ships in the area."

"Take us in, Joker, fast and quiet." Anderson turned to Nihlus. "This mission just got a lot more complicated.

The turian nodded. "A small strike team can move quickly without drawing attention. It's our best chance to secure the beacon."

"Grab your gear and meet us in the cargo hold." Shepard raised his eyebrows at Anderson's giving orders to a Spectre, but Nihlus only nodded again before stalking off. The captain turned to Shepard then. "Tell Alenko and Jenkins to suit up, Commander. You're going in."

Still angry with Anderson, Shepard didn't reply. He just turned his attention back to the image of that ship, glaring at it until he knew Anderson had left the comm room.

* * *

**Author's Note: **_A thank you to all of you who've stopped by, especially those of you who favorited/added Massive Effect to alerts/reviewed. To be honest, I'm a little surprised, and incredibly flattered! I'm trying to build up enough of a buffer that I can put up two chapters/postings a week...probably on Wednesdays and Saturdays. We'll see how things turn out. Again, my thanks to you, dear readers!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**In Which Trouble is Encountered on Eden Prime **

She hadn't realized it would mean so much camping, being a marine. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams scowled at the sky—another gorgeous day on Eden Prime—as she strapped her sleeping roll onto her pack. Her unit, the 212, had been stomping circles around the Prothean artifact dug up by the construction workers expanding the colony's tram system for three days now. And they were stuck on this patrol until the beacon was transported off-world. Although she wanted this assignment over ASAP, Ashley wasn't looking forwards to standing guard as marines with shipside postings swooped down to remove the beacon before the groundside grunts could somehow ruin the thing.

"Penny for your thoughts, Chief." The frustratingly bright notes of Private Abner Kyles' voice broke into her thoughts. How he could be cheerful at all with a name like Abner, let alone cheerful first thing in the morning after sleeping on the ground was beyond Ashley. Still, her scowl evaporated when she realized he was offering her breakfast.

"Just wondering when the hotshots are gonna get here and take that beacon off our hands."

"I hear that," Kyles laughed. "At this point, I don't know if I remember what a shower looks like, let alone how it works."

Ashley made a face. "Gross. Thanks for making that the mental image I start my day with."

"My pleasure, Chief!" Kyles tossed her another grin before taking off.

Ashley scanned the camp as she nibbled at her apple. It seemed the majority of the squad was suited up and ready to get started on their march. She looked for Corporal Orlando, spotted her studying a map of the day's patrol route.

"Orlando," Ashley called. The corporal looked up. "Any thoughts to share?"

"No, ma'am." Ashley liked Corporal Orlando. Although technically a reservist, the woman was a consummate professional. She didn't relish being sent on an essentially pointless assignment any more than Ashley did, but Orlando would never say anything.

"Want to switch things up today?" Ashley asked. "I'll take Bravo team, you take Charlie, Corporal Normanson can take Alpha?" There was little point to the question, since each team would follow the same route, but any variety would be welcome. Besides, Ashley wanted a chance to work with Jody Harper. The newest member of the 212 had done abysmally on the last physical fitness test, and needed a kick in the pants. Who better to provide it than his loving unit leader?

Orlando nodded and handed Ashley the map. "Twenty minutes?" she asked.

"Sounds good. Wanna tell Fox she's going to be on latrine duty for the rest of our time out here if she's not ready to go, or should I?"

Orlando glanced over at the marine who had fallen back asleep before packing up her things or donning her armor and grinned. "I will." She strode over to the sleeping Fox, pulled the sleeping roll out from under the private's head, started barking commands that the disoriented soldier scrambled to obey. The grin stayed on her face the whole time. Ashley remembered that Orlando had grandkids and shuddered for them. Holidays at Grandma's must be terrifying. Still, the corporal got results. Fox was geared up and ready to go with time to spare.

The 212 split into its three fire teams, with Ashley leading Bravo. Besides Ashley and Harper, there were two other marines in the squad, Jude Neilson and Carol Joiner. The four of them took point, setting out ahead of Alpha and Charlie. The route they were slated to follow was barely even a hole in Eden Prime's lush vegetation. If they hadn't completed the circuit twice already, there wouldn't have been any signs to indicate what path to take. Midway through the morning, Ashley signaled Joiner to change places with her and hung back to observe Harper; he was already breathing hard.

"All right there, soldier?"

"Yes, ma'am." The lie came in gasps.

"Don't bullshit me, Harper. You barely passed your PFT, and the 212 is coming up on the CFT in a month. You're breathing hard after only a couple hours of marching…you're not going to pass the combat test."

"I'll pass ma'am." Harper clenched his jaw, tried to walk faster.

"Not if there's something wrong with you, you won't." Ashley eyed Harper. "At least, I hope there's something wrong. There was nothing in your file that pegged you for a slacker." She stopped talking, let the silence pressure him into confessing.

"Eden Prime is supposed to be an easy assignment, isn't it, Chief?"

The question wasn't what she had been expecting. "No such thing as an easy assignment, marine. But yeah, it's pretty quiet."

"All this rolling farmland, unspoiled countryside." Harper made a face. "I'm a spacer—grew up on Alliance space stations. This is the first time I've been groundside for more than a family vacation." He gasped for breath, stopped speaking. For a while the only sound was the rasp as he struggled to breathe.

"Did you know that even with all the medical tech humanity has, a person can still live his whole life with asthma and no one will know it until he's dumped in the right environment?" Harper's voice was bitter. "And that they won't bump marines on active duty up the waiting list for steroid therapy?"

"Is that right?" Ashley kept her voice neutral. "Sounds like a marine would either have to be really stupid or really dedicated to keep going when he can barely breathe."

"I guess he would, Chief." Harper still made scratchy noises when he inhaled, but at least he was grinning now.

"Well, for what it's worth—"

"Chief!" Corporal Normanson's panicked voice rumbled over Ashley's comm unit on the emergency frequency. She signaled to the rest of the team to halt. "Chief, we've got some crazy sh—" Ashley jumped and grabbed her ear as Normanson's words were cut off, replaced by a high-pitched electric whine.

"Shit!" Ashley turned to the other three marines. "Alpha's in trouble," she explained. We've got to backtrack, double-time. Drop your packs! Get your helmets on! Let's move!"

As they made their way back towards Alpha, Ashley tried to imagine what could possibly have happened. This was Eden Prime, the safest posting in the galaxy. To take her mind off the impossible question, she radioed Corporal Orlando, ordered Charlie team to pick up speed, meet them at Bravo's position.

The sound of gunfire rattled through the woods; Ashley realized that they were close to Bravo squad. The group dropped low, crawled to the edge of the tree line. The four marines of Bravo: Normanson, Bhatia, Ortiz, and Petran had dug in at the far end of the clearing, and were struggling to hold off the assault of what looked like four…

"Geth?" Joiner whispered. "It can't be."

"Whatever they are, we've got to take them out. Neilson, you and I are gonna rush those mechanical freaks, surprise them, and blow their heads off. Harper, Joiner, stay back, cover us. When we reach Bravo, you two get your asses in gear, follow us. We'll cover you." Deep down, Ashley knew this was a terrible plan, and that it would be better to wait and coordinate with Charlie. But the others were nodding, looking relieved that their unit leader could keep her cool under fire, grateful to have a plan, set roles to follow.

Ashley looked at Neilson, flicked off the safety on her assault rifle, thought _Please, God, don't let us all die_, and started moving.

* * *

Nielson was a good shot; together they dropped one of the synthetics before the others could turn. The distraction their sudden appearance created gave Normanson a chance to take out another geth. _Not too bad, _Ashley told herself, _only two left_. The geth were returning fire now, bullets slamming into her armor's kinetic barriers. Halfway across the field, another one dropped, and she took cover behind a convenient boulder, dragging Nielson after her. There was sudden silence and she grinned—Bravo must have taken out the last geth. She and Nielson joined Bravo squad, Harper and Joiner soon following.

"Glad to see you, ma'am," Normanson told her.

"I don't know, Normanson, when I have to file a report saying you couldn't handle something this routine on your own, you may wish I hadn't shown up," she teased. A quick glance assured Ashley that Normanson's team was shaken, but unharmed. "Radio Charlie team," she ordered. "Tell Corporal Orlando we're heading back towards the beacon. She should meet us there. And tell her to radio in with updates on Charlie's progress."

"The beacon?" Ortiz asked in disbelief. "Shouldn't we be heading back towards the main colony?"

Normally, Ashley would have explained that since the beacon was the only thing on Eden Prime strange enough to warrant any off-world attention, it made sense to circle back and protect it. But today was not shaping up normally, so she snapped her mouth shut, grabbed Ortiz by the arm and hauled him to his feet. Disregarding the fact that he was four inches taller than she was, Ashley stared him down. "You questioning my orders, marine?" They didn't have time to waste on second-guessing and explanations. She tightened her grip on his arm.

"No," Ortiz mumbled.

"_What?_"

"No, ma'am!"

"Glad to hear it." She let go of Ortiz, ignored the wide eyes of the rest of the squad. "Did you get through to Orlando? Charlie all right?" Normanson nodded. Ashley took a deep breath, glad the rest of the 212 seemed safe. "Corporal, work with Harper as we get going, try to send out a distress call. Let's move!"

The eight marines began to move cautiously westward, through the scattered trees to a wide stretch of open territory. Nothing but hills covered in gently wafting grass for a good long while. Ashley wondered if she was the only one whose hands hurt from gripping her gun so tightly. She was probably worrying over nothing—

A giant silver…_thing_ suddenly rose up out of the grass. It steadied itself on four legs, swiveled its head to face the squad. Reacting as one, they opened fire. "Fuck!" Petran yelled as bullets ricocheted off the machine's shields.

"Is that another geth?" Ashley called to Joiner.

"Damned if I know, ma'am." The private didn't stop firing. "Flashlight-head looks the same though."

An ominous glow began to build in the geth's head. "Shit!" Petran swore again.

"Scatter!" Ashley directed. "Try to flank it!"

They broke formation moments before the huge device released an energy pulse that ripped a hole in the ground where they had been standing. The machine didn't move, just started to recharge. Thank God though, its shields were finally down, they were starting to do some damage. They just needed a little luck, a little time.

A rain of bullets crashed into her shields, nearly knocking her down. She turned her head and used every filthy word she knew in a long string of swears. Half a dozen geth troopers were running down a hill towards them, rifles blazing. _No cover anywhere. Perfect._ Ashley fired a round of shots at the giant geth, realized it was almost ready to fire, realized it was aiming at Harper.

Harper, the idiot, had his omni-tool cranked, was filming everything for the distress call instead of taking cover. She ran over to him, pushed him to the ground. "Get down!" she commanded. Another pulse whizzed over Harper's head, exploding a few meters behind him. It took down Ortiz before he had time to yell.

Ashley scanned the field. Aside from Ortiz, there were no irreversible casualties yet. Joiner and Bhatia were still concentrating fire on the big geth with Nielson at their backs, Petran helping him hold off the troopers from across the field. Corporal Normanson knelt near Harper, sending out the distress call. Joiner and Bhatia finally took down the heavy geth. It exploded, shrapnel flying everywhere. A piece embedded itself in Normanson's back.

_Six of us now,_ Ashley thought as she signaled to the squad to regroup. They began to move towards each other, ducking fire from the geth as best they could. A noise rose over the gunfire, a high, metallic sound that bore through Ashley's helmet and wormed its way to the base of her skull, vibrating and distracting her. The marines all froze, gaping at the massive starship that passed ominously overhead.

"Shit!" Harper's voice jerked the others back to reality. "Communications just went out!"

"Did you have chance to send anything out?"

"Yeah," he replied, voice tight. "I think I got most of what Normanson said before—before…And that," he pointed at the ship, "I got that, too."

"Good job, kid," Ashley told Harper. Three of the geth troopers were down, and the others seemed to be retreating, but she didn't feel relief. She couldn't. Ortiz and Normanson weren't getting back up, ever. There was no way to get in touch with Charlie team. But then, they should have checked in a long time ago. That meant…Orlando, Fox, Kyles, Moon, gone. Ashley's eyes ran over the remaining members of 212.

"We've got to get back to the beacon," she said. "The 232 and the 226 were stationed there, they might still be there. They might need our help. Let's get…shit…"

The three geth she had thought were retreating had returned, with reinforcements. Seven troopers and a swarm of drones advanced towards the marines. "Too many," Ashley whispered to herself. Aloud she merely said, "We've got to run." She hated herself for saying the words, hated herself more for not being able to meet Harper's eyes as she said them. "Keep formation as best you can, but we've got to move, fast. _Don't_ stop. On my mark."

She took a brief moment to inhale, another to pray silently. _Please, God, don't let us all die._

"Mark."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:**

**In Which Eden Prime Nearly Explodes**

The troopers eventually gave up the chase, but the drones never did. Every so often she turned to shoot at their pursuers, but Ashley didn't stop moving. She heard the others fall: jumped over Joiner when she tripped, ignored Petran's final swears, bit her cheek until it bled so she wouldn't cry.

It wasn't enough. Although she was the last one moving, her legs screamed and threatened to give out. She was breathing the way Harper had up until the end. The dig site, and any help that might be there, was a klick away. There were still two drones behind her—she could feel their shots getting closer, spraying the back of her legs with dirt. At least she was in a ravine now; there was cover nearby, if she could only reach it.

The drones' shots started slamming into her shields, pushing her forward. Her balance thrown off, Ashley nearly lost her footing. The HUD in her helmet informed her that her armor's shielding mechanisms had lost power and would require several minutes to reboot. _This could be it_. The thought made her feel…irritated. She was _not_ going to die for nothing. Ashley pulled out her sidearm, turned and dove to the ground, squeezing out a quick burst of shots. The drones exploded in a shower of dark metal.

She grinned triumphantly and wanted to shout for pure relief, when she realized that she wasn't alone. Two geth troopers held down a captured colonist mere meters away from her, apparently oblivious to her presence. The machines exchanged whirring noises. Ashley squinted at them, were they _talking?_ Her curiosity evaporated when the geth impaled their prisoner on a huge metal spike. The man's body twitched for a too-long instant before going still.

Fear took over. She scrambled for the cover of a nearby boulder, slammed herself against it, pulled her assault rifle off her back. The mechanical 'voices' of the geth came closer; they had seen her. No time for anything but action. The butt of her rifle settled against her shoulder as she prepared to break cover. Its presence was almost comforting. _One friend left, at least_.

Shots rang out from behind her, and the geth both collapsed. Thick fluid oozed from the holes in their heads.

Ashley spun, not quite ready to feel relieved yet. Two men in Alliance armor came down the path towards her. Her heart sank when she didn't recognize either one. _Because it was totally realistic to expect that Kyles and Moon managed to survive _and _to find you. _ As the marines came closer, she recognized the N7 stripe on one's arm. _Well he definitely wasn't stationed on Eden Prime this morning._ She'd applied for admission into the N7 program a couple years back…it had seemed less of a long shot when Gunny Ellison had offered to sponsor her. Unsurprisingly, Ashley hadn't made the cut.

The men stopped when they reached her, and she saluted, realizing the N7 was also a commander. "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. You the one in charge here, sir?" _Good. A little short on breath, but professional._

"Are you wounded, Williams?"

She cocked her head to the side. The commander's helmet prevented her from seeing much of his face, but he actually sounded concerned. "A few scrapes and burns; nothing serious. The others…" her voice cracked as she looked back the way she had come. "The others weren't so lucky." _Pull yourself together!_

"Update me, Williams. Where's the rest of your squad?" The N7 spoke comfortably, as though he _had_ been stationed on Eden Prime that morning, had been her commanding officer for months. Something about his level tone helped Ashley focus. She felt a little relieved.

"The 212 was patrolling along the perimeter when the attack hit. We started to double back to the beacon, but we ran into an ambush. Held out as long as we could, tried to send out a distress call, but communications went down. And then…there were just too many…the geth overwhelmed us. Couldn't hold out sir, we had to make a run for it. We've—I've been fighting for my life ever since. I don't think any of the others made it." She was not going to cry. She was just going to stare fixedly into space for a minute. It didn't mean anything.

"None of this is your fault, Williams. There was nothing you could have done that would have saved them." He sounded sincere, but Ashley didn't reply. She was not in the mood for sympathy. Revenge, maybe. Sympathy tomorrow.

"So those _were_ geth!" The other marine sounded half confused, half excited.

"I know it's not Tokyo, but it looks like you got your army of robots anyway, Alenko."

"The geth haven't been seen outside the Peruses Veil in nearly two hundred years!" Alenko exclaimed. "Why Eden Prime? Why now?"

"It's got to be the beacon," the commander replied. He turned back to Ashley.

"The dig site is close," she said before he could ask. "The beacon was there when we set out two days ago. It might still be there. The scientists were terrified that it'd be damaged."

"We could use your help, Williams."

"Aye-aye, sir. This way." _It's time for payback._

Following the directions Ashley gave him, the commander began to lead the others out of the trench, towards the dig site. Moving slowly now, Ashley had time to realize the smell tainting the air was burnt meat. The knowledge of what the geth must have done to the farmers working the nearby fields almost made her retch.

"All right there, Chief?" Alenko asked.

She nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Kaidan Alenko," he corrected. "The commander's name is Shepard."

"Yes, sir."

"Williams," Commander Shepard called to her, "did you see a turian Spectre anywhere before you met up with us?"

"A turian? There aren't any turians on Eden Prime, sir. None that I've met, at least. Doubt I'd be able to tell if one was a Spectre, anyway."

"You'd know if you saw Nihlus," Alenko told her. "He carries enough firepower to outfit his own merc band."

They had nearly reached the dig site. Shepard signaled the others to hang back and approached the clearing cautiously. Suddenly geth sprang out from behind cover and began shooting. The commander glowed blue and pulled his hand back in a throwing motion. An instant later, the two machines were tumbling through the air, landing on the ground with a cracking noise. Shepard put a bullet in each one for good measure.

"He's a biotic?" Ashley asked Alenko.

"We both are."

Ashley had never worked with a biotic before. She wasn't sure how she felt about it. "So many wonderful new things I'm doing today," she said sourly. "So many firsts."

"Excited to get home and put it all in your diary, Chief?" Alenko teased.

His joke surprised her, but she smiled. "You know it, sir."

They joined Shepard. He stood gazing into the empty hole where Ashley had last seen the beacon.

"Are you sure this was the right spot?" The commander's voice was neutral.

"The beacon was right here!" she protested. "They must have moved it."

"Our side, or the geth?"

"Damned if I know…Ah, I mean, hard to tell, sir." Ashley thought. "There might be a clue in the research camp. It's just up the path that way." She pointed.

"Do you think anyone got out of here alive?" Shepard wondered quietly.

"Could be, sir." Why was she being the optimistic one? "Maybe hiding in the camp?"

"Captain told us survivors were a secondary objective, Commander," Alenko chastised.

"Did he, Lieutenant? Funny, I can't really remember what he said exactly. It was so noisy in that cargo bay." Shepard made sure the heat monitor on his gun was clear. "Let's check out the research camp."

The road to the camp was lined with more bodies impaled on spikes. Ashley shuddered at the shriveled looking corpses, then let out a warning yell as the spikes collapsed and the dead lurched towards the marines before being cut down by bullets.

"I thought those things were just for shock factor," Alenko murmured. "You know, psychological warfare. But it looks like—"

"They're turning our own dead against us," Ashley said in disgust. She thought of the man she'd seen skewered. "The process must take a few hours."

"They're not our people anymore. Don't get hung up on it." The commander kept moving towards the research camp, stepping carefully around the lifeless husks.

The three of them found a handful of survivors in the camp, including the chief researcher, Dr. Warren, and her assistant. Both scientists had been shaken by the attack, especially the assistant, who stood in the corner ranting about the end of the world while Shepard reassured Dr. Warren and asked more questions about the beacon. Ashley's heart sank when Dr. Warren informed her that the 232 had been slaughtered covering the scientists' retreat.

"Not yet, Williams. We'll have time for them soon." Shepard had noticed when her shoulders slumped. "C'mon. Take us to that spaceport."

It took a while to reach the spaceport, largely because Shepard insisted on inspecting every building and crate large enough to conceal a survivor. When three farmers climbed out from one of the storage sheds, he waved their thanks for eliminating the husks and geth that had been skulking outside away. "I'm just glad to find someone alive."

The farmers whispered among themselves for a moment, then one stepped forward, offering a package to Shepard. Ashley didn't catch everything the man said, but she did hear…

"_Smuggling? _ What's the name of your contact at the spaceport?" She was furious.

"I'm not a snitch!" the man sneered defiantly.

"He might know something about the attack, Cole." Shepard's voice was calm, frustratingly persuasive. Cole gave up his contact's name.

Except for the odd pile of smoldering debris, the spaceport appeared deserted. Shepard, Alenko, and Ashley split up to search for the beacon. After a little while, she heard Alenko shout: "Commander! It's Nihlus!"

The body of a turian lay on the ground, blue blood leaking from a gunshot in its back.

"Is this the Spectre you were looking for?" Ashley asked.

Before the others could respond, a noise from the nearby crates caused them all to spin around, weapons raised.

"Don't shoot! I'm human!" A cowed dockworker crawled out from his hiding place, hands in plain sight. True to form, Shepard immediately began to pepper the man with questions, quickly discovering that the Spectre, Nihlus, had been killed by another turian.

"He called him, Saren," the man babbled. "It sounded like they knew each other. And then Saren, he shot your friend there! Right in the back!" He kept talking, with very little prompting, explaining that he'd been asleep when the attack started, telling Shepard about the huge 'mother ship' Ashley and the 212 had seen, and even admitting that he was part of the smuggling ring.

"You greedy son of a bitch!" Ashley didn't remember pulling her sidearm, but suddenly it was in her hand, trained on the man. "Marines put their lives on the line, they _died_ trying to protect your sorry ass, and you were stealing from them? _You_—you—" Her mind churned with memories of her squad, and her finger moved towards the trigger.

"I'm sorry!" the man whined. "I never thought they'd actually _need _all that stuff! Who'd wanna attack Eden Prime?"

There was a gentle pressure on Ashley's arm, encouraging her to lower the gun. Commander Shepard stepped between her and the dockworker. "Don't do it, Williams." His voice was soft; he was asking, not ordering. "It won't bring them back. He's not worth it." _Trust me, I know_. He didn't say it, but Ashley heard the words all the same. After a moment she nodded and slowly holstered the pistol.

"You're damn lucky the commander's here," she spat at the man before walking away.

Shepard and Alenko followed her a few moments later. "He said Saren went towards the other platform," the commander filled her in as though nothing had happened. "Apparently they shipped the beacon there this morning." They all boarded the cargo train, and Shepard punched their destination into the controls.

Ashley sat on a crate, gazing at the smoky red sky. "Huh."

"Penny for your thoughts?"

She looked at Alenko. "My mom taught us this rhyme about the weather when my sisters and I were little. _Red skies at night, sailors' delight. Red skies at morn, sailors take warn._" She gestured towards the sky.

"Did she tell you anything about when the sky's red in the middle of the day?"

"Yeah," Ashley laughed harshly. "_Red skies and geth, sailors see death._"

"Really?"

"Are you always this slow, LT? Of course not. What kind of mother makes up rhymes about killer synthetics to help predict the weather?"

"Uh-oh." Shepard's subdued alarm made them both turn towards the front of the train.

"What is it, sir?"

He pointed to a massive cylinder on the platform ahead. Beside Ashley, Alenko inhaled sharply. "Shit."

"Watch your mouth, Lieutenant," Shepard ordered absently.

"Sorry, Commander. But is that…Please tell me that's not a bomb."

Shepard shook his head. "How good are you with that omni-tool?" he asked.

"I guess we'll find out." Alenko fired up his omni-tool, began loading programs. "That thing is big enough to take out half of Eden Prime."

"Only half?" Ashley joked. "The geth must not be as bad as I thought."

"Or they left more than one," Shepard said grimly as the train pulled up to the platform.

The geth had left four bombs, and plenty of guards to ensure they went off. Ashley and the commander stood shoulder to shoulder over Alenko, protecting the lieutenant as he scrambled to disarm each device.

"Thank God they didn't think to put any real firewalls on those things," Alenko sighed, slumping next to the last deactivated bomb.

"I was too busy thanking God that they assigned a giant geek like you to the Normandy," Shepard teased. If Ashley hadn't heard him let out a tense breath just an instant earlier, she would have thought he hadn't been worried about the bombs at all.

"You're my favorite tech groupie, Commander." Ashley wondered if the two men were always this nonchalant with each other, or if facing certain annihilation four times in a row had just brought them closer together. After all the afternoon's excitement, _she_ certainly felt comfortable around Shepard and Alenko.

"C'mon, LT," she said, offering him a hand up. "Let's go find the beacon."

"You're the one that knows what it looks like," Shepard pointed out.

"Trust me," she told him, "you'll know it when you see it."

* * *

"This is amazing!" Alenko exclaimed, following Ashley as she walked towards the beacon. "Actual, working Prothean technology!" He stared a moment longer before turning back to ask Shepard what their captain had said about a pickup time.

"It wasn't doing anything like this when they dug it up," Ashley called back to him. "Something must have activated it," she murmured, moving closer to squint at the green glow emanating from the tall artifact. _Okay, it's a data cache. But what makes it worth destroying Eden Prime?_

Suddenly, the beacon flared. As the light faded, Ashley felt herself pulled towards the beacon, a ship that had crossed the event horizon of a black hole. She braced her feet on the ground, flailed her arms trying to push back against the nearly tangible force towing her forwards. A shock of sound blasted through her mind, racking her body with physical pain. She was being peeled apart by thousands of screaming voices all vying for attention, each voice an insistent needle in her brain—

The pain was gone. She was lying on her side, curled into a ball, feeling the echoes of pain, but nothing more. Alenko put an arm around her shoulders, helped her kneel. He held her wrist loosely in his hand to take her pulse.

Glancing up, Ashley felt sick. Shepard was suspended in the air where she had been, trapped by the beacon.

"Shepard!" she yelled, wrenching her wrist from Alenko and staggering to her feet.

"No, don't touch him!" Alenko pulled her back down. "It's too dangerous!"

The light emitted by the beacon grew brighter, thickening the air and engulfing Shepard. He bellowed in pain, and Ashley struggled with Alenko again, her guilt and empathy urging her to help the commander.

Without warning, the beacon exploded, tossing Shepard across the platform like a broken toy. The commander fell heavily, head cracking against the ground before he skidded to a halt. He didn't move.

"Oh God!" Ashley ran over to Shepard, gently rolled him onto his back.

"Careful." Alenko stopped her from removing Shepard's helmet. "We don't know if his neck's okay. Don't want to move him more than we have to." The lieutenant's omni-tool glowed as he waved it over Shepard. With his other hand, he took Shepard's pulse, the same as he had taken Ashley's.

"Are you a medic?" she asked, more to keep herself from panicking than out of genuine interest.

"Up to a point," he replied, shrugging. His omni-tool beeped. "Everything looks okay to me, but we need to get him back to the ship."

"What should I do?"

"Just sit tight. The _Normandy_ should be touching down soon."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**In Which Our Hero is Unconscious**

Crewmen from the _Normandy_ had brought a stretcher to transport Shepard to the ship's medical bay, but Alenko had insisted that he and Ashley be the ones to actually carry the commander aboard. "Pack up the beacon," he told them. "Williams and I will take Shepard." As they lifted the stretcher, Ashley overheard the crewmen talking among themselves.

"I thought the other one's name was Jenkins," one said.

"It is," someone replied. "Or at least it was. And he was a guy."

"Who's she, then?"

Ashley didn't hear the response.

The ship's doctor hadn't been shy of asking questions however. "Where's Jenkins?" she demanded. "No offense, dear." She smiled quickly at Ashley and went back to removing Shepard's armor.

Alenko collapsed onto a cot. "Jenkins…" He coughed, and when he spoke again, his voice was even rougher than usual. "There were geth drones. Ripped right through his shields. We had to leave him." He sounded defensive.

The doctor turned away from Shepard to study the lieutenant. "Lieutenant Alenko," she said sternly, "Did you push Corporal Jenkins into the line of fire?" Dumbfounded at the suggestion, Alenko shook his head. "Well then," the doctor said, lifting her gaze from him, "I don't expect you to take his death on your head. Richard was a full-grown man, and a good soldier. We'll miss him, but we won't blame you, either."

"Thanks, Dr. Chakwas." A hint of a smile passed over Alenko's face.

"So who are you, then?" Dr. Chakwas fixed Ashley with a sharp stare. "Aside from the marine who tracked mud all over my sterile floor."

"This is Chief Williams, Doc. Chief, Dr. Chakwas, the _Normandy's _doctor."

"Ma'am."

"I suppose you were stationed on Eden Prime, Chief Williams?"

"Yes ma'am."

"How was it that you ended up with Commander Shepard and Lieutenant Alenko?"

"Probably divine intervention, ma'am."

"Ha!" The doctor looked up from her patient. "Well, I do believe that I like—"

"Lieutenant Alenko! What the hell happened down there?" An older man built like a barrel stormed into the room. Recognizing the captain's stripes on his shoulders, Ashley jumped to her feet and saluted. "At ease, marine," he barked at her. "Alenko! Explain to me why the beacon we were sent to retrieve is in a thousand pieces, why my XO appears to be in a coma, and why in God's name Shepard radioed me that Nihlus is dead!"

"Yes, sir." Alenko stood and meekly followed the captain out of the medical bay.

"Nihlus is dead?" Dr. Chakwas seemed unperturbed by the interruption, not even looking up.

"Yes ma'am. We found his body at the spaceport. A dockworker there said another turian had shot him." There was a subtle shift in the ship's air pressure, and Ashley staggered. "What was that?"

"What was what? Oh! That was the _Normandy's _artificial gravity systems coming online."

Artificial gravity?" It took a moment before the words sank in. "Do you mean we've left Eden Prime?"

"Well you didn't think Captain Anderson was just going to hang around the colony? Other Alliance vessels are down there now, and the captain has a mission to complete."

"But—but—my squad, they might still—some of them—" Ashley felt dazed. She was being kidnapped, sort of. Had the doctor just said that Captain Anderson was in command of the _Normandy?_

Chakwas halted her application of electrodes to Commander Shepard's forehead and scrutinized Ashley. "Chief Williams, would you perhaps like to lie down for a moment? You might at least remove your armor and make yourself comfortable."

Ashley nodded and mechanically began undoing the straps and clips that held her armor together, piling the pieces neatly on one of the medical cots. The mindless task calmed her somewhat. She examined her guns and frowned. "Does the _Normandy_ have an armory? I should probably clean my guns." Ruefully, she pulled a clump of dirt out of the barrel of her shotgun. _You had to take out those drones with a fancy dive, didn't you?_ When Ashley looked up, Dr. Chakwas was frowning worriedly at her. "What? What's wrong?"

"Clean your guns, Chief Williams? Really? Even if you're preoccupied with reuniting with the rest of your squadron, you could at least do me the courtesy of coming up with an original euphemism."

"Wha—Oh! No! I didn't mean…I'm _Gunnery_ Chief Ashley Williams," she explained.

Chakwas' face cleared, and she gave Ashley directions to the armory. "Leave your armor here, dear. No need for you to cart it all over the ship. It's not in my way."

"Thanks, Dr. Chakwas Ah—will you let me know if he wakes up?" she nodded towards Shepard.

"Of course. Come back later so I can give you a look-over, patch up some of those scrapes."

* * *

For all that the _Normandy _was the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy, her armory barely deserved the name. It was little more than a closet on the cargo deck stuffed with a table and calibration materials. Still, there was enough room for Ashley to squeeze inside and dismantle her firearms. She gently cleaned each piece, and reassembled the weapons, anxiously checking to make sure none of them had suffered severe damage. These guns had saved her life more than once today.

The task took longer than it normally would have, mostly because she kept having to pause and wipe her eyes. It was unbearable to think that this morning had dawned on twelve members of the 212, and that now she was the only one left. _I have to write their families,_ Ashley realized. _Oh God, I have to write _my _family. _She rubbed her face on her sleeve again. If only she wasn't so _tired_. At least her guns were clean now.

"Chief Williams?" Alenko's voice startled her and she blushed, hoping he hadn't witnessed her tears. "Dr. Chakwas said you were down here." He handed Ashley an energy bar and a bottle of water. "Have you eaten or slept since we came aboard?"

"It hasn't been that long."

"It's been almost four hours, Chief."

"What? Is the commander awake?"

"Not yet. Chakwas says he'll be fine though." He paused. "You should eat that. Captain Anderson wants to talk to you."

_Is four hours long enough to get a personnel file from the brass? Probably. No wonder he wants to talk to me._ Ashley's frustration must have shown on her face, because Alenko laughed.

"Don't judge the captain from what you saw in the med bay. He's really not that bad. He was just worried about Shepard. Still, you don't want to keep him waiting."

The elevator was mercifully slow, which gave her enough time to wolf down the energy bar. She hadn't realized how hungry she was. "Thanks, LT," she mumbled between mouthfuls.

Alenko pressed the entry buzzer on the captain's cabin door and waved her inside when it opened. "Good luck," he smiled.

She took a deep breath and stepped inside. Captain Anderson—_the_ Captain Anderson, she thought giddily—was seated in front of a wide desk, his fingers moving rapidly across a holographic keyboard.

"Have a seat, Chief Williams," he said without looking up. "I just want to get this mission report filed away…" Ashley perched on the edge of one of a free chair. It took all her self-control not to fidget.

His computer pinged, and Anderson turned away from the console, pulled out a datapad, and looked at Ashley. "How're you settling in, soldier?"

"Fine, sir."

"It's been a rather difficult day for all of us. No doubt you've heard about our Corporal Jenkins?"

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry. He, uh, he sounded like a good man."

Anderson nodded. "He was. And his death leaves a hole in the _Normandy's _crew. I'd like to get that position filled as soon as possible." He looked up, studying her. Ashley focused on not pinning her hopes on the implications of his last sentence. "Lieutenant Alenko was impressed with you. He's recommended that you be stationed aboard the _Normandy_." The captain read something on the datapad. "According to your file, you're ZG certified?"

"Yes, sir."

"Where did you train?"

"Basic training at the Macapá base, ZG on the Rakesh Sharma Orbital Platform, and HEAT at Fort Charles on Titan."

"And since then you've been stationed?"

"At various ground garrisons, sir. Most recently on Eden Prime."

"You've requested a shipboard posting multiple times, and you applied to the N7 program. Any idea why you were denied?"

"There were questions about my…" Ashley clenched her jaw and forced herself to say the words. "There were concerns about my 'emotional fitness for high-stress situations.'"

"I see." Anderson's face was unreadable. "Hmm, yes. Lieutenant Alenko did mention that you lost your temper with a civilian. Do you have an explanation for that?"

"No, sir." Her heart sank. Why hadn't she kept a better hold on herself? Maybe the brass was right. Maybe she really wasn't capable of handling high-stress situations.

"No?" his voice was disbelieving. "None at all?"

"The man was a smuggler, Captain. He'd stolen weapons from the Alliance. His actions may have cost marines—cost _my squad_—their lives. But that doesn't excuse my behavior, sir."

"I didn't ask for an excuse, Chief Williams. I asked for an explanation." He placed the datapad on his desk.

"I'll be frank with you, Chief. Your technical scores are excellent. The reports filed by both your commanders and your subordinates are overwhelmingly positive. Gunnery Chief Ellison's letter of support for your N7 petition was nothing short of glowing. I'm impressed with you on paper, and Lieutenant Alenko assures me you're just as impressive in the field. I'm requesting that you be assigned to the _Normandy._"

Ashley couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. "Sir? You want me on your crew, sir?"

Anderson smiled. "The past is just that, Chief Williams. Past. You can't control it, and it shouldn't be held against you." He stood and extended his hand. "Welcome aboard. You should speak with the requisitions officer about getting some things to hold you over until yours can be shipped from Eden Prime."

Ashley shook Anderson's hand. _He knows_, she thought. _He knows and he doesn't care!_ "Thank you, sir." She waited until she had left his cabin to grin.

* * *

The next few hours passed in a blur. The requisitions officer assigned her a sleeper pod and a locker, then gave her several sets of fatigues and standard-issue underclothes. He also gave her a towel. "Showers are on the crew deck," he said pointedly. So she stowed her gear and showered, taking longer than she would have normally when she discovered there was mud in her teeth that she hadn't noticed. Finally clean, she sought out Alenko to thank him. He was in the cockpit, and uninterested in her gratitude. "You earned it," he said simply, and introduced Ashley to the pilot, Joker. She liked Joker's audacious attitude immediately, and had stayed to chat with him until he announced they were in range of a comm buoy. Alenko informed her that there were computer terminals open to the whole crew in the room behind the med bay, so she set off to write twelve emails. One email to tell her mother the good news about Ashley's reassignment, and eleven emails to be included in Command's notification to the families of the 212 the terrible news about the geth attack.

She saved the email to her mother for last, knowing she'd need something happy after discharging her last duty as leader of the 212. By the time she was finished, she could barely stand; she was emotionally drained and completely exhausted. On her way through the med bay, Dr. Chakwas told Ashley that she'd been aboard the _Normandy_ for ten hours. "And since you're a member of the crew now, you're under my care, Chief Williams. Now lie down _there_," she pointed at one of the medical cots, "and get some rest."

Ashley obligingly stretched out on the cot. She was asleep the instant her head hit the thin pillow.

Her dreams were filled with the smells and screams from Eden Prime. After watching helplessly as geth impaled Corporal Orlando on one of the husk-creating devices, Ashley jolted awake, gasping.

"Bad dreams, Chief Williams?" Sitting at her desk, Dr. Chakwas had a clear view of her two patients. "Must be something in the air," she muttered to herself, rising and glancing at a display monitor. "Well, as long as you're up, now's as good a time as any to give you a quick physical. I don't suppose…" The doctor pulled an examination gown out from a locker and offered it to Ashley, who stared at it dumbly. With a sigh, the doctor dropped the gown. "Fine. Just take off your shirt and sit up straight please."

Dr. Chakwas' examination was quick and thorough. She ignored the majority of Ashley's scrapes and bruises. "Well, you came out of that quite all right, didn't you?" she asked, indicating that Ashley could put her shirt back on.

"Better than most, ma'am." Guilt threatened to overwhelm Ashley as she stared at Shepard's still form.

"Don't look so grim, dear. Commander Shepard is built of fairly stern stuff." Chakwas looked over a printout from the machines attached to Shepard. "In fact, judging from this, I'd say he's probably just sleeping now." She shook her head thoughtfully. "Poor boy probably could use some rest.

"Would you mind doing me a favor, Chief Williams? Stay here and keep an eye on him for a moment? I'd like to do a little research on Prothean artifacts while we're still in range of a comm buoy. You don't have to do anything," she responded to Ashley's alarmed expression. "Just let me know if anything changes." Not waiting for a response, the doctor strode purposefully into the back room.

Ashley sighed and propped her chin on her fists, studying the commander in the dim light. Dr. Chakwas had covered him with a blanket that looked too soft to be standard Alliance issue. The blanket was tucked up to cover his chest, but left his bare arms exposed. Long stretches of hairless red scar tissue on Shepard's left arm drew her eye. It looked as though his skin had melted before being indifferently reshaped. A matching scar curved over the left side of his nose and ran partway down his cheek like a tear track. She wondered what kind of fight he'd been in that had left him like that.

On Eden Prime, their helmets had prevented Ashley from getting a good look at Alenko and the commander. She'd been surprised to see how old Alenko was—he must have joined the Alliance late if he was still only a lieutenant. Now, she was just as surprised to see how young Shepard looked; aside from the scars, his skin was unmarked, babyish. His face was solid and square, making his rounded chin and full lips look odd, delicate. The dark color of his hair and brows stood out against Shepard's pale skin as if they'd been painted on. Ashley wondered what color his eyes were, then wondered why she was wondering.

As if he'd heard her thoughts, Shepard suddenly blinked. The eyes that locked on Ashley were deep blue, and they narrowed briefly in pain.

"Doctor! Dr. Chakwas!" Ashley jumped to her feet. "I think he's waking up!" Cool, sweet relief swept over her as she watched Shepard toss off the blanket and sit up. She caught a glimpse of a tattoo on his left pec as he pulled off electrodes, and she took a moment to appreciate his abs. Then she realized she was gawking at her half-clothed commanding officer, and snapped her gaze up to his face.

"You had us worried there, Shepard." Doctor Chakwas came into the room and looked the commander over with a professional eye. Shepard glanced down at himself, then looked at the doctor and Ashley. His face turned red, and he grabbed at the blanket. "Your clothes are right behind you," Chakwas told him dryly. In a milder voice she added, "How are you feeling?"

Face still burning, Shepard jammed his legs into his pants and pulled his shirt on so quickly he didn't realize it was backwards. Ashley crossed her arms across her stomach to hold in her laughter. "Never felt better, Doc." Shepard flinched and put a hand to his head.

"Never better," Chakwas repeated dryly. "Really."

"How long was I out?"

"About fifteen hours. Something happened down there with the beacon, I think."

"It's my fault!" Ashley broke in apologetically. "I got too close…must have triggered some kind of security field. You pushed me out of the way, but…" she hunched her shoulders.

The commander turned to face Ashley. "You couldn't have known," he said simply. He sounded the same as he had on Eden Prime: calm, rational, forgiving. "Don't blame yourself."

"Come now, Chief Williams," Chakwas scolded. "We don't even know if that's what set it off. And there's no way to find out now."

"The beacon exploded," Ashley explained at Shepard's confused look. "The blast knocked you cold. Lieutenant Alenko and I brought you aboard."

Shepard's lips twitched in a small half-smile. "Thanks, Williams. I appreciate it."

Ashley felt herself smile with pleasure at the commander's approval.

"You're fine, physically," the doctor broke in, shuffling through a stack of papers. "But…I detected some anomalies. Abnormal beta waves, increase in rapid eye movement, that sort of thing. Signs typically associated with intense dreaming. Anything unusual to report?"

"I—I think I had some kind of dream." He glanced at the doctor. "A different one. Death, destruction," he tried to smile. "Maybe not so different actually."

"I see. Well, I'll add it to my report. Maybe—"

"How's my XO holding up, Doctor?" a smiling Captain Anderson asked, as he entered the med bay. Seeing him, Ashley stood straight, saluted. Shepard did likewise, staggering slightly. Anderson's brow creased worriedly.

"I'd say the commander's going to be just fine, sir."

"Glad to hear it. I apologize for tossing you out of your own med bay, Doctor, but I need to speak with Commander Shepard in private."

"Of course, Captain." Chakwas moved to the door.

Ashley saluted again. "Aye-aye, Captain. I'll be in the mess if you need me."

* * *

One of the junior navigators was hovering outside the med bay, looking unsure as to whether or not she should go away and come back.

"Can I help you?" Chakwas asked.

The girl brightened when she saw Ashley. "No, ma'am. Navigator Pressly just wanted me to deliver a datapad to Chief Williams." She turned to Ashley and saluted. "You've been assigned to Port watch—your duties, mission objectives, and the crew dossiers are all on there. The mission objectives will update automatically as the _Normandy_ gets new assignments."

"Thank you." Ashley turned to the doctor. "I don't mean to be rude, Doctor, but—"

"Yes, yes, by all means, go get yourself brought up to speed."

Settling herself at one of the long tables in the mess, Ashley scanned through the data pad. As expected, she'd been tasked with maintaining the _Normandy's _armory, and had been assigned to the ground crew. _Finally, some action!_ Being assigned to the _Normandy _was a dream come true. For a moment, she forgot to feel guilty for filling a dead man's place, for surviving when her whole unit had been wiped out.

Curious then, she opened the file containing the crew dossiers. Alenko's she glanced at long enough to confirm her suspicion that he'd enlisted late. Captain Anderson's she skipped; everyone knew the famous Captain Anderson. She thought about opening Dr. Chakwas' file, but decided to save it for later. Flight Lieutenant Jeffery R. Moreau, Chief Navigator Liam A. Pressly, Lieutenant Commander Karl S. Shepard…

_Wait_…Reading the commander's first name, something dropped into place for Ashley. She opened the file. _Shit! _ Sure enough, there it was in black and white: N7 graduate, on the ground during the Skyllian Blitz, youngest recipient of the Star of Terra…

_Oh my God_, Ashley thought, _I almost got the marine who __**saved Elysium**__ killed_. She stared at the door of the med bay, cringing as it hissed open and Shepard stepped out.

* * *

_Special thanks to Mithranir, who gave this chapter a read, and was good enough to provide me with comments that helped make it (I think) a much better, clearer chapter._


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine:**

**In Which Our Hero Reaches the Citadel  
**

"Are you sure you're okay, Shepard?" The genuine concern in Anderson's voice irritated Shepard. He was trying to stay angry with the Captain for pulling the rug out from under him, but it was hard. Harder when he remembered that the captain actually cared about him.

"I'm fine, Captain."

Anderson sighed. "I know you're upset about being blindsided, Shepard. Anyone would be. But think! The Spectres only take the best each species has to offer. And they want you! Becoming a Spectre could be the best decision of your career."

"It'll be the last decision of my career," Shepard snapped. "Get serious, sir. What kind of retirement plan do you think the Spectres have? You _knew_ I didn't want to be military forever. If I join the Specres though, that's it! At least, that's it for however long I'll have left." He shook his head. "I'm sorry, sir. I know this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. It's just…"

"I'm sorry, Shepard."

"I know, sir." He tried to think of a way to change the subject. "What's Chief Williams doing on the _Normandy_?" It had been a surprise to wake up and see her staring down at him.

"She's been assigned to the _Normandy_."

Shepard blinked. "Just like that? She's a good soldier, but…"

"Lieutenant Alenko recommended her." Anderson looked away. "And we had a vacancy to fill."

"Jenkins," Shepard murmured. "I met—did you know he had a son? God, I feel so…I don't like soldiers dying under my command."

Anderson put a hand on Shepard's arm. "None of us do. But it wasn't your fault. You did a good job down there." The two men locked eyes for a moment before they broke apart, mildly embarrassed.

"Thank you, Captain. You said you wanted to speak to me in private?"

"Yes, I did." Captain Anderson explained that the _Normandy_ was en route to the Citadel, so Shepard and his ground team could testify before the Council that Nihlus' killer, the Spectre Saren, had been allied with the geth. "I know Saren," Anderson told Shepard. "He's one of the best Spectres the Council has—if not _the_ best. But he hates humans. And he wanted that beacon…but we don't know why. Alenko's filed a report with me, but you're the one that interacted with the damn thing. Do you have anything you can add? Anything that might give us a clue as to what information was stored in the beacon?"

Reluctantly, Shepard explained the strange images he'd seen before passing out. "But that doesn't help us, Captain," he protested. "What're we going to tell the Council? That I had a bad dream?"

"Commander, we don't know what kind of information was stored in that beacon. But whatever it was, Saren has it now. Trust me when I tell you that he'll use it to try and wipe out every human colony in the galaxy. The attack on Eden Prime was an act of war! Whatever Prothean tech was stored in that beacon, Saren has it now, not to mention his army of geth. Humanity isn't safe until he's taken down."

"Aye-aye, Captain."

Anderson smiled. "Good man. We should be getting close to the Citadel. I'm going to see if I can get in touch with Ambassador Udina. Head up to the bridge and tell Joker to bring us into dock." He gripped the commander's arm again. "I'm glad you're all right, Shepard."

* * *

Shepard moved to follow Anderson out of the med bay, but stopped when he realized he was shoeless and his shirt was inside out. He retrieved his boots from the floor and fixed his shirt, pulling the sleeves down to his wrists. Satisfied that he looked presentable, he made his way to the bridge.

Passing through the mess hall, Shepard saw Chief Williams pouring over a datapad. She flinched for some reason when he looked at her, then sprang to her feet and stood at attention.

"At ease, Williams."

"I'm glad to see you're okay, Commander. The crew could use some good news after what happened to Jenkins." There was no reading Williams' expression. Shepard wondered how she'd heard about Jenkins' death.

"Jenkins was a good soldier," he said noncommittally, trying not to think about Jessie and Leroy. "He'll be missed."

"Part of me feels guilty," Williams told him. "If Jenkins were still alive, if my unit were still alive, I might not be here."

"They only assign the best to the _Normandy_. You're a good soldier, Williams. You're here because you belong here." It wasn't much, but it was the best Shepard could manage through his own guilt for Jenkins' death.

Her eyes widened slightly. "Thanks, Commander. That means a lot, coming from you. I've never met anyone who was awarded the Star of Terra."

He jerked his head towards the stairs so she couldn't see the face he was making. "I've got to head up to the bridge. Walk with me?" As they moved he said, "I was just doing my job. Anyone else would have done the same."

"Held off an entire enemy platoon? Alone?" she sounded shocked he'd even imagine that someone else would have done the same. "With all due respect, Commander—"

"How're you holding up, Williams?" Shepard interrupted. "What happened down there…that can't have been easy for you."

"I've seen friends die before," she said quietly. "But my whole unit? And the civilians? And those, those husk things?" Shepard glanced at her, but her face was impassive once more. "I'll have nightmares for a while, that's for sure. But things would have been worse if you hadn't shown up. Ground-zero worse."

"Alenko and I couldn't have done it without you, Williams."

She smiled as they stepped onto the bridge. "Thanks, Commander. I'll admit…I was nervous about being assigned to the _Normandy_. It's nice when someone makes you feel welcome."

Shepard felt the corner of his mouth turn up, and met her eyes. "I think you're going to fit in here just fine, Williams." He realized that he couldn't tell if her eyes were brown or dark green. Then he caught himself; he was staring at her. "Joker! How long until we get into dock?"

"You've got good timing, Commander," the pilot responded. "I was just about to bring us in. Want to watch your tax dollars at work?"

"I hope my tax dollars aren't the ones wasted on paying your salary, Joker," Williams kidded.

"You should be so lucky," Joker shot back as the _Normandy_ cleared the relay. "I'll bet your tax dollars go to support something useless. Like the arts. Or President Huerta."

Williams had stopped listening. "Look at the size of that ship!" Excited as a kid at Christmas, she towed Shepard over to the viewport, her professionalism abandoned for a moment.

"That's the _Destiny Ascension_, Alenko called over from his seat at Joker's right hand. "The flagship of the Citadel Fleet."

"It's not so great," Joker protested. "Size isn't everything."

"Why so touchy, Joker?" Williams teased.

"I'm just saying—there're more important things than size!"

"What, like personality?" Alenko's deadpan contribution to the conversation made Shepard glance back at him for a moment. He wouldn't have guessed that the lieutenant had a sense of humor to match Joker's.

"You need firepower too," Joker said defensively.

Williams turned to stare at him. "Do you see that monster? Its main gun could rip through the hull of any ship in the Alli—"

"Joker!" Anderson's voice boomed over the comm unit, filling the room. "Page the ground team from Eden Prime. I want them suited up and ready to come with me to meet with the Ambassador."

"Aye-aye, sir." Joker glanced at Alenko, who nodded and pressed a button on the screen in front of him. "You all heard the man. Go 'suit up' or whatever and take your belittling commentary with you."

* * *

Anderson led Shepard, Alenko and Williams into Ambassador Udina's office just in time for them to witness a shouting match between humanity's representative to the Council and the hologram of the turian Councilor.

"The Council would react if the geth attack a _turian_ colony!" Udina bellowed.

"That's because we turians know better than to found colonies on the borders of the Terminus Systems," the Councilor sneered. "Humanity was well aware of the risks when you went into the Traverse."

"Even so, you can't ignore a rogue Spectre. What are you going to do about Saren? I demand action!"

"You don't get to make demands of the Council, _Ambassador!_"

"Enough!" the asari Councilor cut in, clearly fed up with the squabbling. "Citadel Security is investigating the charges against Saren. We will discuss their findings at the hearing, not before." The holograms of the Council members faded out.

Udina turned, a sour expression on his thin face. "Ah, Captain Anderson…and half your crew. How lovely."

"This is the ground team from Eden Prime, Ambassador. In case you had any questions."

"I read the mission reports. Aren't they supposed to be accurate?"

"They _are_ accurate."

"Well then," Udina snapped. "Which one is Shepard?" The commander stepped forward. "You seemed like such a promising candidate on paper. Tell me, did you go out of your way to jeopardize your candidacy for the Spectres?"

Behind him, Shepard heard Williams whisper, "He's going to be a _Spectre?_" only to be hushed by the lieutenant.

"Sounds like you got us an audience with the Council." Anderson spoke before Shepard could, trying to mollify the ambassador.

"They're not happy about any of this. Saren's their top agent. They don't like him being accused of treason."

"Ambassador, Saren's a danger to every human in the galaxy." Shepard impressed himself with his ability to keep his voice calm.

"Settle down, Commander! You're the last person I want to hear talking. The mission on Eden Prime was supposed to prove you could get the job done. Instead, Nihlus ended up dead, and the beacon was destroyed!"

The captain bristled. "That's Saren's fault, not Shepard's!"

Udina waved Anderson's protest away. "If C-Sec doesn't turn up any evidence to support our claims, the Council will use this as an excuse to keep Shepard out of the Spectres." He took a deep breath. "Come with me Captain. I have some things I want to go over before the hearing. Shepard! You and…the others meet us at the Citadel Tower. Top level. I'll make sure you have clearance to get in.

* * *

_**Author's Note:** My apologies for the lapse in updates. Once again, special thanks to Mithranir who looked this chapter over for me so it could be posted in an improved incarnation._


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten:**

**In Which Our Hero Encounters a Variety of Strangers, Nearly All of Whom Are Unpleasant**

By the time the hearing was over, Shepard wished Udina had forgotten to include the marines on the list of those authorized to enter Council chambers. The entire thing had been a disaster. First, the C-Sec investigation had been cut short, which meant there had been no new evidence to present. Then, the Council had dismissed the testimony of the dockworker who'd seen Saren shoot Nihlus. Captain Anderson had lost his temper and gotten into a fight with Saren, whose larger-than-life holographic projection had lorded confidently over the proceedings. The Spectre had insinuated that it would be a mistake to bring a human into the Spectres, which set Udina off. In desperation, Anderson brought up Shepard's 'vision;' the commander had to listen to the leaders of the galaxy mock and dissect his bad dream before dismissing it.

And then Saren had been acquitted.

A furious Udina had ordered Shepard, Alenko and Williams to further investigate Saren's guilt. He forbade Anderson from getting involved. "I don't want the Council claiming any new evidence is tainted. There's too much history between you and Saren." Shepard couldn't didn't like barring Captain Anderson from the investigation, but it was obvious that the captain wasn't unbiased when it came to Saren. He wondered what kind of history there was between the two of them.

"What about Garrus, that C-Sec investigator?" Alenko asked. "The one we heard arguing with the Executor when we came in?"

"It sounded like he was close to getting real information," Williams added. "He was asking for more time to finish his report."

"Hmm," Udina mused. "I have a contact in C-Sec who could help you find this Garrus. His name is Harkin. He's…taking some time off right now, so you'll probably find him in Chora's Den, down in the wards." At the suggestion, Captain Anderson shook his head, but didn't say anything. "Come along then, Captain. Let's leave Shepard to his investigation."

It took several unbearably long elevator rides before the three marines reached the wards. Walking the narrow corridors, Williams couldn't hide her interest. "This is so much better than the Presidium," she commented. "It feels like people actually live here. I wonder how expensive it is."

The woman Shepard asked for directions seemed surprised when he asked the way to Chora's Den. "Are you sure you don't mean Flux?" she asked with a pointed glance at Williams.

"No ma'am," Shepard answered, slightly confused. "We're looking for someone," he explained.

"Oh! I see." The woman frowned. "You don't look like C-Sec."

"We're Alliance Military."

"Of course. Chora's Den…let me see. I've never been there myself, of course, but…Follow this boardwalk past the tourist traps until you hit the lower markets. Chora's Den will be down the stairs and across the back alley."

"Sounds like a really good part of town," Alenko commented dryly.

"Why don't they have one of those informational VIs down here?" Shepard asked. "I get the feeling we're walking into something over our heads."

"You're behind the times, sir. I've known we were in over our heads since we stepped off the elevator into the Council Chambers." Williams' face was deceptively serious until she raised an eyebrow. Shepard couldn't help laughing.

They made their way through the wards, weaving steadily through the multi-species crowd. Without warning, Alenko, currently at the head of their line, came to a halt. Shepard and Williams both ran into him, nearly causing a pile-up.

"What's wrong, Alenko?" Shepard asked, as Williams demanded, "What gives, LT?"

"Look at that!" Alenko guided them over to a relatively un-crowded expanse of wall in front of one of the huge windows that offered a breathtaking view of the Citadel. "Big place," he breathed.

Williams snorted as she leaned on the wall next to him. "Is that your professional opinion, sir?"

"It's a _city_, not a station," Shepard mused. "Biggest one I've ever seen."

"What is it with men and size?" Williams muttered under her breath.

"Millions of people must live here." Alenko ignored her comment. "Can you imagine how hard it is for the Council to try and get all of them to work together?"

"No wonder they're careful with newcomers," Shepard agreed.

"Or maybe they just don't like humans." It seemed Williams was intent on being caustic.

Shepard placed his forearms on the wall next to her, slowly shifting the support of his weight to the structure. "What's not to like?" he asked playfully. "We've got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love…According to the old vids, we've got everything they want."

Williams rolled her eyes. "If you expect to get me into a tinfoil miniskirt and thigh-high boots, I want dinner first." Shepard blinked, struggling to oust the mental image her words raised as an expression of pure horror swept over the chief's face. "Uh…sir…"

"That'll be enough, Chief." Alenko didn't bother to hide his smirk.

"At ease, Lieutenant. I can't see her in a skirt anyway."

"Damn straight, you can't!" Williams grumbled, face red.

Shepard took a last look at the Citadel, and then pushed away from the wall. "Let's move, you two."

* * *

Even before they reached Chora's Den, Shepard understood why Captain Anderson had looked so offended when Udina told them to look for Harkin there. Walking through the alley, towards their destination, a shot slammed into his shields, just at eye level.

"Ambush!" Alenko yelled, ducking behind a cluster of garbage cans to push a complicated series of blinking lights on his omni-tool. After a few moments, Shepard caught the distinctive sound of a cloaking field being short-circuited.

"Good thinking, Lieutenant," he called as Williams unclipped her assault rifle and took aim. "Whoa! Slow down, Chief!" Shepard broke cover to hold her back. "Look," he ordered.

Confronted with a coordinated response, their advantage gone, the shooters were running. One cut down a side alley, the other had jumped a fence.

"With all due respect, sir, I don't think letting them get away was a good idea. I don't think it was a coincidence that they were here."

"I agree with Williams, Commander. I'll bet those were Saren's men."

Shepard stared at his companions. "You two are paranoid. Look around. This isn't exactly the Presidium. And automatic weapons in a civilian center are never a good idea." He stood up, and offered Williams a hand, which she ignored. "I can see the sign for Chora's Den from here. Let's go find Harkin."

* * *

"Out of the frying pan…" Shepard murmured. The marines stood on the threshold of Chora's Den, staring into a decidedly seedy strip club.

"I can see why this place is so popular," Alenko said. "It's got quite the…um…view…" He trailed off under Williams' withering gaze.

"Amazing," she drawled. "A million light years from where humanity began, and we walk into a bar filled with men drooling over half-naked women shaking their asses on a stage. I can't tell…is that funny or sad?"

Both marines turned to the commander, wanting him to take a side. He just raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "Watch your language, Williams."

Shepard had only been to a strip club once before, the night of his N7 graduation. The whole class had gone, all twenty of them, including Red, Spider and Mona, the three women. Of course, after they'd left the club, those three had insisted that everyone go to another nightclub with male strippers. Though the memory made Shepard smile, he avoided places like Chora's Den as a rule. In clubs like this, the dancers weren't always there by choice; some were victims of the batarian slave trade—kidnapped from colonies like Mindoir.

Shepard squared his shoulders and stepped inside to look for Harkin. Williams and Alenko followed, still bickering. "What? You don't think they're here for the food?" "Put your tongue back in your mouth before you trip on it, LT."

One good thing about their arguing, Shepard realized, was that Williams wasn't noticing—or had an excuse to ignore—the lecherous looks some of the bar's patrons were giving her. Shepard frowned at one bald man who eyed the chief with an especially repulsive leer, then recognized the man from Ambassador Udina's description: Harkin.

"Hey there soldier girl," Harkin slurred at Williams. "You look real good in that uniform of yours…How about you sit your sweet little ass down beside old Harkin? Have a drink, let's see where this goes." He smirked at Shepard and Alenko.

Williams smiled at him. "Sorry, but soldiers who have asses like mine don't drink with creeps who have faces like yours."

"You trying to hurt my feelings, princess?"

"Of course not." Williams' smile took on an edge that made Harkin hold up a defensive hand. "If I were trying to hurt you, you wouldn't have to worry about your _feelings_. Call me princess again, and I'll show you what I mean."

The man's eyes widened. "Okay, okay, just relax."

Despite Williams' handling of the situation, Harkin's casual depravity infuriated Shepard. He caught Alenko's eye. The lieutenant looked disgusted…and then shocked. Startled, Shepard realized his biotics had flared. Thankfully, the club's strobes made the flicker of blue light nearly unnoticeable. He took a breath to calm himself down. _It makes sense_, he told himself. _Who wouldn't get angry at hearing one of the soldiers under his command talked to that way?_ Shepard shook his head to clear it; he needed to focus on the mission.

"We're looking for Garrus, a C-Sec investigator." The words came out harsher than Shepard had intended, and Harkin's gaze jerked nervously to rest on the commander.

"Garrus, you say?" The smarmy smile on Harkin's thin lips raised Shepard's hackles again, though he managed to keep his biotics in check. "Garrus Vakarian? You must be part of Captain Anderson's crew. Stupid bastard's still trying to bring down Saren, huh?

"I know where Garrus is. But you've gotta tell me something first—"

"I'm not here to negotiate with you, Harkin." Shepard leaned on the grimy table, half hoping the C-Sec officer would give him an excuse to get physical.

"I just wanna know…Did Anderson let you in on his big secret?"

"Do you know where Garrus is or not?"

"Guess he didn't tell you. The captain used to be a Spectre." When Shepard didn't react, Harkin kept talking. "It was all a big secret. Very hush-hush. First human Spectre…and then he blew it! Screwed up his mission so bad they kicked him out!" Harkin's voice was gleeful. "Of course, Anderson blames Saren. Says the turian set him up."

"Just tell me where Garrus went."

"Far as I know, he was sniffing around Dr. Michel's office. She runs the med clinic on the other side of the wards."

"Thanks." The courtesy fell reflexively out of Shepard's mouth before he could stop it. Exasperated with himself, he stormed out of the bar, not stopping until he was standing in the dingy alleyway outside.

"You all right, Commander?" Alenko asked quietly.

"I'm fine." Shepard looked down. It was mortifying to have lost control like that, but it was worse that a subordinate had noticed.

"How about you, Chief?" Hearing Alenko question the chief made Shepard feel a little better. Evidently, the lieutenant intended to play big brother to the entire team.

"I feel like I need to shower, but other than that, I'm good." Williams' voice was light. "I can't believe Captain Anderson used to be a Spectre," she added thoughtfully.

"Harkin's an ass," Alenko told her. "He was probably just trying to jerk the commander's chain."

Shepard nodded. "Language, Lieutenant. But you're probably right. In any case, there's no reason to bring it up to Anderson." He sighed. "Let's go find this clinic. Hopefully, Garrus will still be there."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

**In Which Our Hero Assembles a Team**

"My God," Shepard murmured, "this place is insane." He was standing over the body of an assassin sent by Saren to eliminate a young quarian girl unlucky enough to have found evidence proving the rogue Spectre was working with the geth.

* * *

For all its proximity to C-Sec headquarters, the clinic Harkin had directed them to was located in a section of the wards that made Shepard wonder what kind of patients Dr. Michel usually treated. When the door to the clinic slid open, the commander had wanted to groan at the clichéd nature of the scene playing out.

A trio of brutish-looking men had had their guns trained on a frightened woman, Dr. Michel, who tearfully promised that she hadn't told Garrus anything. When the marines entered, the leader had tried to use the woman as a shield, only to be brought down by a headshot fired by Garrus. The turian had snuck into the office, waiting for a chance to rescue the doctor. Shepard, Alenko and Williams had made quick work of the other thugs.

Dr. Michel had explained that the men worked for Fist, the petty gangster who ran Chora's Den. A few days earlier, the doctor had treated a quarian with a gunshot wound. The girl had asked about the Shadow Broker, the galaxy's most powerful information broker, wanting to trade information for protection. Dr. Michel had put the quarian in contact with Fist, one of the Shadow Broker's agents.

"No," Garrus had interrupted. "Fist doesn't work for the Shadow Broker anymore. Now he works for Saren. This quarian must have something Saren wants."

"Her information had something to do with the geth," Dr. Michel had told them.

"Finally! Evidence the Council won't be able to ignore! Shepard, I know you're the one running things, but I want to take Saren down as much as you do. I'm coming with you." There had been a fire in Garrus' small eyes that Shepard hadn't been able to say no to.

As they had left the clinic, Garrus had been eager to prove himself useful. "You know, we aren't the only ones after Fist. The Shadow Broker hired a krogan bounty hunter named Wrex to take him out."

"We know," Williams had piped up. "We saw him in the bar."

"We did?" Shepard hadn't noticed the krogan.

Williams had looked at him askance. "He was arguing with a couple of the bouncers right by Harkin's table."

"A krogan could come in handy." No one had pressed the subject of Shepard's inattentiveness, and the four of them had made their way to C-Sec headquarters, where Wrex had been taken for 'questioning.' When they arrived in C-Sec, the krogan had been arguing with an officer. Impatient at first, he'd eventually agreed to join Shepard's group when they returned to Chora's Den.

The club had been empty when they returned, making all five instantly suspicious. Sure enough, the back rooms had been thick with mercenaries. Even so, Wrex's presence had secured them quick access to Fist. Confronted with so many guns, the man had proven delightfully cooperative, although he quickly revealed himself to be without morals, admitting that he'd sent the quarian away after assuring her she'd be meeting with the Shadow Broker directly, then had alerted some of Saren's followers on the Citadel.

"They're supposed to be meeting now. In the wards. Back alley behind the lower markets. You might make it if you hurry," Fist had told them as he cringed away from the angry expression on Shepard's face. As soon as he stopped talking, Wrex had shot the man in the chest, killing him.

"The Shadow Broker paid me to kill him," the krogan was unfazed when every gun in the room had jumped to train on him. "I don't leave jobs undone."

"And I don't kill unarmed prisoners!"

"It's done now. You want to argue about it, or do you want to save that quarian?"

* * *

They had made it in time—barely. Shepard turned to the quarian now, taking in her environmental suit, her defensive stance, and the fact that she hadn't yet holstered her pistol.

"Fist set me up!" Filtered through her suit, the quarian's voice had a metallic quality. "I knew I couldn't trust him." Shepard wondered if she was talking to him or to herself.

"Are you all right? Were you hurt in the fight?"

"I know how to look after myself," the quarian's piqued tone of voice made Shepard want to laugh. She sounded like a defiant teenager. "I appreciate your help though," she admitted grudgingly. "Who are you?"

"Commander Shepard, with the Alliance. I'm looking for evidence that Saren's a traitor."

The quarian relaxed. "My name is Tali. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. If you're looking for evidence on Saren, it looks like I might be able to repay you for saving my life. But we should go somewhere safe."

"The ambassador's office," Alenko suggested. "It'll be safe there, and he'll want to hear this anyway."

* * *

Ashley thought the administrative assistant for the embassies had looked skeptical of the motley band following Shepard, but the asari waved them on after Udina told her to "Just give Shepard and his companions full access, so I don't have to be bothered with this again!"

When they entered the ambassador's office opened, Udina's back was to the door. "You're not making my life easy, Shepard! Firefights in the wards? An all-out assault on Chora's Den? Do you know how many—" The ambassador stopped talking when he turned and found himself faced with not only the Alliance marines he'd been expecting, but an intense-looking turian, scarred krogan, and young quarian. "What the hell is this, Shepard? This is my office, not a refugee camp!"

The commander's shoulders pulled back slightly into the stance Ashley was beginning to recognize meant he was angry, but wasn't going to let it show. She admired his restraint, wishing she could keep her cool like that.

Udina's eyes locked on Tali'Zorah, perhaps because quarians, unlike turians or krogan, were a rare sight on the Citadel. "A quarian? What are you up to, Shepard?"

"Making your day, Ambassador. She has information linking Saren to the geth."

"Really?" Udina sounded doubtful. "Let's have it then, Miss...?"

"Tali'Zorah nar Rayya." The skepticism in Tali'Zorah's voice matched the Ambassador's, but she related the story of how she'd acquired the evidence. She had left her home in the quarian Migrant Fleet to complete her Pilgrimage, a quarian rite of passage. (At this point, Shepard had interrupted, asking questions about the Pilgrimage and quarian life in general before Udina snapped at him). Hearing rumors of geth venturing beyond the Perseus Veil had made her curious; as a quarian, a descendant of the people who had created the geth before the synthetics staged an uprising, Tali'Zorah wanted to bring information on this change in behavior back to the Fleet. Eventually, she'd managed to retrieve a small amount of data from one's audio banks. She played the file.

"Eden Prime was a major victory," Saren's smug words grated against Ashley's ears. "The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit."

The expression on Captain Anderson's face was rapturous. "Ha! Finally! This proves he was involved in the attack!"

"There's more," Tali'Zorah cut in. "Saren wasn't working alone." An unfamiliar female voice emanated from the omni-tool. "And one step closer to the return of the Reapers."

"I don't recognize that voice, the one talking about the Reapers." Ambassador Udina's voice had lost its sharp edge, blunted by the reality of evidence the Council couldn't ignore.

"According to what I salvaged from the memory core, the geth believe the Reapers are a hyper-advanced machine race, synthetic, well, 'gods,' for lack of a better term, that existed fifty thousand years ago. They also believe that the Reapers hunted the Protheans to extinction and then vanished…but that Saren can bring them back."

Shepard put a hand to his head. "That vision on Eden Prime. It makes sense now. I didn't see the geth, I saw the Reapers wiping out the Protheans!"

At the mention of the vision, Udina's expression curdled. "The Council is just going to love this!"

"No matter what they think about the rest of this, those audio files prove Saren's a traitor." Captain Anderson was not going to let the conversation stray too far off topic.

Udina looked at the clock on the wall. "But we won't be able to meet with the Council until tomorrow. Damn it!"

"What about her, the quarian?" Garrus asked.

"I have a name, you know!" Tali'Zorah turned to Shepard. "You saw me in the alley, Commander," she wheedled. "You know what I can do. Let me come with you!"

Shepard brightened as he turned away from Udina and looked at Tali'Zorah. "I thought you were on your Pilgrimage."

The quarian waved a hand in exasperation. "The Pilgrimage shows that we are willing to give of ourselves for the greater good. What does it say about me if I turn my back on this?"

Shepard glanced at Captain Anderson, who shrugged. "All right, Tali'Zorah. I'll take all the help I can get."

"Thanks! You won't regret this."

The ambassador had been tapping frantically away at his computer during this exchange. "Anderson! I need you to come with me to the Tower to set things up. Shepard, I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

_Author's Note: Yet again, I extend humble thanks to Mithranir for his suggestions. And of course all my best to my readers/reviewers._


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

**In Which There is a 'Complicated' Analogy**

Ashley noted with amusement that everyone relaxed when Udina left the room. Although it was hard to tell with the krogan.

Shepard looked over the non-marines he'd acquired over the course of the day. "Do you all have a place to stay?" he asked. Garrus nodded, but Wrex and Tali'Zorah said nothing. "Well," the commander told them, "I'd like to offer you the _Normandy's_ hospitality for as long as you want it. You too, Garrus." The turian looked at Shepard thoughtfully, before nodding again. "Great. Let's go then."

They were passing through the lower markets when Shepard came to an abrupt halt. The others stopped behind him, unsure what was going on. "There was an errand I wanted to run," he explained. "Alenko, Williams, would you get everyone to the ship? I'll catch up soon." He nodded to make it clear that he'd given an order, and walked away.

"I wonder what kind of errand he had," Tali'Zorah remarked conversationally.

"Not my place to wonder about what the commander does off-duty," Ashley replied. She was curious though. It had to be something personal; he could have dragged everyone along on a trip for weapons or armor or supplies for the ship. Some quick shopping didn't seem like a bad idea. All of her things were on Eden Prime. It would be nice to have a pair of socks that weren't Alliance issue, or to have something to read.

Telling the requisitions officer that he had to find room for three new crewmembers, two of whom were well over six feet tall, was not a pleasant experience. For all that he seemed like a relatively relaxed individual when things proceeded according to plan, the man appeared deathly allergic to spontaneity. Ashley supposed he'd joined the Alliance in order to have a routine to adhere to. He must have hated the _Normandy_.

She ate in relative solitude. Although it was impossible to be alone on a ship as small as the _Normandy_, the only people she knew: Alenko, Shepard, and Joker, were MIA. Despite the ship's being in dock, Joker insisted on remaining in the cockpit at all times, the commander was still (she assumed) off running errands, and Alenko had said something about a migraine and gone to his sleeper pod as soon as his duties had been squared away. So Ashley found herself sitting at the end of one of the mess hall tables, carefully not looking up when the turian, krogan and quarian came onto the crew deck. Outnumbered by humans, the three aliens had packed together, and Ashley didn't want to be drawn into their group. She had enough to do fitting in on her own, thanks.

Trying not to feel guilty, she headed to her sleeper pod. She hadn't had a full night's sleep since Eden Prime.

Thanks to the sedatives pumped into her pod, Ashley had no trouble falling asleep. Staying asleep was another matter. To her dismay, she discovered that the drugs dispensed only once a watch, a safety precaution to prevent dependence and ensure a ship under attack could easily rouse sleeping crewmembers. She barely felt rested, but couldn't get back to sleep. Sighing, she decided to try a shower—maybe it would calm her enough that she could fall asleep again.

* * *

Unfortunately, the shower only more fully rooted Ashley in the realm of the conscious. Resigned, she stowed her things in her locker and took her datapad to the mess, planning to learn all she could about the _Normandy_ and its crew.

She'd expected the mess to be empty. Instead, Shepard was there, his feet propped on a chair, several empty wrappers from protein bars scattered on the table beside him. His back was to Ashley as she came in, but the noise of her approach made him look up, startled.

"I wouldn't have pegged you for a fellow insomniac, Williams."

She scowled. "Normally, I'm not, Commander. But lately…"

"Yeah, I think everyone's having a harder time getting to sleep with Saren out there."

"I didn't mean to interrupt you, sir. Don't let me bother you."

"You're not bothering me. To be honest, it's nice to have someone to talk with. Normally I just wait for everyone else to show up so the day can start." He gestured to the seat across from him. "If you stay, who knows? I may even share a protein bar with you."

"You don't think you've had enough already? Those things are supposed to be a meal substitute, aren't they? From the looks of it, you may never need to eat again."

"Are you implying that I'm fat?"

His comment surprised a laugh out of Ashley. "No, sir."

"Well then." He tossed her a bar. "I guess you can stay." She sat at the table, noticing that he'd been reading. Not doing work, not staring into space, but reading. "So tell me," he asked, "other than tired, how are you?"

"Actually, Commander, I wanted to ask you something." The tone of her voice made it clear that she was putting an end to their friendly chat. Shepard sat up, planting his feet on the floor, and gazed at her seriously.

"Go ahead, Williams."

She took a deep breath. "Okay, here it goes. I know I've been groundside for most of my career, sir, and I know that things are different on the _Normandy_, but, ah, I'm concerned about the aliens. Vakarian and Wrex mostly. Should they really have full access to the ship?"

Level blue eyes studied her for a long moment. "They're not Alliance, but they're allies. At least as far as Saren goes."

"Sir, the _Normandy_ is the most advanced ship the Alliance has. I don't think they should be left alone to poke around in the vital systems. Engines, sensors…_weapons!_"

Shepard frowned. "You don't trust the Alliance's allies?"

"I'm not sure I'd call the Council races allies." His faint expression of surprise was enough to tell her she'd made a mistake. _You weren't even stationed on a ship for two days before you managed to blow it with the XO. Oh well, might as well get it all out_. "Humanity needs to learn to rely on itself."

"Standing up for ourselves doesn't mean standing alone." There was no reading the commander's face.

"I'm not saying we should turn away allies. I'm just saying we shouldn't bet everything on them staying allies. If the Council's back is to the wall, they'll abandon us."

"You've got a pessimistic view of the universe, Williams."

"With all due respect, Commander, a pessimist is what an optimist calls a realist." He gave a half-smile at that, emboldening her enough to press on. "Look, if you're fighting a bear and the only way for you to survive is to sic your dog on it and run, you'll do it. As much as you love your dog, it's not human.

"I don't think it's racism, not really. Just…members of their own species will always be more important to them than humans are."

"You've given this a lot of thought. Can I ask why you feel this way?"

She scrambled to think of an explanation that was mostly truth but that wouldn't leave him questioning her 'emotional fitness for high-stress situations.' "My family's defended the Alliance since it was founded. My father, grandfather, great-grandmother…they all picked up a rifle and swore the oath of service." Ashley shrugged. "I guess we just tend to think of Earth's interests as our own."

Shepard traced the scar on his nose. "It doesn't sound like you've worked with aliens before," he said, finally.

"No, sir. Like I said, I've been mostly in groundside garrisons. But I'm ZG certified."

Her response made him frown. He stared directly at her. "That's odd. Anderson let me look over your file. Your record's spotless, and your technical scores are the best I've seen. You should've been with the fleet." She said nothing, hoping he'd drop the subject. "I grew up a homesteader in the colonies, but I've bounced around the Alliance a bit. Any chance I might've run into one of your family members? Probably not your great-grandmother, but…"

"I couldn't say, Commander." _Please, just drop it!_ "So…why'd you join the Alliance? Didn't want to stay on the home colony and be a farm boy your whole life?"

Shepard pulled his shoulders back and crossed his arms, right over left, tucking his scars out of view. Ashley wondered what nerve she'd hit, and how quickly Shepard was going to write her up. Then his tension eased. "I was kind of a dumb kid; the Alliance gave me something to belong to. Something bigger than myself to care about. Plus, the future of humanity is out here. There's so much we haven't seen yet!" The eagerness in his voice made her smile.

"Yeah, I still remember my first field exercise on Titan. When we landed, I just stood there, thinking 'I'm the first person who's ever stood here.' Then my drill instructor kicked me in the ass. I got a face-full of mud and a ten-minute chewing out for," the word still made her roll her eyes, "goldbricking."

A full smile eased over Shepard's face at Ashley's words, fitting him better than any other expression she'd seen him wear. "Don't tell me you had Gunny Ellison! He's the only person in Council space who uses that word!"

Ashley's smile matched the commander's. "You went to the Macapá boot camp too? Yeah, Ellison's still there, screaming at recruits and using words with more syllables than meaning."

Shepard laughed. "That sounds like him…All right, Williams, I get where you're coming from. And I appreciate your honesty. But, like it or not, it looks like going after Saren is going to be a multilateral mission. Even if it's not, while you're on the _Normandy_, chances are high that you're going to have to work with aliens, like it or not."

"It won't be a problem, Commander," Ashley promised. He was still beaming that bright smile at her and she spoke without thinking. "You say 'jump,' I ask 'how high.' You tell me to kiss a turian, I ask which cheek."

"Would you kiss anyone I told you to?" From the blush on the commander's face after the words left his mouth, he hadn't meant to ask that question. She smiled. The implication was flattering, and his obvious embarrassment made Ashley feel a bit better about the 'tinfoil miniskirt' comment she'd made earlier in the wards.

"That depends, sir. For example, if you ordered me to kiss a superior officer, that would be a violation of the regs regarding fraternization. I'd be forced to decline and relieve you of command…sir."

* * *

"Hey!" Garrus' voice rang out from the kitchenette. "I can actually eat this!" The turian came into the mess holding a packet of nutrient paste. "I could have sworn there wasn't dextro-safe food here last night." He sat down next to the commander.

"There wasn't," Shepard mumbled. "That's one of the things I picked up last night."

"Really?" Garrus asked. "Well, thank you, Commander. If you don't mind my asking, what else did you get? Besides food, I mean. Tali'Zorah and I were wondering."

Shepard showed Garrus his book. "_My Antonia_."

"_My Antonia?_" the turian repeated. "What's an Antonia? My translator doesn't have that word."

"It's a name," Ashley told him.

"Ah. Is the book any good?"

"One of my father's favorites," Shepard said. "He started to read it to me, but we never finished."

"My father only reads the newspaper," Garrus commented. "And he won't even read that unless he misses the evening news vids."

"My mother was like that. About reading, not about the news. But then, she really didn't have much interest in words that weren't set to music. She was a piano teacher," he explained.

"What's a piano?"

"It's a musical instrument. It works on the same principles as a harp, but with keys that you press to play it."

"I see. Thank you, Chief Williams."

Ashley caught Shepard's eye. He looked away quickly, but not before she saw the approval on his face. She could almost hear his thoughts: See? Garrus isn't so bad.

As the crew began to wake up, the mess slowly started to fill. Ashley couldn't help noticing that none of the crewmembers seemed inclined to join their small group. Listening to the commander and Garrus argue over the turian's dismissal of _My Antonia_ as frivolous once he realized the book was fiction, she didn't mind as much as she had last night.

It was amazing that she felt so good after so little sleep…and she hadn't even had coffee yet. Smiling, Ashley unwrapped her protein bar. They had an early meeting with the Council, and Saren was going to get what was coming to him. It was going to be a good day.

* * *

_Author's Note: Sorry about the missed update. Ironically, I also put a poll up on my profile asking how the update schedule is working for all of you. Thanks for taking the time to read!_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen:**

**In Which Our Hero Recoups From a Frustrating Day**

_There is no way today could have been any worse_, Shepard thought as he stared at the wall of his cabin. He'd been unable to sleep again last night, despite the comfortable confinement of his sleeper pod. Images from the beacon had melted into his memories of Eden Prime, intensifying his guilt over Jenkins' death and making sleep impossible. He'd tried to read, but _My Antonia_ had called up memories of his father and depressed him. When Chief Williams came into the mess, he'd hoped for an informal conversation, but she had only wanted to hear his reasons for not guarding the Alliance's secrets more closely. And then he made that incredibly clumsy comment…Shepard couldn't blame her for shutting him down completely. She was nice about it, making it a joke, but he'd felt humiliated anyway. Garrus' interruption of their one-on-one conversation had been welcome.

Then, the squad had set off for the meeting with the Council, only to find out that Udina hadn't gotten clearance for any of the non-Alliance personnel to attend the hearing. And no, Shepard, he wasn't going to waste any more favors to get clearance for those aliens. Despite all their help in bringing the evidence before the Council, Garrus, Wrex and Tali'Zorah had had to stay behind in a waiting room.

The hearing had disappointed as well. Although the Council could no longer deny that Saren was a traitor, they would not take the threat of the Reapers seriously. And they had refused to send in the Council fleet to secure the Traverse. Instead, they'd made Shepard a Spectre and told him to go after Saren. No instructions, no help, just "Sic 'im, boy!" Everyone had seemed to think he should feel honored, and he did. But he wasn't grateful.

To top it all off, Anderson had been relieved of command of the _Normandy_. "You needed a ship," the captain had told a frustrated Shepard. "A Spectre can't answer to anyone but the Council." So Anderson, the only friend Shepard had had on the ship, was gone.

Ambassador Udina had found Shepard three possible sources of information on Saren. The asari Councilor had recognized the female voice on Tali's recording as belonging to Matriarch Benezia, a respected asari elder who was seemingly allied with Saren. The Matriarch had a daughter, Dr. Liara T'Soni, a Prothean expert. Udina thought the doctor might be able to shed light on both the nature of her mother's actions and the nature of the Conduit. There had been reports of geth sightings on Noveria, a research planet owned by the Noveria Development Corporation. And the Alliance colony in the Feros system had dropped out of contact just after reporting the presence of geth ships.

So now, Joker was piloting the _Normandy_ towards Feros. Dr. T'Soni and her archeological dig would keep, and after reading about Noveria, Shepard had little desire to visit that planet. Udina had made it plain that no Alliance rapid response teams were going to help the Feros colony. It was all on the human Spectre.

It was all Shepard could do to keep from punching something in frustration. Though now that he thought about it…

Shepard hastily changed out of his uniform, pulling on a pair of exercise shorts and a shirt that had seen better days. Certain that there would hardly be anyone around at this hour, he made his way to the closet that served as the _Normandy's_ gym. The room was as sparse as it was tiny, but a heavy punching bag hung in one corner, and that was all Shepard wanted.

He didn't have gloves, but an instant of concentration brought up a biotic barrier around each hand. _Much_ better than gloves or hand wraps. He swung at the bag in combinations he only half remembered. It forced his mind to focus on the action. No duties, no aliens, no geth, no beacon, no memories. Just motion, over and over until his arms began to ache. The high from his endorphins buoyed him until he caught sight of the clock on the wall. _Barely two hours!_

He'd hoped more time had passed. The prospect of falling asleep was frightening. Shepard wasn't sure he could handle another bout of nightmares. He frowned and wiped his sweaty face on his shirt. _What do I do?_

At least he could take a shower. The CO's cabin had its own bathroom; he might as well take advantage of the luxury. He turned towards the door, then stopped, surprised.

"What are you doing up?" he asked. Tali'Zorah was standing in the doorway, managing to look forlorn despite her nearly opaque mask.

"I couldn't sleep. The _Normandy_ runs so quietly. It's keeping me awake."

"Wait. It's too quiet for you to sleep?"

"At home, on the Flotilla, the last thing you want to hear is silence. None of our ships are like the _Normandy_. They're…older. If things are quiet, it usually means something important has broken."

Shepard considered this as he sat on the floor. "That makes sense, I guess."

"Why are you awake, Commander?" Tali'Zorah entered the gym and sat beside him.

"Oh, you know. Spectres don't need sleep."

"You don't have to tell me." Tali'Zorah sounded slightly putout at the commander's failure to be serious.

"No, really," he insisted, "Spectres don't need sleep. The Council has these, uh, they're like implants. Feed a continual stream of adrenaline into the bloodstream. It's why Spectres seem like super-soldiers. I got mine from the C-Sec requisitions officer before we left." He watched her closely, trying to figure out if she was buying his story.

"You must not think I'm very bright."

"You _are_ the one who can't sleep because it's too quiet."

"I _told_ you, Commander, the _reason_ I don't like the quiet—"

"I was only teasing you, Tali'Zorah."

"Tali," she corrected.

"Tali," he agreed. "I'm sorry, Tali. I won't do it again."

"No, it's all right."

"You must be an only child. Otherwise you wouldn't be so sensitive."

"I am _not_ being—" Tali broke off when she saw Shepard's smirk. "Oh, very funny."

"Aren't I?"

They sat in silence for a little while.

"So why can't you sleep, really?" Tali asked.

"You honestly want to know?" She nodded. "I'm, uh, afraid."

The bright spots behind her mask that Shepard assumed were Tali's eyes narrowed. "Fine, don't tell me!"

"No, Tali, I'm serious. I—you don't really want to hear this, do you?"

"Not if you don't want to tell me."

"I don't mind. But fair warning, it's a long story."

"Do I look like I have something better to do?"

Shepard smiled at that. "I guess not." He took a breath. "Okay, here goes.

"I grew up on Mindoir, one of the Alliance's colonies in the Traverse. My family owned a farm…we had a few space cows that we raised for meat animals, and couple for milk. We lived a couple miles outside of the local town, which was barely a town…it was quiet. Old-fashioned. I loved all that open space, but half the time I—well. Didn't realize how good I had it.

"When I was sixteen, there was an attack. Batarian slavers. It was huge. Everyone from my hometown who didn't die was taken, except me. I think they thought I was dead already. My parents died, and maybe my sister did, too. I don't think she did, but I'm not sure. Some days I hope she's still alive, but some days I hope she's not. I know, it sounds terrible, but…I've seen the slaves they rescue from the batarians. I don't want Willa to have suffered like that.

"Anyway, the colony was attacked. Everyone I ever knew, gone. For a long time after that, I had bad nightmares about it. I still do, occasionally. Lately though, I can't close my eyes without those visions from the beacon mixing with the memory of every battlefield I've ever been on, and making the nightmares even worse. I don't want to tell Dr. Chakwas, because I know she'll want to make me start taking sleep aids again. I…had a hard time getting off sleep aids when I was younger. Not to mention, Chakwas will feel sorry for me. But I can't fall asleep and see all that." He cocked an eyebrow at her. "Told you it was long. You still awake?"

"I'm still awake." Tali hesitated. "Sometimes on the Flotilla, we get these virus outbreaks. Quarians have weak immune systems, you know." She plucked at the sleeve of her enviro-suit. "A few years back, there was one, not even really a bad one compared to some of them. I was seventeen…my mother died. Not that it's the same as—What you went through must have been—"

"It's the worst, isn't it?" Shepard interrupted. "You have nightmares?"

"Sometimes I think that this is the nightmare, and I'll eventually wake up and she won't be dead anymore."

"That would be nice, wouldn't it? If we woke up tomorrow and your mother was alive, and Mindoir had never been attacked?"

"No Saren, either."

"Good point. I'd love it if he just disappeared. Make my job easier. Of course, I wouldn't have a job if this was just a dream." He made a face. "I'd have school. Maybe this is better after all."

Tali chuckled. "Maybe." She made an odd hissing noise.

"Don't tell me that was a yawn. You're not going soft on me, are you?"

"I'm sorry Commander," Tali yawned again. "I just—"

"See, this is what I was always telling people…just _mentioning_ school is enough to put you to sleep." Shepard stood and offered Tali a hand. "Get some sleep, Tali."

"I will if you will," she yawned.

"I'll try."

Despite his promise to Tali, Shepard couldn't bring himself to go to bed. Instead, he sat at his desk reading over the ExoGeni Corporation's initial application for Feros colony rights, trying to figure out why the geth would target such a remote outpost. His last conscious thought was, _Why do they __**ever**__ pick the out-of-the-way colonies?_

_

* * *

_

A timid hand on his shoulder shook him awake. "Commander?" Shepard jerked his head up and locked eyes with an ensign. She immediately jumped away from him to stand at attention. "I'm sorry sir. XO Pressly sent me. We're about six hours from Feros. You haven't been on deck since yesterday, and Pressly was worried…"

"At ease…it's Ensign Draven, isn't it?"

"Yes sir."

"Tell Pressly that I'm fine. And could you ask Lieutenant Alenko, Chief Williams, and the non-Alliance crew members to meet me in the comm room in an hour?"

"Yes sir."

"Thank you, Draven. Dismissed."

She hurried out of the cabin. Shepard watched her go, thinking it was good that his 'open door policy' was a bit more literal than Anderson's had been. In all honesty, he hadn't planned on leaving the ID locks unrestricted, but it seemed that maybe he'd better. If the _Normandy_ really was only six hours away from Feros, he couldn't blame Pressly for worrying. He must have slept for nearly a full solar day. Well, he felt much better, if a bit stiff.

He hurried to shower and change. It would look bad if he was late to his first mission briefing.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

**In Which Our Hero's Quest Finally Begins**

Excited for her first mission briefing, Ashley arrived in the comm room early. She was surprised to find Lieutenant Alenko already there, studying his datapad. He looked up when she came in and gestured to the seat next to him.

"Why am I not surprised to see you here so early?" Alenko smiled as she sat.

"Probably because I'm the FNG? I don't want to mess up, sir."

"You're not that much newer to the _Normandy_ than the rest of us, and you've been here longer than Garrus, Wrex or Tali. I've seen your record, Chief, and you're a first-rate marine. No chance you'll mess up. So who're you trying to impress?"

_Everyone_. "No one." She smirked. "Who're you trying to impress, sir? You were here before I was."

"Call me Kaidan. I hear 'sir' these days and I look for Shepard. And I'm not trying to impress anyone either. I just don't like being late."

They chatted companionably until the door to the comm room slid open and Wrex walked in. He eyed both Kaidan and Ashley before settling into a chair on the other side of the room. Ashley noticed that the krogan had picked a spot where his back was to the wall and he could face the door.

Everyone sat in silence. Ashley concentrated very hard on not staring at Wrex.

"So, Wrex," Kaidan asked awkwardly, "what do you think is happening on Feros?"

The krogan shrugged his massive shoulders. "Don't care, as long it's something I can shoot. This ship is too small." He looked around the comm room. "Didn't know it would take so long to get where we're going. I'm getting restless."

The two humans exchanged quick, nervous glances.

"—and then he just looked at me and told me he expected me to do it perfectly next time!" Garrus gesticulated wildly as he entered, in the middle of a conversation with Tali'Zorah. They took seats on the same side of the room as Wrex, but far away from him.

"My father is very similar…I sometimes have to remind myself that I should be proud he sets such high standards for me. He wouldn't if he didn't think I couldn't meet them."

"You have a point, I suppose. Still—"

The door hissed open again, and Commander Shepard came in. He took a quick glance around the room, taking in how they had all arranged themselves, the wide space around Wrex. While he studied the room, Ashley studied the commander. He looked good, she realized. The circles under his eyes were gone; he moved with more energy. His shoulders were rolled forwards in a relaxed stance, that careless slouch unique to men with well-muscled arms. Scars or no, she found herself feeling appreciative that he'd worn short sleeves.

Shepard took the empty chair next to Kaidan and outlined the circumstances on Feros. There wasn't much information, but the colonists there had sighted geth before dropping out of contact. Chances were good that the colony had been attacked. Even so, Shepard explained, he was only going to bring Kaidan and Ashley ashore with him when they reached the planet. Feros was a remote human outpost, and the colonists there were already under stress. He didn't want to risk triggering an incident by bringing non-Alliance crewmembers. Once he had a better understanding of the situation, he'd make ground crew changes as necessary.

"Why the hell am I even here if you don't want me to fight, Shepard?" Wrex spoke slowly, his red eyes locked on the commander. There was no way to tell how Tali'Zorah felt about being left behind; Garrus' mandibles had flared in frustration, but he'd stayed silent.

"You're staying behind because that's the decision I made as commanding officer on the _Normandy_. If I tell you to stay on the ship until we bring in Saren's great-grandmother, you do it." Shepard's voice was disinterested, but he leaned forwards, not shying away from Wrex's challenge.

Whatever Wrex was looking for, he seemed to see it in Shepard's face, because he shrugged suddenly, and leaned back in his chair. "Fine by me, Shepard."

"Glad to hear it. The rest of you, dismissed."

* * *

"It took you long enough to get here, didn't it?" The colonist snapping at Commander Shepard wore light armor, the cheap kind designed for security guards. She looked filthy and exhausted. Ashley guessed the woman hadn't slept since the geth arrived on Feros.

"Arcelia!" Fai Dan, the man in charge of the Zhu's Hope outpost reddened in embarrassment. "None of this is the commander's fault. He's here to help. I'm sorry, Commander, everyone's been on edge since—"

A barrage of shots hit Shepard's shields.

"We've got geth in the tower!" Arcelia shouted, rather unnecessarily, Ashley thought.

"Protect the heart of the colony!" Fai Dan and Arcelia fell back towards the damaged ship where survivors were huddling. Shepard took a moment to look after them.

"Looks like we're on our own," he said.

"Civilians," Ashley murmured in disgust.

Together the three marines dispatched the geth troopers making their way through the Prothean ruins the colony was built on. Thankfully, the geth had to navigate down a narrow stairway, making it easy to pick them off one by one.

"That wasn't so bad," Kaidan commented.

Shepard shook his head. "There've got to be more on their way. We'd better take them all out. Those colonists won't stand a chance otherwise." He charged up the stairs, shotgun in hand.

Sure enough, more geth were waiting at the top of the stairs. They'd killed the colonists' scout moments before Shepard reached him. Ashley watched as the commander suddenly glowed blue and slammed the synthetics responsible against a wall with his biotics, just as he had on Eden Prime. The geth fell and didn't get back up. Shepard took a moment to check the colonist, making sure he was actually dead before moving on.

"This way."

Ashley wasn't sure how long they kept moving and fighting. Eventually, they reached a huge, roofless room swarming with geth troopers. Just when she'd thought they'd cleared the area, a drop ship swooped in, leaking geth armed with rocket launchers. _Oh, this is just great_.

"Stand back," Kaidan commanded her. His omni-tool glowed, and suddenly the geth's kinetic shields went down.

"Thanks, LT," she grinned, taking advantage of the enemy's sudden vulnerability.

He didn't respond. On the other side of the room, Shepard was struggling with a huge geth, at least eight feet tall. The AI was blasting away at the pillar the commander had sheltered behind. Kaidan ran to help, his biotics flaring as he launched the monster geth into the air. Ashley dispatched the last trooper and swung her rifle around, helping Kaidan riddle the machine with bullets. As it fell lifeless to the ground, the drop ship retreated. Watching it go, Ashley grinned. "That's right, you'd better run!" she taunted.

"Shepard's been hit!" Kaidan called to her.

"I'm fine, Lieutenant." Shepard rose shakily to his feet. There was blood on his armor, sluggishly leaking from a gash in his cheek. "Overgrown vid player got a lucky shot in. I already slapped medi-gel on it. I am _fine_." He batted Kaidan away. "Let's get back to the colonists."

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Arcelia refused to express any gratitude for their efforts, and though Fai Dan proved more appreciative, he hinted that the commander should help the colonists get Zhu's Hope functional again. Their water and power supplies were offline, and they were running low on food. Shepard said something about bringing in supplies from the _Normandy_, but Fai Dan rejected the offer, sounding almost offended.

"We should really find out what the geth are after, Commander." For such a nice person, Kaidan's adherence to the mission objectives certainly made him seem insensitive at times. "We can help out when we've done that."

"You've only cleared out this wave of geth." Arcelia broke in. "They'll be back. They always come back."

"They do?" Shepard asked.

Fai Dan nodded. "One of our scouts told us that they've got some kind of transmitter down in the tunnels," he explained. "The damn machines can coordinate their attacks. If we could take it out, they wouldn't be able to anymore."

Shepard nodded absently, running a hand over his hair. Thinking that Feros would prove relatively quiet, he'd opted to leave his helmet on the _Normandy_. "Food, water, power, transmitter," he murmured to himself. Ashley knew what his next words would be before he spoke. "We're heading to the tunnels."

* * *

"Nothing personal, Commander, but I hate you a little right now." The varren that had bitten Kaidan hadn't managed to break through his armor, but he could feel his leg bruising. Ashley had had to club the thing off of him.

"Who even eats varren meat anyway?" she asked now.

"People without anything else," Shepard replied. Ashley looked a little embarrassed. _Poor kid_. Her need to prove she belonged on the _Normandy _was plain to Kaidan. He'd been surprised that such a talented soldier had so little confidence, and he was doing his best to encourage her.

"Food, water," Shepared murmured, moving away from Kaidan and Ashley to examine an abandoned rover. The vehicle looked as old as the ruins they were slogging through. "Food, water," the commander said again. "Food, water…power!" He pulled a set of obsolete power cells from under the rover's hood.

Kaidan blinked in surprise at the delighted expression on Shepard's face. Personally, Kaidan thought their time would be better spent focusing on the geth, but the commander was determined not to leave Zhu's Hope without getting the colony back on track. They'd already taken out nearly a dozen geth so that the valves controlling the colony's water supply could be reopened. The varren that had bitten Kaidan had been a rabid alpha preventing the colonists from hunting. And now, it seemed that Shepard had found power cells that might be compatible with the antiquated generator Kaidan had noticed when they first arrived in the colony.

"Do you think these will work?" Shepard asked. Kaidan had to admit that it was gratifying the way Shepard deferred to his technical expertise. The commander knew his own limits, didn't pretend to be an expert in everything. The man was a good officer, his impractical need to save everyone aside. Shepard would learn soon enough. It wasn't possible to keep everyone safe. Kaidan knew from experience.

"Yes, sir. Those look like they'll work with the colonists' generator."

"Great. Food, water, power…all we've got to do is shut down that transmitter and we can get out of this Prothean excuse for a rabbit-warren." He glanced at Alenko, concern flickering in his blue eyes. "You all right to move, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, sir."

Disabling the transmitter proved more difficult than anticipated. Kaidan had been expecting that it would be guarded but not by…

"Krogan?" Ashley exclaimed in disbelief. "What the fu—" she glanced at Shepard, "Why the hell are krogan guarding a geth transmitter?"

The commander frowned. "I don't know," he admitted. "But if Saren has krogan on his side, things are a lot more serious than the Council knows."

Kaidan nodded. The last time the krogan had decided to wage war against other species, only the deployment of the genophage, a bioweapon that curtailed the krogan's ability to reproduce, had kept them from conquering the galaxy. "Chances are he's just hired a few merc groups."

"Yeah, that's probably it," Shepard agreed. "Still…" He broke off and stared over the side of the walkway. "Are there more levels below this one? Maybe we should look them over, make sure there aren't any geth hiding away. I don't want to leave the colony just to have it attacked again."

"You don't wanna go down there."

Ashley and Kaidan instinctively trained their weapons on the speaker, but the commander signaled them to stand down.

"You're one of the Zhu's Hope colonists. Did Fai Dan send you? What are you doing down here?"

The man's face twisted into an awful grimace. "Fai Dan doesn't send any of us anywhere. No one listens to him anymore. I don't listen to anyone. No one controls me!" These last words were accompanied by a shriek of pain and a muscle spasm that drove the man to his knees. He was panting when he stood back up, leaning on a rail for support. "That was a good one. Very intense."

"Looks like we found the village idiot," Ashley whispered to Kaidan. "I knew it felt like Zhu's Hope was missing something." Kaidan shook his head at her, though privately he agreed. The man was clearly unbalanced.

"Are you all right?" Shepard put a hand on the man's arm. Where did the commander get the energy to be concerned for every civilian he encountered?

"Just invoking the master's whip. Helps remind me I'm still alive." Although his words were nonsensical, the man's tone was grim. He shook off Shepard's hand. "Interested in the geth? I'm not surprised. Everyone's focused on the geth."

"Someone else is looking for the geth?"

The man shook his head, as though Shepard's denseness irritated him. "Why would anyone look for the geth? Do you go looking for bee's nests? No! You get rid of them. Just like the tho—Argh! The geth are trying to reach the—Yeeah!" The man's yells of pain devolved into deranged laughter.

Kaidan couldn't watch any longer. "Commander," he ventured, "I don't think there's anything we can do for him. We should go."

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" Shepard ignored Kaidan. "Do you even want help?"

The man quieted at the question. "Help me?" he mused. "You can't help me. No one can help me. But I'm going to…die…fighting…" the words choked their way out of him.

"If you'd just tell me…" Shepard pleaded.

"Can't!" the man gasped. "Time's up! Company's coming!"

They turned to see where he was pointing. "More geth," Ashley groaned. "Of course. Why not?"

It took them a while to dispatch the synthetics. When the last one fell, Shepard turned back to the man. "Are you hurt?" he asked, then frowned. The man was gone. "There's something very strange going on here. Let's go. I've got some questions for Fai Dan."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen:**

**In Which Our Hero Drives the Mako**

"Do you really think Fai Dan told us everything?" Williams asked. She, Alenko, and Shepard were in the Mako, the _Normandy's_ rover, making their way to the Exo-Geni headquarters.

"No," Shepard replied, "but I wasn't about to start arguing with the man about the way he runs his colony. That's not what we came for, Williams."

"With all due respect sir, we didn't come to get the colony's water running again either, but that didn't stop you." The standoffish colonists had warmed up to Shepard considerably after he'd taken the time to help fix everything the geth attack had damaged.

"C'mon, Williams," he joked now, "All we had to do was take out some geth, a few varren, and a couple krogan. Don't even try to tell me you don't love shooting up—" Shepard broke off, glaring at the LADAR display. "Darn it! Geth armatures ahead!" he barked. "Williams, take the cannon. Alenko, machine gun."

_They did warn us that the skyway was crawling with geth_, he thought ruefully, jamming down the thruster button to send the Mako leaping over a shot from the nearest armature. It felt a little odd to be the one behind the rover's joystick. Even when he'd been leading the Candy Canes—he _still_ hated his old N7 squad's nickname—he'd been a gunner, not a driver. Shepard wondered how Alenko and Williams would feel if they knew that he had never gotten his driver's license.

Although it took some driving that made Williams yell terrible threats at Shepard (which he forgave because he understood she was under pressure), they managed to fend off the geth without being hit once. Shepard felt smug as Alenko and Williams climbed back down into the interior. "How was that for evasive maneuvers?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"I am either going to kill him or get sick," Williams told Alenko. Shepard had noticed that she was willing to be casual when in the thick of a fight, appearing generally more at ease than she ever had aboard the _Normandy_.

"Whichever one you choose, don't do it in here, Chief."

"Ungrateful, both of you," Shepard told them. "I should make you walk."

"I'd _prefer_ to walk," Williams muttered rebelliously.

"Quiet." Alenko turned up the radio scanner. "We're picking up some comm chatter. Not Alliance…"

"It's probably coming from in there," Williams pointed to what Shepard had thought was a shadow cast by the ruins. Taking a second look, he realized it was actually a carefully concealed passageway. "Think it's more survivors, sir?"

He nodded and stopped the Mako. "Good eye, Williams."

"Commander, we should really deal with the geth."

"Alenko, I will stop telling you mission goals if you don't start being more flexible." Shepard liked Alenko; he was a talented officer, and his biotics and tech skills were incredible. But the man had a serious problem with deviations from the mission plan. His disinclination to help civilians before the mission was completed was starting to grate on Shepard's nerves.

They climbed out of the vehicle and followed the passage down to a wide bunker with a low ceiling. A number of nervous looking rent-a-cops trained pistols on the marines. Behind them, Shepard could see quite a few men and women dressed like researchers.

"That's close enough!" A tall man with a rat-like face stepped out from behind a crate, his pistol pointed at Shepard.

"Relax, Jeong," an older woman put a hand on his arm. "They're obviously not geth."

"Get back, Juliana!" Jeong snapped. "Who are you? What do you want?"

Shepard squared his shoulders, determined not to be goaded. "I'm Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy. I'm here to remove your geth problem." He tried a small smile.

Juliana smiled back. "See?" She turned to Jeong. "You worry too much."

"And you trust too easily."

"Oh for God's sake man, lighten up! Aren't you glad to see another friendly face? I know I am. I thought we were the only humans left on this planet."

"Fai Dan and some of the colonists from Zhu's Hope are still alive," Shepard offered.

"I thought you said they were all dead!"

Juliana's anger didn't intimidate Jeong at all. "I said they were _probably_ all dead," he clarified.

"They took a pretty bad beating from the geth, but they're not dead," Williams assured them.

Juliana nodded. "I can imagine. The geth have been prowling around for days now. They haven't found us yet, but it's only a matter of time. They're relentless!"

"Don't worry. I'll do everything I can to keep you safe," Shepard promised. "Can you tell me where the geth are?"

"Up in the Exo-Geni headquarters. Keep going until you hit the end of the skyway."

"Those headquarters are private property, soldier. Remove the geth and nothing else."

Each time Jeong opened his mouth, Shepard liked the man less. "I'm not interested in your company secrets." The commander turned to leave before he lost his temper.

"Commander!" Juliana stretched out a pleading hand. "Before you go…" she took a deep breath. "My daughter, Lisbeth, she's missing…"

"They shouldn't waste time poking around," Jeong rubbed his mustache nervously. "We can do a proper accounting of our casualties after the geth are gone."

"That's my daughter you're talking about, you son of a bitch!" Juliana pushed Jeong hard enough that he stumbled back a step. Shepard fought the urge to grin. "She's still alive," the woman asserted. "I know it! She was working in the Exo-Geni building when the attack hit."

"Oh yeah, there are several places she could hide _there_," Jeong sneered. "For a short time."

"If she's in there, I'll find her," Shepard promised.

Juliana's shoulders slumped in relief. "Thank you, Commander. Thank you."

* * *

_Author's Note: I know, this is the shortest chapter yet, but look at how on-time the update was!_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen:**

**In Which a Number of Things Fall**

The stretch of skyway between the colonists' refuge and the repurposed Exo-Geni building was thick with geth armatures and foot soldiers. The fighting to clear a path was intense enough that there was no time for chatter. By the time the Mako finally reached its destination, Shepard was worried that Alenko and Williams might be too tired to face the hordes of geth that were undoubtedly waiting for them. He knew that he was sweating, and he was only the driver.

"You two all right?" he asked as they dropped back into the cabin.

Alenko gave a reassuring smile. "We're fine, Commander. Although," he glanced through the narrow doorway Shepard was parking the rover beside, "it looks like the geth are settling in nicely."

"Too bad. We're here with their eviction notice." Williams tightened the soft seals on her helmet, and Shepard found himself wishing he adhered to protocol as unfailingly as she did. If he did, he wouldn't have gotten clipped by that geth earlier…and he wouldn't be worrying about scalp wounds now.

It took the team a while to move through the garage bays, since every meter they advanced had to be wrested away from the geth, who weren't willing to go down without a fight. Still, they managed to progress, and Shepard was impressed with Alenko and Williams' stamina. Together the three marines explored the facility, trying to figure out what had drawn the geth to Feros.

"What the heck?" Shepard reached out a hand to push against a translucent barrier blocking the entry to the main floor of the building. "It looks like a kinetic barrier, but I've never seen one like this before."

"Must be some new kind of geth technology." Alenko's omni-tool lit up as he scanned the shield.

"Whatever it is, it'll take heavier weapons than we've got to blast through it," Williams pointed out. "We'll have to find another way in."

"Of course we will," Shepard sighed. "Because going through the door would just be too easy. God forbid it was easy."

"Listen to you, whining like a quarian with a tummy-ache. Maybe you should wait in the Mako, and I'll—" Williams was cut off mid-insult as the floor she was standing on gave way.

"Williams!" Shepard peered into the dark hole. "Williams are you okay?" Alenko rushed over, did something to his omni-tool to make it glow like a flashlight. Together the two men searched for the chief. "Williams?"

"Right here, sir." She walked into the beam of Alenko's light, and waved.

"Are you hurt?"

"Nothing hurt but my karma. That's the last time I make fun of a commanding officer."

"Do you see a way for you to climb back out?"

She grinned. "It's a one-way drop, Commander. But there's an opening at the end of this tunnel. Might be a way into the main facility."

"It's worth a shot. After you, Lieutenant."

Williams' passageway opened into a large room, probably originally intended for storage. The lack of any geth made Shepard optimistic about the possibility of finding an unshielded entryway. "Let's spread out and—" A shot rang out from the far side of the chamber, pinging against the commander's shields.

"Damn it!" The female voice was unfamiliar. Shepard lowered his gun as a young woman in a grimy researcher's uniform made her way towards the marines. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I didn't hit you did I? I thought you were geth, or one of those varren! I'm sorry!"

Her obvious chagrin made Shepard want to laugh. "It's fine. I'd be on edge too if I were holed up down here. Why are you here, anyway?"

The researcher sighed. "It's my own fault. Everyone was running from the geth, and I stayed to back up data." There was a muffled sound behind Shepard, which he assumed was Alenko's stifling of Williams' impulse to express her opinion of such ill-advised actions. Not noticing, the woman went on. "The next thing I know, the geth ship had latched on the building, and cut the power. When I finally tried to get out, the way was blocked by some kind of force-field thing."

"Any idea why they've sealed the building off like this?"

"They don't want anyone else getting access to the—"

Shepard stared at the woman, waiting for her to continue. "To the—" he prompted.

"I don't know for certain, but I'm guessing they're here for the Thorian."

"What's that?"

"It's an indigenous life form. Exo-Geni was…studying it." For a researcher, the woman seemed determinedly vague.

"I need more information." At this point, Shepard was beginning to feel the effects of the day, and it took a little effort to keep from snapping. "I need to know why the geth would be interested in this Thorian."

"I don't know much about it, but it's just a plant! I don't know why the geth would care. Like I said, Exo-Geni was studying it, but I don't think they found anything special. Although, it is very old. Thousands of years, maybe.

"I might be able to help more, but not with the geth crawling around all over the place. We need to get out of here."

"So, you're telling me that if I get you out of here, you'll help me, but not unless?"

The woman at least had the decency to look ashamed. "I'm sorry, but you aren't the one who's been hiding from the geth for days! I don't even know if anyone else is still alive!" She took a deep breath. "I don't know for certain, but I think the geth ship is powering the barriers. I've seen them laying power cables everywhere."

"Fine." Shepard turned away. "Stay put. We'll go open some doors."

"Here! Take my ID. This should get you past any Exo-Geni security that's still working."

Shepard glanced at the card. "Elizabeth Baynham," he read, "Research Assistant."

Lizbeth nodded. "I came to the colony with my mother…I don't even know if she made it out alive."

"She's safe for now, hiding with some other survivors from the colony. She was certain you were alive; asked us to look for you."

"She's alive? Please, just get that field down so I can see my mother again!"

It occurred to Shepard that Lizbeth was very young. "We'll be back soon," he promised.

* * *

The inside of the Exo-Geni building looked depressingly similar to the tunnels where they'd found the deranged colonist. There was even a krogan waiting for them at the top of the stairway, although it took a few moments for him to notice the marines. He was struggling with a VI program, demanding access to files he apparently didn't have security clearance for. When the VI politely requested that the krogan allow the queue to move along, the krogan turned, intent on venting his frustrations on Shepard.

"Exo-Geni Corporation reminds all staff that the discharging on weapons while on company property is strictly forbidden." The VI's sterile assessment of the firefight that had downed the krogan made Alenko laugh.

"Welcome back, research assistant Elizabeth Baynham. What can I do for you?"

"Looks like that ID card is working," Alenko commented, still chuckling. "See if you can find out what the krogan wanted."

"What information was the last user attempting to access?" Shepard knew from experience that the more formal the language used, the better the response a VI would provide.

"The previous user was attempting to access details on the study of Species 37, the Thorian. I was unable to provide access. The previous user lacked proper clearance. Additionally, there has been no new information logged on Species 37. All sensors monitoring the observation post at Zhu's Hope have been inactive for several cycles."

"What does Zhu's Hope have to do with the Thorian?"

"Species 37 is located in the substructure of the Zhu's Hope outpost."

"Tell me everything you know about the Thorian," Shepard commanded the VI.

"The Thorian is a simple plant life form that exhibits a sentient behavior uncommon to other flora."

"_Uncommon_ to other flora, eh? Just uncommon though. Not 'unheard of,' or 'unique,' or anything. Because there are so many self-aware plant species out there," Williams remarked sarcastically.

"Species 37 was discovered several weeks ago when a small team was infected with spores while examining ruins near the Zhu's Hope outpost. Through the dispersion and eventual inhalation of spores, it can control other organisms, including humans. The outpost was quarantined immediately, and studies began. The Zhu's Hope control group has yielded interesting results. Within twenty-one days, fifty-eight percent of colonists exhibited altered behavior. Before sensors went offline, almost eighty-five percent of all test subjects were infected."

"Exo-Geni knew all along what would happen to those people." Shepard wasn't sure if he was talking to the VI, his squadmates, or just himself.

Apparently the VI took his comment as a criticism, and rose to the company's defense. "It was deemed necessary in order to assess the true potential of Species 37."

"So that's why they were acting weird," Williams said. She frowned. "Well now I just feel guilty for judging them. Great."

"You should contact the _Normandy_," Alenko ignored the chief. "They need to know what's going on."

"Good idea," Shepard replied. "Joker. Come in Joker! Darn! That field's blocking us."

"We need to drop that field and get back to Zhu's Hope." Williams still looked penitent for her assessment of the colonists, and probably wanted to ease her conscience by helping them.

"VI, tell me about the field surrounding the facility."

"I have limited data on the geth; they have effectively blocked all sensors within the facility. I have detected unusual power fluctuations, but am unable to determine the source."

"Looks like we'll have to determine the source ourselves."

* * *

"Commander, you take us to the best places!" Williams leaned gleefully out of the hole the geth ship had punched in the wall before the ground team had managed to sever its tenuous hold and send it plummeting to the ground. "I wish I could've seen the face on their pilot when that thing toppled."

"Settle down, Chief," Alenko said fondly. "We may have taken down the geth ship, but we still need to take care of that Thorian."

"I repeat: _Normandy_ to shore party, are you reading?" Joker's worried voice rang over the comm channels. "Anyone there? _Normandy_ to shore party. C'mon, Commander, talk to me!"

"This is shore party. That you Joker? What's going on out there?"

"What have you been doing—Never mind, I'm just glad you finally picked up. We're in lockdown here. Something's happened to the colonists. They're banging on the hull, trying to get inside…they're freaking out."

"They can't do any real damage. We're on our way back, just hold your position."

"Aye-aye, sir. _Normandy_ out."

* * *

Lizbeth Baynham was waiting for them in the garage. "There you are," she breathed, sounding relieved. "I was starting to get worried. We—we should get out of here, I don't think this place is safe."

"Not so fast." Shepard knew it wasn't fair to take his frustrations out on Lizbeth, but she'd lied to him and been complicit in the enslavement of the Zhu's Hope outpost, so he didn't feel _that_ bad. "I want some answers. You knew more about the Thorian than you let on."

Lizbeth caved more quickly than the commander could have hoped for. "I was afraid! I wanted to stop the tests but my bosses threatened me. They told me I'd be next! When the geth attacked, I stayed behind to send a message to Colonial Affairs. But, like I said, the geth cut the power. I—I never meant for this to happen." She hung her head.

Shepard softened. "You did what you could," he said. "I'll help the colonists if you tell me where to find the Thorian."

"It's under Zhu's Hope. There's a clearing in the center of the colony, the stairs there lead down to the Thorian."

"Stairs? Do either of you remember seeing stairs?"

Alenko frowned. "That ship! The colonists must have covered the Thorian with that freighter before the geth attacked."

"But why would the geth even be after the Thorian in the first place. What would Saren want with it?"

"Well, it _does_ have unique mind control capabilities."

"Good point." Shepard took a last look around the Exo-Geni building. "Let's get out of here. We have a date with the world's smartest floral arrangement."

"I'm coming with you!" Lizbeth seemed nervous that the commander would leave her behind, promise or no. "I might be able to help. Undo the mess I helped create."

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**_Yes, it's Tuesday. I know. However, my Wednesdays are going to be very hectic for a while, so I'm switching to a Tuesday/Saturday update schedule. Carry on. As always thanks to all my readers/reviewers._

_Shameless self-promotion: I put up another one-shot, _Katydid_,__ yesterday. If you've got absolutely nothing else to do, give it a look.  
_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen:**

**In Which Our Hero Uproots Evil**

Ashley was fairly certain that she would have enjoyed the return trip along the skyway if she hadn't been jammed into the Mako's backseat with Lizbeth Baynham's elbow digging into her side. As if that discomfort wasn't bad enough, the researcher was now having hysterics, demanding that the commander "Stop the rover!" so she could go find her mother. Like Shepard would really just drive by when everyone could hear Jeong's voice threatening Juliana Baynham.

The irritating young woman jumped out of the hatch the instant the vehicle stopped, running into the bunker as though she could effectively rescue her mother. "Civilians!" Ashley complained as they followed.

Lizbeth had had enough presence of mind to hide behind a crate and observe at first, but when Jeong ordered two security guards to quiet Juliana, she sprang up, blowing everyone's cover.

"Get away from her, you son of a bitch!"

"Lizbeth!" Maternal instincts gave Juliana a burst of adrenaline that let her break away from the guards to hug her daughter. Shepard watched the two women with an unusual look of hunger on his face; Ashley wondered how long it had been since he'd had enough leave time to visit his own parents.

"Damn it!" Jeong swore. "Come out where I can see you! All of you!"

The commander's expression changed to one of disgust, and he stood to lead the way into the bunker.

"Shepard," Jeong hissed. "I knew it was too much to hope that the geth would kill you. I found some interesting facts about you in the Exo-Geni database. I know what you did during the Blitz. But there's no need for your heroics here." The commander pulled his shoulders back and tried to reason with Jeong.

Ashley would have dismissed the scene playing out in the bunker as a poorly constructed fiction if she hadn't been watching it with her own eyes. On the one hand, she should have expected Exo-Geni to execute some nefarious contingency plan once they were made aware that a Spectre was on Feros. Especially after learning about the experiments that the company had performed on the Zhu's Hope colonists, she should have expected this. However, it was one thing to expect the worst and another to watch a company man try to figure out how to 'purge' the infected colonists.

Juliana Baynham's deep voice interrupted Ashley's thoughts. "You won't get away with this, Jeong!"

"So you keep saying, but nobody's going to miss a few colonists." The idiot trained his pistol on Shepard. Ashley glanced at Kaidan and twitched her hand towards her sidearm.

"Think about it, Jeong." The commander's voice went quiet, and the hair on Ashley's arms stood up. She felt glad that she couldn't see his face. "You're a bean counter. I'm a Spectre. Are those odds you really want to play?"

"Spectre? That's a load of crap. There aren't any human Spectres…are there?"

"Is that a chance you really want to take?" Lizbeth Baynham made her first useful contribution to the conversation.

Jeong quickly lowered his gun. "Exo-Geni will send more assayers. They'll know what happened!"

"Tell them the geth destroyed the Thorian," Shepard ordered contemptuously as he turned away.

"You don't understand," Jeong bleated. He'd dropped the gun, but hadn't given up. "The infected colonists can't be here when the company men come."

"You can't kill the colonists," Juliana boomed angrily. "None of this is _their_ fault."

"If you kill the Thorian, it might be enough to stop the infection." Lizbeth was on a roll with the not-terrible ideas.

Shepard turned to the young woman. "It's worth a try, but I don't know if I'll be able to avoid harming the colonists."

"There might be another way," Juliana mused. "Give us a few minutes to think, would you, Commander?"

The marines stepped away and talked quietly together. "Next time I get pulled over for speeding, I hope you're in the car with me," Kaidan joked to the commander. "I can't believe you talked him down."

"Speaking corporate isn't that hard," Shepard didn't smile. "Just shove a stick up your ass and care more about money than people." The swear sounded odd coming from the straight-laced commander.

"That would—" Ashley managed to stop talking before she finished her sentence. _That would be a waste of a fine ass_. Although she didn't have any trouble tracing the origin of the thought, she had no idea where the impulse to voice it aloud had come from.

"Commander!" The Baynhams waved to Shepard. "I'm glad you've decided to help us," Juliana said as the commander walked over to her. "I think we've found a way to avoid killing the colonists. You could safely use a nerve agent to neutralize the colonists."

"I'm not sure it's a good idea to have clouds of nerve gas around. Won't my team get caught in it too?"

Lizbeth shook her head. "The colonists' nervous systems are already compromised. This is a very weak agent, designed for use as a pesticide. It won't hurt you at all."

"Sounds good. I'll do what I can."

* * *

When they reached Zhu's Hope, Shepard ordered Ashley and Kaidan not to fire on the colonists. "Don't even take your guns out," he warned, "or God help me, I'll have you transferred off of the _Normandy_."

"Guess it's a good thing he didn't take Wrex, after all," Kaidan commented dryly.

Ashley smiled. "Guess so."

Only Ashley's commitment to finally serving shipside kept her from using her sidearm to fire at least a few warning shots at the colonists. They had dispersed throughout the colony, and had no qualms about shooting at the marines. Still, Shepard proved skilled at tossing grenades to land in the spot where they would do the most good, and the grenades themselves were quite effective. They managed to reach the Thorian's lair without any casualties.

"That wasn't so bad," Kaidan admitted as they walked down the newly exposed stairs.

"Yeah," Ashley agreed. "So all we have to do is find this Thorian thing and put a couple of rounds…into…whoa." The…thing suspended in the center of the ruins did not look like a plant. It was huge, attached to the walls by thick tendrils that looked more like veins than vines. Dripping tentacles hung from its insect-shaped body, emitting an incredibly foul odor. "What the hell is that?" she gagged.

"We are gonna need bigger guns," Shepard said.

"At least," Kaidan agreed.

Something dropped from the feeler-covered opening that formed part of what Ashley imagined to be the Thorian's 'face.' An asari, or what looked like an asari, except for the fact that her skin wasn't a shade of blue, but was completely green, dropped to the ground. She slowly stood, her expression blank. "Invaders! Your every step is a transgression. A thousand feelers appraise you as meat, good only to dig or decompose. I speak for the Old Growth as I did for Saren. You are within and before the Thorian. It commands that you be in awe." Her stilted words would have been funny, if the whole situation hadn't been so sinister.

"You gave something to Saren," Shepard told the Thorian-asari. "Something I need."

"Saren sought knowledge of those who are gone. The Old Growth listened to flesh for the first time in the long cycle. Trades were made. Then cold ones began killing the flesh that would tend the next cycle. Flesh fairly given!

"The Old Growth sees the air you push as lies. It will listen no more."

The commander made an angry motion towards the asari. "I won't let you keep your thralls! Release them! Now!"

For the first time, the asari speaking for the plant made eye contact with the commander. He took an instinctive step backwards, and Ashley turned the safety on her assault rifle off. "No more will the Old Growth listen to those that scurry. Your lives are short, but have gone on too long." Seemingly out of nowhere, the asari produced a shotgun and trained it on Shepard.

Before Ashley could take a shot, the commander's biotics glowed, and the asari tumbled into the gaping hole in the middle of the room. He turned to reassure his team, then his eyes widened, and he pulled out his gun. "Behind you!"

A swarm of grey-green humanoid creatures lurched towards them through an open door. Although moaning and uncoordinated, they proved quick and strong. One swatted at Ashley, and she knocked it to the ground before peppering it with bullets.

"What the hell are those?" Kaidan asked. "You don't—you don't think they were colonists, do you?"

"Look more like husks to me," Ashley said quietly.

"No, there's no chance these things were ever human," Shepard assured them, poking at a corpse. "Look, no organs at all. Completely plant based. And they explode!" The grin he gave made Ashley devoutly glad she wasn't one of the creeping…plant…things. "Oh, this is going to be fun."

* * *

"That was not as fun as I thought it would be." Shepard ran a hand over his hair and made a face when it came away covered in the green sludge that burst from the Thorian creepers when they were shot. "Oh God, do I smell as bad as I think I smell?"

"I don't know, sir," Kaidan sighed. "I didn't think it was possible, but I may have gotten used to the stench."

"Commander! There's another one of those nodes up here."

They had worked their way through the sunken complex where the Thorian hung, destroying the roots that acted as anchors for the plant. As they went, they encountered more of the creepers and more green asari. Kaidan had seemed fairly sure that they were 'only' confronting clones of a single asari, but the knowledge that the Thorian was capable of cloning an asari was less comforting than he'd seemed to think it should be. Still, despite the smell and the asari, they had demolished several nodes. Shepard was sure that the Thorian would drop soon.

"I'll take this one, Williams. It's not like I can get any more disgusting, right?"

Several pumps of his shotgun later, Shepard had severed that last connection between the Thorian and the building. With a cry, the plant lost its battle to stay suspended in the air and fell several stories, crashing to the distant ground. Shepard leaned over to watch as if unsure that the plunge was enough to really kill the thing. Kaidan and Ashley joined him at the brink of the drop. All three of them stood there for a few moments, catching their breath.

"You know what they say, Commander?"

"What do they say, Williams?"

"The bigger they are…"

The corner of his mouth turned up. "…the harder they fall," he finished with her. "Don't make me laugh, darn it." He winced and touched the rapidly fading scab on his cheek. "That big geth down in the tunnels did a number on my poor face. I can still barely—" A tearing sound came from the wall behind them, and all three whirled, hands going to their guns.

A split slowly grew up the middle of one of the nodes on the wall, one that hadn't been attached to an anchoring vine. As the marines watched, an asari—one with purple-blue skin and green eyes—fell out of the node and collapsed on the ground. Without a second thought, Shepard moved to give her a hand up. Ashley rolled her eyes in exasperation and kept her sidearm pointed at the stranger.

"Careful, sir," Kaidan cautioned. "I'd guess she's the original."

The asari rose unsteadily to her feet. "I—I'm free!" she said wonderingly. "I suppose I should thank you for releasing me."

"Are you all right? How did you end up inside that…thing?"

"My name is Shiala," she tried to let go of Shepard's arm and nearly fell. "I serve—I _served_ Matriarch Benezia. When she allied herself with Saren, so did I.

"Benezia foresaw the influence Saren would have. She joined to guide him down a gentler path. But Saren is compelling." Shiala closed her eyes. "Benezia lost her way."

"Are you saying Saren can control minds?" There was a note of fear in Shepard's voice, and the thought that he might be nervous made Ashley suddenly want to panic.

"Benezia underestimated Saren, as I did." Shiala's eyes were still closed. "We came to believe in his cause, in his goals. The strength of his influence is…troubling."

"Asari matriarchs are among the most intelligent and powerful beings in the galaxy," Kaidan broke in. "How could one fall under Saren's control?"

The asari opened her eyes. "Saren has a vessel," she explained. "An enormous warship unlike any I've ever seen. He calls it _Sovereign_. It can dominate the minds of his followers. They become indoctrinated to Saren's will. The process is subtle. It can take days, weeks. But in the end, it is absolute." She closed her eyes again. The easily distracted part of Ashley's mind wondered if closing one's eyes was an asari expression of shame or embarrassment.

"I was a willing slave when Saren brought me to this world. He needed my biotics to communicate with the Thorian; learn its secrets. Saren offered me in trade. I was sacrificed to secure an alliance between Saren and the Thorian."

"Saren's pretty quick to betray his own people," Ashley commented. Her opinion of the turian dipped lower with every new fact she learned about him.

"He was quick to betray the Thorian, too," Shiala assured them. "After he had what he wanted, he ordered the geth to destroy all evidence of its existence." She finally released Shepard's arm, and took a step away from the commander, locking eyes with him. "You…you're Commander Shepard! Saren knows you are following his steps, looking for the Conduit. He attacked the Thorian so you could not gain the Cipher."

"The what? What's the Cipher? Why did Saren need it?"

"The beacon on Eden Prime gave you visions, correct? But those visions are unclear, confusing. They were meant for a Prothean mind. To truly comprehend them, you must think like a Prothean. You must understand their culture, their history…their very existence!

"The Thorian was here long before the Protheans built this city. It watched and studied them. When they died, it consumed them. They became a part of it."

Shepard's face twisted as he tried to process the information. "So…the Thorian taught Saren to think like a Prothean? How?"

"The Cipher is the very essence of being a Prothean. It cannot be described or explained. It would be like describing color to a creature without eyes. To understand, you must have access to their endemic ancestral memory."

"Hey LT," Ashley whispered, holstering her weapon, "are all the asari like this? So vague you want to turn off your translator?"

"Pretty much, Chief."

Oblivious to their side conversation, Shiala continued her dramatic monologue. "I sensed this ancestral memory, the Cipher, when I melded with the Thorian. Our identities merged, our minds intertwined. Such knowledge cannot be taught. It simply exists."

"You managed to teach it to Saren," Shepard pointed out. "I need that information to stop him. You can teach me."

"There…is a way." Shiala dropped her gaze to look past Shepard. "I can transfer the knowledge from my mind to yours, as I did with Saren."

"That simple, is it?" Shepard smiled. "Too bad school wasn't like that."

"Simple, yes." The asari looked uncomfortable. "Try to relax, Commander. Slow, deep breaths." Ashley noticed that the instructions caused Shepard to immediately tense. The asari moved slowly towards the commander, murmuring something no one but she could hear. Her hand reached out and rested lightly on Shepard's forehead. The gesture had an air of intimacy that made Ashley wonder how the transfer would affect the commander.

Suddenly, Shiala's eyes flashed to black. "Embrace eternity!"


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen:**

**In Which Centaurs are Mentioned**

A flood of memories washed through Shepard's mind. Martial arts training in an unfamiliar style, favorite foods with flavors he had no names for, pride in teaching young asari he didn't recognize. Then the vision from Eden Prime took over, the weird images forcing everything else from his mind's eye. Although something felt different about the vision, it still made no sense to him.

When he opened his eyes, he was lying flat on his back, his head throbbing. He couldn't see Alenko, though Williams was crouched over him, a worried expression on her face. It occurred to Shepard that she was probably worried about him; he didn't want her to worry, so he tried to sit up and tell her he was fine, but all he managed was a hoarse cough.

"Don't try and talk, Commander," she ordered. "Kaidan is patching you up, you'll be better in no time." She tried to smile. "I know I haven't served with you long sir, but I tell you, it would be nice to finish up a mission without you passing out on us. Big wuss. I can't believe you eat all those protein bars and then faint as soon as some asari looks at you cross-eyed."

"I think I stopped the bleeding, but I'll feel better after Chakwas has had a chance to look at him. He might have a concussion; I can't tell." Alenko appeared in Shepard's line of vision. "You need to remember your helmet next time, sir. That way, when you crack your head on the ground, you won't actually crack your head, you'll crack the helmet."

"I am sorry if you have suffered," Shiala's voice caused both Alenko and Williams to scowl, and Shepard realized they blamed her for his fall. "It was the only way. You needed the Cipher. In time, it will help you understand the vision from the beacon."

Shepard tried to sit up again, and Alenko helped him to his feet. The lieutenant and Chief Williams each positioned themselves next to the commander, holding him upright. "I'm fine," he protested. They ignored him.

"Now that you're free of the Thorian," Shepard asked Shiala, "what will you do?"

"If you allow it, I would like to stay here with the colonists." Her phrasing made Shepard smile. As though he were in a position to stop her. "They have suffered greatly, and I played a role in their suffering. I would like to make amends."

"Good idea." Nodding made his head spin uncomfortably. "They can use all the help they can get. They'll be glad to have you."

"C'mon, Commander," Williams grunted, trying not to let on she was having trouble supporting his weight. "You look a little queasy. We should get you back to the ship."

* * *

They didn't make it back to the _Normandy_. Despite his assertions to the contrary, Shepard barely had enough energy to climb the stairs out of the Thorian's lair. With the colonists still unconscious, the Zhu's Hope outpost was eerily quiet. Cresting the stairs, the marines were forced to step around Fai Dan's body. The leader of the colonists had shot himself rather than kill the marines as the Thorian demanded. It seemed to be the tipping point for the commander. "Okay, you might have been right, Alenko. I think I need to sit down."

"Good idea. Stay with him, Chief," Kaidan ordered. "Keep him awake and talking. Don't let him go to sleep, no matter what he says." The lieutenant peeled back the commander's eyelids and frowned. "Yeah, I'll go get Chakwas." He took off at a run.

"Get some of the crew down here, too!" Shepard called after him. "I don't really need to rest," he confessed to Ashley, "but the colonists will be waking up soon, and I want Dr. Chakwas to look them over. Also, remind me to go through the _Normandy's_ supplies with the requisitions officer. I want to leave what we can here." The commander closed his eyes and tried to lean his head back against the wall behind him.

"Sorry Commander, but I can't let you close your eyes." Ashley did _not_ like being the one left in charge of Shepard. Kaidan had medical training, he should have stayed. "C'mon sir, open your eyes. Stay awake!" She shook the commander's shoulder until he cracked an eyelid.

"I told you Williams, I'm fine."

"With all due respect sir, that's for Dr. Chakwas to decide. If I let you fall asleep, the lieutenant will transfer me groundside. Just stay awake until they get here. Talk to me." She racked her mind for possible topics of conversation. "What do you think of Feros?" she finally asked, lamely. "I mean, I wouldn't want to live here, but it might be a nice place to visit…No, scratch that," her gaze travelled over the barren gravel that made up Zhu's Hope, "it's not a nice place to visit. Gotta admire the colonists for sticking it out though. Given the option, I'd get the hell out of Dodge."

He chuckled at that. "My dad used to say that. But, yeah, you're right. This place is a desolate rock. I haven't seen anything green anywhere. No plants."

"I guess you're not counting the Thorian?"

"Thorian?" Shepard looked confused for a moment. "Oh, that was a plant, wasn't it?"

"Apparently not, according to you, farm boy. And you would know, wouldn't you? Growing up a homesteader, out in the fields all day…digging, or whatever. You must know all about plants."

The expression on Shepard's face shifted, his eyes narrowing slightly as if in pain. "It wasn't that kind of farm."

"What other kind of farm is there?"

"Centaurs," he said quietly, closing his eyes again.

_Centaurs? What the hell?_ The commander was going incoherent. She shook his shoulder again. "Sir, centaurs aren't—"

"They're over this way!" Kaidan led Dr. Chakwas and a small group of _Normandy_ crewmembers over to Ashley and Shepard.

"For the love of all things holy, Lieutenant, when you told me you were worried about infection, you neglected to mention the commander was covered in…what is this?" The doctor knelt next to Shepard, easing him forwards so she could examine the gash on the back of his head.

"It's…sap of some kind. From that plant I told you about."

"Disgusting," Chakwas murmured. "Eyes wide now, Commander." She shone a light into Shepard's eyes. "Good. Do you feel dizzy at all? Nauseous?" Without waiting for a response, she turned to Ashley. "Did he vomit at all?"

"No ma'am. He closed his eyes a couple times, um, and I think he was…he started talking nonsense just before you got here."

The doctor looked at Ashley sharply. "What was he saying?"

"Something about a…centaur farm?"

Chakwas' face cleared. "Ah. No, that's all right. He meant space cows." She pulled an omni-tool from the pack she'd brought, slipped it on, and loaded up a program to scan the commander's head. After a few long moments, she sighed. "No concussion. But he should really head back to the ship, get some sleep. And wash up." Shepard shook his head, understanding the implications of the doctor's words immediately.

"I don't want any drugs, Chakwas," he said.

"Now look here, Shepard. You may be the _Normandy's_ commanding officer, but you are not its doctor. If I prescribe you a sleep aid, you will take the sleep aid, no questions asked. Get him back to the ship." This last comment was directed at the crewmen.

"Chakwas." The commander was standing on his own, looking vaguely like his normal self. "I'll take the sleep aid, but I want you here, examining the colonists infected by the Thorian. They don't even have a trained medic. And I'm going to send out the requisitions officer. Williams, would you help him? Oversee distributing the _Normandy's_ excess supplies to the colonists?" He frowned. "Actually, Williams, you're probably exhausted…Belay that, Pressly can—"

"I can do it, Commander. I'm fine." Ashley leapt at the chance to help get Zhu's Hope back on its feet. She still felt guilty for not realizing there was something wrong with the civilians and mocking them.

"Thank you, Doc, Chief Williams. I guess I'll see you back on the ship."

* * *

Contrary to her fears, when he arrived in Zhu's Hope, the requisitions officer, proved surprisingly helpful. Ashley had been worried that he would resist the commander's orders or try to hold back supplies, but Felawa was eager to draw up lists and converse with Jeong and Juliana Baynham about what would do the most good.

True to _her_ word, Shiala was seeking to make amends for her past actions. Her first good deed had been to lead the surviving Exo-Geni employees back to Zhu's Hope. That meant that despite Commander Shepard's charge to her, there was little for Ashley to do other than accept the colonists' dazed thanks.

"This is making me really uncomfortable," she confessed to Dr. Chakwas as the older woman tended a colonist who'd somehow managed to break his nose. "The commander was the one who made sure they were taken care of, but I'm the officer handing out supplies, and they just…they keep thanking me."

The doctor laughed at her. "Now you've got me wondering if Shepard got himself injured on purpose so he wouldn't have to deal with grateful civilians. For someone who's always so eager to offer help, he certainly minds when you try to thank him. Or help him yourself."

"You sound like you've known him for a long time."

"Who, Commander Shepard?" Chakwas gestured for Ashley to hand her a medi-gel pack. "Oh, I first met the commander years ago, when he was just a teenager. I was on the team that treated those burns of his. I've…kept tabs on him since then."

"Really? Are you from the same colony?"

"No. I was serving as one of SSV _Einstein's_ medical officers back in '70 when the batarians attacked Mindoir. One of our fire teams found Shepard and realized he was still alive. They brought him aboard." The doctor finished treating the colonist and stood up. Ashley realized it was dark. The entire afternoon had slipped by while the _Normandy's_ crew aided the colonists.

"I'll never forget the sight," Chakwas continued as they walked back to the ship. "The boy was unconscious, with hideous burns all over his left side, and the one on his face. The burns were so deep he was bleeding. It was obvious why the batarians had left him. If the _Einstein_ had taken any longer to reach the colony, Shepard would have died.

"As it was, we were hard pressed not to amputate the arm. But Sirta had just developed medi-gel—nowhere near as advanced as what we have now, of course—and one of the marines had the presence of mind to apply her field packs to Shepard. Saved the boy's arm. We had him in surgery for several hours, just that first day. Then we put together a plan for his skin grafts. He had to be kept unconscious for three days until we finished all the work. Some of the most advanced reconstruction I've ever been a part of." There was pride in Dr. Chakwas' voice. "That he can still use that arm says a lot about the quality of the Alliance's doctors.

"Shepard was aboard the _Einstein_ for more than three weeks, recovering, while the ship's officers tried to figure out what to do with the boy. Eventually someone contacted the Alliance to ask about him. The lawyer for his grandparents' estate, I think it was. Anyway, he came to Elysium to meet the _Einstein_ and take guardianship of Shepard. For a while, the colony doctors that treated Shepard kept in touch with us, kept us updated on his recovery," Chakwas shrugged, "and a few years later, Shepard joined the Alliance. It was easier to keep track of him then."

"I've heard about Mindoir," Ashley said quietly. "The Alliance really screwed the pooch on that one. Should have had a bigger garrison."

"Commander Shepard grew up in a town of just under eighteen hundred people. He is the only survivor from his community who wasn't enslaved. A larger garrison wouldn't have made a difference, Chief Williams."

"That explains why he wanted to make sure the colonists were all right."

"It explains a lot more than that," Chakwas told her.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen:**

**In Which Our Hero Attends to His Duties**

As much as he hated the feeling of heavy stupidity that lingered after a drug-induced sleep, Shepard had to admit that Dr. Chakwas had been right to insist on the sleep aids. He'd been blissfully unconscious for nearly twelve hours. Although he was famished from not eating after a day of intense biotic activity, he felt fine otherwise. Most importantly, the Feros colonists had been cared for. There wasn't much Shepard could do for them, since the _Normandy_ wasn't outfitted for relief work, but he would at least be leaving them better off than they'd been.

While he'd slept, someone had left a stack of reports on the table in his cabin. There was one from Dr. Chakwas, summarizing the results of the physicals she'd given to the Zhu's Hope colonists; she predicted they'd all make a full recovery, though she couldn't be sure about the long-term effects of the Thorian's mind control. Then there were the two from Alenko and Williams, summarizing the mission, to be submitted as supplements to his own final report to the Council. The fourth report turned out to be an invoice from the requisitions officer, itemizing what had been 'donated' to the Feros colonists. Shepard set that one aside. When they were in range of a comm buoy, he'd make sure to transfer the credits from his account.

In fact, he wondered if they were in range of a buoy now. He walked over to his desk and pressed the comm button that connected to the bridge. "Joker? It's Commander Shepard. What's our location? Are we in range of a comm buoy?"

"Commander?" The reply from the cockpit was an unfamiliar female voice. "This is Serviceman Mandira Rahman. Lieutenant Moreau is off-duty right now. The _Normandy_ is still docked in Feros, awaiting your orders, sir."

Shepard snapped his head up and pressed a few buttons on the computer to bring up a clock. Sure enough, a few hours had slipped by while he'd looked over the paperwork. He couldn't believe that he'd forgotten to issue orders before he'd gone to sleep and had just let the ship sit idle.

"Thank you, Serviceman Rahman. Would you send a message to the CIC that we're heading to the Artemis Tau cluster? Have them set the course. I'll be in my cabin filing mission reports if Pressly has questions."

"Aye-aye, sir."

Shepard switched off the comm and turned back to the paperwork. There were still a few more files to read over. Chief Engineer Adams wanted to request that Tali be added to the engineering rotation. Apparently the quarian was a technical prodigy, and had been spending her free time in the engine room. The tone of Adams' report was businesslike, but his delight at finding a kindred spirit in Tali was obvious. Shepard smiled, glad she seemed to be settling into the _Normandy_.

It took longer than he had thought it would to write up his mission report; details he'd forgotten kept popping into head each time he read the document over. By the time he finally finished, the _Normandy_ was in range of a comm buoy. He gratefully hit the 'send' button and opened his personal email account.

His inbox was depressingly empty. The only new mail was the monthly update from the account manager at the trust company that managed the money his grandparents had left him. Shepard deleted the message without reading it. He never read those messages. His mother's parents had had money, and they'd left it to their grandson, passing over their daughter as a show of disapproval for her life choices. Willa hadn't been born yet; his grandfather had died when Shepard was ten, his grandmother four years earlier.

Thinking about his grandparents left a sour taste in Shepard's mouth, which, oddly enough reminded him he hadn't eaten since before landing on Feros. He pulled up the clock. It hadn't escaped his notice that the crew seemed to feel more at ease when he made himself scarce. Their attitude made sense; no one liked to have the CO breathing down their neck as they tried to go about their business. Still, he'd stayed in his cabin for _hours_ now, and if he didn't get something to eat soon, he would probably go into sugar shock. _Darn biotics_. He looked at the clock again. The mess hall would be empty now, and he could bring his datapad to try to narrow down possible sites where Dr. T'Soni might be working just in case people were trying to relax there. Shepard made a face. This was part of why he hated command. If he were even just the XO, he could go eat in the mess without analyzing the whole thing.

* * *

To his surprise, Garrus and Tali were in the mess, sharing a table with a couple members of the Alliance crew. It would seem that in leaving the non-Alliance crewmembers shipside for the Feros mission had given them a chance to become better acquainted with their human shipmates. Shepard took two prepared meals from the vending machine, planning to nod hello and eat by himself, but Tali waved him over.

"Shepard!" she said brightly when he sat. "I'm glad you're here."

It was such a change from the unhappy picture she'd presented the other night that he couldn't mask a small smile. "It's good to see you smiling again," he told her. "Um…so to speak."

"I'm sleeping much better now. I guess I'm getting used to how quiet the ship is. You know, the _Normandy_ really is amazing. I've never seen a drive core like hers before." She turned to include one of the Alliance crew members in the conversation, a young man Shepard thought might be a junior engineer. "Crosby, how did they ever fit it into a ship this small?"

The man launched into a long, technical explanation of ship mechanics that quickly outstripped Shepard's limited knowledge of the subject. The other Alliance crewmember soon chimed in on the conversation, leaving Shepard and Garrus staring at each other in confusion.

The turian finally spoke. "You know, before I met her, I used to think I understood something about technology. And now…" he sighed, "Well, it's just depressing, is what it is."

"I know what you mean," Shepard agreed. "Adams asked for her to be given engineering duties, and I can see why he did. If she can shoot as well as she can talk tech, we're probably sitting at the table as the first quarian Spectre."

Garrus laughed. "If she can shoot as well as she can talk tech, remind me not to get on her bad side." They were quiet for a little while, as Shepard focused on his food. "Chief Williams told me a little about what happened on Feros," Garrus said finally. "Nice work down there. I knew working with a Spectre would be better than life at C-Sec."

"Have you worked with Spectres before?"

"No…but I know how Spectres operate. You're free to make your own rules, do things your way. C-Sec, buries you in red tape. And the damn bureaucrats are always on your back."

Shepard frowned. Garrus hadn't seemed hot-headed when they'd gone looking for evidence to bring Saren down, but what he was saying now boded ill for their commander-subordinate relationship. Better nip it in the bud. "For the most part, the rules are there for a reason."

"Maybe," Garrus sounded unconvinced. "But sometimes it feels like the rules are only out there to stop me from doing my work. If I'm trying to take down a suspect, it shouldn't matter how I do it, as long as I do it. In C-Sec though, you have to do everything the C-Sec way. Protocol and procedure! That's why I left."

"You do realize the _Normandy_ is a military ship, right? The Alliance Navy is all about protocol and procedure."

"Not like C-Sec is. And besides, you're a Spectre!"

"I'm also an Alliance officer. I just spent the past few hours writing reports!"

"There's more to it than that," the turian protested. "C-Sec didn't start out so bad, but as I got promoted, I got dragged down with more and more red tape. Look at the way they handled the Saren investigation—typical political garbage. I hate leaving, but I just couldn't take it anymore."

"I'll do my best to make sure you don't regret it."

"I'm sure I won't, Commander. No matter what, this is a chance to see how people work outside of C-Sec." Garrus' mandibles flared in what Shepard took to be a turian grin. "And without Executor Pallin and C-Sec headquarters looking over my shoulder? Well, maybe I can get the job done my way for a change."

"If getting the job done means hurting innocent people, then no." Shepard couldn't believe his downtime was turning into a lecture on ethics. "We get the job done _right_, not fast."

"I wasn't trying to—" Garrus looked away. "I understand, Commander." He turned to ask Crosby a question about the Mako's wiring.

_He's going to need some watching, _Shepard thought dejectedly.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty:**

**In Which Our Hero Encounters Some Light Reading**

Although he knew Dr. T'Soni was conducting research in the Artemis Tau system, Shepard had a hard time narrowing down which in the system planets to search. During the week-long trip from the Attican Beta cluster to Artemis Tau, he spent a number of long consultation sessions with Navigator Pressly, finally settling on one planet per star system for a ground-based search. The other planets seemed improbable locations for Prothean ruins, and could be scanned for anomalies from orbit. Still, tracking down Dr. T'Soni was going to take _forever_.

_At least I put all this down time to good use_, he thought to himself. His report to the Council had included a request that they forward him background information on both Matriarch Benezia and Dr. T'Soni. The next time the _Normandy_ was in range of a comm buoy, he'd found a huge file in his personal inbox, containing samples of the Matriarch's public speeches and teachings and the doctoral dissertation of one Liara T'Soni. Shepard had immediately downloaded the files to his datapad, but he had yet to finish reading them. It wasn't that he didn't understand the importance of learning as much as he could about the two asari; he did. The Matriarch's speeches had been fascinating, offering a glimpse of an astute political mind seemingly focused on promoting intergalactic cooperation. Every time he tried to start reading _Unwept, Unsung: The Desertion of Ritual in pre-Fall Prothean Burial Practices _however, something urgent would come up. Like trying to goad Wrex into opening up about his past, or listening to Joker's opinion on the effect the _Normandy's_ drive core had on piloting, or talking with Dr. Chakwas about Lieutenant Alenko's L2-induced migraines, or polishing his boots.

Now though, the _Normandy_ was only six hours away from the Artemis Tau cluster. If he could just get through the introductory chapter. It was only, what? Thirty pages? He had six hours. It was completely plausible. He turned to the abstract:

_This thesis seeks to explain the Prothean Empire's abrupt abandonment of its highly stylized mortuary practices in the several generations generally categorized as 'pre-Fall.' With a combination of new methods and theories unique to this area of study, the rituals are treated as action rather than ceremony, and a new understanding of the Prothean burial rites as the conscious product of societal norms rather than as an embodiment of religious practices is sought. Special attention is given to the treatment of the body after death, especially as the transition into the pre-Fall era saw the demise of the preservation process that modern scholars commonly hold to be the cornerstone of Prothean ceremony. The focus on interpreting the sudden disregard for millenniums-old values as a conscious action is a central part of the method of analysis_—

Maybe he would go get something to drink in the mess, and read in there. The light was much better in the mess anyway.

* * *

Shepard had spent most of the past week in his cabin, partly because he was trying to prepare for the Artemis Tau mission and partly because he realized he was breaking his own rules and getting overly friendly with the crew. The insight had hit home after a conversation with Alenko. The lieutenant had been working on a defunct comm unit outside the mess as Shepard made one of his many trips back and forth for the innumerable meals required to keep his biotics-driven metabolism from crashing, and had stopped the commander for an informal debrief.

Alenko had a careful, thoughtful way of approaching problems, and it was clear he'd been struggling with the decision of whether or not to voice his frustration with the lack of support the _Normandy_ mission was getting from the Council. The lieutenant had apologized for his informality, citing his training at Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training or "Brain Camp" as not being big on protocol. Never having received much formal biotics training himself, Shepard had been curious, asking Alenko about BAaT. That had somehow led to a comparison of their childhood crushes. Alenko told Shepard about his friend Rahna, whom he'd clearly been devoted to, though in his words it "never fell together." The normally unflappable lieutenant had been blushing when he finished talking. Partially to relieve Alenko's discomfort, Shepard had talked a little about Clara Petersen, a lawyer's daughter from Mindoir, the first girl he'd ever kissed.

They'd stared at each other awkwardly for a moment after that. Finally Alenko had joked that "This was supposed to be a casual debrief, not a bull session about stuff that happened years ago." His words had jolted Shepard.

"You're right," the commander had said, stiffly. "I'm sorry for keeping you for so long, Lieutenant." He'd walked back into his cabin before Alenko could respond, upbraiding himself for being so careless in his dealings with the crew.

* * *

Before heading into the mess, Shepard checked the time. It was an off-hour, not quite late enough that the majority of the off-duty crew would be in their sleeper pods, but late enough that no one would be eating. He could sneak in, make a coffee, and try to get through Dr. T'Soni's God-awful paper without being too conspicuous. Datapad firmly in hand, music player sending classic jazz to his earpiece, he exited the cabin.

The mess was nearly deserted, save for Dubyansky, a junior Command Deck Technician whose eyes widened when Shepard entered the small kitchenette, and was gone when the commander emerged. Sighing happily with his hot mug, Shepard settled at the far end of a table, focusing as hard as he could.

It was an uphill struggle, but Shepard made it through the introductory chapter of Dr. T'Soni's dissertation, and had even started the first real chapter before the touch of someone's hand on his shoulder brought him back to the present. He yanked out his earpiece and looked up in surprise to see Chief Williams. She smiled in amusement at his confusion before schooling her face back to a carefully professional expression.

"Sorry to bother you, Commander. I was up on the bridge keeping Joker company when we received a communication from the Citadel. It was Admiral Kahoku—he heard that we're heading for the Artemis Tau cluster, and wanted to know if we'd check out the Sparta system. He lost contact with a recon team he sent there almost two weeks ago. No one on the Citadel cares enough to send—" her face darkened for a moment and she rephrased, "The Admiral hasn't been able to organize a rescue team, and thought we might be willing to help since we're in the area."

"Why didn't Joker just page me over the comm system?"

Williams smirked. "He tried sir, but you didn't respond. Must be a good read to get you so distracted." She gestured at the datapad.

"Research. Dr. T'Soni's dissertation. Hard to get into, but it's actually pretty interesting once you start."

"I'll take your word for it, sir. It definitely wouldn't be my choice for free reading, though. Makes me glad I'm not in command here."

Shepard ignored the part of his mind reminding him of his decision to distance himself from the crew as Williams sat across the table from him. "Well, it's the first paper on archeology I've ever read. But I wouldn't say it could replace my favorite book, Williams."

"Which is?"

"Which is what?"

"Your favorite book, Commander. What is it?"

"_Shane_."

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Never heard of it, sir."

"Plenty of people haven't. It's been out of print for a while now. But I was named after it—Karl Shane Shepard. Karl's a family name, but Shane—my dad loved that book. He read it to me a hundred times before I learned to read on my own. Every time I went to him for advice when I was older, he'd pull the book down and find a quote that fit." Shepard's voice warmed at the memory. "'A man can keep his self-respect without having to cram it down another man's throat,'" he quoted. "That was after I got into a fight. When I was having trouble in school: 'There's no wood ever grew can stand up to a man who's got the strength and the will to keep hammering at it.'"

"Sounds useful." Shepard couldn't quite read the expression on Williams' face. "I can see why he named you after it."

"He didn't. My mother did." At Williams' unspoken question, Shepard explained. "She wanted to name me after her father, Karl, but she wanted to name me for my father too. He was Kyle Stephan Shepard. So, Karl Shane Shepard. See? Still K.S. Shepard like my dad, but Karl like my grandfather." He smiled. "My father wasn't happy that she'd named me after her father…When my sister was born, my mother was really out of it, all drugged up when they asked for the baby's name. She'd wanted to name the baby Theresa, but Dad was there and he named her Willa, you know, for the author. You wouldn't believe how mad Mom was when she found out! But Dad just kept grinning at her and saying 'Fair's fair.'

"To be honest though, I'm glad Mom named me. Dad wanted to name me Virgil—after that lawman from the ancient west? Can you see me as a Virgil? Virgil Shepard." He made a face at the name.

"It could have been worse, sir," Williams started laughing before she could finish her thought. "I'm sorry," she finally gasped. "I'm just—imagining you…Going through basic training as—as Virgil!" Her laughter got the better of her again.

For a moment, Shepard let himself be caught up in the joke, but checked himself before he could do more than chuckle. When she regained her composure, he stood, intent on reestablishing professional boundaries. "Sorry to keep you so long, Chief Williams. Did Joker mention how far out we are from the Sparta system?"

His abrupt change in demeanor had Williams frowning slightly. "Not more than two hours, Commander."

"Great. Excuse me?" Without waiting for her answer, Shepard collected his things and retreated to his cabin.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

**In Which Crewmembers Reevaluate Their Opinions of Our Hero**

Ashley sat in the cockpit with Joker and Kaidan, lamenting whatever genetic shortcomings in her heritage had combined to make her so unbearably stupid. "—and then I just started laughing! I couldn't stop myself. Oh God, you should have seen the commander's face…and now he's taking Garrus and Wrex with him for every single ground mission in Artemis Tau? That's not a coincidence. Why, _why_ can't I keep my mouth shut?" She buried her face in her hands, moaning quietly.

Joker laughed, and Kaidan shot him a look, trying to shut him up. "What?" Joker refused to be reined in. "C'mon, Kaidan, you gotta admit that the chief really put her foot in her mouth with that one. I can just imagine Shepard's email home: Dear Mom, Thanks again for being the one that named me. I let it slip to that smart-ass marine I told you about that Dad wanted to name me Virgil, and she—"

Ashley lifted her head from her hands to stare at Joker. "Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one that didn't know," she interrupted.

"Didn't know what?" Ashley had gone back into hiding, so Joker turned to Kaidan. "Didn't know _what?_" he asked again.

"The commander's entire family was killed on Mindoir. In the batarian slaver attack," Kaidan told him.

"Oh, man, no. Really?" Joker's face fell as Ashley and Kaidan nodded. "Shit. You shouldn'tve knocked his dad. Too bad, too. I really liked you, Ash. I'm gonna miss you when you get transferred groundside."

"Don't be ridiculous, Joker." The level of melodrama in the cockpit was starting to irritate Kaidan. "The commander's not going to transfer her—"

"Says you," Ashley mumbled. "You didn't see him, LT. He just…one minute we're chatting, and the next…"

"Don't beat yourself up. Shepard's under a lot of stress with this mission, but he's not dumb. You're a good soldier, and the fact that you crossed the line for a minute isn't going to change that fact. He might be mad—annoyed," he corrected himself, "but he's not gonna transfer you groundside."

A thought occurred to Kaidan, and he quieted. He remembered the way the commander had frozen for a moment when Jenkins was gunned down, how he had lost control of his biotics in Chora's Den, the way he'd smile at Tali's questions, his jokes on Feros, the time he'd spend talking with Garrus, his willingness to sit next to Wrex in the mess. He compared it with the way Shepard had secluded himself in his cabin for the past week. "Ashley, what did you say Shepard said to you again?"

She looked at him curiously. "Uh, he said he was sorry for keeping me and asked how far we were from Artemis Tau. And then he left. All of a sudden."

Kaidan couldn't keep the amusement from his voice. "Well, this ought to make you feel better. The last time I talked with the commander, we got sidetracked, talking about our old—ah, personal stuff, you know. I made a joke about it, trying to apologize for taking up so much of his time, I guess. He said almost the exact same thing to me that he said to you.

"You said he just walked out all of a sudden?" Ashley nodded, and Kaidan let out a short bark of laughter. "I think Shepard's worried we're all going to think _he's_ being overly familiar with _us_."

That made Joker laugh. "Like any of us would complain to the brass about the commander: first human Spectre, hero of Elysium, incapable of doing any wrong? Hell, if we tried to have him written up for fraternization, the Admiralty Board would probably have us charged with treason!"

"Treason?" Ashley asked dryly, with the ghost of a smile.

"Hell, yeah, treason!" Joker's voice dropped an octave, taking on what he clearly thought was an authoritative tone. "How dare you impugn the honor of the Alliance's finest officer! Your accusations are groundless! Commander Shepard represents the pinnacle of human evolution! It's soldiers like you that give the Council reason to bar humanity from joining it! I'd challenge you to a duel myself if you weren't about to be shot by a firing squad!"

"It doesn't matter what we think though," Kaidan reminded him. "Just what Shepard thinks."

"Well, he ought to lighten up," Ashley replied.

"He does, sometimes. Remember the creepers on Feros? And in the wards when he was talking about old vids and you said—"

"Okay! Yes!" Ashley glared at Kaidan. "_I get the point, thank you!_" She sighed. "I think Shepard is an idiot for acting like that, but I'm glad he's not mad at me. I like serving on the _Normandy_. I don't want to go back to groundside garrisons."

"Yeah, I don't believe you when you say this is your first shipside posting," Joker told her. "No way. Sure, you come in here, bat your eyelashes and _say_ you're new to all this ship stuff, and would I mind helping you learn the ropes, but I see through you, Williams. And I'm sorry, but unlike you, I do take the regs against fraternization seriously. So, no, I'm not going to ask you out. You might as well stop pining away."

Kaidan and Ashley started laughing. Ashley laughed so hard she ended up doubled over and gasping for breath.

"All right, all right, cut it out, it wasn't _that_ funny," Joker muttered.

* * *

It wasn't that Garrus didn't like going out on groundside missions with Commander Shepard. But he suspected that Shepard was keeping him close because he was worried that Garrus was too hot-headed to be left alone with the human crew of the _Normandy_. As though Garrus would snap and start visiting his personal sense of vigilante justice on every crewmember that looked at him cross-eyed. The thought made his mandibles flare. Garrus admitted that he was sometimes willing to…_bend_ the law to get the job done. But he respected the law. He wasn't going to—

"Vakarian!" Wrex's irritated voice interrupted Garrus' introspection. "You mind giving me a hand with this? Or are you just gonna sit there like a volus with a hangnail?" The disgusted krogan leaned forward from the rear seat of the Mako. "I told you we should have taken the female," he told the commander.

"And I told you not to question my decisions, Wrex." Sullenly, Garrus noticed that the commander didn't exactly disagree with Wrex. "Garrus, help him open the hatch. I'm picking up a bunker of some kind up ahead. If we're lucky, it'll be the doctor's base, but I don't want to take any chances."

Together, Garrus and Wrex climbed topside. "Dibs on the plasma cannon," the krogan immediately said.

"Fine by me." Garrus turned his attention to the machine gun. He'd spent a lot of his free time tinkering with the Mako, trying to improve on the design. The Turian Hierarchy believed the use of vehicles by infantry ground forces fostered weakness, so Garrus had never encountered a machine quite like the rover. Its flexibility was impressive, although he was frustrated at his inability to figure out a way to boost the regeneration rate of its kinetic barriers.

"Stop wasting oxygen, turian! Those are sniper towers up there!"

Garrus' mandibles flared in embarrassment. How could he have let his focus slide like that? And not once, but twice? He shook his head to clear it, and leveled his gun at the tower.

The Mako suddenly jumped six feet in the air, avoiding a rocket fired by a ground trooper. Although Garrus felt his stomach lurch, he managed not to fall down the hatch this time. He had thought Lieutenant Alenko and Chief Williams were exaggerating when they described the commander's erratic driving. But during the search for missing Alliance marines in the Sparta system, they'd been attacked by a Thresher Maw, and Shepard had jerked the rover in such unexpected maneuvers that Garrus hadn't been able to stay upright. He'd never felt so humiliated before. It was like he was a raw recruit instead of a mature turian who'd served in both the Hierarchy military and C-Sec.

"Ha-ha!" Wrex was a deceptively simple creature, fully content as long as he was able to get off the ship and destroy a few bad guys every so often. It had almost reached the point where Garrus wasn't overly nervous at being cooped up in the Mako with him.

A final burst from the plasma cannon burst the crates in front of the bunker entrance, reducing the guards that had been firing at them to cinders. "I had him, you know," Garrus told Wrex irritably.

"My way was faster."

"Hey!" Shepard shouted up to them. "I've got some comm traffic on here—I don't think this is where Dr. T'Soni is. Sounds like slavers. I _hate_ slavers." The commander brought the vehicle to a halt.

"No one likes slavers, Shepard."

"Oh, I don't know," the sarcastic remark slipped out before Garrus could stop it. "I'm sure their mothers love them. And, you know, if their mothers don't, it certainly explains why they turned to a life of crime in the first place."

Shepard snorted, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. "Maybe."

The inside of the bunker was nothing exciting, a typical prefab construction with a single large storeroom and a loft. Garrus wasn't sure whether to be grateful or upset that the slavers weren't storing any 'cargo' there at the moment. He didn't know how he would have reacted to a building full of slaves, but it would have been nice to help actual people rather than contenting himself with the abstract notion of 'the greater good.'

"Let's look around," Shepard ordered, stepping over the corpse of a particularly vicious fighter, an asari. "We might find something about their shipping lines or contacts that we can send back to the Alli—to the Council." For the first time, Garrus realized he understood how Shepard must feel, suddenly responsible to a new authority after being part of the same organization for so long.

They split up, searching the compound. Finding a back room—Garrus hesitated to say _office_—full of computer terminals, he synched up his omni-tool and looked for a way into the slavers' system. After a few minutes, he smiled in triumph. He might not be as good as Tali, but when it came to technology, Garrus was no slouch. Scanning through the files, he searched for any information that might prove useful.

"Commander!" _This can't be right_…. "Commander, I think I found something!"

Shepard and Wrex appeared in the entrance. "What do you have, Garrus?" the commander asked. "Hopefully something good." He looked at Wrex. "_Some_ of us have just been raiding the unlocked crates for weapons mods."

"So what?" the krogan retorted. "Just because you didn't think to do it first—"

"Commander, I really think you should look at this." Garrus turned the screen towards Shepard. "See?" he asked without waiting for the commander to finish reading. "That asari slaver, Dalia, her sister is a diplomat on the Citadel—she was being blackmailed…Oh, this is not going to end well."

"Why not? Because we killed a diplomat's sister?"

Garrus shook his head. "That's not it. Although that's not good, no. But this," he checked the monitor, "Nassana Dantius, she should have reported her sister. She would have been placed on leave until the situation was dealt with. Instead, it looks like she was trying to cover it all up…This is a diplomatic incident waiting to happen. Why couldn't a non-Council species have found this?"

"Humans aren't part of the Council," Wrex pointed out.

"Not yet they're not." Garrus was surprised that neither the commander nor Wrex seemed to grasp the political implications of the situation. Maybe it was because neither of them had worked on the Citadel the way he had. They just didn't understand how things worked. "If Shepard brings this information forward—"

"It will look like humanity is making a power play at the expense of the asari," Shepard said thoughtfully. "So that's out. What if—what if we confronted Nassana directly?"

"That could work," Garrus spoke slowly, weighing the implications. "Yes, that might be the best solution. Talk to her, try to figure out a way to—But it's not entirely legal, Shepard."

The commander cocked an eyebrow. "It's not exactly illegal either, Garrus. And this way no one is going to get hurt. We don't know, Nassana could have been trying to protect her sister. You said it yourself, if she reported it, the Council would have made sure Dahlia was eliminated."

"I didn't think of that."

"Are you two just going to stand there talking or are we going to head back to the _Normandy_?" Wrex interjected. "There's nothing else to do here."

"Finally broke into the last crates, did you?" Garrus asked dryly. He left the computer room, but waited by the door for the commander. Maybe he'd read Shepard wrong. The man _had_ just taken the time to seriously consider Garrus' explanation of Citadel politics. Regardless, Garrus realized he was feeling better about these ground missions.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

**In Which There is More Insomnia**

Shepard scowled at the ceiling of his cabin. He was lying on top of his bed, pretending that he would be able to fall asleep during the—he checked the clock—ten hours left in the trip from the Athens system to the Knossos system. Knossos was the last system in Artemis Tau that the _Normandy_ had been slated to search for Dr. T'Soni; of course that was where her dig site would be. He tried closing his eyes and reminding himself how important it was to be rested. Reading halfway through the doctor's dissertation hadn't given him any insight into what the doctor herself would be like; he had to assume that she would be both powerful and hostile. That's why he'd taken Wrex and Garrus with him on every groundside mission in this star cluster. The krogan could be shot with anti-vehicle missiles and not flinch, and the turian had worked with asari more than anyone else on the _Normandy_ crew. They were the logical choices—

He was doing it again, thinking about the mission when he should be sleeping so that he'd actually be able to complete the mission.

Falling asleep hadn't been too difficult after Feros. First, there had been Dr. Chakwas' sleep aids that knocked him out. After that, he had sequestered himself in his quarters for a week, nodding off at his desk when fatigue overwhelmed him. But now it was back to ground missions, back to a schedule where he was supposed to sleep in long stretches on the too-big bed with sheets and blankets and pillows and nightmares.

The nightmares were the worst they'd ever been, as though Shiala's intervention had broken down whatever barriers his mind had put up to protect his sanity. Every time he lay down on the bed, his subconscious produced new tortures that soon had him awake and gasping in fear. Last night he'd lost control of his biotics completely, and had woken up when the singularity he'd unconsciously produced had given way and a chair came crashing down on top of him.

Maybe, he looked at the clock again, maybe he should go ask Chakwas for a sleep aid. He needed to be ready to face T'Soni tomorrow. The possibility of a quick drop into dreamless sleep was a powerful lure, an easy fix to his problem. Still, he didn't want to fall back into old habits. It had taken him years to wean himself off the drugs. Nothing else seemed to work though. Shepard sat up on the bed, telling himself it was the right thing to do. What good was a commanding officer who couldn't function at peak capacity? Without a full night's rest, he'd be a liability.

He dressed and left his cabin, walking the quick route through the mess to reach Chakwas' office. Standing outside her door though, his resolve—if that's what it was—wavered. _The doctor's probably asleep_, he reasoned. _I really shouldn't bother her over this. There's got to be something else I can try_. He forced himself to turn away. _Maybe something in the kitchenette_….

Shepard made his way back to the mess, thinking he might try a warm drink. Running a hand over his hair, he stepped into the kitchenette, not looking around until—

"Commander!" Williams was perched cross-legged on a countertop, a mug of coffee in her hands. Shepard blinked in surprise, quashing both the urge to withdraw to his cabin, and the urge to smile at her. He liked Williams; she was funny and always enthusiastic, especially now that she seemed to have gotten over her initial nervousness at being transferred to the _Normandy_. He liked looking at Williams too, Shepard admitted, what with her toned figure, her huge dark eyes—

He repressed those thoughts as well.

"Chief Williams. Uh, what are you doing awake?"

She hopped down onto the floor and refilled her mug. "Trying to stay awake, sir. I've been up with Joker on the bridge, and since I'm not on the ground team for this mission," her gaze was slightly reproachful, "I've got a watch starting in a couple hours. Thought I'd try to just power through it and sleep later."

"That's not healthy, Williams." Shepard found what he was looking for, and started to heat it up.

"With all due respect sir, you're the one who's going groundside to ferret out the daughter of a traitor, and you're not asleep."

"Insomnia, remember?" he replied curtly, not wanting to admit he was afraid to fall asleep. "And I'm trying to fix it." He showed her his glass.

"Orange juice? Why not warm milk?"

Shepard shrugged. "It was my mother's solution when I was growing up. Her father was a doctor; she said he swore by it. And I didn't drink milk much anyway."

"Then how did you ever grow up to be big and strong?" Williams' voice was teasing, but she scowled at herself before Shepard could respond. "Sorry, Commander. I didn't mean to make fun—" She fidgeted and looked away. Shepard recognized the expression on her face from their last conversation. His fingers traced the scar on his nose as he wondered how to phrase his next words.

"It, ah, it occurs to me, Williams that I was—somewhat short with you the last time we talked? When you brought me the message about Kahoku's men?" He sighed. "I'm making a lot of this up as I go—um, I've never had a close-quarters command like this before, and I just—It's hard to be professional on such a small ship without seeming, uh—I'd like to apologize."

There was a pause that seemed longer than it actually was before she spoke. "There was nothing to apologize for, sir. Like you said, this is your command, and I realize I was out of line…"

"Out of line?" Shepard interrupted. "How were you out of line?"

"Laughing at your name, sir?"

_So much for your attempts at professionalism. She thinks she offended you._ He snorted. "Why wouldn't you laugh? I'm the one who told you to imagine me as a Virgil." The small smile on Williams' face made Shepard smile in return. _Brown_, he thought suddenly. _Her eyes are brown_. He gulped his orange juice, draining the glass in a long, childish gesture that gave him an excuse to break their eye contact.

"To answer your earlier question," he said, wiping his upper lip and staring intently at the wall just over Ashley's—_Williams'_ shoulder, "I took supplements. My parents didn't force me, just told me that if I wasn't going to drink milk then I was going to take the supplement pills.

"I think I just couldn't stomach milk once I realized where it was coming from. Maybe if I hadn't actually had to help with milking it would have been different. We only had a couple centaurs—sorry, space cows that we used for milk, but you know how it is. I never minded the work, but after the first time I helped my parents with milking—I was done drinking it. I don't like it even now."

"Sir, can I ask you a question?" Shepard nodded. "Why do you call them 'centaurs'? I mean, Dr. Chakwas knew what you meant, but down on Feros, I thought you were losing it."

"Wait, so you only started worrying about my sanity on Feros? Not when Captain Anderson told the Council I saw visions of their top Spectre leading an army of synthetics in a genocidal campaign against the human race? You need to rethink your standards," he joked lamely.

"Have you ever seen a space cow, Williams? They've got legs that look more like a farm horse's than a cow's, eyes that face forwards, and these short little arms—with fingers. My mom used to call them centaurs." Shepard gave a half-smile. "She was always doing things like that, finding ways to make everything a little more magical. Sometimes I think she taught me to read just so she'd have an excuse to keep fairy-tale books around the house. She left her parents and dropped out of school to go with my dad to Mindoir, called it their 'epic romance'…I miss her. Part of me still can't admit she's dead." He made the last confession forgetting Williams was in the room, and stiffened when he remembered.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to whine." His mouth twisted in self-contempt, and he slumped against the doorframe. "I feel bad, Chief Williams. Every time you ask me a question, I talk at you without stopping. You should just punch me next time."

"My dad passed on a few years back." It was the last thing Shepard had expected her to say, and he jerked his head up at her seriousness. "Stupidest way possible. He served with the fleet, you know, but he was too old for combat and not important enough for a desk job, so he retired. He found a lame security job working for one of the big warehouse companies on Amaterasu. One night he's on his rounds and some worthless, godless, asshole-punk kid high on red sand breaks into the building. Dad goes to cuff the kid until he sobers up and gets slammed into a wall by the kid's fake biotics. Broke his neck. They didn't even find him until the next morning."

Williams took a long breath. "My dad spent his whole life taking whatever crap posting he could get that offered space time. Worked his ass off to get recognized, but never made it about serviceman third class." She made a sound that Shepard might have assumed was a sob if she wasn't sitting in front of him, dry-eyed. "He was real proud when I made chief. First thing he did was salute…

"It pisses me off that he spent his life serving with the Alliance so that kids like the one who killed him could grow up safe and then he died like that—for nothing. I was so angry when they told us how he died. Every day that they don't find the kid makes me angrier. Sometimes I think about taking leave time and going to hunt the kid down myself, but Dad wouldn't want that.

"I don't think I'll ever stop missing him. But it's not like he's gone forever. And, you know, he's probably still watching, so I behave. Or try to, anyway."

"Watching?" Shepard asked. "You mean from wherever we go when we die?"

"Dead on, Skipper. He's with God now." The peaceful conviction in Williams' voice surprised Shepard as much as the nickname did.

"That doesn't bother you, does it?" she asked quickly. "That I believe in God?"

Shepard shrugged. "Freedom of religion's in the Alliance Charter, isn't it?"

"You'd be surprised," Williams said sourly. "You might be open-minded, sir, but I've met a lot of people who're really weirded out by my faith. Like because I serve in space I can't believe in a higher power? Idiots. How can you look at this galaxy and not believe in…something?"

She broke off and gave Shepard an embarrassed smile. "Sorry. Didn't mean to get defensive. Habit, I guess. I had a point; I know I did. Can't remember it now, though."

Shepard heated another glass of orange juice. "Let me know if you do. I should try to get some sleep now, but…we'll talk more, later, Williams."

The chief raised her mug of coffee in salute. "Looking forwards to it, Skipper."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **__Feel like I've been quiet here lately. Just thought I'd reiterate my appreciation for all of you who take the time to read._


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

**In Which There is a New Perspective**

"Huh," Shepard said thoughtfully, eyes locked on the LADAR image of the baked earth rising rapidly upwards to meet the Mako, "Therum looks a little like Mars."

Garrus fought the impulse to look at the LADAR screen. He remembered from history classes that the humans' first colony had been on Mars, and he wondered what kind of planet it was. Still, he knew better than to risk that the sight of the ground rushing towards the Mako would combine with the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach and cause him to get sick. Especially since it was Wrex's turn to sit in the front seat; the krogan barely tolerated Garrus as it was.

As always, Shepard hit the thrusters at the last possible moment, causing the rover to hit the ground with a singularly unpleasant thud. The vehicle bounced and skidded across the planet's surface. When it finally rolled to a stop, Garrus let out the breath he'd been holding and studied the LADAR display. Therum's surface was parched and riddled with cracks—wholly unattractive, at least to a turian. Perhaps humans embraced a different sense of aesthetics?

Joker's voice crackled over the comm, its professional tone startling. "Commander, I'm picking up some strange readings. Really strange. Like off the damn charts. It looks like it's coming from an underground complex a few klicks away from the drop zone."

"That's the first useful thing he's told us," Wrex found the pilot's frequent reminders to stay within mission parameters irritating. Although Garrus agreed with Wrex's opinion of Joker, it was unprofessional to complain about shipmates, especially in front of the commander.

"Are those lava pits?" the krogan asked a short time later as they made their way across the barren landscape.

"Therum is a volcanic planet," Shepard told him. "Although…survey teams found some fossils that suggest that the planet wasn't always so inhospitable." The commander frowned. "Didn't you read the mission brief? I know I put information about Therum in there."

"Like I don't have better things to do than read about human colonies. You don't even know for sure that this is the right planet."

"If you're going to be a part of my team, Wrex, you really need to start—Uh-oh."

All three occupants of the Mako lurched forward as the commander abruptly slammed on the brakes. A geth ship passed overhead, dropping two armatures that lost no time in training their weapons on the Mako. Shepard hit the thrusters hard, propelling the vehicle over the first shots. "Are you two waiting for an invitation? Go blow them up!" he ordered.

Those armatures were just the beginning. Further up the road was a geth compound protected by three rocket turrets. They began firing as soon as the Mako came into range—with unpleasant accuracy.

"Only a fool punches a nathak in the mouth," Wrex called down to Shepard. "We should go around and pull its tail."

Never having studied the indigenous species of Tuchanka, Garrus didn't quite understand the advice, but he agreed with the basic sentiment. "There!" he yelled. "Shepard, there's some kind of passage over to the right!" The Mako hopped over another missile and sped towards the cover.

As Garrus had hoped, the detour route led to a laughably ill-protected side entrance to the compound. The Mako's guns made quick work of the geth inside the compound, but then had to be hastily brought around to take out the turrets the ground team had been trying to avoid.

"Sorry about that," the commander muttered. Shepard had unlocked the wrong exit and exposed the team to turret fire. "Should have been more careful."

"If only it had been in the mission brief." Garrus' jaw dropped. Had _Wrex_ just made a _joke?_

"If only," Shepard assented.

They encountered more armatures and turrets as they drove on, until they finally reached a stretch of road blocked by a rockslide. Despite the commander's best efforts, the pile was too high and steep to make continuing in the Mako possible. "Shore party to _Normandy_," Shepard radioed. "Joker, we're leaving the rover behind and continuing on foot. How far to that energy spike?"

"From where you are now, Commander, the entrance should be at the top of the hill."

"Thanks. Remember to pick up the rover. Shore party out."

Garrus followed the Commander and Wrex as the three of them climbed over the delightfully inconvenient rock pile. "Mountain climbing was not the sort of physical activity I anticipated when I agreed to come with you, Commander," Garrus panted.

"Agreed to come with me? You practically begged me to take you," Shepard retorted before tripping and tumbling off the pile and onto the ground.

"I believe the universe has just taken you to account for lying," Garrus told him, dropping lightly to stand at the commander's side and offer him a hand up.

"I hate you, turian."

"I hate him too," Wrex agreed.

Garrus scoffed and waved his hand airily as they began to climb the hill. "Nonsense. You both love me. I'm the wittiest member of the crew…not to mention the most attract—" A shot slammed into his shields and he fell, swearing.

"Watch your mouth, Garrus!" Shepard shouted as he dove for cover behind a rock. Garrus wondered how the commander's translator had interpreted the words Garrus had been yelling.

"Stop nagging the turian and focus on those towers, Shepard!" Wrex's roar jerked Garrus' thoughts back to the situation at hand. He pulled his sniper rifle off his back and began to line up shots, picking off the distant geth with smooth accuracy. Protected from sniper fire, the commander and Wrex were free to concentrate on the rocket-wielding troopers that made their way across the valley. When the path had finally been cleared, they resumed their climb up the hill.

"For once, I'd like a mission that didn't require my being completely disgusting," Shepard remarked. "Look at me; between the heat and the geth I'm drowning in my own sweat."

Although turians didn't lose water through perspiration the same way humans did, Garrus' father had raised him to be prepared for any eventuality. At the commander's words, Garrus pulled out his water container. "Remember to stay hydrated," he told Shepard. "Ah…don't put your mouth on it," he added as an afterthought. "Levo-DNA species tend to have an allergic reaction if they come into contact with dextro-DNA species' um…just don't put your mouth on it."

"Thanks," Shepard panted, taking a gulp from the canteen (positioned about eight centimeters above his lips), and passing it back to Garrus. They crested the hill, and saw the remains of the human mining company's equipment before them. "The entrance shouldn't be too far away now," Shepard said. "Home stretch!"

Before Garrus could ask what the 'home stretch' was, a sinuous geth shot across the open ground before them, latching on to the derelict scaffolding and whirring ominously at them.

"Die!" Wrex yelled, attempting to unload the clip from his assault rifle into the synthetic. The geth proved too quick for the krogan however, ricocheting from wall to ground to crate to wall with a speed and ease that grated on Garrus' nerves. He unclipped his own assault rifle, planning to lend Wrex a hand, when an all too familiar noise overhead made him pause. Sure enough, a geth dropship was rapidly approaching their position.

Shepard's gaze locked on the ship. "Darn it! Take cover! Whatever that thing's going to drop, it's going to be hell to get rid of, I promise you!"

Garrus crouched behind the nearest crate, wishing it were taller, but at least glad he didn't have to share space with Wrex and Shepard, who had both sheltered behind the same barricade. He kept his head down until he heard a loud thud, followed by the sounds of the geth ship pulling away. Wrex let out an excited bellow at the same instant that Shepard yelled "Darn it!" in frustration. Garrus lifted his head out of cover just in time to see the armature that had been dropped rise unsteadily to its feet. "Well, at least it's more interesting than C-Sec paperwork," he muttered, shouldering his assault rifle.

* * *

Liara had no way of knowing how long she had been trapped in the Prothean chamber, but she was fairly certain it had been long enough that she should be feeling hungry or dehydrated. At the very least, her arms and shoulders should be tired from having been extended for a prolonged period of time. The fact that she felt none of these things was truly fascinating, she told herself. Who would have imagined that the Protheans could construct a stasis field capable of suspending one's metabolic demands?

Yes, it was a testament to Prothean ingenuity, not an indication that she might be going mad.

To distract herself from her predicament, Liara went over what she'd learned about the ruins during her dig. She'd been drawn to Therum when a human mining company had announced its discovery of practically intact Prothean ruins. Though it had taken nearly two years for the University of Thessia to approve her grant application, she'd finally gotten the funds necessary to come here. Originally, Liara had hypothesized that this structure was a shelter for Protheans seeking to survive the Fall. The barriers had appeared to be a protection of sorts—she noticed they tended to block most forms of radio communication when activated. However, she hadn't known about the ability of the room to immobilize an occupant (and in many respects, she still wished she was ignorant of the fact). Perhaps the structure was in fact an incarceration facility? If she ever got free, she was going to need to conduct more thorough dating of the ruins—she should never have assumed that ruins dated from the Fall based on architecture alone. That had been careless. Liara shook her head, the last bit of motion left to her; she should have known better.

Although she was only one hundred six, Liara had dedicated her adult life to unearthing the secrets of the Prothean extinction. She was a professional. An undergraduate student might have judged a dig site based solely on a single characteristic, but she shouldn't have. _Study the ruins now so that you don't make this mistake again_. It was easier said than done. The barrier curtains that protected her from the geth that had come to Therum a few—days? hours? weeks?—ago was translucent, not transparent. Add to that the haze of the containment field that held her immobile, and it was nearly impossible to study the structure.

Liara trained her eyes on the tiles that lined the walls, floor and ceiling of the chamber. The shape of the tiles was unusual, not one she knew the name for. Nearly octagonal, but with an odd, curving dip. Never having encountered it before, she had spent hours studying the shape, taking tracings, trying to determine if the atypical design detail had any deeper meaning. _Do you know the era that this shape came into use?_ She closed her eyes, photographic memory calling up the pages of a recent paper on Prothean architecture she had read not more than three years ago. There was no mention of the shape. _Good. That's a sign that it was either highly uncommon or that it is a development that occurred shortly before the Fall. Good, maybe you didn't rush into this dig, Liara_. Now for other aspects of the aesthetics. Everything was clean looking, pure—

"Look at this shithole. Sterile white. The Protheans sure built things homey." The sound of a deep, rumbling voice jolted Liara.

"Language, Wrex," someone responded.

"Why Wrex, I had no idea you were interested in interior design. Just another thing we have in common!" The third voice was tinny, its good-natured sarcasm a bright jangling note.

_What is going on?_ Liara wondered. The next sound she heard was the mining elevator creaking into motion, then grating to a halt: emergency breaks shrieking and sending sparks to flit through Liara's line of sight.

The young asari focused on the tiny bursts of light. _Pretty little dying stars_, she thought disjointedly. _Oh Goddess, I'm losing my mind_. "Can you hear me out there? I am trapped, I need help!"

Three figures materialized before her; if she squinted, Liara could identify their species, but little else. One was a krogan, presumably the same one that had been prowling around the barrier earlier, but he was no longer accompanied by geth troopers. Rather, his companions were a turian male and a human male. _A krogan and a turian travelling together? What kind of nonsense are you dreaming up, Liara?_

Unable to believe that her mind, the one thing she had always been able to rely upon would betray her in this manner, Liara stared at the aliens. The human approached the barrier, pushing tentatively against it with his hand. Although there was no way to be sure, Liara imagined his eyes were locked on hers. "Are you—are you real?" She couldn't help asking. "No, of course they're not, Liara. You're hallucinating. And talking to yourself." She gave a hysterical laugh and rolled her eyes skywards. "Oh, Goddess! I am going to die here."

"I'm real enough," the human's voice was level and authoritative, very soothing. "Stay calm, I'll get you out of there."

"You're oddly lucid for a hallucination," Liara commented. "They don't usually claim to be real." She lifted her brows and a detached part of her mind let itself be amused that even when teetering on the edge of madness, she maintained her scientific curiosity. "Or do they? I guess I wouldn't know. I don't usually hallucinate. At least, I don't think I do…" She trailed off. There was an interesting question. What if the past century had been a hallucination, and she was actually someone else? What if her entire existence was the product of someone else's afternoon nap? What if—

The human interrupted her thoughts. "My name is Shepard. The office of Special Tactics and Recon sent me." Did the human sound—amused?

"A Spectre!" Liara laughed again. At least she knew she was hallucinating now. _A human Spectre? Honestly, Liara!_ "That's good! What else would I conjure up? A protector figure. Yes, perfect. Comforting. Well, _Spectre_, as you can see, I am trapped here. If you're as real as you claim, find a way to get me out."

"How did you end up in there?"

"Ah yes, the figment of my imagination wants me to retrace my steps. See if I can figure out where I went wrong." At least this part of the hallucination had a rational basis. If she went over her actions, she might be able to figure out how to free herself. "I was exploring the ruins. When the geth came, I ran in here and activated the defenses, knowing that the barrier curtains would protect me. When I turned it on however, I must have hit something I wasn't supposed to. I was trapped in here." _Your turn, Spectre. Tell me what I missed_.

"We'll find some way to help you."

Liara sighed. It seemed even her subconscious couldn't determine how to free her. "Of course, what good is a hallucination if it can't offer false hope? Listen, Spectre, if you're real, find some way to get past the barrier curtains. Find some way to deal with the geth, and then use the control panel to release me. If you're not real, please go away. I am tired of talking to myself."

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**_ My apologies on the fact that this update came so late in the day. _


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

**In Which Things Fall Apart**

She was almost disappointed at how easy it had been to banish the hallucination. A simple request, and the human Spectre had wandered off, taking his companions with him. Liara shook her head at her inability to be contented. _Think_, she told herself. _In all likelihood, that was the krogan and two synthetics, given more comforting forms to help guard what remains of your sanity. Since the krogan has moved on, presumably to attempt to circumvent the barrier curtain once more, your geth-turned-Spectre went with him_.

The booming crash of thunder made her gasp before Liara remembered how arid Therum was. _Just another hallucination_, she scolded herself. _Get a grip, Liara!_ She forced herself to recall that architectural paper again, took her time and mentally read over every word, examined the pictures.

"Sorry it took us so long. Are you all right?" The spectral Spectre's voice intruded on her thoughts once again.

Liara hung her head. _This isn't happening. I made them stop!_ "All right? Surely, you are joking. Earlier I imagined that I heard thunder. Now I am hallucinating that you are inside the tower. I am getting worse!"

"We used the mining laser to bore through."

"Mining laser—bore through?" Liara turned her head to stare at the human. He stared back at her, arms crossed as though impatient for her to come to her senses. "By the Goddess, you're real!" She tilted her head towards the control console. "Please, _please_, get me out of here!"

The turian walked over to the console, his omni-tool glowing. In an instant, Liara found herself on the ground, struggling to rise to her feet. Apparently, the stasis chamber hadn't preserved her strength after all. The human Spectre—Shepard, she remembered—offered her a hand up, letting her lean on him after she realized she wasn't able to stand on her own just yet.

"You're going to be fine, Dr. T'soni." Liara decided not to wonder how he knew her name.

"Not so fast," the krogan growled. "Her mother's working with Saren. How do we know this isn't a trap? You're tough for a human, Shepard, but you're much too trusting. Whose side are you on, asari?"

"What?" The stirrings of panic threatened to overwhelm Liara. "I am not on anyone's side! I may be Benezia's daughter, but I am nothing like her," she protested. "I have not spoken to her in years! Please—"

Shepard interrupted her. "Don't worry, Doctor. We're not going to leave you here. Wrex, I appreciate the sentiment, but we can discuss the doctor's loyalties when we're back aboard the _Normandy_."

"Any idea how we're going to get out of here?" the turian asked.

"There is an elevator in the center of the tower," Liara offered, anxious to prove her good intentions. "At least—I think it's an elevator. It should take us out of here. Come on!" She released Shepard's arm and led the way. When the elevator began to rise, she turned back to the Spectre. "I still cannot believe all this," she admitted. "Why would the geth come after me? Do you really think Benezia is involved?" _It wouldn't be the first time she's tried to force you to come home and visit, although it would be more…extreme than her usual tactics_.

"Saren's looking for the Conduit. You're a Prothean expert. He probably wants you to help him find it." The turian stated this as though it should have been obvious, though Liara had no idea who Saren even was.

"The Conduit? But I don't know—" Liara's words were cut off by an ominous rumbling.

"What the hell was that?" Wrex snapped.

"These ruins are not stable," Liara explained. "That mining laser must have triggered a seismic event. The whole place is caving in."

Shepard touched what Liara presumed was the communications unit on his armor. "Joker!" he yelled at whoever responded, "Get the _Normandy_ airborne and lock in on my signal. On the double, mister!"

When the faces of human, krogan and turian all assumed the same still expression, Liara realized that their communications units must all be linked, and that 'Joker' was giving them news they deemed less than desirable.

"Eight minutes!" the turian bellowed. "He needs to move faster!"

"If I die in here, I'll kill him!" the krogan agreed.

Shepard said nothing, merely removing his helmet and offering it to Liara. "Do you think it will fit?" he asked. "We don't want you to have survived stasis only to be done in by a stalagmite to the head."

Liara smiled and pulled on the helmet.

"Actually Shepard, the ones on the ceiling are stalactites," the turian corrected with a mocking shake of his head. "You've got to recognize your sedimentary rock formations."

"_Thank you_ for that, Garr—" Shepard stopped talking as the elevator reached ground level and they were confronted with the krogan that had been hunting Liara and his geth companions. "Can you handle a weapon, Doctor?" Shepard hissed. Liara nodded, and he slapped his pistol into her palm. "Hopefully you won't need it."

"Surrender!" the krogan ordered their party. "Or don't. That would be more fun."

"In case you hadn't noticed, this place is falling apart!" Shepard shouted in exasperation.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" That the enemy krogan and Wrex had both had the same thought added to Liara's sense of unease.

"Thanks for getting rid of those energy fields for us," the enemy krogan continued. "Now hand the doctor over."

"Whatever it may be that you want, you are not getting it from me." Liara's biotic abilities hummed through her again after being suppressed by the Prothean stasis field for so long. That feeling of power, combined with the weight of the gun in her hand, made her defiant.

Shepard nodded at her response. "She'll stay with us, thanks," he told the krogan with a flippant wave.

"Not an option," the krogan replied, shaking his head. "Saren wants her. And he always gets what he wants. Kill them," he ordered the geth. "Spare the asari if you can. If not, it doesn't matter."

The chaos of combat erupted around Liara before she had fully processed the krogan's final words. She noted with interest that Shepard appeared to be a biotic when he glowed blue and she found herself being propelled across the chamber to an area of the room protected by storage crates. _Why would he even give me a pistol if he didn't expect me to use it?_ she wondered in exasperation as she stood up and released the safety. Liara trained her gun on a geth that was approaching the turian from behind and shot rounds into its chest until it collapsed. _Not bad. My tutors would be proud, at least_. She used her biotics to hold another synthetic immobile, giving Wrex a chance to crush the thing's head with the butt of his assault rifle.

Then, just as suddenly as it had begun, the battle was over. Or nearly over. Shepard was still pitted against the enemy krogan in a one-on-one struggle. Although she was impressed that the human had the confidence—or the buoying stupidity—to face the krogan in what was essentially a fistfight, Liara realized that the longer the two fought, the slimmer the chances for survival became.

Remembering how Shepard had propelled her across the room, Liara gathered her biotic reserves for one final effort. Stifling the urge to yell like some primitive warrior as she released the energy, Liara pulled the krogan into the air with such force that he hit the chamber ceiling with a sick crack before the mass effect fields holding him aloft collapsed and he plunged to the ground. Shepard stared at Liara for a moment before turning his astonished gaze on the krogan. Dull orange blood seeped from the gaping split in the alien's head.

"We have to go!" the turian yelled as he raced by, leading the way to the exit tunnel. His voice snapped Liara back to reality. Rocks and debris were crashing down on all sides. She forced herself to follow the turian, though she quickly fell behind. _Oh Goddess_, she thought desperately, _don't let me die here!_

The krogan outstripped her now, moving rapidly despite his bulk. "This way!" he called back over his shoulder. Liara looked up to see an impossibly long staircase. Her legs threatened to collapse just at the sight of it.

Suddenly, Shepard was there, his hand on the small of her back, propelling her up the stairs ahead of him. "C'mon Dr. T'soni. Move, move, move!" She waited for him to pass her, to leave her behind. He didn't. Liara knew that most asari considered worship of Athame antiquated—perhaps that was why she had always found the Goddess so appealing—but she silently promised to bring an offering to the high temple on Thessia as thanks for Athame's sending Shepard to rescue her. The Spectre stayed with her as they ran out of the ruins, only taking his hand from her to slam down the faceplate of her helmet as they burst into the blistering heat of Therum.

Despite the protection offered by Shepard's helmet, the heat hit Liara with the force of…well, the force of a krogan battlemaster, she thought wryly. She reached the end of the ramp leading out of the mine and collapsed to her knees, panting. After a few moments, she looked around. Humans in protective suits were pouring out of a clean looking starship, helping the turian and the krogan aboard. Several came over to assist Liara, while others raced past her. She turned to see Shepard, leaning on the railing for support, brush them away and walk down the ramp. He looked towards Liara and waved.

Before coming to Therum, Liara had learned some basic phrases in the human language as a means of easing her interaction with the mining corporation there. Forgetting about the helmet obscuring her face, she smiled back and mouthed "_Thank you._"


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

**In Which the Doctor is In**

The tide of human crewmembers in the decontamination chamber separated Liara from Shepard, Wrex, and the turian (apparently named Garrus) as the ship took off. It seemed an eternity before the ship's VI announced that the throng was sufficiently sterile to enter the main body of the ship. As everyone prepared to go about his or her business, Liara hung back, the precarious nature of her situation finally becoming apparent. She had no idea what was going to happen—she was completely at the mercy of her rescuers, and if the snatches of conversation she had overheard were any indication, a good number of them were mistrustful of her.

Thankfully, Shepard seemed not to share in the general sentiment against her. He had been on the opposite side of the decontamination chamber, conversing with Garrus, Wrex, and two other humans, a male and a female. "Tell Tali!" he called after them as the four left. He looked her way then, and approached Liara.

"We're going to have a debrief session in about an hour," he told her. The dust that covered his face made his teeth and eyes shine brightly when Shepard smiled at her. "Normally we'd be heading in to debrief now, but I've got to get cleaned up first. Therum was hot," he complained.

"Farkas." Shepard grabbed a passing crewman's arm. "Do me a favor? Take Dr. T'Soni to Serviceman Vega, tell her to get the doctor set up, show her where she can get cleaned up, and make sure she gets to the comm room in an hour?" The soldier nodded. "Good man. I'll see you in a little while, Doctor. Welcome to the _Normandy_."

* * *

Farkas eyed Liara suspiciously. "This way, Doctor."

Without waiting to see if she followed, he began striding across the floor—_deck_, Liara remembered. The floor of a ship was called a deck. She wanted to ask the human male (Goddess, what was the name for a human male? Manuh? Manna? Man? Yes, that was it, _man_) to slow down, but the irrationally defiant streak that had caused her so many problems in the past flared up, urging her to keep pace with him. The man led her up a staircase and across another expanse of deck before he found the human female, the _woman_, they were looking for.

"Got the commander's latest for you, Maia," Farkas told her. "She's got to be at a debrief in an hour, but he wanted to give her a chance to get cleaned up." Farkas' face twisted in a mocking grin. "Guess he figured it'd be better if you were the one who got her clothes and showed her to the showers."

"I'm sure you would've done it if he'd let you, Elek." The woman who turned to study Liara had pale eyes and dark skin. The hair on her head was like Commander Shepard's: cropped so short it might as well not have been there. Liara had never bothered to take any human studies courses at university after first contact, and so was completely ignorant as to the function of hair. It was interesting to look at, certainly, but it seemed impractical. How did one keep it from getting caught on things unless one kept it as short as Serviceman Vega's?

"Is she the one they were looking for?"

"How many asari do you think there are out here on the back-end of the galaxy?"

"Good point. She need anything besides a cleanup and to get to the debrief?"

"Commander didn't mention anything. Knowing him though, she's gonna need to get down to requisitions eventually."

"Felawa isn't gonna be happy about that. She's clearly a civilian. Plus we're low on supplies after the Feros thing."

"Well, what she's wearing looks like Chakwas' lab outfit. Maybe the doctor could help her out? As a professional courtesy?"

"I don't think they're the same kind of doctor, but it couldn't hurt."

"I'm sorry, did you just say that I had a good idea? I may need to sit down."

"Don't let it go to your head, Elek. Now shove off, I can handle things from here."

"You know, technically, as a serviceman first class, I outrank you, Maia."

"You'll go if you don't want me to tell Felawa where all the extra pillows disappeared to last week."

"How do you even know—You wouldn't!"

"Try me."

"I'm going, I'm going!"

Liara had watched the conversational exchange between the two crewmembers with fascination, unused to witnessing such a boisterous form of camaraderie. Serviceman Farkas left them, and Serviceman Vega turned to Liara.

"Sorry," the woman said to Liara. "I don't know your name. I never read the mission briefs as carefully as I should."

"Dr. Liara T'Soni," Liara said, offering her hands to the woman. She remembered thinking it interesting when she'd been told that human greeting also included clasping hands. For the asari, the palm-to-palm intertwining of fingers was representative of the link all beings shared, but it was doubtful humans attached the same meaning to the gesture. Sure enough, Serviceman Vega stared curiously at Liara for a moment before gripping Liara's right hand in her own and moving it briefly up and down. _So the custom is not quite the same, then_.

"I'm Serviceman Third Class Maia Vega. Call me Maia; everyone does. If you'll follow me, Doctor, I can show you to the showers. The _Normandy's_ great because her water recycling system means she's the only ship in the navy where you don't have to take a navy shower—you can take as long as you want. Well, almost. Within reason. So while you're in there, I'll grab you a towel and some clean clothes…"

"Excuse me," Liara interrupted. "What is a shower?"

Serviceman Vega stopped dead in her tracks, an odd expression on her face. "What do you mean? It's a shower! It's—hot water that you bathe in? How else would you get clean?"

"I see. So—you clean yourself with water?"

"What else would you use?"

"The asari typically use oil. Will you show me how to use the shower?"

Vega's eyes were wide. "You just turn on the water and stand under the faucet. It's not that hard, Doctor. You soap yourself off, shampoo your hair…er, or not. Do the asari really not shower, or are you just messing with me?"

"Messing with you?" Liara's head was starting to hurt.

"Forget it."

* * *

Serviceman Vega had been correct. Figuring out how to work the shower was not especially difficult. Nevertheless, it took Liara longer than she surmised was usual to strike a balance between the hot and cold water. She spent the first part of her shower frantically batting the showerhead away when the stream of water turned abruptly searing or freezing. Eventually, Serviceman Vega had returned with clothing, and Liara gratefully accepted the high-neck tunic and close-fitting pants. The garments hung rather loosely on her frame, and Liara idly wondered if she had in fact lost weight while trapped in the ruins. Regardless, she felt blissfully clean—though she knew that it was impossible for her to actually be cleaner than she would have been had she cleaned herself in the asari manner, the water was refreshing in a way oil was not.

With a happy sigh, she followed Serviceman Vega to yet another level of the _Normandy_, one thick with humans passing datapads back and forth and entering data into various navigational computers. Liara took a moment to be surprised at the design of the room. It was clearly the command center, though it looked more like the turian warships she had toured with her mother than it did the pictures of human ships she had been shown.

"Back here," Serviceman Vega told Liara. She gestured to a wide set of doors. "The debriefing is in here." The woman glanced inside as the doors hissed open. "Or at least it will be, when the commander shows up. I'll see you later, Doctor."

* * *

Liara stood in the doorway, glancing timidly around the room. She reproached herself for her demeanor when she saw the aliens in the room taking stock of her. _There is nothing wrong with gentleness, Liara. It is one of your most wonderful traits. However, many will believe your quiet conduct means you are weak. They will challenge you; they will threaten you. But you are not weak, my daughter, and you will crush those that antagonize you. And I know that in the end, having harmed others will break your heart. So when I tell you not to appear vulnerable, Liara, it is not because I believe you are frail, or because I deem strength to be the measure of an asari's worth. It is because I would rather die a thousand times than see you hurt even once_

.

Liara could feel tears welling up in her eyes at the memory of her mother's advice. _Get a hold of yourself, Liara! You've done fine without Benezia for __**years**__ now_. There was a wide swath of empty seats next to Wrex, the krogan. It didn't take an advanced degree to realize that he must intimidate the others. Liara made her way over to the seat directly beside him and sat down. _How's that for vulnerability? _ She let her gaze travel over the two humans seated across from her, one male one female, the ones Shepard had spoken with in the decontamination chamber. They met her eyes without warmth or hesitation. Garrus she remembered, though he took no notice of her. He was busy conversing with a quarian female. _No allies here_, Liara realized. _Benezia, what did you do?_

* * *

The doorway hissed open, and Shepard walked in. He was dressed in the same casual uniform as the other humans, identical save for its long sleeves, and took position at the head of the room, leaning confidently against the communications unit on the back wall.

"Too close, Commander!" An unfamiliar voice blared suddenly from the room's overhead speakers, causing everyone to jump. "Ten more seconds, and we would've been swimming in molten sulfur. The _Normandy_ isn't equipped to land in exploding volcanoes."

_That must be the pilot_, Liara realized. She wondered a little bit that Shepard allowed him to be so blatantly insolent. No matriarch Liara had ever met would have tolerated being addressed in this manner by a subordinate.

"They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull. Just for future reference," the pilot finished.

Liara couldn't contain herself any longer. "We almost died out there and your pilot is making jokes?"

Shepard blinked, and shifted his absent gaze from the human female to Liara. "Joker pulled us out of there," he said with an indulgent smile. "I think he's earned the right to a few bad jokes."

"…I see," Liara lied. "It must be a human thing. I don't have a lot of experience dealing with your species, Commander." If everyone else called him that, it would be best if she did as well. "But I am grateful to you. You saved my life back there. And not just from the volcano. Those geth would have killed me, or dragged me off to Saren." Whoever Saren was.

"What did Saren want with you?" the other human male asked. "Do you know something about the Conduit?"

Saren, the Conduit, what, by the Goddess, were these people going on about? "All I know of the Conduit is that it was somehow connected to the Prothean extinction. That is my real area of expertise. I have spent the past fifty years trying to figure out what happened to them." She could hear her voice warming with enthusiasm at the prospect of discussing her research, and bit her lip to keep herself from continuing when Commander Shepard interrupted.

"Fifty years?" he asked. "How old are you, exactly?"

She closed her eyes briefly, embarrassed. "I hate to admit it, but I am only a hundred and six."

"Damn!" the human female laughed. "I hope I look that good when I'm your age."

Liara exchanged a knowing glance with Wrex. "A century may seem like a long time to a short-lived species like yours, but among the asari, I am barely considered more than a child. That is why my research has not received the attention it deserves," she complained. "Because of my youth, other asari scholars tend to…dismiss my theories on what happened to the Protheans." 'Dismiss' was perhaps an overly generous term. It made it seem as though the others took note of Liara's theories in the first place.

"I've got my own theory on why the Protheans disappeared," Shepard offered.

"With all due respect, Commander," _the last thing I want is to hear another amateur theory_. "I have heard every theory out there. The problem is finding evidence to support them. The Protheans left remarkably little behind from that period. It is almost as if someone did not want the mystery solved. It is like someone came along after the Protheans were gone and cleansed the galaxy of clues.

"But here is the incredible part! According to my findings, the Protheans were not the first galactic civilization to mysteriously vanish! This cycle began long before them."

"Where'd you come up with this theory?" Shepard asked petulantly. "I thought there wasn't any evidence."

"I have been working on this puzzle for fifty years," Liara reminded him. "I have tracked down every scrap and shred of evidence. Eventually, subtle patterns start to emerge. Patterns that hint at the truth.

"It is…difficult to explain to someone else. I cannot point to one specific thing to prove my case. It is more…a feeling, derived from a half-century of dedicated research. But I know I am right! And eventually, I will be able to prove it. There _were_ other civilizations before the Protheans. This cycle has repeated itself many times over."

"If the Protheans weren't the first, then who was?"

Shepard's curiosity was gratifying. At least he _appeared_ interested in her research. It was more attention than Liara's theories usually received. "I don't know," she admitted. "There is barely any evidence on the Protheans. Even less on those who came before them. I cannot prove my theory," she reiterated, "but I know I am right. The galaxy is built on a cycle of extinction. Each time a great civilization rises up, it is suddenly and violently cast down. Only ruins survive. The Protheans rose up from a single world—"

Across the room, Garrus stifled a yawn.

"—until their empire spanned the entire galaxy. Yet even they climbed to the top on the remains of those that came before. Their greatest achievements: the mass relays, and the Citadel, are based on the technologies of those who came before them. And then, like all the other galactic civilizations across history, the Protheans disappeared. I have dedicated my life to figuring out why."

"They were wiped out by a race of sentient machines, the Reapers." Shepard spoke as if he were certain, and Liara looked up, startled back into reality.

"The—the Reapers? But I have never heard of—How do you know this? What evidence do you have?"

"There was a damaged Prothean beacon on Eden Prime. It burned a vision into my brain. I'm still trying to sort out what it all means."

"Visions…" Liara mused, "Yes, that makes sense. The beacons were designed to transmit information directly into the mind of the user. Finding one that still works is extremely rare…But the beacons were only designed to interact with Prothean physiology. Whatever information you received would have been confused, unclear. I am amazed you were able to make sense of it at all." She examined Shepard with new interest. "You must be remarkably strong-willed, Commander." The human looked at the ground, his fingers reaching up to trace a scar on his nose.

"This isn't helping us find Saren," the human female broke in. "Or the Conduit."

"The vision is still just a bunch of random images," Shepard admitted. "Even after I got the Cipher."

"The Cipher?" Liara asked. "What is that?"

"Some asari mumbo-jumbo. Supposed to help the commander think like a Prothean. Don't know if it worked, though."

"She said it would take time, Williams. I mean, the Cipher altered my perception of the visions, but it's subtle. I still can't make sense of what I'm seeing."

"And you say this was something another asari did to you? Give me some time, Commander, I'm sure I can figure out a way to help you make sense of the visions." _You know just how to help him, _she chastised herself._ Stop being squeamish and offer! He saved your life!_

Ignorant of her inner turmoil, Shepard smiled at Liara. He stepped away from the place he'd been leaning and extended his hand. "Good to have you on the team, Liara." Suddenly grateful for her fumbling with Serviceman Vega, Liara stood and shook the commander's hand.

"Thank you, Commander. I am very—whoa." The room seemed to spin. Liara put a hand to her head and closed her eyes in embarrassment. "My apologies. I seem to be feeling a bit light-headed."

"When was the last time you ate? Or slept?" the other human male asked. "Dr. Chakwas should take a look at you."

"It is probably just mental exhaustion," Liara told him. "Coupled with the shock of discovering the Protheans' true fate. I just need time to process all this. Still, it could not hurt to be examined by a medical professional. It will give me the chance to…" _build up my courage_, "to think things over. Are we finished here, Commander?"

"We can talk again after you've seen the doctor," Shepard told her. "Williams, would you show her where the med bay is? The rest of you…dismissed."

"This way," the human female told Liara. Everyone filed out of the comm room, leaving Shepard standing alone.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

**In Which the Council is Back!**

"We in range of a comm buoy, Joker?" Shepard had stood for the entirety of the debrief, but with the room empty, he gave in to his exhaustion and collapsed in one of the chairs.

"Almost, Commander. I could give you a more exact time estimate if you'd tell me where you want to head next."

"I haven't set a course?"

"No offense, sir, but you're kind of terrible at it."

Shepard felt himself sink further into the chair. Joker was right. He'd get caught up in something and then forget to take care of his basic responsibilities as the ship's CO until someone reminded him. "Shouldn't have let Captain Anderson step down," he muttered. "If he were here, there'd be someone responsible to handle the day-to-day…" He closed his eyes and thought. The only lead left to follow was those unconfirmed geth sightings on Noveria. The donations to the Feros colony had left the _Normandy_ short on supplies. What with all the ground missions, the crew had been pulling full duties for about two months now, not counting the time before the ship had been placed under Shepard's command.

"Commander? You still there?" Joker's voice interrupted Shepard's contemplation.

"Sorry, Joker. I was trying to figure out where to head next. Page Pressly, have him plot a course for the Citadel." The crew deserved a little down time, and Shepard had business to attend to—that asari diplomat, Admiral Kahoku, and he had to report all the mineral findings the _Normandy_ had made to the Alliance if he wanted the crew to receive their shares of the finders' fees. Plus, it would probably be a good idea to try to speak to the Council in person and explain his mission reports.

The thought of mission reports made Shepard rub his forehead. Why was he so tired all of a sudden? It wasn't as though Therum had been particularly difficult. _Really? First, you walk two kilometers or so in the incredible heat, then you fight an armature on foot, then you have to bypass an ancient security system to reach Dr. T'Soni, then you go toe-to-toe with a krogan (who the doctor has to save you from, by the way), and then you run out of a collapsing mine. And that's 'normal' for you now?_ Maybe his fatigue wasn't so mysterious. Still, those mission reports needed to be filed. The odds of Wrex writing his without someone standing over him were slim.

_Just stand up_, Shepard told himself. _C'mon, do it_. He didn't move. _Okay, we'll take it slow. How about opening your eyes?_ Despite his best intentions, Shepard couldn't bring himself to even do that much. _Isn't it nice just to sit for a little while? All your duties squared away, armor in your cabin, guns_—

_Oh no_. Shepard snapped his eyes open. His guns! He'd dropped his shotgun down on Therum while fighting that krogan, and he couldn't even remember if the doctor had brought his sidearm aboard. He'd been so nervous about getting Dr. T'Soni out of there…_You're an idiot, Shepard_. He supposed he could ask Williams what spares they had in the armory, but Shepard didn't want anyone to know that he'd made such a stupid mistake. She'd figure it out soon enough though, when he didn't turn them in for maintenance. Oh well, he sighed, just another reason to get to the Citadel.

_Since you're sitting up anyway, you might as well go get started on those mission reports_.

* * *

As expected, Garrus had come to Shepard's cabin to drop off his supplemental report before the commander had even gotten halfway through his own report, whereas Wrex's was still nowhere to be found. The krogan had been indignant that Shepard expected him to submit a report, flatly refusing when Shepard had confronted him over it in the mess. "We're headed back to the Citadel, Wrex. If you'd prefer not to follow orders, I can just leave you there when we ship out again." The next time Shepard had seen Wrex, the krogan had been dictating his report to a very wary-looking marine with a datapad.

Everything was in order. Ecstatic and exhausted, Shepard prepared to stretch out in a chair in his cabin and get some sleep. Maybe he'd even take his chances with the bed. For once it actually looked inviting.

"Commander!"

"No," Shepard moaned quietly. "What is it, Joker?"

"We're in range of another comm buoy," the pilot said. "There's a call coming in for you, from the Citadel."

"Is it the Ambassador? Tell him whatever it is, it can wait until we get into dock."

"It's not the Ambassador. The signature's wrong. But it is a high priority call."

"Patch it through to the comm room," Shepard sighed. "I'll take it in there."

It was the Council. _This will be fun_, Shepard thought. He couldn't think of any reason the Council would attempt to contact him directly. What had he done?

"We received your reports, Commander." Was it his imagination, or did the asari Councilor sound exasperated? "Some…concerns have been raised." She shot the turian Councilor an irritated glance. "You have Dr. T'Soni on board, I understand?"

"Are you taking the necessary security precautions, Shepard?" the turian broke in. "Regardless of Benezia's past reputation," he glared at his asari counterpart, "she has, for all intents and purposes turned traitor. You humans have a saying, don't you? Blood is thicker than water? We have no reason to believe Dr. T'Soni isn't sympathetic to her mother's allies."

"The doctor is on our side," Shepard assured him. "The geth were trying to kill her."

"Benezia would never allow Saren to kill her daughter!" the asari Councilor protested.

"Maybe she doesn't know," the salarian finally spoke up.

The turian Councilor clearly disagreed. "Or _maybe_, we don't know her! You never expected she could become a traitor," he shot at the asari.

"At least the mission was a success." It was a sign of his overtiredness that Shepard found the small, nervous-looking salarian's attempts to mediate between his two colleagues amusing.

"You mean apart from the utter destruction of a major Prothean ruin?"

"Yes, was that really necessary, Shepard?"

It appeared that the asari and turian Councilors had found something they could agree on. Shepard squared his shoulders and fought the urge just to hang up on the irritable politicians. "The geth were crawling all over those ruins. We were lucky to make it out alive."

"Of course, Commander," the salarian attempted to mollify him, "the mission must always take priority. Good luck, Commander. We're all counting on you."

Just like that, the Council was gone, leaving Shepard with a throbbing headache. He rubbed a hand over his hair and made his way to Dr. Chakwas' office. Maybe he could talk her into letting him have one of the pills she kept in reserve for Alenko's migraines.

* * *

Dr. Chakwas was seated at her desk when Shepard walked into her office. She looked up at the commander with a smile. "I was wondering how long it would take you."

"How long—" Shepard stared blankly at the doctor. "You knew I was going to try to talk you into giving me a migraine pill?"

It was Chakwas' turn to look confused. "Migraine pill? You mean you're not here to check up on Dr. T'Soni?"

He had completely forgotten about his promise to look in on the asari once Chakwas had examined her. "Believe it or not, Doc, it completely slipped my mind. I've been working on the mission reports, and then the Council wanted to talk with me—more so they could argue with each other than because they had any real interest in what we're doing here—and I've just got this _splitting_ headache."

"Well, I'm certainly not going to give you one of Alenko's pills. They're far too strong for you, Shepard. You should be ashamed of yourself for even asking." Dr. Chakwas stood and unlocked a small cupboard, shifting its contents around until she found what she was looking for. Pulling out an oversized grey pill bottle, she produced one of those absurdly tiny cups medical professionals were so fond of and expertly tipped out a single pill. "If you actually have a headache, take this." When Shepard took the pill, she filled another miniscule cup with water and held it out to him.

"Thanks, Doc."

"Not at all, Shepard. Now do go in and speak with Dr. T'Soni. She refused to lie down and sleep until after you spoke with her, and she really does need to rest. The asari circadian rhythm operates on a fundamentally different scale from that of a human, and, though it is remarkably adaptable, Dr. T'Soni was suspended in that Prothean chamber long enough to have her biological clock greatly disturbed. She needs to return to a structured schedule as quickly as possible."

"I'll try to keep it brief," Shepard promised.

"See that you do. She's in the back, there."

Dr. T'Soni was seated at one of the 'public' computer terminals, her eyes fixed on a pad of paper, her hand moving across the page to make notes in an alphabet Shepard didn't recognize. She appeared completely lost in thought, so the commander cleared his throat. When that didn't work, he walked over to her, extending his hand with the intent of tapping her on the shoulder. Before he could reach her, the doctor's head snapped up and she leapt to her feet, eyes wide. Shepard immediately snatched his hand back.

"Sorry, Doctor! I didn't mean to startle you."

"Commander! By the Goddess, you frightened me. I'm sorry. I was just rewriting the notes I left behind on Therum." She gestured to the notepad behind her and smiled. "It will take me a considerable amount of time to write them all down."

"I'm sorry," Shepard offered.

"What? No! I'm happy to have something to keep me occupied. I always end up recopying my field notes anyway, if only for the sake of organization. Although I can imagine how others might find the task frustrating, I always—" As if realizing that she'd let herself get carried away, the doctor's chatter cut off abruptly.

The silence in the room stretched out for an awkward moment. "Well, you're looking better, at any rate," Shepard said finally. "How are you feeling?"

She gave Shepard a relieved smile. "Yes! I mean—Dr. Chakwas assures me I am going to be fine. I was impressed with her knowledge of asari physiology."

"Take it from me," Shepard pulled his hand down when he realized he was fingering the scar on his nose, "Dr. Chakwas is the best. She knows what she's doing; you're in good hands."

"Commander…" Dr. T'Soni suddenly looked decidedly uncomfortable. "I have been thinking about what you told me about the Cipher. You said another asari transferred the knowledge to your mind?" Shepard nodded, and the doctor sighed unhappily.

"Like the asari who gave you the Cipher, I can…I can join my consciousness to yours." Maybe my knowledge of the Protheans will help clarify your visions."

"Do you really think that could work?" Shepard asked. Although he wasn't eager to have his mind rifled through again, making sense of the visions would be hugely helpful—and it might end his nightmares.

"I—it should work." She ran her hands over the front of her tunic, smoothing wrinkles that weren't there. "We don't have to—If you would rather not—"

Shepard smiled. "I went through it once and came out all right. And the other asari wasn't even a doctor, so…."

Dr. T'Soni looked sharply at Shepard. "I am not a medical doctor, Commander. As I mentioned during the debriefing session, my expertise is—"

"I was only joking."

"Oh. I see." The doctor closed her eyes for a moment.

"Um, is there anything you need me to do?"

At first, she shook her head, then seemed to reconsider. "Perhaps you would sit down?" She gave a small smile. "You're much taller than I am, Commander. Being able to touch your forehead is not necessary to the joining, but it can make it easier."

"Fair enough," he lowered himself onto a storage crate. "Is this all right? Should I move to a chair?"

"You are fine where you are." Dr. T'Soni wiped her hands on her tunic again and took a nervous step towards Shepard. "Try to relax, Commander. No, really," she said when he stiffened, "relax. Try taking slow, deep breaths? Yes, that's it."

The doctor placed her hands on Shepard's temples, her eyes locked on his. He noticed how cool her hands were, that she had a smattering of freckles across her nose. _The doctor's cute_, he thought suddenly, before his own thoughts were all pushed aside. The last thing he was conscious of was the doctor's voice.

"Embrace eternity!"


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

**In Which There is Companionable Conversation**

Shepard had some idea of what to expect from the joining this time, so he was prepared for the flashes of unfamiliar memory and emotion. Even so, he felt as though he were violating Dr. T'Soni's privacy. He didn't expect to ever encounter Shiala again, but the doctor was (more or less) a part of his crew. With that in mind, he did his best to ignore the glimpses into her childhood, time she spent fundraising for asari charity organizations, her university studies, arguments with her mother. Although there was no way for Shepard to be sure, joining with the doctor seemed to take longer than joining with Shiala had. It was almost as if Dr. T'Soni was hesitant, or afraid of damaging his psyche. If he had nightmares from this, it wouldn't be on her head.

He was somewhat conscious of the doctor's presence in his mind, enough so that he felt her finally withdraw. The sensation was disorienting, but at least this time when Shepard opened his eyes, he wasn't on the ground, bleeding.

Though Shepard felt fine, Dr. T'Soni swayed, hand to her forehead as though she'd walked into a door. He jumped to his feet and helped her over to one of the computer chairs.

"Are you okay, Dr. T'Soni?"

The asari opened her eyes as her face broke into an enthusiastic smile. "That was incredible! All this time…all my research and I never even dreamed—" The doctor shook her head, making a visible effort to bring her emotions under control. "I am sorry. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so…intense." She looked up at Shepard. "You truly are strong-willed, Commander. What you have been through—that is, what you have seen would have destroyed a lesser mind."

"Did you see something you could understand?"

"The beacon on Eden Prime must have been badly damaged. Large parts of the message stored there are missing. The data transferred into your mind is incomplete." She bit her bottom lip. "It seems safe to presume that this Saren knew you accessed the beacon. In all likelihood then, he came after me because he feared I could help you understand it. But the missing pieces…Does he know the vision is incomplete? If he did, my ability to aid Shepard would be irrelevant." Shepard could practically see Dr. T'Soni's mind processing the information she had seen, his presence clearly forgotten.

"Yet he did come after me, which would seem to indicate that either the crucial information is in this fragment of the message," she continued, "or that it is possible to acquire the remaining portions. How? Another beacon? Would the Protheans have sent the same message to every beacon in the galaxy? If the communication was significant enough, perhaps. Or maybe the beacons were all linked into a central, communal database? But then how to be sure that you are accessing the pertinent—

"I am sorry," the doctor shut her eyes again. "I am unused to working with others. I doubt that I answered your question…in truth, I do not even remember what you asked me."

The commander smiled. "No harm done. Did you see something you could understand?"

"Yes, I was able to interpret the data relayed through your vision—what was there, at least. If you find the missing data, I am confident I can put all the pieces together."

"That's good news, Doctor. I appreciate it."

"Please, Commander, call me Liara. After—Having seen—The joining is an imperfect process. I will admit that I could not help encountering a number of your memories unrelated to the beacon. I am sure you were exposed to my recollections as well. What we have shared—you have knowledge of me that no one else does. It seems foolish to have you address me by my academic title. Especially since…." She smiled shyly at him, and shook her head. "I cannot believe you read my dissertation."

Shepard shrugged, trying to ignore the casual admission that she'd violated his privacy. "Okay, Liara. Fair's fair though; you don't have to call me by my military title."

"What would you prefer me to call you then, Command—um." Her forehead wrinkled. "Your memories…Should I call you 'Kiss—'" she broke off when she saw the expression on Shepard's face.

"No one calls me that anymore. 'Shepard' is fine," he said roughly.

"Have I offended you? I did not mean—I apologize, I am not very good at interacting with others…" The asari hung her head, and Shepard instantly regretted his reaction.

"I'm sorr—" he began.

"No," she cut him off. "I know that you did not willingly share those memories. I will not mention them again." It took a long moment before she could meet Shepard's eyes; when she did, her expression was neutral. "I have yet to properly thank you for saving me from the geth, Shepard. If you had not arrived when you did…"

Shepard's smile was as much from relief at the change of subject as from amusement at Liara's solemnity. He was nearly tempted to tip an invisible hat and respond with the stereotypical, 'It's all in a day's work, ma'am.' Certain that the asari wouldn't understand the reference however, he settled for telling her he was just glad the _Normandy_ had arrived when it did.

She looked at him sharply. "I know you took a risk, bringing me aboard your ship. I heard—I have seen the way your crew looks at me. They do not trust me." Shepard frowned, wondering who had said something. "But I swear," Liara continued, "I am not like Benezia. I will do whatever I can to help you. I promise."

"Don't worry, Liara. I trust you," Shepard realized he meant what he was saying. _Because of that…joining thing?_ he wondered. "I know you won't let me down."

"It means a lot for you to say that. Thank you."

"Liara, would you mind if I asked you a few questions? Dr. Chakwas said you needed to rest, but," Shepard glanced over his shoulder, checking to make sure Chakwas hadn't suddenly decided to eavesdrop or evict him, "we're going to be putting in at the Citadel and taking things slow for a few days, so you'll have time…"

"I am fine, Shepard. Ask your questions."

"Do you know why Benezia joined with Saren?"

Liara's eyes widened. "She did what?"

Unsure what had provoked the sudden strength of the asari's reaction, Shepard hesitated. Liara had seemed to take the news calmly enough. Maybe it was just now sinking in. "She, uh, she's allied herself with a rogue Spectre, who's trying to restore the Reapers."

"Oh!" Liara looked almost relieved. "When you said—I thought—Well, in any case—No, I'm sorry. I don't understand it. Though…she was always outspoken about the need for the asari to become more actively involved in shaping galactic events. Maybe she thought allying herself with Saren would somehow be for the greater good in the long run." She hung her head again. "At least I hope so."

"I'm sorry—I don't have to ask you these questions. I can tell it bothers you."

"It just—none of this makes any sense to me! I may not have spoken to Benezia in many years, but I know her! And this does not sound like her. Something has changed."

Shepard noticed that Liara studiously avoided referring to Benezia as 'my mother.' It didn't make sense to him. True, Liara's memories had made it clear that mother and daughter had a complicated relationship, but nothing he'd witnessed made him understand the apparent estrangement. Then he realized it was hypocritical of him to snap at Liara for using the information from his memories without any context when he was doing the same thing.

"I—" he frowned, unsure of how to express himself. "It really is awkward, having your memories in here," he tapped his head, "and not having any context." Walking across the room, Shepard pulled another chair close to the doctor's and sat across from her. "So, ah, we should probably…talk? Tell me about yourself, Liara."

"Me?" she pulled her head back in surprise. "I'm afraid that I am not very interesting. After all, I spend most of my time on remote digs unearthing mundane items buried in long-forgotten Prothean ruins. Hardly a topic of conversation with far-reaching appeal."

"So…you're alone and away from civilization most of the time? Sounds dangerous. And lonely," Shepard added as an afterthought.

"Sometimes I do run afoul of indigenous life forms. More rarely, I've stumbled across small bands of mercenaries or privateers." She smiled. "Usually, they were lost. But I am always careful. Until the geth followed me to Artemis Tau, I never found myself in any situation my biotics could not handle.

"As for the solitude, well, that is the one aspect that has always held the most appeal for me. Sometimes I just want to get away from…other people."

"You don't like other people?" Shepard teased, pretending not to notice her hesitation.

Liara considered his question for a moment. "I suppose it comes from being a matriarch's daughter. People expect me to follow in Benezia's footsteps. They want me to become a leader of our people. Matriarchs guide their followers into the future, you know. They…seek the truth of what is yet to come.

"Maybe that is why I became so interested in the secrets of the past." She let out a quiet laugh. "It sounds so foolish when I say it out loud. It sounds like I became an archeologist simply to spite Benezia."

"Did you?"

"I—Well, _she_ certainly seemed to think so. When I told her, she said 'A daughter must rebel against her mother, Liara. It is part of the natural order.' But there was more to it than that! I've always thought of the Protheans as wondrous, mysterious characters. I really do just want to know everything about them." Liara's tone was familiar to Shepard—half of an old argument that she couldn't win. He thought of Anderson.

"That is why I find you so fascinating, Shepard. You were marked by the beacon on Eden Prime; you were touched by actual, working Prothean technology!"

Shepard grinned. "Sounds like you wouldn't mind dissecting me in a lab somewhere if you got the chance."

Liara's jaw dropped slightly, her eyes widening in self-conscious shock. Shepard bit back his laughter. For someone nearly eighty years his senior, Liara was the youngest person he'd ever met; it was endearing.

"What? No!" she stammered. "I did not mean to insinuate—I never meant to imply—Ah, I'm sorry, I've offended you again, Shepard. I only meant that you would be an interesting specimen for an in-depth study. An intensive observation to—No, that's even worse!"

"Calm down, Liara," he felt a little ashamed of himself for disconcerting her. "I was only joking."

"Joking?" she closed her eyes. "By the Goddess, how could I be so dense? You must think I am a complete and utter fool.

"At least now though, you understand why I prefer to spend my time in the field with data disks and computers. I _always_ manage to say something embarrassing around other people. Please? Could we just pretend this conversation never happened?"

"What conversation?"

She looked at him curiously. "This one, that we just—oh. You're joking again, aren't you?"

"Sorry," Shepard apologized. "If you'd like I'll tell you something about me to make us even. You wouldn't believe how many of my stories end with me having to apologize…or run away…or pretend to be someone else…or not getting a second date…." He trailed off when Liara smiled again.

"I am sure you are exaggerating. But it is kind of you to offer. Perhaps another time?"

Shepard smiled and stood. "You just have to ask. I should go—I'm surprised Dr. Chakwas hasn't dragged me out of here already. Get some rest."

Liara was already eyeing the cot someone had set up for her in the room. "Goodbye, Shepard."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **I know what you're thinking. Two chapters in one day...it's a trap! And sadly, you're right. Due to some hitches in my real-life schedule, this will be the last Massive Epic update until March 15. My apologies for the hiatus, and my thanks for your patience! (As always, I'm just grateful you decided to read this far along)._


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight:**

**In Which Our Hero's Insomnia Asserts Itself**

"You were in there for quite a while, Shepard," Chakwas told him disapprovingly. "I told you she needed to rest."

"I promise she's resting now, Chakwas. I wouldn't have been so long if she hadn't told me that she'd figured out a way to decipher those beacon visions, I swear." Talking to Chakwas sometimes reminded him of talking to the principal from his grade school. He'd been in trouble more often than pleased his parents, and the Shepards had gotten to know the formidable old maid so well, she'd been Willa's godmother. Principal Godfrey had always looked at him with the same expression of amusement smothered beneath professional frustration that Dr. Chakwas sometimes displayed.

"Well, I hope it was worth it. If she gets sick though, I'll be blaming you, make no mistake about it. Now go away. I have work to do."

Shepard left the med bay smirking like the nine-year-old boy who'd been banished from class for torturing Clara Peterson with insects—again. It was a terrible character flaw that scoldings never made him feel contrite. Poor Clara. If younger Shepard, if _Kiss_ had known what Clara's home life was like, he never would have tormented her like that.

He yawned, and wondered how long he'd been closeted with Liara. The trip to the Citadel should take about… Shepard wasn't very exact on the time. On an impulse born of sleep deprivation, he decided to head up to the bridge and ask Joker. At the very least, he owed the pilot a personal word of praise for his incredible response time extracting the ground team.

It wasn't surprising to see Alenko seated at the co-pilot's station on Joker's right. In fact, his convenient presence would make it easy for the commander to get the lieutenant's read on Liara before _finally_ heading off to get some sleep. Shepard nodded a greeting to the lieutenant, and turned his attention to Joker. "That was some nice flying down there on Therum."

"I know, right?" Joker was cocky as ever. "I've been thinking about it, Commander, and as I've been telling dear Kaidan here—"

"For the past three hours," Alenko broke in.

"—I prefer gold to silver. You know, for my medal? I figured you'd recommend me for one since I pulled your ass out of the fire."

"Watch your mouth, Joker." Shepard shook his head and smiled slightly. "If you really want a medal, and of course I think you deserve one—"

"Of course!" Alenko's overly bright sarcasm earned him a glare from Joker.

"—then I'll recommend you. But take it from someone who knows, if they present you with a medal, you'll end up sitting on a stage listening to politicians make speeches for a couple of hours. Probably in the glaring sunlight. And definitely in full dress uniform."

"Good point." Joker's enthusiasm had dampened noticeably. "Bet they'd make me shave too, huh?" He stroked his beard protectively. "I spent the last seven weeks working on this baby. No medal's worth that."

Having talked Joker out of the medal, Shepard refrained from voicing his opinion on facial hair in general, and on the scruffy tangle blanketing Joker's face in particular. _Be content with small victories_, he told himself.

"So," he asked, sitting in the abandoned co-pilot's station on Joker's left, careful not to accidentally touch anything that might crash the ship, "Alenko, what's your opinion on the last mission?"

"You mean Dr. T'Soni?" The glance that Alenko and Joker shared made it clear that the two of them had already had an informal debrief session on this very topic. "She seems like a sweet girl. Easy on the eyes. I mean, if you like the bookish sort."

Shepard frowned. He had wanted Alenko's level-headed, professional read on the doctor, whether the lieutenant thought it was right to bring her aboard and trust her, not…. Alenko and Joker were exchanging smirks at his prolonged silence. The commander relaxed. They were teasing him, trying to get under his skin. He felt himself grin. If he hadn't been so tired, he probably would have stayed professional, but as it was…. Well, maybe Shepard just wanted to feel like one of the guys more than he would normally admit.

"Just remember, Lieutenant. I saw her first."

Alenko laughed. "Only by a few minutes, sir."

"I don't know if I was too subtle, but that was an order, Alenko."

"You know, neither one of you would even be able to argue this point if a certain dashing Flight Lieutenant hadn't heroically swooped down from the skies to rescue the commander's sorry self and the beautiful doctor—" Joker began.

"Ugh. Why don't I just come back after you boys have drawn straws?" Shepard recognized Williams' tone of voice from their encounter with Harkin at Chora's Den. Chagrined, he turned to meet the brunt of her disapproval. She stood in the entryway from the bridge, hand on her hip, eyebrows pinched in censure. There was no change in her expression when she met his gaze, leading him to realize she must have heard the entire exchange.

_You really __**are**__ acting like a nine-year-old today, aren't you?_ the sensible part of Shepard's mind chastised him. Of course they shouldn't have been arguing over who had 'dibs' on Liara, not even jokingly. Now a subordinate had overheard her commanding officers making inappropriate remarks about her fellow crewmember, and it was clear that she was irritated with all three men. Shepard snuck a glance at Alenko and Joker, thankful they both looked as guilty as he felt. When he turned back, Williams was stalking away down the deck.

He turned to Joker, who had his eyebrows raised. The pilot gave a nervous grin. "Well, that was…nice? Tell me, Commander, was it just wishful thinking on my part, or did Ash sound like she wanted in on our little bidding war?"

"Wishful thinking, you sick son of a—" Alenko broke off when Shepard stood.

"How long until we reach the Citadel, Joker?" he asked.

"Probably two days. Maybe less if we get lucky with relay traffic, sir."

"Really? Wow. I thought it'd take longer. Don't stress yourself trying to make that time," he ordered absently, glancing back at Williams who was now halfway across the CIC. "I'd better go talk to Williams." He squared his shoulders. "If I don't contact you within the hour, men, promise me you'll scatter my ashes in the middle of the Council Chambers. Preferably somewhere they'll stain."

"Aye-aye, sir."

* * *

Ashley ignored the friendly "Hey, Chief," tossed her way by Private Quincy, the poor grunt stuck on guard duty at the door leading from the CIC to the lower decks. She was furious with Kaidan, Joker, and Shepard, and furious with herself for being furious. How long had she been a marine? How long had she been _alive?_ The doctor was an asari for crying out loud; most human men thought of asari as sex-based, not carbon-based lifeforms.

It shouldn't have surprised her that the three of them had been up there fetishizing T'Soni. It shouldn't have bothered her. It _definitely_ shouldn't have bothered her this much.

_You're jealous. They're marines. The doctor is 'exotic,' and all damsel-in-distressy, and not part of the crew. Of course they're going to notice her that way_. As she always did when that scornful self-doubt reared its unwanted head, Ashley imagined putting a few shotgun rounds through her vulnerability. _I am __**not**__ jealous. I'm an officer on the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy. I couldn't care less what those idiots think of Dr. T'Soni. I don't need_—

"Ashley!" The commander's voice interrupted her internal argument. She stopped and saluted without thinking, eyes fixed on the wall behind Shepard. After a moment, the fact that he'd used her first name began to sink in and she scowled. He did not get to be friendly with her right now.

"Sorry, Chief Williams. You didn't seem to hear me when I called you before. Although I wouldn't blame you if you'd been ignoring me."

She met his gaze at that, eyes narrowing even further. Why would he think that she would deliberately ignore her commanding officer? Sure, she might speak without thinking sometimes, but she was a good soldier. She followed orders.

Shepard sighed and traced his fingers over the scar on his nose. He did that quite a bit when he was talking with her, Ashley had noticed. A nervous tic that meant he was trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to say. She frowned; she wasn't _that_ prickly. Not all the time. _And since when do you notice someone's tells outside of poker anyway_, _Williams?_

"Look," Shepard said finally, "I don't know what you heard the three of us saying about Liara, but I'd guess from your reaction that you heard all of it. And you were right, we were inappropriate."

If only she could stop frowning at him, she might get out of this quickly and painlessly, but she couldn't. Why was he explaining himself?

Unaware of her confusion, Shepard continued to talk. "I'm sorry that you had to hear that. Like I said before, it was inappropriate. I didn't intend to," he shook his head and yawned. "I'm not trying to make excuses, Williams. You'd be fully justified in filing a complaint. I don't know why—I just wanted to get Lieutenant Alenko's read on the doctor, since her mother, you know, and—I need to get more sleep," he said finally.

Ashley didn't think that last statement was meant for her. Shepard certainly looked embarrassed. _And he should_. But she liked the commander; more than just her commanding officer, he was a good guy. It wasn't fair for her to be angry with him for not being quite as perfect as she'd come expect him to be. After all, he'd had Ashley's respect since he'd stepped between her gun and that smuggler on Eden Prime. His having a thing for their asari archeologist wasn't going to change that. She decided to ignore his apology then, and give him the tactical assessment Kaidan had clearly neglected to provide.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" He nodded warily. "For what it's worth, I'm not sure I buy Dr. T'Soni's story. About her and her mom not talking. I mean, they're family, right?"

To Ashley's utter surprise, the commander smiled that real, full, and bright smile she'd only seen him give once or twice before. The expression made him look unpleasantly attractive—she did not want to notice how good-looking Shepard was. Oblivious, he kept smiling. "It's odd, right?" he said. "I mean, I keep telling myself that not everyone's family is close. And, I do think I can trust her. It seems like she's being straight with us. Or at least…I don't think she lies very often."

Despite herself, Ashley laughed. "Yeah. She's probably really bad at it. At any rate, even if she does turn out to be a traitor, at least we've got her where we can keep an eye on her."

"I knew I could bring her aboard and not have to worry about her stabbing me in the back."

"Oh really? Why's that, Skipper? I thought biotics weren't really psychic."

He yawned, still smiling, and clapped her on the shoulder. "Nothing that exciting. I just know that I've got you here to watch my back, of course." Shepard yawned again. "Sorry, Williams, but I have got to get some sleep."

"Want me to go ask Dr. T'Soni if she'd mind keeping you company?" _Oh my God, did I just say that out loud?_

Shepard must have been exhausted, because his only reaction was to laugh. "You probably won't believe me, but she's not really my type."

"With all due respect, Skipper, I'm supposed to believe you're the only human male in the galaxy not attracted to asari? You're already a biotic, a hero, and a Spectre… just how remarkable do you think you need to be?" Why the hell was she still talking? He really needed to stop smiling at her so Ashley could go back to being a sexless marine.

"The doctor does have freckles, true, but I prefer blondes…" his smile hitched slightly higher on the left side of his face as he met Ashley's gaze unnecessarily squarely, "…usually." With that revelation, the commander let the smile fade away, nodded a goodbye, and set off for his cabin.

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**_Sorry about the extra delay in getting things up and running again. Apparently, I'm not as efficient as I like to believe. To make it up to you, there'll be a bonus update sometime this week! As always, thanks for reading/bearing with me. _


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

**In Which There is Poetry**

If she was going to live in one place forever, Ashley thought, the Citadel would be either the best or the worst place she could choose. On the one hand, there were thousands—no, millions—of people here, which meant plenty of shops, museums, restaurants, night spots, and everything else that made a city exciting. (Garrus had told her about a new club, Flux, that had opened in the Wards not long ago; apparently half of C-Sec had been there on opening night, and her turian crewmate assured Ashley that the establishment was well worth the inevitable wait in line to get in). On the other hand, millions of people lived on the Citadel. Which meant there was a line for _everything_.

The _Normandy_ had gotten into dock early that morning. The first thing the commander had done had been to grant everyone three full days of leave. After making sure her duties were all fully squared away, Ashley had made a beeline for the Alliance Military headquarters, eager to retrieve her personal effects that had arrived from Eden Prime while the _Normandy_ was out in the Traverse.

And she'd been stuck in this God-forsaken antechamber ever since. It was worse than when she'd waited with Lynne for her sister to get her license renewed. Just another reason to hate bureaucracy.

_Ironic, really, that I've been here waiting to pick up my reading materials, when what you really need to get you through a long wait is a good book_. For the umpteenth time, Ashley examined her fellows in purgatory, wondering if there was someone here worth talking to. _I should have bullied Joker into coming with me_. The pilot had made it clear that he did not intend to budge from the cockpit, apparently personally offended that Shepard had decided that the _Normandy_ could benefit more from rest and maintenance than from flying halfway across the galaxy again.

The serviceman sitting alone behind the wide desk that could easily have held three more bureaucratic drudges called another name off the list in front of him. It wasn't Gunnery Chief Ashley M. Williams. Ashley groaned and slumped back in her chair, wishing it were possible for the stupid thing to suddenly become comfortable.

"Here," the dark-skinned, light-haired man who had occasionally met Ashley's eyes over the top of his newspaper held the 'Arts and Entertainment' section out to her. When she took the pages from him, a pen fell to the ground. "You look like the type of person who enjoys completing the crossword." He shrugged. "I have already done the Sudoku." There was something vaguely familiar about the man's voice, but she shrugged off the suspicion—he had a heavy accent, she was probably just being racist.

"You're my hero," she said, picking the pen off the floor. "I had no idea I'd have to wait here for so long…. I'm just here to pick up my things. They were shipped here from my last post."

"Why did you not bring your things with you when you were transferred?"

Ashley gave a half-laugh. "I was stationed on Eden Prime. After the attack—" she looked away, consciously _not_ thinking about Eden Prime. "My transfer was… a little unusual. I didn't have enough time to retrieve my things from the main base. Believe it or not, this is the first time my stuff and I have been in the same place in two months."

"Eden Prime…" The lines on the man's face deepened. "My wife was a marine. She was in the 212 on Eden Prime."

She realized how she recognized his voice. _Oh God, why couldn't I just have been being racist? _ "The 212? Your wife was Serviceman Nirali Bhatia?"

He looked startled. "I—yes! I am Samesh Bhatia. Did you know Nirali?"

"I'm Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. I served in her unit."

"Chief Williams, it is a pleasure." The smile Samesh gave Ashley was too quick to be genuine, but the sorrowful warmth in his voice was sincere enough. "Nirali spoke of you with great respect."

_You are not going to cry in public_. Nirali had always seemed a little reserved, as though unsure of how to relate to her squad-leader. Ashley was a career marine; Nirali had been in the Deferred Education Plan, paying off her masters in business administration in advance by serving in the Alliance military. Truth be told, Ashley had thought Nirali looked down on her for not wanting anything more than to be a marine. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr. Bhatia." Ashley silently apologized to Nirali as well. "Nirali was a good woman. Are you here to pick up her things?"

Samesh shook his head. "The Alliance was good enough to mail all of Nirali's possessions to our home. I have plenty of objects," he spat. "No, Chief Williams, I have been coming here every day since my arrival on the Citadel a month ago, hoping that the military has finally seen fit to fulfill my request and release Nirali's body to me for cremation."

"They what?" Ashley frowned. "They're refusing to release her body to you? That's bullshit! Why? Have they at least given you a reason?"

"No! I know nothing. All they will say is that it is impossible for my wife's body to be returned to me." The misery on Samesh's face infuriated Ashley. How dare these idiotic pencil pushers treat a soldier's grieving husband this way?

"I'm so sorry." _You said that already. How about you try being useful?_ "Is there anything I might be able to do?" _Because the brass will just jump to it if Ashley Williams puts in a request? Did the universe fundamentally change when you weren't looking?_

His face took on a hopeful cast. "You would know better than I whether you might be able to persuade the Diplomatic Corps to grant my petition. The man I have been speaking with is a Mr. Charles Bosker. He has not been responsive to my arguments, but perhaps a fellow member of the Alliance would be effective where a civilian has not."

"Charles Bosker. Diplomatic Corps." Ashley repeated. "Got it." _Getting his hopes up like this doesn't make you a hero, Williams; it makes you an asshole_. "I'll see if I can speak with him when they finally call me up. If they ever call me up."

"I cannot thank you enough, Chief Williams. I am sure you will be successful. Our meeting like this cannot have been a coincidence." Samesh stood, offering the rest of his newspaper to Ashley. "If you will forgive me for burdening you with this—"

"It's not a burden. Nirali was part of my squad. It's my responsibility to her."

"You may feel that way, Chief Williams, but many would not be so willing to admit their duty to the—to the dead." He smiled, a real one this time. "Nirali said you were very honorable. It was one of the things she admired most about you." With a nod of his head, he turned to leave.

Ashley could feel her heart breaking for Samesh, Nirali, the 212, even for herself, a little. "Samesh—" He stopped. "I don't know if this helps, but your wife… Nirali loved you very much. She missed your cooking, and she played recordings of you every night before she went to sleep."

"I know, Chief Williams, but thank you. It is nice to hear it again."

* * *

"Who was that, Williams? A new friend? An old friend? An old flame? A _current_ flame? Have you been holding out on me?" Shepard had appeared out of nowhere; looking—and acting—like a completely different person in his dress uniform.

"If I didn't know better, Skipper, I'd say you were asking to be written up for fraternization. As it stands, I'm just going to assume that you're still sleep deprived."

"Technically we're off-duty _Ash_." He emphasized his use of her nickname as though proving a point.

"You know as well as I do that being off-duty has nothing to do with it, _Commander_." She hit his title just as hard. It was one thing for her to occasionally flirt with her CO, but it was another thing entirely for her CO to suddenly start flirting with her. Yes, she knew she was being hypocritical, but she was damned if she was going to be transferred off the _Normandy_ for something as stupid as fraternizing with the commander.

Shepard smiled disarmingly and raised his hands in surrender. "Sorry, Chief Williams. I was only joking." He paused, clearly waiting for his charming apology to win her forgiveness. Ashley crossed her arms and said nothing; he sighed. "So why are you wasting your leave here instead of in the more exciting corners of the Citadel?"

"I was just here to pick up my things; they're here from Eden Prime. But then I bumped into Mr. Bhatia… the man I was talking to? He's the husband of one of my old squad members." Ashley briefly outlined Samesh's problem, and his hope that she might be able to help. Although she felt guilty for promising to help when her intervention could actually make things worse for Samesh, telling Shepard had the benefit of transforming the commander back into his usual, serious self.

"That's a rough situation, Williams," he said when Ashley had finished.

"I have to try and help. I owe it to Nirali." She paused, pushing back the grief she hadn't realized was still so close to the surface. "How about you, sir? Why aren't you off having fun?"

"Fun?" He raised a very skeptical eyebrow. "I'm the CO. While you all have fun, I handle administrative duties. I already spent the morning placating Admiral Mikhailovich during his inspection of the _Normandy_ and arranging to have the ship resupplied. Later I'm supposed to go talk with the Consort… not sure if that counts as fun. Is there something wrong with me if I really hope that she meant it when her note said she just needed help with a problem? If I hope that it's not an invitation—I'm not comfortable—" He blushed at Ashley's raised eyebrows and quickly changed the subject.

"Right now though, I'm here to file our mineral findings and to hand-deliver the Sparta system mission report to Admiral Kahoku. Actually," he glanced at the clock on the wall, "I'm late. See you later, Chief."

* * *

Ashley had finished the crossword, the word jumble, and the chess puzzle by the time Shepard reappeared in the waiting room.

"You're still here, Williams?" he frowned. "How long have you been waiting, exactly?"

"I got here as soon as I could after we docked. Maybe I've been here since…1030?"

"It's almost 1600 now. This is ridiculous. Has everyone here been waiting as long as you have?"

She didn't say anything, just shrugged. It had been hours since she'd started to suspect that her name had been purposely bumped to the bottom of the list, but she wasn't about to tell Shepard that.

"Hold on," he ordered. "I'll handle this." Before she could protest that she was perfectly capable of handling things herself, he was towering over the pencil pusher. After a few minutes, he returned, shaking his head in disgust. "Some people," he told Ashley.

As she opened her mouth to tell him it was no big deal, the clerk called her name. She gaped at the commander.

"Go ahead," he grinned. "I'll wait for you."

* * *

Claiming her belongings was no problem. Trying to find out about Nirali's body was another matter. The serviceman refused to page Mr. Bosker, saying he was in meetings all day. In the end, Ashley had to settle for leaving the man a message asking him to contact her. Exasperated, she shouldered her duffel bag and hoisted the box of her books, reminding herself to be grateful that she'd accomplished this much.

_Not that you did it on your own_, she thought sullenly when she turned to find the commander watching her expectantly.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Ready." Her duffel slid off her shoulder, jerking her entire body towards the ground. She kept her grip on her books—just barely—and tried to reposition the strap in a place that wouldn't break her arm if she left it there for the entirety of the trek back to the _Normandy_.

"Let me help you with that." Without waiting for her permission, Shepard took the books from her. Too tired to argue over her ability to carry her own things without help, Ashley let him.

He grunted. "This is _heavy_. What's in here?" He let her hold the door for him as he waited for her response.

"Mostly books, sir."

"It feels like you've got half the Elysium public library in here. Anything really good, Williams?"

Ashley took a breath to say yes, but instead what came out was, "'_I cannot rest from travel: I will drink/Life to the lees: all times I have enjoyed/Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those/That loved me, and alone_….'" Suddenly shy, she trailed off.

"Never thought I'd hear you reciting poetry," Shepard said noncommittally.

"Hey!" She punched him lightly on the arm; not too hard, after all, he was carrying her things. "Just because I can drill you between the eyes at a hundred meters doesn't mean I can't like sensitive stuff!" The commander raised an eyebrow at her and chuckled. "Um…don't spread it around, though."

"I think I could manage not to embarrass my gunnery chief, sure, Williams. Tell me though, what was that? I'm not much for poetry."

"_Ulysses_. By Tennyson? It was my dad's favorite poem. Every time he shipped out, he recorded me reading it. He had a dozen versions when he retired."

"Your dad the marine?"

"Why is it so surprising to you that a marine can like poetry? You like those old-fashioned cowboy books."

"Cowboy books?"

"_My Antonia, Shane_…. Your mom named you after a book and you said your dad named your sister after Willa Cather, didn't he?" Ashley had not been paying an unusual amount of attention to the things Shepard said to her… she just had a good memory. Yep, mind like a steel trap, that's all it was.

The commander narrowed his eyes at her. "I find it very suspicious that you remember all that."

"You told me you trust me to watch your back, right, Skipper? A marine has to know these things about her commander so she can predict how easily he'll be misled by an enemy ambush disguised as a rare-books convention."

Shepard laughed. "You see that as a big risk, do you?"

"You can never tell."

"Fair enough. So tell me, if _Ulysses_ was your father's favorite, what's yours?"

They were standing by one of the too-numerous elevators, waiting to travel down to the market level of the wards. While Ashley considered her response, a blond man ran up to Shepard. Rolling his eyes at Ashley, the commander gave the man an autograph and even agreed to pose for a picture.

"No, I can't pose with my gun, I'm afraid. I can't put this box down. Tell you what I can do though, Conrad. How about if we add Chief Williams here to the holo?" The expression on Shepard's face made it clear that he was doing this so he wouldn't be suffering alone. "She's on the _Normandy's_ crew. One of my best officers." Considering the small number of officers on the _Normandy_, it was easy for Ashley not to read too much into the compliment.

"You are a bad man, Skipper," she murmured to him as the fan arranged the two marines to his liking and snapped the holo.

"I have no idea what you mean," he said innocently, waving at Conrad as the man dashed off, probably to post the picture on his Spacebook page.

The elevator finally arrived, and they stepped inside. "You haven't answered my question," Shepard pointed out. "Favorite poem, go. Don't think!"

"'_My heart is wasted with my woe/Oriana/There is no rest for me below/Oriana/When the long dun wolds are ribb'd with snow/And loud the Norland whirlwinds blow/Oriana/Alone I wander to and fro/Oriana_.'"

"And that's called… _Oriana?_"

"No wonder they made you a Spectre. Nothing gets by you, does it, Skipper? Another Tennyson. It's about a soldier whose shot goes wide and kills his love where she's standing to watch the battle. And then he tries to die, but can't. He's too guilty to face her in the next life; he goes mad."

Shepard raised his eyebrows high on his forehead and gestured for her to leave the elevator first. "That's a little dark, Chief."

"Just be glad I'm not more like my mom. _She_ prefers Plath. '_Soon, soon the flesh/The grave cave ate will be/At home on me_?'"

"See, this is why I stick to prose. That stuff is terrifying."

"Afraid, Skipper? Don't worry; you know I'll protect you."

"Yeah but who'll protect me from you?" he muttered sullenly.

"Aw c'mon. Don't be such a wuss. It's not all scary. Here, stop for a second." They stepped out of the press of the crowd, into one of the viewing alcoves that dotted the wards. Ashley pulled the lid off the box and rooted through the books until she found the one she was looking for. "Do you know what bibliomancy is?"

"What's what now?"

"Put down the box for a second and take this." Ashley handed him the anthology. "Now close your eyes and think of a question that's been on your mind lately. Got it?

"Open the book to any page. Now point to a part of the page. Okay!" She put her finger on the spot and took the book back. "Open your eyes. We can keep going now."

"What was all that?"

"A game my dad liked. You get advice about how to handle your problems from a book." She smiled. "I think he taught it to me so I wouldn't miss his being gone so much.

"So, you wanna hear your answer?"

"Do I have to tell you the question?"

"No. Why, is it really stupid? Damn, I should have said 'Yes.' You don't have to tell me, but feel free to tell me anyway though."

"Sorry Williams, not telling. Go ahead."

* * *

Ashley glanced down at the page, following Shepard towards the elevator that would take them back to the _Normandy's_ berth. Just as she started reading, the commander shook his head. His eyes were fixed on someone ahead of them.

"_Darn_ it! Belay that a minute, would you, Ash," he muttered. "Aw, man!"

A human woman dressed in a fashionable asari-style gown was bearing down on them. Over her shoulder hovered a robot that looked too much like a geth drone for Ashley's comfort.

"Commander Shepard!" she shouted. "Commander!" Shepard closed his eyes and ran a hand over his hair, clearly not wanting to talk to her.

"I've been waiting for you to return to your ship all day, Commander." Her voice was accusatory, as though the commander's absence was a plot to inconvenience her. "Khalisa bint Sinan Al-Jilani, Westerlund News. I'd like you to answer a few questions for our viewers."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Al-Jilani, but I'd prefer not to—"

"You recently gave an interview to Anya Lang of the BBC. Westerlund News is admittedly not as influential as the BBC, but surely you don't mean to show favoritism to the more long-established news outlets." The clicking noise that came from the woman's robot made Ashley suspect that this entire encounter was being filmed. The same thought had clearly occurred to Shepard. He glanced at the machine and pulled back his shoulders.

"First, let me point out that Ms. Lang and her crew were producing a publicity vid at the request of the Alliance Military. I try to avoid all reporters equally. However, despite my being in a bit of a hurry, and with your understanding that there may be questions that I can't answer, I suppose I could—"

"Excellent!" she cut him off again; the camera drone turned a spotlight on Shepard. Ashley hastily stepped out of the line of fire.

"People back home have heard a lot of wild stories about you, Commander," Al-Jilani began. "But Westerlund News would like to provide you with the opportunity to set the record straight." With that, the woman launched into a series of probing questions, all slanted to make the commander seem like a shill for the Council. Ashley watched, impressed, as Shepard refused to respond to the woman's goading. Instead, he kept his shoulders tight and tirelessly reiterated his belief that humanity needed to cooperate with other species in order to progress.

_A little naive, aren't you, Skipper?_ Apparently, Al-Jilani agreed. "You're an idealist Commander," she sneered at the close of the interview, "but a sincere one. I _hope_ you're right. The eyes of Earth are on you," Al-Jilani continued, as her droid cameraman shut down. "Don't let us down." Satisfied with the encounter, she walked away.

Shepard was scowling when he turned back to Ashley. "I knew all this would start up again if they made me a Spectre," he said. "You didn't have to wait for me, you know."

She shook her head. "With all due respect, Skipper, I'm supposed to be watching your back, remember? That was a hostile encounter if ever I've seen one. And besides, don't you want to hear the answer to your question?"

"I'm amazed I still remember my question." He shifted the box and pushed the elevator button. "Lay it on me."

Ashley looked down at the page she'd been holding open and frowned. "I, ah, I don't remember which passage you picked, sir. The poem's not long though, is reading the whole thing all right?"

"Go ahead."

"'_Promise me no promises/So will I not promise you/Keep we both our liberties/Never false and never true/Let us hold the die uncast/Free to come as free to go/For I cannot know your past/And of mine what can you know?_

"_You, so warm, may once have been/Warmer towards another one/I, so cold may once have seen/Sunlight, once have felt the sun/Who shall show us if it was/Thus indeed in times of old?/Fades the image from the glass/And the fortune is not told._

"_If you promised, you might grieve/For lost liberty again/If I promised, I believe/I should fret to break the chain/Let us be the friends we were/Nothing more but nothing less/Many thrive on frugal fare/Who would perish of excess._'"

When she finished reading, Ashley glanced up at Shepard. He was staring absently ahead, not noticing that the elevator had slid open, waiting for him to enter.

"Skipper? Commander? Citadel to Shepard?" She laughed and pushed him into the elevator ahead of her. "These things take long enough without you adding to them, sir."

Shepard finally blinked and smiled at her. "Sorry, Williams. I was just thinking. That was… frustratingly on point."

"At least it didn't scare you," she quipped.

"I didn't say that. I mean… that poem was really relevant. Freaky."

"I'll say it again, sir. There's nothing to be afraid of, so long as you've got me here to keep an eye on you."

From where he slouched against the elevator wall, Shepard broke into a full smile. "I never should have told you that. You're not gonna let me forget it, are you?"

"Not during this lifetime, Skipper."

"At least she remembers I'm her commanding officer, not the kid she's supposed to babysit," Shepard told the box.

"Just my commanding officer, huh? We'll have to see about that." Too late, Ashley realized how easy it would be to take her comment as a come on. Especially since she'd sort of meant to flirt. Pretending she wasn't embarrassed, she met Shepard's gaze. The expression on his face made her wish she hadn't; he didn't look irritated, offended, or even amused. He looked…. She didn't want to think about how he looked. That way laid problems.

"What're you saying, Williams?"

She practically ran past him out of the elevator. "Me? I'm not saying anything, Skipper." Without meeting his gaze, she pulled the box out of his grip. "Thanks for the help, sir. Didn't mean to take up so much of your time."

"No worries. I'll talk to you later, Williams."

_Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad, bad, __**bad**__ idea_. "Looking forwards to it, Skipper," her traitor mouth replied.

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**_Bonus update! As promised! And it's the longest chapter I've written. And it's my personal favorite so far! (I know what you're all thinking: it's a trap! I'm fairly sure it's not, however). As always, thanks for reading this far.  
_

_The poems referenced in this chapter are: _Ulysses, _by Tennyson; _Oriana, _by Tennyson; _Lady Lazarus,_ by Silvia Plath; _Promises Like Piecrust, _by Christina Rossetti.  
_


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty:**

**In Which Marines Enjoy Downtime**

Kaidan sat in the mess with his eyes half closed, picking at the remains of the takeout Joker had convinced some restaurant to deliver to the _Normandy_. It was the end of their second day of leave, and the pilot still refused to leave 'his baby.' Kaidan had tried to tell him he was being immature, but Joker had replied that unless the Consort had a sudden cancellation that could only be filled by the Alliance's top pilot, he wasn't budging from the cockpit. Getting him to eat in the mess had been enough of a fight.

Despite the relatively early hour, Kaidan was half-asleep, listening to Joker, Hertz and Clinton chat.

"Under normal circumstances, I'd say Dr. T'Soni," Hertz laughed, "but after hearing how Williams almost destroyed you two—"

"And the commander," Joker reminded him.

"—for just joking about it, I guess I'd have to say Williams."

"Dude, you're a masochist. It's not just that she could destroy you, but she _would_."

"I know," Hertz grinned. "I really like tough chicks."

Joker shook his head. "I'm fragile enough, thanks," he patted his leg braces. "Don't need any more risks in my life."

"You guys don't think this is a little… insensitive?" Clinton asked.

"Some people are lame since they got married," Hertz told him.

"Don't be an ass, Hertz," Joker said. "Clinton was always lame. Marriage has nothing to do with it."

"You're all asses," Kaidan offered.

"Someone's still afraid of the chief," Joker teased.

Despite himself, Kaidan smiled at that. "You haven't seen her in action, or you'd be scared too."

"Don't worry; she's not here right now. Took off for Alliance headquarters again this morning—something about administrative duties. Can you believe she asked me to keep her company? After I told her I was spending this entire 'leave' with my one true love? The _Normandy_," Joker amended quickly when Hertz opened his mouth to comment.

"Wait," Clinton broke in, "the Chief invited you to go spend a prolonged period of time with her, _one on one, in your free time_, and you said no? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm saving myself for Wrex," Joker said sullenly. "She didn't mean it like that. Not like she could handle the Joker even if she did."

"What was that about Wrex?" Maia Vega wandered into the mess. "Oh my God, you assholes got someone to deliver real food up here and didn't tell me?" She pulled one of the open cartons towards her and snatched Kaidan's fork away from him. "Thanks, Lieutenant."

"What do you know about the krogan, Maia?" Clinton asked.

"Oh, nothing much. We've talked. I helped him out with a project he was working on."

"You—What kind of project?"

"Well, a couple days after he came aboard I was down in the cargo hold doing some busywork: cleaning, reorganizing supplies, you know. And Wrex was down there trying to figure out possible escape routes. He said it's something he always does… he likes to have a plan in place if he's going to be spending a lot of time somewhere, which makes sense if you think about it, I mean, what if something happened to the ship?"

"Nothing's going to happen to the _Normandy_!" Joker protested.

"So he explained what he was doing and why, and I asked if I could help. Together, we mapped out different ways to escape, or the fastest way to the escape pods, and talked about what to do if you're trapped under something heavy, like the Mako. I usually have lunch with him down in the cargo hold.

"I think he's a little afraid of Dr. T'Soni. He told me she killed a krogan down on Therum. Cracked his head open with her biotics. I wouldn'tve thought she had it in her." Maia sighed happily and replaced the empty container back on the table. Looking around at the stunned faces of the men she was sitting with, she laughed.

"What? What did I say?"

"You talk to _Wrex_?" Hertz asked. "Like, in your free time?"

"He's funny."

"He's funny!" Clinton repeated. "What the hell is wrong with you, woman? He's a krogan! _He could eat you!_"

"Vega!" Joker chirped. "You're the biggest badass on the crew!"

Kaidan felt a migraine beginning to stir. "What I wouldn't give for a drink right now," he muttered.

* * *

A case of beer dropped into his line of vision. "So what are your next two wishes, LT?"

Ashley stood over him, smiling. It took Kaidan a moment to recognize her; her hair was loose, held back by a headband rather than up in its usual bun. "What happened to your hair, Ash?" he asked opening one of the cans and taking a long sip.

"Ugh." She took the open seat next to Maia. "My last hair tie broke this morning, and I didn't have time to pick up more because I wanted to get to the goddamn Alliance headquarters when they opened."

"I have one you can have," Maia offered. "I don't know why I even carry it around. It's not like I have any hair to tie back. Old habits, I guess." She slipped something off her wrist and handed it to Ashley, who immediately pulled her hair up with a happy sigh.

"Thanks, Maia."

"So what did you do besides hang out at headquarters and buy beer?" Clinton asked.

"Nothing," Ashley said darkly. "I was there all day… finally got called up twenty minutes before closing time so they could give me the run around again." She reached for a drink. "Today has been the worst."

"Wait, you were there all day?" Joker asked. "How? I thought you were gonna get there early."

"I _did_. They made me wait all day. The same thing probably would have happened yesterday if the commander hadn't shown up. He bullied the jackass behind the desk into giving me my stuff."

"I don't get it. If you got your stuff yesterday, why were you back there today?"

"They're holding the body of one of my old squadmates, refusing to release it to her husband. I met him yesterday, promised to try and help. Big help I am. They won't even talk to me." Ashley finished her beer and reached for another with a rapidity that made Kaidan frown.

"Are you gonna go back tomorrow?" Maia asked.

"I have to. Which means all three days of leave blown." She sighed. "Not blown, it's just I wanted to finally catch up on my mail tomorrow. Maybe check out the wards. And give all the guns another going over. I think I might've skipped some after the Therum mission…."

"Oh!" Maia piped up. "You didn't miss any, Ash. The commander left two behind."

Confronted with the possibility of absolute proof of Shepard's humanity, Hertz sat up and grinned. "He did what?"

"He left his shotgun and his sidearm on Therum. Not on purpose I don't think…. _What now? Why do you all keep staring at me?_"

"You don't really think before you talk, do you Vega?" Joker asked finally.

"Screw you."

"How do you know the commander left his guns on Therum?" Hertz demanded.

"I'm one of the lucky few who gets to clean this stupid ship—"

"Hey!" Joker objected.

"Get over it, Joker," Clinton ordered.

"—_anyway_, he's usually pretty predictable…. He'll dump his guns and armor on the bed—Oh, I think he's finally started sleeping," she mentioned to Kaidan. "His bed looked slept in yesterday and today. He dresses it himself, but honestly, the man wouldn't know a decent hospital corner if it kicked him in the face.

"At any rate, after Therum, only his assault rifle and sniper rifle were in the cabin. I did remember to bring those down to you, didn't I?" Maia directed this last comment at Ashley, who nodded. "Good." Maia sipped her beer. "So I figure he must have left the others on Therum. Wrex told me the commander gave his pistol to Dr. T'Soni, so losing that's probably her fault…."

"You talk to Wrex?" Ashley asked, opening her third beer.

"She thinks he's funny," Clinton told her.

"Well he is!" Maia protested.

"Like hell," Hertz said.

"You're just scared of him!"

"Um… yes. Anyone with sense would be."

"You might want to slow down there, Ash," Kaidan said quietly as Ashley took another gulp of her drink

"I spent the whole day not helping a good man whose wife died on Eden Prime. I promised him I'd get Nirali home and I didn't. So what I need right now, LT, is to be drunk. You can just mind your own business, or I'll cut _you_ off." She nodded at the open container in front of him. The others continued to talk, oblivious to their fight.

"I really think you should slow down. Especially if you want to head back and try again tomorrow."

"It won't matter if I'm hung over. I'll have all day to sober up while I wait for them to call my name." She defiantly opened a fourth can. "Fucking blame-game Alliance brass."

"I can't believe the two of you did that!" The commander's voice was raised, something that made all six marines at the table sit up. "What were you thinking?"

"We're tech experts, not psychics, Shepard," came Garrus' response. "How were we supposed to know that signal would lead us to an AI?"

"Everything ended all right, didn't it?" Tali'Zorah said. "We shut it down, and we managed to take control of the credits it had been funneling."

"You're going to return those credits to whoever owns Flux tomorrow," Shepard growled. "I don't care if you didn't steal them, they were stolen, and you don't have any right to them. Even less right because you acted so stupidly! If I hadn't been down in the wards running errands for Sha—for the Consort—"

The three of them entered the mess. Garrus looked as shame-faced as Kaidan had ever seen a turian look, and though it was impossible to see Tali'Zorah's face, her shoulders were hunched in an apparently universal sign of mortification.

"It's not as though we went looking for trouble, Shepard," Garrus said. "I just wanted to show Tali Flux…."

"Don't even get me started on you taking her to that club. That place is right by Chora's Den. You're supposed to be an adult, Garrus! Act like it!"

"Excuse me, Shepard, but I'm fairly certain that _I'm_ an adult," Tali'Zorah said caustically.

"Not until you complete your Pilgrimage, you're not," he snapped.

"Well, I won't be able to complete it if I never get off this ship!"

"You _asked_ to come with us! You agreed to accept me as your commanding officer. If I were a captain in the Migrant Fleet, would we even be having this conversation?"

"You sound like my father!"

"Well then, go to your room!"

"I don't have a room, I have a sleeper pod!"

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the frustration evident on Shepard's face at Tali'Zorah's continued defiance, but the group at the table couldn't contain themselves any longer. They all broke into laughter, from Kaidan, who tried to muffle it with his hand, to Hertz, who actually pointed. Shepard tried to scowl at them for a moment, but his lips twitched and he made his way over to the table. Unsure whether their chewing-out had ended, Tali'Zorah and Garrus followed.

"Did we sound that ridiculous?" the commander asked Kaidan, taking a seat at the table behind theirs.

"You told Tali to go to her room, sir," Joker pointed out.

Shepard's lips pursed. "I did, didn't I?" He turned to the quarian. "Sorry about that. I just don't feel you and Garrus are taking this seriously enough. You were almost incinerated by a rogue AI."

"But we weren't," Garrus pointed out.

"That's not the point," Shepard said, tracing the scar on his nose. "I'm not going to argue this any more. I'm glad you two are all right. But Tali," he added quietly enough that Kaidan was sure no one else overheard, "if you challenge me like that again, you'll be off my crew. I don't care if you disagree with my decisions, but you don't get to debate them with me. Especially not in front of other crewmembers. Understand?"

"Yes, Shepard."

"Good." He smiled. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry I snapped at you. When you're not giving me fits, I like having you on board the _Normandy_. I was just worried."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really." Shepard looked over at the table, now littered with a dozen empty beer cans. "That's contraband," he said neutrally.

"Wow, look at the time!" Joker said. "I'd better go… got to check on the cockpit…." He rose shakily to his feet and began to move slowly away.

"Let me give you a hand, man!" Hertz called.

Clinton stood up to follow. "Yeah…."

"You know, I think maybe I'll go get something to clean all this up," Maia said, examining the cluttered table. "I think, there should be something in the cargo bay…." She left, Garrus hurrying to catch up with her at the elevator at the last minute.

"Was it something I said?" Shepard laughed.

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Of course not. And anyway, it's not contraband if we're on leave." She frowned at the table. "Is _all_ of the beer gone?"

"Just as well," Kaidan told her. "You've had more than enough."

"Buzz off, Kaidan. I told you before…."

"Chief Williams!" Tali'Zorah interrupted. "I have been meaning to ask you for your help with something. It is… a fairly personal problem, and I could use your advice…."

Ashley snorted. "You're just trying to get me to—" The quarian went over to Ashley and said something very quietly that made the chief's expression change. "Oh. Let's go then." She staggered to her feet. "I may need some help getting to the armory," she admitted.

"Allow me," Tali'Zorah said. As the two of them made their way towards the elevator, Kaidan could have sworn Tali'Zorah winked at him.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty-One**

**In Which There is a First Kiss and a Mako Joke**

"Is the beer really all gone?" Shepard asked, leaning over Kaidan's shoulder.

"Afraid so, sir."

"What's wrong with the chief?"

"I'm not entirely clear, sir. Something to do with not being able to help the husband of one of her old squad mates retrieve his wife's body? Although…" Kaidan shook his head, "I think there might be more to it than that. She mentioned she was at Alliance headquarters all day today before she got someone to talk to her."

"Hm." Shepard peered hopefully into an empty can. "She was there for more than five hours yesterday before they saw her. You're right, Alenko, something's off there. You think I should ask her about it?"

"Couldn't say. It seems like a touchy subject. In any case, I wouldn't try talking about it right now, sir."

"Stop calling me 'sir.' Technically we're on leave. And there're only two of us here."

"Sorry, sir."

Shepard frowned at him. "You trying to be funny, Alenko?"

"Sorry," Kaidan said again.

"Don't apologize. That's an order. Just give me your read on how things are going so far."

"Off the record?"

"When it's just you and me, you can consider it off the record."

"Well in that case, I think there's something odd about all of this. How much proof have we dug up that Saren's looking for the Reapers? Millennia-old plants, an expert on the Prothean extinction…. But it seems like every other race in the galaxy is wrapped up in their own problems. They don't want to see what's coming."

Shepard sighed. "Can you blame them for wanting to believe everything's going to be fine? It's human nature."

Kaidan smiled. "Huh, yeah, I guess. Some things carry across species well enough. I should remember that after what happened with Vyrnnus.

"Vyrnnus? The turian they had training you up at BAaT? From what you've told me, he sounded like a sadist. I'dve thought you held a grudge."

"Before I met Vyrnnus, I knew as much as any other civilian. Aliens were weird, superior, and tried to tell us what to do. I mean, if you think about it, it's been less than thirty years since first contact; humanity hasn't had a lot of time to understand them. It was Vyrnnus who made me see just how human aliens really are. They're not different, or special. They're jerks and saints, just like us.

"Hell, by the time I got payback, I didn't even want it anymore."

"Payback?"

"Not quite accurate, but it's the best name for it. Remember Rahna?" Kaidan asked. Shepard nodded. "He hurt her; broke her arm. Know why? She reached for a glass of water instead of pulling it to her biotically. She just wanted a drink without getting a nosebleed, you know?

"Like an idiot, I stood up. Didn't know what I was gonna do, just… something. When he saw me standing up to him—heh, 'standing up to him' —Vyrnnus lost it. He beat the crap out of me. Kept shouting how they should've bombed us back to the Stone Age. And then he pulled a knife on me.

"A military issue talon. Right in my face." Kaidan suppressed the shiver of fear that still lingered, forever intertwined with the memory. "I cut loose. Full biotic kick, right in the teeth. Almost as strong as I can manage now. At seventeen, that's something."

"He deserved it. You were just trying to help a girl you cared about. I would've done the same thing."

"Would you? I killed him, Shepard. Snapped his neck. They probably could've saved him if they'd gotten him to an infirmary in time, but they were too slow. It caused quite a stir when they shipped him back home. The only good thing was that it got BAaT training shut down.

"It's funny, I'm not sure if Vyrnnus got the worst of what happened or if I did."

"What do you mean? I mean, I can see it really messing you up for a bit, but there had to be an upside. If anything it should've gotten you Rahna's attention."

Kaidan scoffed. "Oh, it got her attention all right. We stopped talking after that."

"Are you kidding me? Why? Was it because you both got shipped home?"

"No. Rahna… Rahna had a gentle heart. She loved everyone… even Vyrnnus, I think, and he terrified her. We all protected her from him, everyone. I don't know if she realized it, but we did. And it's not like I was the only—we all loved her. But after what I did to him, she was terrified of me, too.

"But that wasn't my point. Aliens are individuals. Just because one's an ass, doesn't mean they all are. So yeah, I hated that turian. But what you've got to understand is that he wasn't a turian to me. He was just Vyrnnus."

"Oh no," Shepard said. "You're not dodging this that easily. Why the hell did you let Rahna treat you like that? You didn't do anything wrong, and it's like you're still trying to apologize to her…. I mean, you stick to mission plans like they've dropped from heaven, and you never lose control—"

"Maybe you have a point," Kaidan said testily. "But what would you have done, Shepard?"

"I don't know. When I beat up someone for my girl, I got my first kiss."

"Lucky."

"I really was."

"What happened?"

The look in Shepard's eyes was distant. "I was almost sixteen, maybe a week away from my birthday. My dad sent me into town to drop off some paperwork for Mr. Petersen; we were trying to buy some more land, and he was helping us." He grinned, for a minute looking like the carefree fifteen-year-old he must have been. "I got to drive the truck into town on my own and everything."

"Drove on your own? Was the truck anything like the Mako? You must have terrified the locals," Kaidan smiled.

"Shut up. Anyway, when I got to the Petersen place, I heard… _sounds_ before I rang the bell. Took a minute before Clara got to the door. There was a mark fading fast off her face, and her lip was bleeding. I—I froze, and a hundred little things I'd never understood before all just fell into place.

"I dumped the papers in her hands and told her to get in the truck. Can't even imagine what I must've looked like, because she didn't argue—first time she didn't argue with me when I told her to do something.

"As soon as she was gone, I stormed into the house. Mr. Petersen was just sitting at his desk, easy as you like. He didn't think I would do anything to him. Didn't think I could." Shepard traced the scar on his nose.

"I didn't have the muscles I do now, but I was pretty big for my age, around one point eighty-seven meters. I hauled him out of his chair just so I could knock him down. I don't even remember how many times I hit him, but I remember how it felt when his nose broke. It just—gave way under my fist." He shuddered. "That woke me up.

"When I climbed back in the truck, Clara was crying. I started to apologize to her; I thought she was angry I'd snatched her like that and beat up her dad." Shepard grinned again. "She told me to shut up. Said she should've told me sooner, she should've known I'd protect her. I tried to tell her I was sorry for not knowing, and she finally said, 'You talk too much, Kiss,' and then she kissed me.

"I was so surprised I didn't move; I sat there in the cab of the truck, both of us blushing. Finally I remembered that we were trying to get her somewhere safe, so I started up the truck and we drove home." Shepard shrugged. "She lived with us up until the attack. The day it happened, my parents had taken her into town to meet with a lawyer about getting legal guardianship of Clara.

"Anyway, I understand the impulse, Kaidan."

The elevator rattled and Maia stepped out, garbage bag and cleaning products in hand. Kaidan blinked, he had really thought she was bluffing about making a run for cleaning supplies. Shepard stood and stretched.

"'Night, Lieutenant." To Kaidan's surprise, Shepard didn't head towards his cabin, but towards the _Normandy's_ exit.

"Good night, Commander."


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

**In Which Our Hero Embarrasses Himself**

When Ashley walked into the mess the next morning, she was surprised to find Joker there. "Hey," she called to him, as she went into the kitchenette and brought out the entire pot of coffee.

"Headache?" Joker smirked when she sat down.

"You know, I brought a mug for you, but I won't share if you're going to be an ass."

"Sorry!" he apologized hastily as he reached for the coffee she had poured for him. "I was starting to think you'd already left for Alliance headquarters."

"You were waiting for me?"

"Yeah. Shepard came back with a message for you late last night. Or really early this morning. I can't remember."

"A message from Shepard? What'd it say?"

"I dunno what it says, but it's not from the Commander. He said he just picked it up sealed from headquarters. I didn't read it. You're not _that_ fascinating, Chief." Joker edged an envelope onto the table. "You want it?" he teased.

"Hell yes! Give me that." Ashley snatched the envelope and tore it open before considering that maybe it contained a transfer order. She froze.

"What's wrong?" Joker asked. "C'mon, read it!"

"What if it's a transfer order?"

"A transfer order? Why would you get transferred?"

"Trust me when I say that I have terrible karma with the brass."

"Someday you're going to have to tell me who you pissed off during Basic."

Ashley took a deep breath and read the message. It was brief and to the point. _Chief Williams—The body of Serviceman Nirali Jaya Bhatia has been shipped to Earth where it will released to her next-of-kin in order for funeral arrangements to be made. Your diligence in reporting this matter is appreciated_. Although unsigned, the note was written on Alliance Diplomatic Corps stationary.

"So what is it?" Joker asked again.

"My squadmate. They're releasing her body to her husband." Ashley felt herself grin—someone had listened to her! She caught her breath and realized that she was in danger of crying. "I'm going to head down to the armory."

"All right," Joker sounded slightly confused at Ashley's sudden need for solitude. "See ya."

* * *

"—_though it's clear to see; you obviously do not adore me_…."

The sounds coming from the cargo hold seemed unspeakably alien. She thought she could recognize the voice, but her brain didn't quite believe her ears. The _Normandy_ was remarkable in many ways, but Ashley had never thought the ship had been constructed with particular attention to acoustics. This singing though—a clear, bright baritone—made her reconsider.

"_I get no kick in a plane…. Flyin' too high with some gal in the sky is my idea of nothing to do. Yet I get a kick—you give me a boot—I get a kick out of you!_"

The singing stopped and she froze, unsure whether it would be better for her to sneak up the stairs and come loudly back down them, or if she should just walk in and pretend not to have heard anything. She made a decision, started to turn back up the stairs… and triggered the motion sensor on the door. It hissed open and she winced, despite knowing that the expression would kill any chance she had to pretend she hadn't been listening in on the commander. Shamefacedly, she met his gaze.

If she hadn't been so embarrassed herself, the deep red blush spread over Shepard's face probably would have made her laugh. His music player was clipped to his belt, and he was in the process of pulling a wireless earpiece off his left ear. It looked as though he'd been adjusting the mods on someone's armor; tools were spread over the table in front of him, as was the glaringly yellow arm plate of a Survivor hardsuit.

_Say something! _her mind screamed._ Your ass is going to be shipside __**forever**__ if you keep standing there and staring at him!_ She opened her mouth to apologize, but instead what came out was "I hope you don't expect _me_ to wear that, sir."

"What's wrong with it?" The color in Shepard's face started to subside. He looked grateful that she wasn't saying anything, although that was probably wishful thinking on her part, since he was staring at the armor, determinedly avoiding Ashley's eyes.

"Sir, it's _yellow_."

"Devlon makes good armor," he argued. "The Survivor is their best model." He continued to frown at the arm piece. "Do you really think it's that bad? I got it for Liara, since what she got from requisitions barely offers any protection…."

"Oh, well, sir. If it's for the doctor, then I don't see anything wrong with it. Sir."

"You think she'll wear it then? I don't like her not—ah, it's better if she has—" He stopped, looking thoughtful. "Can the asari see color?" he wondered out loud.

She couldn't help herself. "You'd better hope not, sir."

Shepard finally looked at her, and she willed herself not to look away. "Why all the 'sirs,' Williams?" He rubbed the scar on his nose. "Something I should know?"

"I—I didn't mean to eavesdrop, sir!" She instantly regretted the words, watched Shepard drop his eyes as the blush took over his face again, started blushing herself.

"It's all right, Williams." Shepard looked thoughtful. "Been a long time since I did that."

"Did what, sir?" Wonderful. Not only could she not stop saying 'sir,' she couldn't stop digging herself deeper.

Shepard's mouth twitched at the 'sir,' which almost made her feel better. "Sang where people could hear me." he explained. "When I was a kid, we always had music—my mother studied to be an opera singer before she dropped out of school. And then, when my sister was born…." He gave that real smile, his eyes seeing something in the past despite seeming to rest on Ashley, "Her smile… Willa, you want to sing to. But then—" He touched the scar on his nose again, blinked, dropped the smile, coughed. "In my old N7 unit, they used to get me drunk and slide me behind a piano. Aside from that though, it's been a while. Today there was just… something." The blush had reached his ears. He crossed his arms, right over left, and eyed Ashley squarely, as if trying to deny that he'd just told her something she was fairly sure he hadn't meant to.

"Well, sir—ah, sorry—You're not half bad."

His face stayed deep red, but he did almost smile. "They always tagged me to perform in those holiday pageants in school. My father let me because it made my mother proud, even if it meant I wasn't home to do my chores. When I got older, we even talked about me maybe studying on Earth, doing a musical program along with an ag-sci one."

"Ag-sci?"

"Agricultural science, a basic degree to help us run the ranch better. My parents didn't agree on what I should study, but they both wanted me to go to college."

"If you've always had a voice like that, I can see where your mom was coming from. No offense to your dad," she added quickly. "Still, Commander, if you ask me, the galaxy's lucky you decided to join the Alliance instead."

"Thanks, Williams." Shepard turned serious. "Ah, you wouldn't mind keeping this to yourself, would you?"

Ashley smiled. "I think I could manage not to embarrass my CO, sure, Skipper."

"I appreciate it, Williams. You saw last night, it's hard enough to stay professional on such a small ship. I mean, you've been in command, you know how it is."

"No problem," she responded. It would be petty of her to point out that the crew wasn't going to lose respect for the commander just because he liked to sing. Or to argue that a groundside command over a single unit of marines was very different from being the Spectre in charge of the galaxy's most advanced warship. More than that, she realized that she felt flattered that Shepard had even thought to compare their situations. "I guess I'll just leave you to it then."

"Don't go, Williams. I'd hate to think I scared you off. What if I promise to be quiet?"

She looked at him seriously, showed him the book she was carrying. "I just came to read in the armory. Remember the problem I told you about the other day? My old squadmate's husband couldn't get the Alliance to release her body? Well, the Alliance is releasing Nirali Bhatia's body… I wanted—I needed to kind of celebrate in quiet. But it's not fair if my downtime means you can't have yours." Shepard looked at her questioningly. "You sounded happy, Skipper. Given all you've got going on, all that's riding on the mission, I think it'd be better if I left."

The commander opened his mouth to protest, then thought better of it and nodded. "Still watching my back, Williams? You know you're off-duty, right?" The smile he gave her was more in his eyes than on his lips, but it was there. "I guess you're dismissed, then. Thanks."

"Skipper." She grinned at Shepard and saluted before walking back towards the stairs. When the doors closed behind her, she climbed a few steps before she stopped and sat down, book tucked under her chin. For a long while, the only sounds were the faint hums of _Normandy's_ life support systems. Just as she was about ready to give up and go read in the mess, she heard his voice.

"_I never cared much for moonlit skies. I never winked back at fireflies. But now that the stars are in your eyes… I'm beginning to see the light_."

Ashley smiled and closed her eyes, intentionally eavesdropping on Shepard this time.

* * *

That evening, Ashley was happily ensconced in the armory, taking advantage of her access to an actual communications network, and answering the numerous vid mails and email bursts her mother and sisters had sent her. They were worried about her unresponsiveness, and not unreasonably so. When she'd been given groundside assignments, Ashley had been a diligent correspondent—there wasn't much else to do at a quiet posting. The _Normandy_ however, spent most of her time in the Terminus Systems, making it hard to stay in touch.

The subject lines of her mother's emails were really what made her realize she needed to explain things to her family. Though Mom was typically reasonable and patient, Ashley's prolonged silence had clearly upset her. Subject lines ranged from: "A Message From Mom," to "I Know You're Busy, But," to "Where Is My Daughter," to "Just Let Me Know You're Not Dead," to "ASHLEY MADELINE WILLIAMS, I GAVE YOU LIFE, DON'T MAKE ME TAKE IT AWAY." Although Ashley's sisters evinced a similar increase in concern over time, they were nowhere near as bad as Mom, who'd actually threatened to contact Shepard and demand that her daughter be allowed access to an extranet terminal.

Rather than answer her mail in the order she received it, Ashley always grouped it by family member and then responded in accordance with age. That guaranteed Mom a speedy response, and kept Abby, Lynne and Sarah (especially Sarah) humble. At least in theory. After writing to everyone else, she opened Sarah's vid mails, smiling as her baby sister's face appeared on the screen in front of her.

Sarah chatted enthusiastically at Ashley about school, reminded her to "Get in touch with Mom. When she's worried about you her cooking _sucks_. Think about someone else for a change!" Ashley laughed, realizing how much she missed the youngest member of the Williams clan. _First thing I'm going to do when I get home is brush her hair_, Ashley thought. Sarah's hair was beautiful, dark and falling in natural waves and curls, but the girl refused to brush it. She claimed she did, but it always looked as if she'd just woken up. Although she'd straighten it or put it up for school, when Sarah left it alone, her hair was the bane of Ashley's existence. Even now, she had to sit on her hands to keep from trying to brush it behind the digital ears of vid mail Sarah.

"Oh! Before I go," Sarah exclaimed, suddenly loud. "Mom said you're serving with Commander Shepard now?" Her face took on a mischievous cast. "We saw him on the news here…. Not only did he tell the reporter that he's single, but he's cute!" The little sadist waved at the camera. "Later sis!" Ashley was sure Sarah had yelled that part about Shepard to make sure that anyone close by heard. Thankfully, she didn't have to access her mail in the computer bay. _Imagine if she said that with T'Soni hovering over my shoulder._

Behind her, someone cleared his throat.

_Please, God, please. You wouldn't do this to me_. Sure enough, Shepard was standing in the doorway.

"Tell me you didn't hear that," she pleaded.

Shepard looked almost embarrassed. "Your sister, I'm guessing?"

"Only until I get enough shore leave to go home and kill her," Ashley assured him. "What's up, Skipper? I know you didn't come by to eavesdrop on my family mail."

"Sorry," he said. "I bought myself a couple of new guns yesterday, and wanted to get your opinion…."

"Oh! Let me see!" She took the beautiful black ceramic shotgun and pistol from him and whistled with envy. "Spectre-class issue. Wow. Do you really think you need a second opinion on these?"

"I have an expert available; I'd be stupid not to take advantage of her."

Ashley bit her tongue to keep from commenting on the phrase 'take advantage of her.' She'd been too lax around Shepard lately. Still, it wasn't in her nature to say _nothing_. "Trying to get on my good side after I caught you snooping?"

"I didn't hear anything! Well, not much." He shrugged. "Joker told me you've been down here answering mail for a while… your family must be important to you."

"Yeah, we've always been close." Ashley pumped the barrel of the shotgun as she spoke. "Me and my sisters, especially. With Dad on duty so much, I sort of helped Mom raise them."

"More than one sister? Sounds like a big family."

"Not that big, compared to some. There's only four of us. I'm the oldest, then Abby, then Lynne. Sarah's the youngest," Ashley scowled at the freeze-frame of her sister's face. "She's still in high school. With five women at home, Dad used to say he felt more outnumbered at home than on maneuvers."

"I can't imagine," Shepard said. "I only have one sister, and she wasn't born until I was twelve."

"Now see, _that_ sounds lonely. I'm tight with my sisters. Growing up with a dad in the Alliance meant we moved half a dozen times before I finished grade school. You go where personnel command sends you, right? Had to leave all our friends every two or three years, so we ended up depending on each other."

"You're lucky to have a close family." Although he hid it well, Ashley could hear the envy in Shepard's voice.

"Sorry! I forgot about your family… situation."

His posture softened. "Relax, Williams. Nothing to be sorry for. It's not your fault, and I've dealt with it. Tell me… how'd you stay tight with your sisters if you were the one helping raise them?"

She laughed. "It wasn't always easy. Things were tense between Sarah and me for a while. Then we bonded."

"Sounds like a story. Feel like sharing?"

Almost before she was aware that she was doing it, Ashley had told Shepard about Sarah's boy troubles and about taking emergency leave to walk her to school. Shepard's approval of Ashley's dedication to Sarah was gratifying. He frowned at Sarah's boyfriend's inability to accept 'No means no,' and understood the way small colonies would gossip even about teenagers. She explained to him how each of the Williams sisters had learned some sort of self-defense at their dad's insistence. Stubbornly, he refused to believe Sarah could be better than Ashley in a fight, even after Ashley tried to describe how her little sister had moved when Mike tried to avenge his insult.

"Your sister sounds like something else. You must be proud of her."

"A chip off the old block. The Williams women are a decisive bunch, Commander. We do things when we're ready. Not before, not after."

His facial expression changed at that. It was clear he wasn't thinking about Sarah or Mike anymore. _Goddamn it, Williams!_ As he opened his mouth to respond, Ashley realized she was holding her breath and forced herself to focus. _Inhale, exhale. Repeat_.

"Hey, Commander!" Ashley couldn't decide if she loved or hated Joker for interrupting. "Ash, is Shepard still down there? Commander, we just got a message from some Lieutenant Girard stationed here on the Citadel? He's got a girl they rescued a few weeks ago from batarian slavers. Apparently she was from your hometown on Mindoir…."

Shepard took off for the upper decks without even wasting breath on responding.

"Ah, Joker?" Ashley called. "He's on his way up."


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

**In Which There is Shared Trauma  
**

"What did Girard say? Do they know who she is? Is she all right?" Shepard edged around the question he wanted to ask: _Is she my sister?_

"I don't know, Commander. All Girard would say is that she's a little messed up."

"_She's been a slave for thirteen years, of course she's messed up, Joker_." His jaw was clenched so tightly that it actually hurt.

"Whoa!" the pilot raised his hands. "Don't shoot the messenger, Commander."

A communication came in to the _Normandy_. "This is Lieutenant Girard. Have you managed to get in touch with Commander Shepard?"

"I'm here, Girard," Shepard responded. "How's the girl? What's your ETA?"

"Ah, Commander. We're outside, actually, but the girl…. She managed to get away, took a gun from one of my guys. She's holed up on the far end of your docking bay. She, uh, she says she wants to die—"

Shepard charged from the cockpit and slammed his fist on the airlock release. He ignored the stares from the deck crew as he strode down the gangway. He pretended not to notice when people trailed after him. He didn't hear Joker's page to Dr. Chakwas, telling her that he thought she might be needed up on docking bay. His only thought was for the red-headed man standing nervously outside the _Normandy_.

"Commander," Lieutenant Girard saluted. "Glad to see you."

"Save it. Where is she?"

Girard took a half step away from Shepard. "She's over there, behind those shipping containers." He pointed. "I've got a sniper in position but I don't think we'll need—"

"_You've got a what!_" Biotics flaring, Shepard grabbed the lieutenant by the throat. Girard's men hesitated before drawing their weapons, torn between defending their commanding officer and the fear of biotics so deeply ingrained in most humans. Behind him, Shepard heard a quiet gasp; without releasing Girard, he turned to see Liara press her hands over her mouth as half of the _Normandy's_ crew glared at her for drawing the commander's attention.

"That girl needs help and you've got a sniper trained on her? What the fuck is wrong with you?" He released Girard, successfully stifling the urge to lift the man up and shake him like a terrier with a rat. "Call. Him. Off."

The lieutenant complied, rubbing his neck and glaring at Shepard all the while. "I do not think she is a danger to anyone but herself," he rasped. "Here." He slapped two pills into Shepard's palm. "We brought a sedative to calm her down, but we can't get near her. Every step gets her more wound up."

"Pills?" Shepard turned and found Chakwas in the cluster of crewmembers watching him. "Do you have anything that will work faster?" The doctor nodded and walked quickly away, not waiting for the commander to ask for the drugs.

"Don't push her too hard," Girard instructed Shepard. "If she seems liable to pull the trigger, back off; walk away. I'm willing to wait her out."

"If you were so willing to wait her out, why order the sniper?"

"I'm a realist, Commander."

"An awfully concerned realist. Why so interested in this girl?"

"I—I'm just doing my job."

It was the same thing Shepard told people about Elysium, to hide that there was something more that had motivated him. Shepard felt a flicker of sympathy for Girard. Still, he didn't regret threatening the man. _Snipers. What the fuck was he thinking?_

Chakwas reappeared and offered Shepard a syringe and a suit radio. "Don't you _dare_ not call for help if you need it, Shepard," she told him quietly.

"I will." He started towards the shipping crates, then turned back. "What's her name?" he asked Girard.

"We don't know," the lieutenant admitted. "She wouldn't talk to us."

* * *

"Stop! Stop!" The girl pointed her stolen gun at the commander before he could come within arm's reach of her. "What are you?"

He held up his hands, as much to show her they were empty as to physically reject the realization that this girl was not his sister. Although she looked about the right age, with the same dark hair and blue eyes Willa had had, there was something….

"My name is—" He hesitated, unsure what to say. "—Shepard," he decided. "What's your name?"

"Animals don't get names. Symbols. The masters put their symbols on her."

Shepard remembered the smells from Mindoir and shuddered. "You're _not_ an animal," he said forcefully. The girl brought her other hand up to steady the pistol; kept it aimed at Shepard. "Your parents, do you remember them?" he asked. "What did they call you?"

For a long, silent stretch of time she stared angrily at Shepard. "Talitha," she said finally, lowering the gun. "They call her that…. She—she won't remember the rest. Leave her alone."

"Okay," Shepard said, taking a small step towards her. "Would it be all right if I sit down, Talitha?" Minute ticked by before she nodded suspiciously, and he sat with his back against the crates, not sure what it was he was hiding from at the moment.

"Do you remember the last time you saw your parents?" he asked after a while.

After a few long moments, the girl nodded. "There's—They're yelling. Run! Hide!" Talitha took a shaky breath and slumped to the ground, her head in her hands. Shepard took the opportunity to edge a little closer to her. "They hit the masters. But the masters… they have lights and hoses. Daddy's—He's melting!" She started to shake.

"She doesn't want to see that! Don't make her look! Don't look! Stupid, stupid!"

"I know. I know it hurts, Talitha. But you have to look. You have to at least start to look. What happened next? Think."

"When she thinks, water comes out of her eyes. The masters beat her for wasting water. So she doesn't think anymore."

"The masters aren't here," Shepard promised. "You're safe. You can think again."

Clearly worried that the slavers she'd been rescued from weren't far away, her next words came in a conspiratorial whisper. "She sees them. Mommy and Daddy. B—burning in white light. Melting. Going to pieces. They can't even say anything to her. They're dead, Shepard. They try to save her, and the masters burn them.

Talitha's voice was dead as she continued to describe Mindoir. "Fires. Smells of smoke and burning meat. Animals screaming as the masters cage them. As they put the metal to their backs. Put the wires in their brains." Her voice cracked. "She pretends to be dead. If she's dead she can't work. But they know! They put her in the pen. She didn't fight! She—she was already broken when they put the wires in."

"Talitha, you were, what? Six years old? No one is blaming you for not fighting. I didn't fight. I was ten years older than you, and had my sister to protect, and I—I just passed out. Let her fall. Let her be captured. Let her… let her die.

"I was on Mindoir. My parents died in the raid. My—my friends. My sister," he admitted finally. "She's dead too."

"Lying! You get hit for lying. Get the buzz or the burning. Can't be there." She stood and pointed the gun at him again, the muzzle centimeters from his bowed head. "Why are you alive?" Talitha shouted. "Why are you—Why aren't you like her? Broken. Only fit to dig and carry."

He started to laugh. "I was—I _am_ broken. For a while—" he pushed up his sleeves as far as they would go, showed her the faded marks from his attempts to self-medicate. "For a while, I _wanted_ to be broken. I don't deserve not to be broken.

"You and me, we lost our whole families. Our friends. We're not dead, but we lost our lives that day. Other people don't understand it. They think that after a while you're fixed. It's not that easy. I—every day I have to pull myself up and keep going."

Talitha sat down again, closer to Shepard than before. "You lose your mommy and daddy," she said seriously. "But you don't dig? You don't carry? You stand up?

"She wishes she could stand up."

Shepard stretched out his hand, placed it on her shoulder. She flinched away from his touch. "Please don't touch her. She's dirty. You'll catch it!"

"There's nothing wrong with you, Talitha."

"No?" she asked mockingly. "She doesn't escape!

"When animals like her make the masters explode, she tries to fix the masters. She tries, but they don't move, and the other animals take her. She doesn't want to see the other animals. They're not real. They can't be real. They can't see her. If the animals can see her, then this is real. But it can't be. The wires. The chains. The hitting.

"This doesn't happen to her. It's another girl. A dirty girl. A stupid girl. _She_ deserves it!

"It—it happens to _her_." Talitha looked pleadingly at Shepard. "Doesn't it?" He shook his head. "They see her, so it's real. She doesn't want it to be real."

Shepard put an arm around her. Unresisting, Talitha buried her face in his shoulder, finally crying. "It hurts when she—when _I_ remember me. But I want to remember."

"There are people who can help you," he said quietly. "They helped me. They can't fix it all, but they can help." He slowly pulled out the syringe. "If you want them to help. If you don't, I promise, I won't let them touch you. But if you do…." He showed her the needle.

"There are drugs in here that will make you sleep. _Just_ sleep. Nothing else. If you fall asleep, Lieutenant Girard—the man who brought you here—can take you to a place where you can get better."

"Will you take her, Shepard?"

"I—I can't, Talitha. But I will come see you there, if you want. And if you need anything…. If you need me, I'll come."

She lifted her head from his shoulder and stared him in the eye. "Do you promise?"

"I promise." He rubbed the tears off her face with his thumb. "So tell me what you want. To go there? To sleep?"

Talitha nodded and held out her arm. Carefully, Shepard gave her the injection, biting his lip when she didn't flinch. "Will she have bad dreams?" the girl asked, lowering her head to Shepard's knee.

"You'll dream of a warm place," he lied as he stroked the dark stubble that covered her head. "And when you wake up, you'll be in it."

"I'd like that."

Shepard wasn't sure how long they sat like that, the girl with the stolen gun and the crying marine. After a while, he realized that Talitha's breathing had deepened and slowed. Carefully, he pried the pistol from her hands and left it on the ground. Then he lifted her, cradling her head against his chest, and carried her back to the group of people at the _Normandy_.

* * *

"Thank you, Commander," Girard said as Shepard approached. "What you did—it means a lot. I didn't want to hurt her. It's just, when I see her curled in a ball, shivering…. She was only _six_ when they took her?" Shepard suddenly realized that the radio Chakwas had given him must have been on for the entirety of his conversation with Talitha. Everyone who could meet his eyes looked guilty and pitying. The commander gritted his teeth.

"Why the hell are we out here if we can't even keep one little girl safe?" Girard finished.

"To make the people who do these things pay. To make them _suffer_." The venom in his voice surprised even Shepard. "And… to help the ones we can," he added, looking sadly down at the unconscious girl in his arms.

"I'll handle it from here, Commander. We are taking her to a counseling center. They'll help her get better."

Shepard gripped Talitha tighter. "Where are you taking her?" he demanded.

"The Alliance facility on Terra Nova. The government will pay for her care…."

"No. Look." He laid Talitha on the gurney that had been set up from her. "Do you have a datapad on you?" The lieutenant nodded. "Take her to the Marshside Psychiatric Facility on Elysium. I'll let them know you're coming. When you get there, talk with Dr. Cavuto. _Don't_ let anyone else sign her in. Did you get all that?" Girard looked up from the datapad and nodded again. "Don't worry about payment. It'll be covered." Shepard turned back to Talitha, ran his hand over her short hair one more time.

"Take care of her," he said roughly.

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**_As always, I appreciate your reading this far. I'm apologizing in advance for this chapter and the next few. They're far more angsty than what I normally write. _


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

**In Which Our Hero Elicits Concern**

Kaidan was 'repairing' the oft-broken console that afforded a view of Shepard's cabin door. Ashley and Tali'Zorah sat on the floor nearby, ostensibly helping him. In reality, all three were waiting for the commander to come out of his quarters. Although the sound of crashing objects had subsided a few hours after they left the _Normandy's_ Citadel dock, no one had spoken to Shepard since he boarded, barked at Joker to take the ship to Pinnacle Station, and told Pressly that he didn't want anyone to bother him before they arrived at their destination.

"Feel anything now, LT?" Ashley asked. When they'd first stationed themselves at their watch post, Kaidan had realized Shepard was using his biotics—probably to throw things. It had been vaguely unsettling. He had felt as though he were eavesdropping. Although biotics usually experienced some sort of sympathetic awareness when using their abilities in close proximity to each other, Shepard's heightened emotions made what he was doing more obvious than it would normally have been.

"No," Kaidan replied.

"Do you think he ran out of energy?" Tali'Zorah inquired.

Kaidan shook his head. "The commander's a pretty powerful biotic. It'd take a lot more than slamming a couple chairs around to drain him."

"I hope he hasn't hurt himself," the quarian said quietly.

"The commander wouldn't do that!" Ashley snapped. "Why would you even say that?"

"He's done it before," Kaidan pointed out. "At least, that's what it sounded like to me."

"He could have meant anything."

"Yesterday morning, I would have agreed with you, Chief Williams. I never thought I would see Commander Shepard look so…." Tali'Zorah shook her head. "When I first came aboard the _Normandy_, he told me he still had nightmares about Mindoir. He also… he thought his sister was still alive. But he told that girl—"

"Talitha," Kaidain said quietly.

"Yes, her. He told her his sister was dead."

"We were just talking about our sisters," Ashley said, resting her forehead on her bent knees. "Maybe you're right, kid."

"My name is _Tali_," the younger female muttered, her frustration momentarily eclipsing her concern for the commander. "Honestly, it isn't a difficult name."

"Tali, sorry. But you're right. He talked about her like she was alive. If you can believe it, not fifteen minutes before Joker paged him, Shepard was telling me he'd dealt with his family situation. God, he's such a liar."

"I'm sure he thought he was fine. It's not like he could've ever expected to see someone from his hometown again." Kaidan finally gave up the pretense of tinkering with the console and sat across from Ashley and Tali. He looked at Ashley's utterly dejected expression and laughed. "You two do realize that we're sitting here wringing our hands over a Spectre, right? A _Spectre_. He'll be fine."

"Kaidan, he almost snapped that Lieutenant Girard's neck. _Before_ he started talking with Talitha. You were the one who told us he was using his biotics to tear his cabin apart… although we probably would've figured that one out on our own."

"Lieutenant Alenko has a point. Commander Shepard is a Spectre. They don't accept just anyone into their ranks. He knows his limits. This station we're heading to, Pinnacle Station? It's an Alliance training facility, isn't it?"

"You think tearing up some simulator is going to calm Shepard down?" Ashley scoffed.

"You've never been to Pinnacle, Ash. It's intense," Kaidan assured her. "Close as you can get to actual combat without risking death."

Ashley brightened a little. "Really? You think I'll get a chance to try it out?"

"Not today." Shepard stood in the doorway of his cabin. His shirt was ripped, but his face was expressionless. "We're taking a detour. Joker picked up an alert. Some research asteroid orbiting Terra Nova. You're coming," he pointed at Tali. "So's Liara. Tell her to get prepped. I'll meet you on the hanger deck in three hours." The commander disappeared back into his cabin.

"He… looked all right," Tali ventured. Kaidan couldn't be sure, but she sounded as though she was smiling.

Ashley, on the other hand was scowling. "He's taking the _doctor?_" she griped. "Why? She's not even trained! If he wanted a biotic, he could've taken you."

Kaidan shrugged, forcing himself not to smile. It was clear the chief really wanted to know why Shepard hadn't pegged _her_ for the mission. "You know the commander. He's always got his reasons."

"I'll just bet he does," Ashley grumbled, glaring daggers after Tali as the quarian left to speak with Dr. T'Soni.

"Aw, c'mon, Chief. Don't be so sour." Kaidan stood and offered her a hand up. "Let's go talk to Joker. I'll bet he can tell us why the commander thinks he doesn't need two bad-ass marines like us with him."

"Fine," Ashley let Kaidan pull her to her feet. "But if she loses another gun, I'm not giving her any more."

* * *

Liara fidgeted with the straps of her new armor. She'd been so excited when Shepard had presented it to her yesterday afternoon. He'd laughed and called her bloodthirsty, unaware that her delight stemmed from the fact he'd thought of her. He had seemed relieved that she liked the gift, and had laughed again when she asked him how he knew yellow was her favorite color.

"I didn't," he'd said. "Promise I'll remember though."

Involuntarily, Liara recalled how changed Shepard had been just a few hours later when he threatened Lieutenant Girard. The expression on his face—She had known that his guilt was still there; she'd almost drowned in it during their joining. But knowledge couldn't prepare her for his frightening, irrational anger. Far from the attentive and considerate man she had come to expect, Shepard had reminded Liara of dispassionate justicars, who killed without stopping to think.

After overhearing him talk with the girl Talitha, Liara had lain awake all night struggling to make sense of the memories of the batarian raid on Shepard's home colony that she had tasted, and succeeded only in making herself cry.

The Mako crashed to the surface of the asteroid. _Focus, or your inattention will cause someone to be killed_, Liara told herself sternly.

"There are three fusion torches on this asteroid." Shepard sounded clinically detached, almost bored. "They're propelling it towards Terra Nova. There's supposed to be a research team guiding it. Joker's calculating that the asteriod is going to slam into the planet within the next four hours or so. So, there's probably something interfering with the researchers.

"If the asteroid hits Terra Nova, everyone on the planet will probably die. We're going to disable those torches. Searching for survivors is a secondary objective."

Uncomfortable silence rushed in to replace the sound of Shepard's voice. The commander flipped through various displays on the rover's LADAR screen, checking all systems as though he were alone and running a diagnostics test. Liara was suddenly very grateful to be sitting alone in the rear of the Mako. She did not envy Tali her place next to Shepard.

"_Normandy_ to shore party," Joker's voice came over the comm. "From your current position the nearest torch is nearly a klick away, due south."

"Roger, _Normandy_. Shore party out." The Mako began to turn.

"Hello? Hello? Please? Can you hear me? I heard your transmission. Please, you've got to shut down the torches or we're all going to die! Hello?" The unfamiliar voice caused the commander to freeze.

"Did—" he cleared his throat. "You two, did you hear that?" Liara wondered what Shepard had been hearing recently that made him unwilling to believe in the transmission without confirmation.

"Yes, Shepard." Tali nodded. "It sounded like a distress call."

An expression of relief flickered briefly over the commander's face. "She's only telling us what we already knew." The rover resumed its progress over the surface of the asteroid. Within a few minutes, the brightly burning fuel torch was in sight. Liara thought it looked oddly beautiful, its bright light a sharp contrast to the empty vacuum surrounding them.

"You're headed in the right direction!" The mysterious broadcaster sounded encouraged. "I don't know who you are but—Damn it! Got to go." The commander looked at the comm unit for a moment as though he was considering disabling it. His hand stretched towards the console.

"Shepard!" Tali sounded panicked. "Are these defense towers supposed to react to our presence?"

Liara ripped her gaze from Shepard and stared at the LADAR display, tamping down her own rising fear. _Oh Goddess_, she thought. The shields protecting the four defense turrets slowly lowered. _They're aiming right for us!_

Shepard didn't react beyond issuing orders. "Tali: cannon. Liara: machine gun. Go."

The young quarian began to climb to the hatch just as the first defense turret fired a rocket at them. Shepard jerked the rover to the side, and Tali swung wildly for a moment before finally disappearing. A moment later, Liara heard a bang, and one of the rocket launchers firing on them exploded. Despite herself, Liara couldn't move. The commander hopped the Mako over another missile before addressing her immobility. He didn't face Liara, but she imagined that she could hear him deride himself for bringing her along.

"Liara. Machine gun. _Now_."

Unsure how she managed it, Liara somehow found herself behind the machine gun, firing a continual stream of desperate shots that wore down the kinetic barriers of the rocket launchers.

"There's something more going on here," Tali told Liara as the final turret collapsed and they reentered the cabin. "Someone had to hack those towers."

Shepard parked the rover close outside the entrance to the torch. "Stay alert," he ordered as they entered the building.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

**In Which Our Hero's Day Worsens**

The building was one of those abominable prefabs of which humans were so inordinately fond. Liara glared at the depressingly predictable pattern of tiles on the floor. Almost involuntarily, she contrasted the sight with the truly ruined ruins left behind on Therum and shook her head. For a species so intent on progress, humanity lacked imagination.

There was no time to indulge in her dismay, however. Shepard signaled Liara and Tali to take up positions on either side of the door leading into the main bay of the building as he pressed the entrance console.

As the door slid open, Liara felt her heart leap into her throat. It took a good deal of self-restraint not to turn her head to gauge the commander's reaction to the foes collected inside. If the sudden grating of Shepard's biotics on her own awareness was any indication however, he was not taking the realization in stride.

"Batarians," he hissed as he recognized the four-eyed humanoid beings. Without warning, he charged into the room, shotgun blazing.

Liara recognized the words Tali was muttering from the more informal of the language lessons Benezia had insisted on. She stared at the young quarian with shock, swallowing the reprimands she didn't have time to voice. Shepard was making quick work of the batarians, but he was ignoring the pack of attack varren that bore down on him and his companions. Thankfully, Tali proved as quick with her shots as with her swears, and she and Liara managed to put down the beasts before they did too much damage to the commander.

Then, suddenly, everything was quiet. Shepard stood over the body of the last batarian, panting, before taking a deep breath and stepping coldly over the corpse on his way to the control room.

"Tali. Can you disable this?"

"Yes, Commander." In a few moments, the holographic display flashed an error message. "The torch is offline."

"The southern torch just went out. Was that you? Can you even hear me?" The unidentified voice's ability to broadcast to the appropriate receiver greatly impressed Liara.

"Who is this?" Shepard asked.

"Kate Bowman. I'm one of the engineers working on bringing X57 to Terra Nova. I've been in hiding since the batarians attacked yesterday."

"Yesterday?" the commander sounded confused. "Batarians are slavers. Why are they still here?"

"I—I don't know!" Kate Bowman answered impatiently. "But you've got to hurry. Shutting down that torch really pissed them off. Their leader's setting charges everywhere; I think he's going to blow this whole facility!"

"Get away from there!" A harsh voice interrupted Kate Bowman.

"No, don't shoot, please!" she begged.

"Who were you talking to? Who's shutting down the torches?" Over the comm came the unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked. "I won't ask you again." Silence. Then a gunshot. "Get her out of here!"

"Argh!" With a sudden biotic surge, Shepard reduced the terminal to little more than a cracked console and sparking wires.

Liara considered him for a moment. "Cathartic as I am sure that was, Shepard," she said dryly, "it does nothing to help Miss Bowman." _Oh Goddess, why can't I keep my mouth shut?_ "Indeed, it serves no productive purpose and cuts us off from any chance to overhear her… her captor's plans."

Shepard ignored her chastisement, walking quickly out of the room. No sooner had he exited than Liara heard a shot. Tali ran out, clearly worried for the commander. Liara was close behind.

"Oh God!" an unfamiliar voice said. "I didn't mean to… are you hurt?" A human male faced Shepard, pistol dangling awkwardly from one of his hands.

"You'll have to do better than that, next time," Shepard sneered.

"Sorry! I thought you were one of them."

"If I was, all that shot would have done is _really_ pissed me off. And you'd be dead now. Next time think."

"Yeah—yeah I'll remember."

The commander sighed, and for a moment, Liara thought he was going to apologize. "I'm Shepard, with the—with the Alliance. I'm here to help."

"Simon Atwell. I'm the chief engineer on this rock. Do you know what's going on here?"

"Batarians. Fuel torches. Imminent collision. I kill the batarians and shut down the torches, no collision."

Thinking that Shepard's stilted sentences were an attempt to lighten the mood, Simon struggled to smile. "There are four million people down there, Shepard. I—my family. My kids and grandkids. They live in Aronas. Nice community—"

"I grasp what's at stake." The commander started to move towards the exit.

"Wait! One of the other torches…. We were setting up for our arrival at Terra Nova, prepping for excavation. It's surrounded by live blasting caps. They're set up with proximity detonators. Anything bigger than a human will set them off. If you go in slow and on foot though, you should be fine."

"Wonderful."

"Uh, you can disarm them when you reach the facility. The controls are on the outside wall."

"Useful."

"One last thing. I had a crew working off-site when the attack came. I'm worried—You know how batarians are. They're just engineers, they're not equipped…."

"Search and rescue operations will have to wait until I'm sure we won't lose an entire colony." The dead tones of Shepard's voice sent a chill down Liara's spine.

"You're right, of course. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking…. Good luck."

"I should go; there's not a lot of time. _You_ should stay here and hide."

* * *

To Liara's surprise, disabling the remaining two torches proved rather formulaic. With Tali leading them through the minefield outside of the second facility and dealing with the rocket drones they encountered in the third, and Shepard still fixated on eliminating every batarian unlucky enough to cross his path, there was little difficulty in changing the asteroid's course.

As Tali switched off the last console, Liara noticed tension flood out of the commander's body. "Perhaps now we can search for Mr. Atwell's missing engineers?" she ventured.

"No. We deal with the scum behind this attack first." Shepard started down the stairs. "The torches are offline, but I'll bet the batarians are hiding in the main facility. We just need a way in…."

"Hold it right there! This doesn't have to end in bloodshed!" At the sight of the batarians attempting to treat with him, Shepard went rigid again. _This cannot end well_. "Don't come any closer," the lead batarian warned. "We can do this the hard way, or… we can end this peacefully."

The commander's hand went to his shotgun. Without thinking, Liara grabbed his arm. "Shepard, please!" Liara wondered if she was being bold because she was particularly stupid or because she knew Shepard wouldn't abandon her since no one else could interpret his visions. "Just listen? It can't hurt."

"I've got nothing to say to him! Batarians don't know the meaning of the word 'peacefully!'" Shepard snapped. "It's either going to hurt now or hurt later, but it's going to hurt."

"Look," the batarian sighed, "Hijacking this rock wasn't my idea. I signed on to make a little profit. A quick slave grab, no big deal. I'm just doing my job."

"_No big deal?_" the commander hissed. Liara felt the tendons in his arm shift under her hand as he clenched his fists. "_A slave grab is no big deal?_" She realized that by uttering those words, the batarian had ensured that Shepard would kill him. I _tried_, she thought. _Goddess, you know I tried_.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" The batarian held up a placating hand. "This thing is way out of my league. If it were up to me, we'd be out of here by now."

"And off torturing little girls on some other human colony?"

"I—So I'm a slaver! I'm not a terrorist!"

"_I don't give a fuck!_" Shepard's biotics flared, and the batarian started to scream. Small scratches began to appear on his exposed skin; spots of blood soaked through his clothes. Liara felt sick. She had seen other asari use shifting biotic fields to destroy an enemy's armor, but she had never imagined the principle could be applied to a living being. The commander was literally shredding the batarian from the inside out.

The slaver's companions began to attack. There was no choice but to respond in kind. Tali and Liara unholstered their weapons; within moments, all the members of the group that had threatened them were dead.

Shepard walked over to the batarian he had butchered. He removed something from around the corpse's neck and slowly stood. With one hand, the commander raised the visor of his helmet and spit on the body. Then he lowered the visor again and walked away without looking back. "Let's go."


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

**In Which Our Hero Makes an Unpleasant Choice**

The drive to the main compound was utterly silent. Liara struggled to settle her stomach, to rid her ears of the sound of the batarian's screams. The commander's erratic driving was no help. In the front seat of the Mako, Tali pressed herself into the wall, trying to put more space between Shepard and herself without attracting his attention. Poor thing. _I should have exchanged places with her_.

Although she couldn't believe she was taking notice of something so frivolous, Liara had to admit that the main facility was not an unattractive prefabricated building. The main chamber was open and full of light. There were trees, flowering trees, that had dropped petals all over the immaculate white floor. It was really quite—

A rocket drone shot a missile at her, and Liara barely raised a biotic barrier in time. She jerked her attention back to the battle. There seemed to be an inordinate amount of tech experts among the batarians, and all of them seemed to delight in causing her gun to overheat. Thankfully, her reserves of biotic energy were as strong as they had ever been. Liara lost count of how many terrorists she threw, slammed or crushed to death. She left the drones up to Tali, wishing their roles were reversed. Death—Liara had never been responsible for so much death. Even though she told herself over and over that these batarians would have happily destroyed an entire planet, her guilt didn't abate.

Commander Shepard had no such qualms. He tore apart every opponent who faced him. More than once, Liara heard the screams of a batarian being shredded at just above the molecular level. She wondered how long he could continue to use his abilities at this intensity. Not very long, she hoped. She didn't like being able to feel the things he was doing.

Finally, Liara realized she was hearing the unnatural silence of a battle completed. The commander removed his helmet and wiped sweat off of his face. _At least he's not smiling_. Liara didn't think that Shepard was a monster, but if he had been smiling….

"You humans. You're more trouble than you're worth." Liara recognized that voice. The one from the comm. Shepard dropped his helmet and pulled out his sidearm in a single motion, training the weapon on the tall batarian standing not ten meters away.

"How sad for you," the commander commiserated. "Allow me to put you out of your misery."

"Predictable," the batarian scoffed. "I don't have time for your posturing. This is over. I'm leaving this asteroid."

"You don't get to leave. Not after what you did here!"

"I think I do. You see, if you try to stop me," he held up a remote control, "I'll detonate these charges and your little helper and her friends will all die."

"I—my—" Shepard stuttered and turned to gaze where the terrorist was pointing. A group of frantic humans clustered around an ominous-looking device.

"Shepard!" Tali said quietly. "He said—Kate Bowman must still be alive!"

The commander shook his head, unwilling to be dissuaded from the course of action he'd obviously already decided on. "No. We _heard_—"

"Humans have done far worse to batarians," the batarian raged. "We've been forced into exile. Forced to survive on…." He ranted about various injustices perpetrated by humanity against the batarian people, raising Shepard's hackles and Liara's worries both. As the commander and the batarian shouted at each other, Liara prayed to Athame that the goddess would help Shepard not be blinded by his desire to see the batarians suffer.

"Sometimes you need to get someone's attention before they'll listen!" the terrorist yelled. "That's why we attacked you at Elysium. That's why I'm doing this now. You humans forced our hand!"

"_Liar!_" Shepard roared. "_You_ attacked us first. _You_ attack us over and over, and when the Alliance finally stepped up and did something about it, you went whining to the Council, like pathetic little _bitches!_ If you want to blame someone, _blame yourself!_" Though his voice shook, the hand keeping his pistol trained on the batarian was steady.

"Enough! I don't even know why I bother. I'm done wasting my breath on you, human. If you want your friends to live, step aside."

For a horrible moment, Liara thought Shepard was going to shoot the batarian. Then, without warning, he holstered his gun. "This isn't over!"

"Maybe not. You won't follow me today though. Those bombs are still on a timer." The terrorist nodded to his associates and walked away.

* * *

"_God __**fucking**__ damn it!_" the commander yelled. Then he turned to Tali and Liara. "Tali, you can dismantle the bombs, right?" He sounded defeated.

"Aye-aye, Commander." Tali ran off to stop the explosives. Almost before she started to move, a swarm of defense drones attacked the ground team. A last gift from the terrorists, Liara supposed.

"Keep going!" Shepard shouted at Tali. "We'll handle these. At least I can kill _something_."

When the final drone had been dealt with, and Tali had returned to assure the commander that all the bombs had been deactivated, Shepard began to make his way towards the room where the hostages were being kept. Before he could release them, Simon Atwell appeared. "You—He left? Is… you won't get in trouble for that, will you?"

"I told you to hide," Shepard said wearily.

The engineer shrugged. "I thought maybe I could help," he said sheepishly.

"Civilians," Tali muttered, sounding far too old for her age.

"Is anyone alive in here?" Simon asked. "Is my team all right?"

"If they're not all right, that batarin is going to have a very short, very unhappy life," the commander said darkly.

"You let Balak go to save them? Won't you get in trouble? Couldn't he just do the same thing somewhere else?"

"Balak," Shepard repeated, as though tasting the name. "What? You think I should have just let your friends die? Have their deaths on my head because Balak might attack others later? I don't operate that way. I don't let civilians die. And if that bastard ever raises his head in human territory again, I'll be there to remove it for him. Slowly."

"Ease down, boy!" Simon barked in a tone that made Liara believe his claim to have children and grandchildren on Terra Nova. "If anyone asks me, you did the right thing. I—Thank you, Shepard. For my grandchildren's lives. Listen. As lead engineer, I get some quality items. Take your pick, you've earned it."

"No; thank you," the commander said, gruffly. "If you want to thank anyone, thank Tali. My tech expert. Without her, we couldn't have shut down the torches or the bombs." He stepped aside to let Simon shake the quarian's hand enthusiastically.

"Miss Tali! Please, why don't you take a look at what I've got. I recently acquired some quarian armor, actually, but if you're interested in technology…" the two of them moved away, leaving Liara to trail after Shepard when he released the hostages. When the door slid open, it revealed frightened and grateful technicians and one woman with dark blonde hair whose eyes immediately fixed on the commander.

"I can't believe you let Balak go to save us," Kate Bowman told him. "I half expected you to just let us die. Sacrifice the few for the many."

"There won't be a many," Shepard replied. "I know who Balak is now. It's just a matter of time before I catch him."

She gave a weak smile. "You sound like my brother. He always—He was always so stubborn. Always willing to do the right thing, no matter what."

"Your brother… Balak shot him because you wouldn't tell him about me?"

Kate Bowman's eyes were fixed on the ground as she sniffled and nodded, but Liara saw the guilt spread across Shepard's face.

"Aaron said working here would be an adventure." Kate started to cry. Shepard shifted his weight from foot to foot, uncomfortable. At last, he seemed unable to endure the sight of the crying woman any longer and put an arm around Kate. She leaned into the commander, pressing her face into his armor for a little while as she sobbed.

"I'm sorry," she said once she'd regained some self-control. "I—I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I should go—see about Aaron."

"Of course. I can't imagine what today has been like for you. I'll get out of your way." For a moment, Shepard sounded the way he always did.

"Thank you again," Kate sniffed. "Thank you so much—ah, what was your name?"

"Shepard. K.S. Shepard, with the—with the Alliance."

"Well, thank you Shepard. You're not what I expected, but you—just—thank you."

"So long, Kate."

* * *

When the three of them stepped out of the decontamination chamber and back aboard the _Normandy_, Shepard pressed the comm button on the wall. "Please just get me the fuck to Pinnacle, Joker. _Please_."


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter Thirty-Seven:**

**In Which Our Hero Makes a Stupid Decision**

Shepard was tearing up the simulator.

From where she stood on the observation deck, Ashley whistled. "I knew he was good," she said to no one in particular, "but this is something else."

It was one thing to blast bad guys while in the thick of things with Shepard and quite another to stand back and watch him. To be honest, it was a bit depressing. She hoped it wasn't the biotics that gave Shepard that incredible edge. If it was, she'd have to resign herself to the fact that she'd never be that good; he had to have broken at least four high scores so far.

Most of the other crewmembers were taking turns in one of the simulators, running through scenarios and challenging each other to contests. Much as she was itching to try Pinnacle's programs, Ashley had spent all of her time on the station watching the commander.

Tali and Dr. T'Soni's accounts of what had passed between Shepard and the batarians on the Terra Nova research asteroid had spread through the _Normandy's_ crew like wildfire. Shepard had seemed more or less his usual self the one time she'd bumped into him during the trip to Pinnacle, but Ashley wasn't reassured.

As Shepard completed this scenario—another high score broken—and pulled off his helmet, Ashley glimpsed a near-smile on his face. If she hadn't been hoping for the expression, she would have missed it, but that hint of smile let her relax slightly. She hadn't been able to look away from the commander's scenarios, convinced that the minute she let her guard down, something would go wrong and he'd get himself killed. Everyone said that it was impossible to die in the sims, but she wasn't willing to take that chance.

_Now though_…. Ashley decided to put her name on the list of crewmembers waiting to use the combat chamber reserved for _Normandy_ personnel and bumped into Garrus when she turned. "What gives, Vakarian?"

The turian shrugged. "Apologies, Chief Williams. Listen, I know you're watching Commander Shepard, but I think you're going to want to see this. Lieutenant Alenko challenged Dr. T'Soni to a contest: biotics only, whoever racks up the most kills before 'dying' wins." The expression on Garrus' face shifted; Ashley could have sworn his next words were meant to tease. "There's a—what is that word—ah, yes. _Scuttlebutt_ says that you and the doctor don't get along. I thought you might be interested in the contest."

"I get along with everyone, Vakarian. Including you. Which is not the easiest thing."

Garrus laughed. "You are incredibly amiable, Williams. I don't know _what _I could have been thinking. I'm sure you and the doctor get along famously… when no one's looking."

Ashley grinned, and followed Garrus back to the main knot of _Normandy _crewmembers. "So Lieutenant Alenko really challenged the doctor?" she asked disbelievingly. "Really? You're not putting me on?"

"Putting you on what?"

"Never mind."

Garrus was telling the truth; when Ashley walked over to where Kaidan was waiting for the simulation to load, she found him adjusting his armor. "You challenged the doctor?"

"I figured she could use a distraction and I could use the practice. You gonna put your name down and take a try? Garrus ended up with twelve headshots and thirty kills for the sniper program. None of us have beaten him yet…."

"You don't need to appeal to my patriotism; I was coming over to put my name down anyway. Shepard's running survival scenarios, and I figure he'll be okay without me watching him… at least for a little while."

"You worry about him." Kaidan's expression was thoughtful as he tightened his gloves.

She made a face. "I worry about any superior officer teetering on the edge. God forbid anything happens to you and Pressly, I'd lose my fragile grip on reality."

Kaidan opened his mouth, probably to say something reassuring, and the entrance light on the combat chamber turned green. He bit back whatever ego-booster he'd been prepping and headed into the simulator.

"'Luck, LT!" Ashley called after him. He turned back and gave her a thumbs-up before the door slid shut.

Ashley joined a cluster of marines from the _Normandy_ that included Quincy, Harper, and Clinton, to watch the contest.

"Fifty credits says the doctor wipes the floor with the lieutenant," Quincy offered. "Odds are three to one that she beats him outright, five to three that she racks up at least twenty more kills than he does."

"I'll take that bet: fifty credits that she loses to the lieutenant."

Ashley would be the first to admit that she was mostly ignorant about biotic techniques. Before being stationed on the _Normandy_ she'd only encountered biotics for the first few weeks of basic, the period of communal training that occurred before the biotics were separated and sent elsewhere for specialized instruction. While working with Shepard and Alenko, she'd only noted that they had more options for taking down hostiles than 'shoot until movement stops.' Watching Kaidan and Dr. T'Soni in the simulator gave her a new appreciation for their abilities. Although the two competitors differed in the gestures they used to focus their mass effect fields, each tried to conserve motion, concentrating on speed and efficiency. As the body count began to climb, Ashley was forced to admit that biotics might actually be more effective than guns.

Quincy agreed. "Good thing there's a program to keep count of the kills. I don't think I'd be able to do it on my own."

"Hm."

"Wouldn't have thought the doctor had enough guts to have take down as many as she has."

"Yep."

"Not in the mood to talk, Chief?"

"Sorry. I've never seen biotics let loose like this. It explains why the Alliance tries to push them into the military."

"Couple hundred years ago, they'dve burned biotics at the stake for being witches. Can't say I'd blame them. Gives me the creeps," Quincy admitted. "Hey look! The doctor's down! Holy crap! She lost!"

Ashley was surprised; from what she knew, human biotics couldn't typically compete with trained asari. Still, she felt herself grin, and ignored the part of her mind telling her it was wrong to be happier that T'Soni had lost than that Kaidan had won. "If you need to wait until you get your next paycheck to cover our bet, I'll be _more_ than happy to give you a couple extra weeks to pay me back."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll get you your credits when we get back on the ship." Quincy moved away, ducking other _Normandy_ crewmembers. Ashley wondered whether he'd be able to cover all his bets, and decided not to press him if he didn't get her the cash. _Dumb kid. _ She watched as Kaidan helped the doctor to her feet and said something to make her smile. It was hard to believe that a few minutes earlier, the two of them had been glowing and destroying things. How did they keep a damper on that power all the time? _No wonder Shepard used biotics to rip his cabin apart. It must be so much more satisfying than just throwing—_

* * *

"Shepard!" The voice that derailed Ashley's train of thought was as rough as its owner's face. She turned in time to see Shepard salute the speaker.

"Admiral Ahern, sir. I was wondering if you'd retired somewhere. I've been waiting to talk to you for a couple hours."

"Ah well. When they told me there was a Spectre here wanting to talk to me, they didn't tell me it was you." Ahern gestured towards the scoreboards. "Looks like you made good use of the time, though. What can I do for you?"

"These sims are all right," Shepard began, "but the last time I was here you said you were working on more practical simulations. I was hoping you might have something new I could try. What about something from the Blitz? Or maybe the ground action on Mindoir?"

Alarm bells went off in Ashley's head. There was no way to pretend that wanting to relive the day his entire family had been killed was a healthy coping mechanism.

"Mindoir?" Ochren, the grouchy salarian who monitored Pinnacle Station's simulators, scoffed. "There wasn't any ground action on Mindoir. The troops stationed there holed up in the main city, and barely managed to save that. Every unimportant little town and farm was destroyed. Nothing to learn from Mindoir."

Shepard's body went rigid; a flicker of biotic energy ran down his arm. Before he could respond, Admiral Ahern intervened.

"If you think you're up to it, I've been working on something you might be interested in. A reenactment of one of my missions from the First Contact War. Me and a small squad held off a turian ambush. Haven't thought any of the current generation would be up to it, even with these safety protocols to coddle you…. What with everything you've done today, Shepard, maybe you'd want to test it? I have to warn you, you'd be ridiculously outnumbered, no cover to speak of. It was the ultimate worst case scenario. No worries though, it'd only be a simulation. No _real_ danger."

Rank be damned. Ashley wanted to punch Ahern. Why was he goading Shepard?

"Then make it harder," Shepard said. "Turn up the difficulty; turn off the safeties."

Ahern laughed. "No safeties? Highest difficulty? Not only would the program beat you, but then I'd have to explain how a Spectre died on my station. Dream on, kid."

"If it's as hard as you say, put your credits where your mouth is. Unless you're afraid of losing bragging rights to the only decent war story you have?"

"Watch what you say, Shepard!" the admiral snapped. "I don't mind a friendly wager… but not credits. I don't have enough to spare as it is. Tell you what, though. I've got a nice little retirement place on Intai'sei. I'm never retiring, and I never go there. Beat the sim, and it's yours."

"Done." Shepard held out a hand to Ahern.

"Not so fast. I put up my house. What're you wagering?"

"My life." The commander said it as though he was commenting on the weather.

"The admiral hesitated, and Ashley thought for a moment that he'd come to his senses. "So… you really want the safeties off? If you die, it's getting logged as user error. I won't lose my job over this."

"Just set it up."

Ahern grinned and shook the commander's hand. "Get your ground team together. No more than five… that's how many I had with me. I'll make sure Ochren gets the new settings."

"I've beaten all the other programs on my own, sir."

"I just got through agreeing to turn off the safeties and up the difficulty. I'm not letting you in there without backup."

"It would be irresponsible of me to take members of my crew in there, Admiral."

"More irresponsible than going in there in the first place, _Spectre?_"

"I—"

"I'll go." The words were out before Ashley could think.

"There you go, Shepard. A volunteer. Was that so hard?" Ahern moved away. "I'd say good luck," he called back over his shoulder, "but you'll need a lot more than that."

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**_First off, special thanks to _Neutral Ground _who did an amazing job of beta'ing this chapter for me. (I'm currently looking for a regular beta reader, in case anyone is interested/knows someone who'd be interested). Apologies for the unannounced delays, things in my life have been insane recently. As such, I'm not making any promises about returning to a regular update schedule until at least mid-May. Try not to hate me!_


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

**In Which Our Hero Faces the Consequences of His Stupid Decision  
**

"Thanks for the offer, Chief Williams." A muscle in the commander's jaw twitched as he gritted his teeth and forced himself to voice the courtesy. "I'm going to head in there alone though."

Ashley crossed her arms and mentally patted herself on the back for not rolling her eyes. "With all due respect, sir, you _can't_ go in there alone." If she was going to be transferred to another groundside post, Shepard would at least have to admit her insubordination was the direct result of his being a dumbass. _Not that anyone will believe that_. "Do you even know what got Ahern the attention of Alliance brass during the war? A near suicidal retrieval mission. He told you he had five others with him? That's just how many the evac team picked up. Ahern started with _two full squads_. Think about that and tell me you don't need someone to watch your back!"

"I don't need _your_ permission, and I don't need backup to beat Ahern's simulation."

"You can't beat it on your own. With all due—uh. You're the first human Spectre, sir. Even if you'd rather try and kill yourself in the simulators than do your job, I can't let you. You're too valuable to humanity. If you were thinking clearly, you'd remember that."

"I _said_ you're not going in there. That's an order." Shepard walked away, head still firmly shoved up—_Do you like being a real marine? Then stop fuming and start thinking. If Shepard gets himself killed…. Protect your CO!_

Ashley turned around and ran a critical eye over the Alliance marines milling around. Almost all of them had taken a turn or two in the simulator and were drained. Too bad; Shepard probably wouldn't have snapped at Kaidan if _he'd_ volunteered to follow the commander into the simulator. Of those that were still fresh, Quincy was too jittery, and Lowe was intimidated by Shepard… that left the non-Alliance crew.

Dr. T'Soni still looked pale from her bout with Kaidan. Not that Ashley had much faith in the scientist's ability to keep up with Shepard in combat anyway, the Terra Nova asteroid mission notwithstanding. Garrus and Wrex had each taken a few runs through the simulator, but they were tough. Still, if the simulation was from the First Contact War, the enemies would be turian. Shepard wasn't thinking clearly, he might mistake his backup for an enemy. Better to keep Garrus sidelined then. _Krogan have a redundant nervous system anyway, don't they?_

That just left Tali. Ashley didn't want to send the quarian in. Not only was she the youngest crewmember, but even a suit puncture could kill her. Still, Crosby from engineering said the quarian knew more about tech than anyone he'd ever seen, including Chief Engineer Adams. Plus, she had that new omni-tool. If it came to it, maybe Tali could find a way to shut down the simulator.

_You realize Shepard's still probably gonna transfer you groundside for insubordination? Or at least leave you shipside for the rest of the tour? Well, at least he'll be alive to do it. Who knows, maybe he'll even be grateful enough to forget the whole thing._

"Hey Wrex," Ashley asked the krogan, as she pulled him and Tali aside, "how do you feel about _challenges?_"

* * *

If the loud octave of Ochren's put-upon sighs were any indication, the technician resented Shepard's hovering over his shoulder as the commander waited for Ahern's simulation to load.

"For the record, I'm against turning the safeties off."

Shepard shoved the salarian's warning to the back of his mind where it could keep his common sense and Williams' opinion company. "Ochren, I didn't know you cared."

"I don't," the salarian snapped. "Did you even stop to consider what this running this program will do to my simulator? I'll be recalibrating for weeks."

"Just fire it up."

Something on one of Ochren's monitors pinged. "If I didn't dislike you so much, I might wish you good luck, Commander. Combat chamber six."

His helmet hid Shepard's grin during the walk into the simulator. The HUD flashed Ahern's clipped mission brief in front of the commander's eyes: _Turians have captured a critical data bank. Eliminate the defenders and retrieve the data bank, then hold out for evac._ "Looks like Williams was right," he muttered. As he waited for the doors to open, he spent a moment wondering how she had known that detail of Ahern's career.

At the familiar hissing of the doors, Shepard tensed his muscles and stopped fiddling with his shotgun. Then he hesitated, confused, when he realized the door opening wasn't releasing him into the combat chamber, but was letting Tali and Wrex join him in the anteroom.

"Shepard," Wrex nodded, pulling his assault rifle off of his back.

The commander scowled. "What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"We're here to," Tali paused, clearly trying to remember a line she'd been fed. "We're here to watch your back."

"To watch my—_Williams_." Shepard mentally cursed himself for not issuing a blanket order that would have forced her to let him go in alone. _Too late now. _There was an instant to take a deep breath and admit he admired the chief for finding a way to obey and ignore him at the same time before the door to the combat chamber slid open.

* * *

Shepard and his team found themselves in a maze of industrial buildings. Studying the layout, the commander was reminded of the parts of Elysium he'd hung around before joining the Alliance. The memories made him tighten his grip on his gun.

"Commander!" Tali hissed. She held up all six of her fingers then added two more. "I did a scan. Not too many." Craning his neck, Shepard realized that most of the mercenaries were sheltered behind a Grizzly rover, an ancestor of the Mako. He felt disappointed. Eight to three weren't the impossible odds he'd been hoping for. Maybe they had heavy weapons?

"Let's go."

Taking out the mercenaries was absurdly easy. When the field went silent, Shepard made his way over to the Grizzly. All that remained was for him to download the data bank and wait until the timer in his helmet ran out. Aside from the retrieval aspect and the unique layout of the battlefield, there was nothing special about Ahern's program. _I __**knew**__ I could have done this on my own._

As if to prove his point, Shepard knelt next to the console and laboriously loaded the data onto his own omni-tool, ignoring Tali as she shifted her weight, impatient with his stubbornness. When the device on his arm beeped confirmation that the information had been recovered, Shepard turned to face the direction he imagined Admiral Ahern was standing. "A real challenge, sir. I'll be sure to send you a postcard from Intai'sei."

"Heads up, Shepard!" the admiral barked. "The fun's just starting!"

The HUD showed a countdown clock: fifteen minutes. Still, no enemies appeared. Shepard rolled his eyes. "Stupid, cocky old-timers," he muttered, turning to Wrex and Tali. "C'mon. Might as well wait—" Across the complex, a door slid open and mercenaries began to pour into the clearing.

"Shit!" Shepard yelled. "Shit, shit, _shit!_" One of the turians lobbed a grenade, and the commander scrambled away, yanking Tali after him. Fourteen minutes, twenty-three seconds. He could hear Ahern laughing and wished he had enough time to flip the man off. Enemies kept coming; there was at least one company on the field right now. They were going to overwhelm Shepard and his team with sheer numbers.

Between shots and biotic attacks, the commander scanned the area for any cover big enough for three. It would have been easier to hole up if he'd been alone, but surviving without backup would have been a lot more difficult, he admitted, watching Wrex take out three turians at once. Eleven minutes, forty-eight seconds.

"There!" A few dozen meters away was an elevated platform bordered by crates. Enough cover for all three of them. The only way to reach it was a dash across the open ground, and a run up the exposed rampway. Not too bad. If only the mercenaries would ease up….

Eleven minutes, eight seconds.

"Tali!" Ignoring the fact that they were both wearing comms, Shepard pulled the quarian so close to him that their helmets were mere centimeters apart. He pointed at the platform. "Do you see it?" The quarian nodded. "When I tell you, you run. Don't fire at anyone, don't stop for anything. Soon as you're up, I'll send Wrex."

Shepard touched his comm. "Did you hear that Wrex? Cover Tali, wait for my mark, then join her."

"Got it." Even in the thick of this insane simulation Wrex sounded as nonplussed as if he were on the _Normandy's _crewdeck. Shepard was almost grateful to have the krogan along.

Tali tripped once while racing up the ramp to the platform, but other than that four second hiccup, both of Shepard's teammates reached cover without a problem. Nine minutes, fifty-eight seconds. Not even halfway through this thing.

Wrex's voice rumbled over the comm. "Give the word when you're ready, Shepard. We'll cover you when you make your run.

All of his training told Shepard to break cover and rejoin Tali and Wrex. The way to survive was to rely on his teammates, get his back to a wall, and hold out. _Move, K.S., _he ordered himself. _Get up on your hind legs and get somewhere safe._ In preparation, he pried his finger off the trigger and locked his shotgun into place at the small of his back. _Time to go_. Still, Shepard didn't move. Nine minutes, thirty-seven seconds.

He wasn't sure if he was counting down seconds with the clock in his HUD or if he was using his heartbeats… all Shepard knew was that everything had slowed.

_What are you doing? All you have to do is join up with Tali and Wrex. From there, it's routine. Move, damnit! _

Suddenly he remembered Ashley's words: _Even if you'd rather try to kill yourself in the simulators…._

_Is that what I'm doing?_ he wondered.

_ Well, you certainly don't __**deserve**__ to live,_ his mind whispered. _You didn't save your parents. Clara. Willa's dead because of you. _

"Shut up!" He spoke aloud instinctively, unwilling to face the truths he'd crafted for himself.

_ You only saved Elysium by accident. _

"Shut up."

_ The only reason you're a Spectre is because you fell into that stupid beacon. _

"Shut…."

_ You belong to the Council now. They own your ass. Is that what you want? To be a slave? Do yourself a favor and let the turians fill you with holes._

Shepard almost stood. He half-rose out of his crouch, still unsure. A barrage of shots hit his shields, taking them down almost instantly. One bullet got through. It slammed Shepard's shoulder, and was quickly followed by two to the chest. He could feel himself bruising; the next hit would probably crack his chestplate. Eight minutes, twenty-nine seconds.

Shepard dropped back into cover, popping up once in a while to return fire like a defense mech on autopilot. It hurt to breathe. He'd let himself be shot one too many times; probably cracked a rib. Meeting up with Tali and Wrex was going to be even harder now. Assuming he even wanted to.

Even with the turian holograms closing in on him, their bullets chipping splinters off of the crate he was hiding behind, Shepard had to waste a moment smiling. All that time he'd spent with shrinks and he was only now figuring out that he had a death wish? That put his idiotic one-man stand on Elysium in a whole new light. _Could've saved a lot of money and skipped all that therapy…._

The question now was what he planned to do with his new awareness. The easiest thing—the right thing?—would be just to stand up. He glanced over at Tali and Wrex. Seeing him turn, the quarian gestured frantically for him to join them. "Shepard!" her voice rang out over the comm. "What are you doing? Come on!"

"Hey, quarian! Don't care if you talk to Shepard, but if you stop shooting, I'm going to use you as a club when the turians get up here!"

The commander laughed, wincing when he felt his ribs shift. Seven minutes, fifty seconds.

One of the mercenaries had a rocket launcher, or… something. Shepard only realized that the enemies had upgraded their weaponry when his crate shattered and he was knocked on his back. _There go a couple more ribs,_ he thought ruefully. Surprisingly, breathing was difficult, but didn't cause him pain anymore. It was just hard. He stopped trying to sit up and let his head rest on the ground. Over the comm, he could hear Tali shout, "Shepard's been hit!" while Wrex ordered her to keep calm and carry on firing. "He's only stunned! You should worry about what _I'm_ going to do to the human if he doesn't get up here!" Their voices sounded as though they were coming from far away. Shepard closed his eyes.

Seven minutes, twenty-four seconds.

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**_ Surprise bonus update, hooray! Once again, my thanks to _Neutral Ground_ for his beta services. If this chapter is worth reading at all, it's only due to his efforts. _


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

**In Which Our Hero Snaps Out of It  
**

"Kiss? Time to get up, bludger!" Kyle Shepard pulled all of the blankets off his son's bed in a move he'd perfected years ago while working as a stockhand on Earth. "Your birthday was ages ago; no sleeping in today. Up, up, up!" Shepard's father pulled himself into the loft and reached towards the shuttered windows.

"No! Don't, Dad; I'm up!"

"C'mon then, you lazy possum!" When the teenager didn't move fast enough for his father's liking, Kyle chuckled. "Too, slow, Kiss," he said in his broad, flat accent, and pushed the shutters open.

The second shock of cold air made Shepard sit up and glare at his father, who smiled widely and ruffled his hair. "Nice to see those eyes, Boy-o! Meet you in the barn!" He started to climb down the ladder.

Shepard slammed the shutters closed. "As soon as you get old, I'm sending you to a nursing home in Mindoir City! One where there's no coffee and they make you play bingo all day!"

"Love you too!"

Shepard yawned, pulling on the pants he'd dropped on the floor last night and digging out an old sweater. It was a month into spring, but the mornings were still cold, especially before Alioth was up. He left the loft and padded quietly through the house. His mother and Clara were probably already awake, but Willa still slept late. There was still one month to go before her fifth birthday; after that, she'd be expected to start helping with early morning chores.

He picked up his workboots from their place by the door, and sat outside on the cold mudstone step to pull them on. Argos and Orthrus, the two herd dogs, had been waiting for Shepard, and followed him to the barn.

Compared to the pre-dawn dimness outside, the barn was brightly lit. Shepard's father stood over one of the space cows, rubbing her neck fondly. "About time you showed up," he teased. "Worried you got lost."

"I could find the barn in my sleep," Shepard retorted.

"And you do. Every morning." Kyle grinned at his son and handed him a bucket. "Race you? First to twelve wins."

Shepard lost, of course. He milked ten cows to his father's fourteen. When they were done, they took the animals outside, letting the milk herd and the dogs join the grazing livestock that had spent the night outside in the paddock. Across the empty fields, Alioth was still barely a suggestion of light on the horizon. They raced again mucking out the stables, and Shepard won: thirteen to eleven. Kyle hauled the manure outside while Shepard added fresh hay to the stalls. The two of them sat shoulder to shoulder on the front step of their modified prefab as they took off their boots, watching the sunrise.

"Taking Clara to see that lawyer today. He agreed to come from Mindoir City when he read your mum's email. Gonna see if we can do something about keeping her with us. Legally."

"Mr. Petersen's not going to be at the meeting is he?"

"What, you think I'd let him near Clara? Or, God forbid, your mum?"

"No, it's just—"

"Tell you what. Promise that you'll leave early and start dinner, and you and Willa can come for part of it." Kyle put his boots aside and stood. "How's that?"

Shepard looked up gratefully at his father. "Thanks, Dad." _How many parents would let their son's girlfriend_—the word still made him feel a little giddy—_live with them? They gave up on that extra land for her. For me._

As if he could hear Shepard's thoughts, Kyle smiled. "Even if the right thing to do here wasn't bloody clear, your mum and me would do what we could to help Clara. For your sake. You're our boy, Kiss. You're worth it." He held out his hand. "Now. Up and at 'em."

* * *

Six minutes, thirty-three seconds.

Shepard's eyes fixed on the countdown clock in his HUD. _Not dead,_ he thought. _Guess that answers that question._ He could see bullets flying through the air above him; the turians were trying to keep him from getting up. _Wrex and Tali must have managed to pin them down. _If it weren't for his teammates, Shepard would certainly be dead. Several times over.

Ignoring the ache in his chest, he took a deep breath and threw up a biotic barrier. His kinetic shields had regenerated, but there was no need to take chances. Not when he was about to charge across a battlefield with cracked ribs and a severely bruised psyche.

The amount of effort it took to stand surprised him. It had been a while since he'd messed up a rib. _Basic, wasn't it?_ Shepard had gotten jumped by a bunch of biotic-phobic jackasses in the showers and been pounded to a pulp. He'd hated Macapá. _Why'd you grin like an idiot when Ashley asked if you'd gone to basic there, then? That desperate to have something in common? Pathetic. _Not for the first time, Shepard was forced to admit his attraction to his gunnery chief probably violated the Alliance's regs against fraternization. _Guess it's a good thing you acted like a jerk earlier. Need to take a step back there, Shepard. _Knowing Ash—_Williams'_ dedication to her career though, nothing was ever was going to happen between them. Even if she did sometimes flirt back.

"Took you long enough to pull your head out of your ass!"

Startled, Shepard realized he was kneeling between Wrex and Tali, tucked behind a crate, firing at turian holograms. The clock in his HUD read five minutes, forty-two seconds. He'd made the run to cover completely on auto-pilot. If that wasn't a testament to the human body's ability to produce adrenaline and to the training tactics of his drill sergeants, Shepard didn't know what was.

"What's the matter, Shepard," the krogan continued. "Did you get lost?"

"Something like that."

"Are you all right?" There was concern in Tali's voice, but she didn't stop firing. Shepard felt himself grin; Wrex's threats had made an impact.

"Believe it or not, I feel better than I have for a while."

"Really?" Wrex or no, Tali paused to look directly at Shepard. He nodded, and Tali let out a sigh of relief. "Well, that's good. We've been worried about you."

"Sorry."

"This is why I work alone!" Wrex's roar interrupted their conversation. "Unless you're a krogan, a battlefield is no place for mating rituals. Shut up and kill the turians!"

Shepard rolled his eyes at Tali. "Mating rituals?" he said quietly to her, between shotgun blasts. "Krogan's got a dirty mind."

"Well… um… with the genophage, most krogan have a preoccupation with mating. And both quarians and humans use conversation to—er…." Tali trailed off and focused on running a sheild-debilitating program on her omni-tool.

"He's still being a jerk," Shepard asserted.

"You're overly sensitive. Just like all humans," Wrex retorted. "The quarian's not offended."

"She's too polite for her own good."

"Why do people always talk about me like I'm not standing right here?" Tali wondered.

"Whiners, both of you," Wrex said firmly. "If it were up to me, after this I'd drop you both off on Tutchanka and see how you do. That'd toughen you right up. Or kill you. Probably kill you, but if it didn't, you'd be a lot more tolerable."

"We would also probably be insane," Tali muttered.

"There you go complaining again. Just like a quarian."

"I _am _a quarian."

"I'm trying not to hold that against you."

"Threatening to desert me on Tutchanka is your idea of being friendly?"

Shepard chuckled. "It's a good thing that I'm in charge of this mission and not you then, eh Wrex?"

"What idiot said that was a good thing?"

The three of them kept bickering until the clock ran down. Shepard was glad for the distraction. When the simulator switched off, the adrenaline that had been buoying him ran out. The last thing he remembered before he gave in to the pain and passed out was Wrex laughing. "I told you humans are overly sensitive. Look at him! I bet he wasn't shot more than four times! So much for the indestructible Spectres."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **__My thanks again to _Neutral Ground,_ whose beta efforts on this chapter saved me from several embarrassing typos. (Also, I love writing dialogue for Wrex. He just doesn't care what other people think-it's so fun!)  
_


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty:**

**In Which Our Hero Starts Healing**

Although focusing his eyes proved difficult as he emerged from the stupor of whatever painkillers Dr. Chakwas had given him, Shepard finally made out a familiar head of dark hair. He smiled. "Gotta stop meetin' like this, Chff," he mumbled, smile fading as he realized that the painkillers had also affected his ability to speak.

"Commander?" It wasn't Ashley who responded but Medical Officer Chase, Chakwas' assistant. "You're awake! How are you feeling? Could you repeat what you said? I'm sorry sir, but I didn't understand you."

Shepard closed his eyes, dismayed by his disappointment. Just because Ashley had been the first person he'd seen the last two times he'd regained consciousness after passing out didn't mean she'd be here now. "I'm a'right, Of'ser Chzz," he slurred.

"Just lie quiet, sir." Dr. Chase bent over Shepard, and he realized he could focus his eyes perfectly well as long as the thing he was looking at was less than a half-meter away. Methodically, she shone a light into his eyes—why were doctors always doing that—and listened to his heartbeat. He hissed a little when she pressed her stethoscope to his chest.

"I'm sorry, Commander, does that hurt? The fracture to your third rib was very slight. With the nano-accelerators we gave you, Dr. Chakwas thought that it would have healed by now…."

"Cold."

"Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, sir, I didn't even think…" Chase smiled quickly before withdrawing her stethoscope and moving away. "You know one of the first things they taught us during our internship was to always warm up the stethoscope. It creates a good impression with the patient because they see you're concerned for their comfort. Of course, then I went into trauma medicine, so comfort's been a secondary concern for a while. Maybe I should volunteer at a clinic during my next stretch of shore leave and brush up on the basics."

Watching Chase's blurry form move around the room was making Shepard dizzy. He closed his eyes again.

"That said, sir, is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable? Another pillow maybe? Dr. Chakwas is off-duty right now, sleeping I think, but…."

Shepard shook his head and immediately wished he hadn't. "'M fine. D'sm'ssd, Of'ser Chzz."

The door hissed open, but Chase's response indicated she had no intention of leaving. "That's all right, sir. I'm not leaving you alone. Hello, Dr. T'Soni."

"Please, Dr. Chase; call me Liara. It is silly for me to be addressed as 'doctor' by someone who has actually obtained her medical degree." Footsteps crossed the room, stopping at the foot of Shepard's bed. He opened his eyes and waved weakly in Liara's general direction.

"And _I've _told _you_ that I'll only call you Liara if you'll call me Addison."

"Very well, Addison. The commander is right; you should rest. If your only concern is leaving Commander Shepard alone, I would be more than happy to remain here until either you or Dr. Chakwas return."

Chase yawned. "I'd appreciate that, actually. Only if you're sure it's not a bother, though. And if you promise to come get either Dr. Chakwas or me if something changes."

"Of course."

"Thanks then, Dr. T'So—Liara. It's been _forever_ since I ate. Commander Shepard, sir."

* * *

Shepard had closed his eyes again, but he could hear Liara position a chair next to his bed and sit down.

"It is good to finally see you awake, Commander."

"'Long've been out?"

"Out? Do you mean unconscious?" Liara hesitated, thinking. "To my embarrassment, despite being aboard the _Normandy,_ I am still unfamiliar with humanity's system for measuring time. I would say it has been a little over a galactic standard day since you were brought aboard from Pinnacle Station. Perhaps twenty-three or so galactic hours?"

Math had never been Shepard's strength; he didn't even bother trying to convert Liara's estimation into Earth-standard time. _More than a day. Maybe thirty hours? Great. You're an idiot._

From the moment he'd handed Talitha over to Lieutenant Girard up until the instant he'd passed out in Ahern's simulation, Shepard had been acting like an ass. The near-fulfillment of his death wish might have knocked some sense into him, but what did that matter if he'd already alienated the crew. Dr. Chase had seemed perfectly fine, but she wasn't on the ground team. She wasn't—Shepard didn't rely on Chase to watch his back.

Liara had been with him on the Terra Nova asteroid. She'd seen his worst side. _What she must think of me... _He frowned, trying to form a coherent apology.

"You don't have to apologize."

Shepard opened his eyes. "How—"

"I know I promised not to mention your memories, the ones I saw through the joining, but… Mindoir. I know what—I have those memories now, too." He tried to push himself into a sitting position. Liara placed a hand on his arm, light but restraining. "Don't sit up," she warned. "The doctors will not be pleased if they return to find I've been letting you move around."

"How—how much? How much…?"

"Shepard, I only wanted you to know that I understand. I am not sure it is a good idea to discuss—"

"Gotta know."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Liara was frowning, but she gave way. "I remember…. I—you—I'm walking, with a young girl, your sister?" He nodded. Liara's eyes took on a distant cast as she let herself relive the memory. "There were fields, I wanted to take a shortcut through them, but she didn't want to be carried, so we stayed on the road…. After a while, she got tired, just like I knew she would. She asked me to carry her." There was too much sympathy in Liara's voice. Shepard turned his head away from the sound.

"I said no, and kept walking on the road. She stopped walking, made me half-drag her by the hand. I told her she was a brat. She started to tell me she hated me. I—she made me angry, and I picked her up, turned her upside-down, held her by one ankle, and dangled her at arm's length. I told her that's how I was going to carry her if she didn't want to walk.

"She was fighting, yelling. Her face turned red. And then, suddenly, she was on fire. My arm was on fire, too, but I didn't drop her. Not yet. I pulled her to me, hugged her, hit the burning parts to put out the flames, but it was—there wasn't anything—I couldn't help her, but I didn't see that yet. My shirt caught on fire from holding her.

"The smell. Some of it was her, some of it was me, but I didn't feel anything.

"After a minute, I started to think again…. When I looked up, I saw them: batarians coming towards me. Three of them. One had a flame thrower. If I had realized she was… dead…. I would have—I would have tried to kill him.

"I panicked. I should have cut through the field, found somewhere to hide, but instead I started running back towards the town. My arm was bleeding, and my—" Liara blinked as though she was waking up, "—_your_ sister wasn't moving. There was too much pain. You couldn't hold her any more. You dropped her. When you stopped, tried to pick her up again, you fell. Must have lost consciousness then, because everything went black.

"You think that if you had just gone across the field, you might have missed the batarians. You could have hidden. She wouldn't be dead. My—your arm wouldn't be—"

"No more," Shepard interrupted quietly. Ironically, the words came easier now. His voice sounded clearer. "Thought all I had to apologize for was Terra Nova."

Even though he knew the expression on her face would be pitying, Shepard forced himself to meet Liara's eyes. "I'm sorry you have those memories. Do you—Your arm… you didn't feel the pain, did you?"

"It hurt less than the guilt does," she replied simply.

He grabbed her wrist. "I'm sorry," he said again. "Beacon or no beacon, I wouldn't have let you… if I'd known…."

She removed her wrist from his grip and instead held his hand lightly. "Why do you insist on taking responsibility for things you had no control over? I saw this memory, but there were others too. Ones without pain. Why do you dwell on this one? It is possible for you to honor the dead without being their captive, Shepard. I do not think your family would have wanted you to torture yourself this way."

"How else can I make up for being alive?" he asked quietly.

"Being alive is nothing to apologize for," Liara told him. "As—as long as you truly do live, and do not hide the way I believe you have been hiding. If you refuse to let yourself be happy, then you _should_ feel guilty for wasting your survival."

"Are you sure you don't want to be a matriarch when you grow up?" Shepard asked after a long silence. "I'd follow your teachings."

"Then you would be very lost indeed, I'm afraid. But I thank you. It was a kind thought."

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"Shepard, I already told you—"

"Not about that. About Terra Nova. I shouldn't have been so—"

"I will forgive you if you will stop apologizing."

He smiled, a little sadly. "Do I have to stop feeling guilty?"

"Someday."

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**_Two promises here: first, I promise that this is the end of angsty!Shepard, who acts like a jerk because he has a troubled past_; _second, I promise that this is the last author's note I will subject you to for a while. As always, thanks for reading!_


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter Forty-One**

**In Which Our Hero Has a Conversation**

The _Normandy _was almost eerily quiet at this hour. Liara sat in the dining hall, transcribing more of her Therum notes and pretending that she was alone on the ship. Although the crew had come to accept her—it was amazing how friendly most of them had become after Lieutenant Alenko had defeated her in the Pinnacle simulator—she had spent years enjoying the solitude of her dig sites. Although most asari craved community, belonging, and companionship, Liara craved privacy. Right now, with most of the crew asleep—slaves to the rigid human circadian cycle—it was not difficult for Liara to imagine that she was the only person on the _Normandy_.

Rattling noises from the kitchenette ruined the illusion. Liara smiled. There was only one person on the ship with chronic insomnia; she had run into a wakeful Shepard more than once. He had explained that he preferred to use common spaces when the chances of running into a subordinate were slim, but he hadn't asked Liara to leave him in peace, either. She suspected he enjoyed having company.

Since leaving Pinnacle Station, the commander had gone out of his way to be polite and solicitous. He had not spoken about Mindoir again after that one, brief conversation. Nor had he brought up his behavior on Terra Nova. Still, as soon as Dr. Chakwas allowed Shepard to leave the medical bay, he had called Wrex and Tali into his cabin for a meeting. Tali had told Liara that the commander had thanked them for their support in the Pinnacle simulators.

A few days later, Shepard had assembled the six members of the ground team and explained that his injuries meant that they wouldn't be able to continue right to Noveria as had been planned. Instead, they would be performing 'clean up missions' for the Alliance.

The first such mission had involved a turian pirate who had just happened to have some ancient krogan armor once belonging to Wrex's family in his possession.

Then there had been the uprooting of a geth incursion into the Armstrong Nebula. Shepard had taken Tali on those missions, and the quarian had retrieved information about the geth of enough significance that she planned to use it as her Pilgrimage gift.

During a mission investigating the human colony on Chasca, Shepard, Lieutenant Alenko, Tali and Liara had come across a herd of space cows. The lieutenant had been tight-lipped and angry after discovering that every colonist had been transformed into a husk by the same 'Cerberus' group responsible for luring a squadron of Alliance marines to a thresher maw nest in the Sparta system. Liara had noticed similar tension in the commander, but Lieutenant Alenko—usually so calm—had seethed in a way that had reminded her uncomfortably of Shepard's attitude on Terra Nova. The commander had taken one look at Lieutenant Alenko and forced everyone out of the rover. He showed the ground team how to lure the animals to them, the spot behind their ears to scratch, and how to get them to eat out of their hands. One cow had taken such a liking (or perhaps it was a disliking) to Shepard that she'd knocked him over. Liara had never imagined the quiet Lieutenant Alenko could laugh so loudly.

After that the _Normandy _had travelled to the Kepler Verge, where there had been a 'chance' encounter with Dr. Saleon, a salarian Garrus just happened to have been investigating since before he left C-Sec.

Now they were heading to the Newton system, at the request of the Alliance's Admiral Hackett to investigate the deaths of Alliance scientists who had all been involved with the same top-secret research project on Akuze.

Liara thought the Commander was being obvious. After his nearly dying on Pinnacle, she had realized that what drove Shepard was not compassion, nor even duty. It was guilt. And ever since Pinnacle, he had felt guilty for succumbing to his guilt and self-loathing. Making Alenko laugh, retrieving Wrex's family armor, finding the criminal Garrus had never stopped chasing, freely offering Tali a copy of the data on the geth, even the indecipherable Prothean data disks Shepard had collected and offered to Liara, they were all attempts to apologize.

From the kitchenette came the final _thunk_ of a drawer being slammed shut. Commander Shepard appeared in the doorway, a bowl in each hand. He caught Liara's eyes and his lips twitched in a small smile as he made his way to the table where she sat.

"I thought I heard you out here. Have I told you how nice it is to have a fellow insomniac on board?" Shepard asked as he sat.

"On the contrary, Shepard; I have no trouble sleeping. I simply do not require as much of it as the rest of the crew appears to."

"Sh!" he ordered. "Let me pretend there's someone on board with as many problems as me." The smile on his face faltered and he changed the subject. "Hungry?" he asked, pushing one bowl towards Liara.

She peered skeptically at the bowl's contents; since arriving aboard the _Normandy_, she had been decidedly unimpressed by the various nutrient rations available from the ship's vending machine. "What is it?" she finally asked.

It took a moment for Shepard to respond; his mouth was full. "Nothing fancy. When I was growing up, my mom called it 'dorm dinner.' Random raw vegetables and whatever kind of sauce she could make quickest over pasta. She said she used to live on food like this when she was a student."

"Your mother attended a university?" Liara half-hoped questioning Shepard would distract him enough that she'd be free to ignore the bowl in front of her without being rude.

"She dropped out before she got her degree."

"Why?" Liara couldn't imagine having willingly abandoned her studies for any reason.

"You don't already know?" Shepard asked through a mouthful of food, his manners temporarily abandoned.

"How would I know—Oh. Your memories? I believe I explained to you, Shepard, that I did my best to ignore all of your memories unrelated to the beacon. Although I admit there are some that I could not help—" She saw Shepard's mouth purse as he bit back laughter and stopped talking. "That was a joke, wasn't it?" Liara blushed.

"Sorry."

"No, it's all right. I don't have much experience with humans, let alone what your species considers humorous." Embarrassed, Liara ate a forkful from the bowl in front of her. Anything to have an excuse not to meet Shepard's amused gaze.

"Being unfamiliar with humanity isn't your problem," Shepard replied. "It's that no one in the galaxy has ever thought I'm funny." He cocked his head, studying Liara's expression as she chewed.

"I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander."

"Am I that obvious? Oh, well. What did you think?" The note of eagerness in his voice as he nodded towards her bowl made Liara smile.

"It is… different," she said slowly. "I cannot say for sure whether I enjoyed it or not. Perhaps when I have finished eating I will be able to offer an opinion." She smiled, hoping that her attempt at a joke would not offend.

Shepard smiled. "Best compliment you can give is to eat. For that, you earn the story of why my mother left school. It's short and simple." He shrugged. "My father had a chance to leave Earth and start his own ranch on Mindoir. He wrote to her, bought her a ticket, asked her to come with him. She said yes. Traded a university degree and the chance to sing in Earth's oldest opera houses for long days in the dirt with my dad and Willa and me and a bunch of dogs and cows."

"Matron stage," Liara nodded. "I was unsure whether or not humans underwent a maturation process similar to that of an asari, but it sounds as though your mother did."

"Matron stage?" Shepard repeated.

"The time of life when an asari wants to settle down, stay in one place, raise a family."

"That's a set stage in life for you?"

"Of course. There are three stages for the asari: maiden, matron, and matriarch."

"Would you mind…. I don't know much about the asari, could you tell me more about them?"

Liara was surprised at Shepard's questions, and even more surprised at her eagerness to share with him. She supposed it was a lingering vestige of the connection they'd gained from the joining. "What would you like to know?"

Shepard blushed. "I don't even know enough to know what I don't know. Maybe… the relay-notes version?"

"Relay-notes?"

He grinned. "It's a sort of… cheat system for Alliance schools. A short version of a lot of the books they make you read in school. Hits all the major points. Lets you skate by without doing the real work."

"Oh. So, significant aspects of asari culture and history?" Shepard nodded. "Very well," Liara said. "Let me think. We asari were the first species to discover the Citadel. We were instrumental in forming the Council. And we always strive to be the voice of peaceful cooperation in galactic disputes. My people believe we are all part of a single galactic community. Each species contributes something to the greater whole." Realizing that she had been parroting her mother's teachings, Liara bit her lip and thought.

"It has always struck me as odd," she began, "that although _we_ seek to understand other species, it seems few of them seek to understand us. The galaxy is filled with rumors and misinformation about my people."

"Like what?"

Liara sighed. "Most of the inaccuracies are centered around our mating rituals. My species is mono-gendered. The terms 'male' and 'female' cannot be properly applied to us. Do not mistake me, Commander, we still require a partner to reproduce. This second parent, however, may be of any species and any gender."

"You can mate with anyone? How is that possible?" Although she did not consider herself adept at interpreting human facial expressions, the confusion on Shepard's face was obvious. And… endearing, Liara realized.

She shook her head to clear it. "'Mating' is not quite the proper term. Not as I believe you understand it, anyways. Physical contact may or may not be involved, but it is not an essential element of the union. Not if—not if reproduction is the goal. The true connection is mental. Our physiology allows us to meld with other beings. We can touch the very depths of their minds. We explore the—well, genetic memory is probably the best term—of their species. We share the most basic elements of their individual and racial identities. We then pass these traits on to our daughters. It is how we grow as a species, and how we develop a greater understanding of other races."

"So… the… joining?" _Perhaps my ability to interpret human emotions has improved more than I thought._ Although Shepard's voice and face were calm, it was evident that he was worried about the possible effects their joining had had. Liara laughed.

"No, what we did was not at all similar to a true melding. I explored and interpreted the message relayed to you by the beacon, that is all."

The commander relaxed slightly, nodding. "Sorry. I didn't mean to imply—I told you I don't know much—" He was blushing again. "So… what happens to your partner after the union?"

"Every relationship is different. Sometimes it is a single encounter, with both parents parting ways afterwards. Others can be more long-term. Sometimes an asari and her partner will stay together for many decades. Even centuries," Liara added, thinking of one of her professors whose partner was a krogan.

"The asari live for more than a thousand years," Shepard pointed out. Liara realized he was using human measurements of time. "What happens when your partner dies?" The color had ebbed from his face, and the memory of his flush made the scar on his nose stand out to Liara.

Liara pushed her empty bowl away. "Few sapient species live as long as my kind. We have come to adopt a philosophical approach to our unions. Rather than focus on the inevitable loss of our partners, we enjoy the time we have to spend with them. And even after they are gone, a part of them—their memories—lives on in us. A true union is a connection that transcends both time and space."

"That must be comforting," Shepard said thoughtfully. "You know, I know Matriarch Benezia is your mother, but what's your father like? Is that even the right word? Father?"

Liara froze, wondering how to answer. "I—ah." Sensing her discomfort, Shepard opened his mouth to take back the question. Not wanting him to feel guilty, Liara spoke rapidly. "Benezia rarely spoke of her partner, though I know my father—if you want to use that term—was another asari."

"Wait," Shepard frowned. "I thought you always needed another species to serve as one of the parents."

Despite his sincerity, Liara could not repress her laughter. "Think about it, Shepard. If we were not able to mate with our own species, we would have died out long before we ever mastered space flight and left Thessia. Nevertheless, your confusion is understandable. Union with our own kind is no longer common. At least not for the purposes of reproduction." Liara almost closed her eyes, but then she straightened her spine and reminded herself that she had nothing to be ashamed of. "Most asari believe it weakens our species.

"Asari daughters inherit racial traits from the father species. If both parents are asari, then nothing has been gained. Or so _conventional_ wisdom would hold." She couldn't help sounding bitter. "I am what is sometimes called a 'pureblood,' though no asari would ever be cruel enough to say the word to my face." _Behind my back is another story, but never to my face._ "It is a great insult among my people."

She looked down at the table. Her eyes were still open, but that didn't mean she had to look Shepard in the eye. "It is possible," _probable, _"that Benezia's partner was embarrassed by their union. She may have been too ashamed to publicly acknowledge me as her offspring."

"Maybe she wanted to meet you but couldn't. Something could have happened to her. Maybe… maybe she passed away." Shepard reached out and folded his hand around Liara's. She looked up, surprised, and he smiled at her.

"You might be right," she said quietly. "I hope you are. But… I have no way to know for sure. Benezia never spoke of her partner. Whatever happened, it caused her too much pain to dwell on it. She raised me by herself, though that is not uncommon. Many asari raise their children alone, particularly if the father species is short-lived. Often, the partner will pass on long before the child reaches maturity."

"That must have been rough," Shepard mused, "not knowing your dad." The colloquial term made Liara smile. "Some people I've met—humans, mostly—think that unless a kid has two parents they'll grow up to be a screw-up. They should meet you. Got your university degree, figured out the Protheans didn't build the mass relays or the Citadel, serving on the most advanced ship in the galaxy. I'd say you turned out all right, even without a father. In fact, I feel bad for her, missing out on you. That's some loss."

Shepard squeezed her hand briefly before pulling his own hand away. Liara blinked, realizing that they were no longer alone in the mess; a few heavy-eyed crewmembers were seated across the room huddled over mugs and nutrient bars. The commander picked up the bowls and stood. "Thanks for eating with me, Liara. Got a lot to do now though. I should go."

Liara blinked stupidly at him, a sudden surge of emotion rendering her speechless. After a moment however, she found her voice. "Goodbye, Shepard."


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter Forty-Two**

**In Which Our Hero Calls an Old Friend  
**

Shepard stared at his computer console, wondering if there was anything else to add to his report for Admiral Hackett. _Cerberus_. The name stuck in his throat until he was ready to choke on it. His family had had a herd dog named Cerberus before Willa had been born, a thick-shouldered, blue-speckled comet of a dog who'd slept on Shepard's bed every night of his life. Shepard had always thought of Cerberus as an old friend, as safety.

That was all changed now. The ground team had found Admiral Kahoku's body on the floor of one of Cerberus' disgusting research bases. Just another piece of trash left behind by those so-called 'scientists.' There had been no signs of violence on the body, but Chakwas had noted a small bruise under the admiral's tongue during her autopsy that Shepard had immediately recognized. A needle mark. Kahoku had been murdered.

Despite himself, Shepard remembered delivering the news about the murdered marines to Kahoku in the admiral's cheerful office, with its potted plants and the pictures of his wife and children. He remembered the admiral himself, animated and alive.

_He didn't deserve that_.

Ashley—_Williams_, he corrected himself yet again, _Williams_, had taken Kahoku's death particularly hard. Shepard guessed that it was because she had been with Joker when the admiral had first contacted the _Normandy,_ looking for help. Even if she hadn't spoken with Kahoku directly, she'd have been party to his conversation with Joker. Losing officers who genuinely cared about the soldiers under their command, especially high-ranking officers like Kahoku, hurt the entire Alliance. Williams had insisted on being the one to help Wrex carry the admiral's body aboard the _Normandy _(not that Wrex had wanted any help), using Shepard's still-healing ribs as leverage.

It had been just over five weeks since Pinnacle Station. Although Dr. Chase and Dr. Chakwas had explained to Shepard that his recovery time shouldn't take more than a month, they were still forcing him to take things easy. The first ground mission after leaving Pinnacle, Shepard had had to _stay behind in the Mako_ while Wrex, Williams, and Kaidan had faced down pirates without him. Humiliating. They'd even made him sit in the backseat.

This mission investigating Cerberus based on intel Kahoku had sent to Shepard was the first where the commander had medical permission to engage hostiles on foot. He felt ashamed now for his eagerness. He'd failed the admiral. If the _Normandy_ had arrived on Binthu sooner, Kahoku might have been rescued before he was killed. Or the _Normandy's_ ground team could have started the mission at the compound where they found Kahoku's body. Or Shepard could have tried stealth instead of storming the Cerberus compounds like a grunt who'd never had any tactical training.

Gritting his teeth, Shepard sent the report to Admiral Hackett and then leaned back in his chair, running a hand over his hair. _Need to get that cut._ Maybe there'd be a barbershop somewhere on Noveria. _If we ever get there._ Noveria was their only remaining lead on Saren. Sometimes Shepard wondered if he was reluctant to head to the icy planet because failing to find information that could lead him to Saren would essentially end the mission.

_Speaking of giving up_…. It had been six weeks, and Shepard still couldn't think of a way to apologize to Williams. Or to thank her. No appropriate ways, anyhow. So instead, he'd been avoiding her. That had led to an extremely awkward encounter last week, when they'd been alone in the mess. Williams had been sitting with a book and a mug of coffee, but she'd looked up when Shepard came in, clearly assuming he would sit with her. Instead he'd said hello and wasted as much time as he could in the kitchenette, hoping that when he came out she'd have left. But the first thing he saw when he stepped back into the mess was the small, expectant smile on her face. Shepard had squared his shoulders and forced himself to sit with his back to her, feigning absorption in his own book. As time dragged on, he pretended he couldn't remember his father's method of determining whether or not you were really interested in a girl: _If you have to look back when you're walking away from her, you're hooked, Kiss_.

Shepard hadn't been able to help himself. He had turned around. Williams had left.

It was probably for the best, in any case. He was Williams' CO, she was a non-commissioned officer, he clearly had emotional baggage to work through… there were plenty of reasons for him to back off. Regardless, he owed her a thank-you for watching his back even when he'd ordered her not to. But he couldn't think of how to do it!

Everyone else had been easy: Garrus had raged about Dr. Saleon to Shepard before the Therum mission, and the same went for Wrex and the turian who'd stolen his family's armor. Tali and her Pilgrimage, Liara and the Protheans, each woman had made her own particular passion clear. Even cheering Kaidan up, giving him an afternoon of a normal childhood, though it had been spontaneous, had fit. But Williams….

What did he know about her? Really? She was funny, she loved her family, she liked poetry, she was tougher than most marines Shepard had served with, she believed in God, she was loyal and stubborn. Easy to talk to. Pretty as anything.

Compared to what he knew about most of the crewmembers, Shepard knew a lot about Williams. It didn't seem like enough.

He'd done what he could to help the rest of the ground team, but Williams took care of herself. A simple 'thank you,' might have sufficed the day after Pinnacle, but he'd left things too long. He'd buy her dinner, but she'd turn him down and report him and he'd get reprimanded and she'd be transferred.

_Nothing's ever easy…_. Shepard swiveled in his chair and propped his feet up on his bed. His boots kicked against the gear he'd dumped there before taking his shower and starting the reports. His new pistol slipped dangerously close to the bed's edge and he scrambled to push it back before it could fall and be scratched. Like a parent holding a newborn, he cradled the gun, checking it for injuries. Ashley handled all the guns with that sense of care. He half-smiled, remembering the last normal conversation they'd had, when she'd looked over the pistol and shotgun he'd bought to replace the ones left behind on Therum. She'd practically turned green with envy.

The commander turned back to his computer and punched the comm unit. "Joker? We in range of a comm buoy? I've got a couple calls to make."

* * *

Shepard stared at the pretty young woman who'd answered his faster-than-light call. He didn't recognize her. "Uh, I'm sorry," he mumbled, double checking the number he'd dialed. "I'm looking for Pr—for Lucas Coffey?"

"Professor Coffey? One moment please, I'll transfer you." The screen went blank for a moment before the professor picked up.

"Hey, Professor," Shepard grinned. The former N7 agent looked exactly the same as he had the last time they'd spoken, right down to crooked angle that his glasses were sitting at.

"Kiss? Is that you? Hey! How are you? Is it true you were made a Spectre?"

"Hold up. When did you become a _real_ professor? That's what we all called you, and I know you talked about teaching if you left the marines… but you're a professor for real now?"

Professor grinned. "At the Alliance Military Academy, if you can believe it. Literature, of course, but I help out with some of the electronic warfare seminars, too."

"Well, it would be a real waste of talent if you didn't. I haven't met anyone else who could make a pirate's gun explode using a basic omni-tool. Although there's this quarian on my crew now who could probably do it if she put her mind to it."

"So it's true? You're on some kind of top-secret multilateral mission for the Council?"

"Something like that."

"Huh. I can't believe you're still in it and I'm out. The way you used to go on, I thought you were planning on leaving the Alliance to start your farm."

"Ranch. Believe me, if I could be out of the military now, I'd be gone. But this Spectre thing… I feel like I'm stuck for life. That's not why I called though. Have you got a minute? I need your help with something."

"Sure! I mean, there are papers I should probably be grading," Professor looked around the stacks of papers and books that covered every surface Shepard could see, "but I'm in no rush to dig them out. What's up?"

"Well, um." Shepard traced the scar on his nose. Asking his old friend from the Candy Canes for help had seemed like such a good idea twenty minutes ago, but now he wasn't so sure. "Remember that toast you gave at Puppy's funeral? The one about—"

"_Farewell to a name and a number/Recalled again/To darkness and silence and slumber/In blood and pain._

"_So ceases and turns to the thing/He was born to be/A soldier cheap to the King/And dear to me;_

"_So smothers in blood the burning/And flaming flight/Of valour and truth returning/To dust and night,_" Professor recited. "Housman. I remember."

"Well, I've got this gunnery chief who sort of kept me from killing myself in the Pinnacle simulators a few weeks back, and I'm trying to figure out how to say thank you. She likes poetry, you like poetry, so I was thinking you might know one I could use instead of a note?"

There was a moment of stunned silence before Professor started laughing. "If you could see your face now! Oh man. Let me guess, she's just shy of one point eight meters tall, blond hair, green eyes, freckles, cracks jokes, and shares your love of obsolete music."

Shepard frowned and shook his head. "What? No. I broke up with Red after Elysium, remember? Besides, I don't even know if Red likes poetry."

"I can't be the first person to tell you this, Kiss; every woman I've ever seen you with looked pretty much exactly like Red. You, my friend, have a type."

"Well, Chief Williams is nothing like Red, so you don't have to worry."

"I dunno, if you're still looking to get out of the military, breaking the fraternization regs is probably the most enjoyable way to go…."

Shepard crossed his arms. "Are you going to keep being a jerk, or are you going to help me?"

Professor held up his hands and laughed. "Just trying to help you. You sure you don't have an ulterior motive in looking for a _poem?_" Shepard scowled, and Professor laughed again. "Poor Kiss, you have it so bad!"

"I'm going to hang up."

"All right, all right! I'll stop! Let's see…. Do you know what kind of poetry she likes?"

"Tennyson," Shepard replied immediately. "But I really liked what you recited for Puppy. Housman? Does he have anything we could use?"

"Housman? He's mostly depressing. The guy was a soldier in World War One… never got away from it. Not really the poet I'd pick for the girl I was trying to get to—" Professor glanced up at his monitor and decided not to finish that thought when he saw Shepard's face. "Still," he pushed his chair off-screen in quest of a book, "maybe there's something…."

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**_ The poem referenced is _"XL" _by A.E. Housman from _More Poems.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter Forty-Three:**

**In Which Our Hero Returns to the Gym  
**

Ashley leaned away from the table in the mess with a happy sigh, pushing her fork through the sugary water remaining in the can of pineapple chunks she'd just finished eating. "It's funny, but what I miss the most about groundside postings is the food."

"The food?" Joker snorted. "Are you sure you weren't working private security on Eden Prime? I've never been to an Alliance mess that didn't make me want to hurl—before _and_ after I ate."

"You're a pilot. You've never had a groundside posting. Let me tell you, those quiet farming colonies are great if you like fresh fruit."

"Whatever. If I'd known what we'd be picking up during that last supply run to Terra Nova, you can bet I wouldn't have stopped there."

"You're going to be the first member of the Alliance Navy to die of scurvy. And I will be at your funeral laughing and eating—What's your least favorite fruit?"

"Take your pick. It's all gross."

"Then I will bring an entire fruit basket to your funeral, and after I eat every single piece, I'll leave the seeds everywhere so that your final resting place will one day be a beautiful orchard."

"You're sick, Ash, you know that, right?" Joker laughed.

"No what's sick is the amount of dairy products you've eaten since I've met you. Remember that time you ate a quarter-kilo of cheese? By itself? _That's _gross."

"Hey! Vrolik's Syndrome, remember? Weak leg bones? I need a lot of calcium."

"I know you take supplements. You're making excuses."

"Ashley, Ashley, Ashley," Joker shook his head. "You don't get it, do you? When you're as awesome as I am, they're not called excuses, they're called _justifications_."

Ashley rolled her eyes. "You're hopeless."

"_I'm _hopeless? That's rich coming from someone who—Oh look! It's your favorite asari."

Ashley followed Joker's line of sight to see Kaidan and Dr. T'Soni walk into the mess together. Kaidan caught Joker's eye and nodded a greeting as he and T'Soni leaned over the rations vending machine. Ashley grabbed the empty can she'd been toying with and moved to stand up. "I think I'd better get going."

"Wow, Ash, real subtle. Why don't you just punch her and get it over with?"

"I don't want to beat her up, Joker. I just… I don't trust her."

"The commander trusts her."

"Shepard trusts everyone."

"No he—Actually, that's a good point. Explains why Wrex is aboard, anyway. Still, I don't get why you don't like her; Liara's nice enough. And I don't just mean nice to look at," he smirked. Ashley flicked her fork at Joker, showering him with drops of juice. The pilot flinched and wiped himself off with a disgusted expression on his face. "That's just low. You know I don't like fruit. Anyway, it's not like I'm going to ask her out."

"Lacking in confidence, Joker? Or in… something else?"

"Please. It's the other guys on the _Normandy_ who should worry about measuring up. No, sadly, it would seem that Liara and the commander have a thing. Hertz told me he saw them holding hands in the mess a couple morning ago."

Ashley shook her head, a poor decision considering that the bottom had just dropped out of her stomach. "Someday, when we have more time, you're going to have to explain to me why human men think asari are so fascinating." Seeing Kaidan and Dr. T'Soni making their way towards where she sat with Joker, she stood up and pushed her chair in. "I'm going to the gym."

"Isn't the punching bag down there blue?" Joker called after her.

* * *

Ashley liked the _Normandy's _cramped gym. Apart from the mandatory training sessions for the ship's marines, it was usually empty. Given the _Normandy's_ small size and the fact that even the sleeper pods were shared, sometimes Ashley felt as though the gym was the only place she could be alone.

She'd changed quickly into her workout gear, glad as ever to have her own sneakers back after having to leave them behind on Eden Prime. As an afterthought, she pulled her tangled handwraps out of her locker. Normally, Ashley preferred running and weights to the tedium of punching the bag, especially when there was no one to hold it for her. Not today, though. Despite the fact that Shepard had taken her on a majority of the recent ground missions, she had excess aggression to work off this morning.

Turning on her music player, Ashley scrolled through the song titles as she made her way to the lower deck, looking for something composed of bass beats and anger. Swaddled in the protective strips of cloth, her hands flexed eagerly, looking forward to the coming exertion.

The door to the gym slid open, the quiet noise it would have made lost in the nearly wordless roar being piped to Ashley's ears by her music player. Adrenaline pounded through her system; the feeling made her smile. She hadn't even started to work out but she already felt more relaxed. Swinging her arms in circles that were half stretch, half stress-relief, she stepped into the gym.

And stopped dead in her tracks.

Shepard was pacing in the small room, taking slow steps as he pulled up his shirt and used it to wipe sweat off of his face. There was a quickly fading blue glimmer around his hands; Ashley assumed he'd been doing something with his biotics. The commander turned, facing Ashley head on for a moment. Without meaning to, Ashley let her eyes roam over his chest, taking in the black ink of his tattoo—what was it, anyway?—the defined muscles in his abs, the faded scars that covered the left side of his chest and stomach, less noticeable than the ones on his arm, but still there, indelible. Then Shepard dropped his shirt and saw her.

He'd been half-smiling in the instant before their eyes met, clearly enjoying the feeling of a thorough workout. Seeing Ashley though, the color in his cheeks shifted from exertion to embarrassment. A dismayed expression flickered over his face, and he reached to pull down his left sleeve, forgetting that his shirt was sleeveless. For a moment he fumbled and turned even redder before thinking to cross his arms and tuck his scars out of sight.

Shepard blinked at her for a moment, and tension flooded back into Ashley's shoulders. Although he hadn't pulled Ashley off of the ground team or tried to transfer her, the commander hadn't spoken to her outside of a mission or mission briefing since their argument on Pinnacle Station. On the one hand, she was relieved that Shepard wasn't holding a grudge, but on the other….

She hadn't realized how much she enjoyed just talking with Shepard. He wasn't her only friend on the crew, but to her surprise, Ashley had realized that he was the one she'd felt most comfortable around. Despite the fact that he was her CO, Shepard was easy to talk to. Or at least he had been.

The commander said something, and Ashley struggled through her handwraps for a moment before managing to shut off her music player. The silence rang in her ears. "Sir?" she asked, her voice a fraction too loud.

Shepard looked vaguely amused. "I said:, 'Nice ink.'"

"Nice—? Oh!" Ashley glanced at the small tattoo on her left shoulder, an Alliance Military logo. She turned to the side so Shepard could view it more easily. "I got it when my dad died. I was… I dunno, it seemed like a good way to remember him. He had the same one, same place."

"That's nice," Shepard said quietly. "I bet he would have liked that."

Ashley grinned. "Hardly. You should have heard him tear my sister Lynne a new one when he found out she'd pierced her bellybutton." She smiled. "Oh man, he would have pitched a fit when I showed him."

The commander shifted his weight awkwardly from foot to foot. "Well, I'd better—"

"No fair, Skipper. I showed you my tattoo, the least you can do is—"

"'I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours?'" he laughed. "You don't think that's somewhat inappropriate, Ash?"

She blinked, taking a moment to consider Shepard's use of her first name, before deciding it wasn't worth commenting on. "C'mon, it's only fair," she wheedled.

"You'll laugh at me."

"Probably," Ashley shrugged. "Is it a mermaid? Please say yes." This didn't make sense. To the best of Ashley's knoweldge, she and Shepard had committed to ignoring each other, but now here they were, joking around as though nothing had happened.

"It's not a mermaid." Shepard pulled down his collar, choosing to stretch it out and ruin the shirt rather than expose his chest again. Ashley wondered how sensitive the commander really was about his scars.

"It's, um, a tree stump?" he offered uncertainly as she took an unthinking step closer to examine the tattoo. "In _Shane—_the book my dad liked—there's this stump…. It's been stuck in the middle of the Starretts' field for years, and they can't pull it out until Shane—um." Shepard blushed. "Anyway, it's sort of a symbol of getting over old problems."

Shepard let go of his shirt collar and looked away. "I… made some bad decisions after Mindoir. Dropped out of high school, ran away from my guardians, got hook—Well, I made some bad decisions. I got this on the day I enlisted, to remind me that I can beat my problems. And… you know, I don't have any holos of my family or anything. This reminds me of them, sort of. Lame, right? A stump from an old book?"

"No," she told him. "I think…. I think it's nice."

He jerked his head up, as though he had genuinely been expecting her to make fun of him. "Shows what you know," Shepard said. "The last person who asked about it stopped pretending to be interested after I explained to her that it didn't have anything to do with Elysium." He smiled at Ashley and stepped towards the door.

"Gotta say, I was surprised to see you down here, sir." She didn't want him to go. _Oh God_. She had a crush on the commander and she was letting herself keep talking because she didn't want him to leave and go back to ignoring her. _Oh God. _ "Thought you'd be up grabbing breakfast… with what's-her-name, T'Soni…." _Oh God._

"Liara?" Shepard cocked an eyebrow expectantly, as though he was waiting for Ashley to deliver a punch line. "Why would you think that?"

"Scuttlebutt says you've got a bit of a thing for her." _You just start talking with him again, and this is the conversation you decide to have? Brilliant, Williams. Brilliant._ The smile on Shepard's face dissolved into a look of surprise. "I could understand why," Ashley rushed on. _Too late for damage control._ "You know, since the crew's off-limits, with the regs against fraternization. And at least she looks like a woman." If there was any mercy in the universe, Ashley would wake up now. Any minute now.

"You think I'm interested in Liara because she's the only one I'm allowed to date?" Ashley hated Shepard's smile right now. He looked like he was trying not to laugh at her.

"So you _are_ interested in her?" The question came out a little harsher than Ashley had intended. "'Course, it could just be politics. Alien diplomat's daughter? Us under orders to make nice with the bug-eyed monsters?"

"That's not fair, Ash, and you know it," Shepard objected, finally frowning. "Liara's not a monster." He shook his head. "I get not trusting her—or Wrex, or Garrus, or even Tali—because they don't owe loyalty to the Alliance, but 'bug-eyed monsters?' That's low. And personal."

His posture stiffened, and he transformed from Shepard, attractive man to Shepard, commanding officer of the _Normandy_. "Do you—Did something happen between you and Liara? Is there something I should know?"

_Something you should know? Other than that I am apparently a jealous idiot who would give anything to not be having this conversation?_ "No, sir," Ashley could feel herself blushing, and hated herself for it. So she didn't like T'Soni. It was nothing to be ashamed of. She lifted her chin. "Have there been any comments about my willingness to work with the non-Alliance crew?"

"Of course not," Shepard brushed aside questions about Ashley's ability to do her job as though they hadn't even entered his mind. "You know you're probably the best soldier aboard the _Normandy._ That doesn't mean I don't worry about you. That is—I—You have to live on the _Normandy_. Having a problem with Liara makes that harder for both of you. If it's only a question of different personalities, that's one thing. But if it's something more, I need to know. I won't have fighting…." Shepard trailed off, eyes widening briefly. When he met Ashley's gaze again, his smile was tinged with disbelief.

"You know what? Just forget we had this conversation. I'll take your word for it if you say it's nothing serious. I trust you to keep things professional with Liara," he said finally. "I'm keeping you from your workout though, sorry, Ash."

"No worries, Skipper." She took a breath to say she'd missed him but managed to bite back the words just in time, settling for: "Good talk, sir."

"Yeah," he smiled at her from the doorway. "Good talk."

* * *

_**Author's Note:** This chapter owes its inspiration to a picture drawn by the incomparable Raanz from the Ashley Williams Support Thread 1.1 over on the Bioware social Network, so this chapter's dedicated to Raanz as a thank-you. You can view the picture here: .com/images/masseffect/ash_sitting__


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter Forty-Four**

**In Which Our Hero's Charm Fails Him**

As the _Normandy_ broke through Noveria's thick cloud cover, Kaidan blinked stupidly at the snow whipping around the ship for a moment. _When was the last time I saw snow?_ he wondered. _Probably the last time I was home._

From off to the side of the cockpit came Shepard's voice. "Looking at all this makes me glad my armor has temperature regulators."

"You're lucky, sir," Kaidan responded. "I'm just going to follow my mother's advice and wear an extra sweater."

"Don't tell me you actually packed—" Joker began before the signal that they were within comm range lit up. His voice shifted slightly, taking on the professional tone he used only when absolutely necessary. "Approach control, this is the SSV _Normandy_. Requesting a vector and a berth."

"_Normandy,_ your arrival was not scheduled. Our defense grid is armed and tracking you. State your business."

The voice of the man responding was harsh and unamused. _Not military,_ Kaidan thought. _Private security with something to prove._ The hair on his arms stood up.

Joker rolled his eyes at the commander. "Citadel business," he snapped impatiently. "We've got a Council Spectre aboard."

There was a pause. "Landing access granted," the voice responded reluctantly. Landing vectors appeared on the screen in front of Kaidan and he began making adjustments. "Be advised, we will be confirming identification on arrival. If confirmation cannot be established, your vessel _will_ _be_ impound—"

Joker switched off the comm. "What a fun bunch," he drawled, as the landing bay came into sight. "I think I'll take my next leave here."

Shepard smiled and shook his head. "Joker, can you spare Alenko? I'd like to have one last quick briefing in the comm room."

"Yeah, sure, go ahead, Kaidan," Joker replied.

"Thanks," Shepard told the pilot. "And page the ground team, would you?"

"Aye-aye, Commander," Joker saluted Shepard's back as he and Kaidan left.

The two men made their way across the command deck. "Any thoughts about who I should take with me on this one, Alenko?" Shepard asked.

"Well, I wouldn't recommend taking Wrex, Commander, that's for certain. Sounds like you'll have a hard enough time convincing the local authorities to cooperate without a krogan looming over them. Although who knows? Maybe intimidation would be the best tactic."

"I was thinking Tali—no one ever thinks that kid is a threat until it's too late—and Liara, since she's almost as frail-looking. The thing is, there're a lot of asari corporations on Noveria, so security probably takes biotics seriously. Plus, there's a good chance that we'll run into someone who knows Liara or her mother. I'm not sure she'd be the understated presence I'm looking for."

"That leaves you with Vakarian, Williams, or me, Commander."

"Right. I'm not bringing Garrus because he's a two-meter-tall Turian who never takes off his targeting visor. He may have gotten by on the Citadel, but I don't think he's got enough tolerance for red tape to be useful on Noveria.

"To tell the truth, Kaidan, I should probably take you." Shepard sighed. "Why couldn't you be female?"

"Commander?" Kaidan managed to keep his disquiet out of his voice. Most of it, anyway.

Shepard chuckled. "You spend every waking moment being calm and rational. I know you can handle yourself in a fight. You're the perfect choice. From what we heard in the cockpit though, my guess is that the security here is made up of military castoffs—more likely to underestimate a woman. Ash—Williams doesn't have very much finesse though. What do you think? No modesty, Alenko, I need your honest opinion. You or Williams?"

Kaidan thought for a moment. "Williams, sir."

Shepard frowned. "I'll be honest with you, Kaidan; that wasn't the response I was expecting. Williams is as subtle as a boot to the face. Why her?"

"Williams is blunt, sir, but she knows when and how to keep her mouth shut. She might not like it, but she'll do it. And she'll be keeping an eye out for trouble. Maybe it's because of what she went through on Eden Prime, but she always expects something to go wrong, and when it does, she's always ready for it."

"I could say the same of you."

"Maybe, sir. The thing is, Tali knows tech better than I do, and you and I are about even when it comes to biotics."

"You're being modest, Lieutenant," Shepard said dryly.

Kaidan smiled, but kept speaking. "I can't beat Williams when it comes to guns. The only person on board who even comes close is Wrex. If you have to shoot your way out of something down there, Williams is a better choice than I am."

"Hm." The door to the comm room slid open and they stepped in. "I think you've got a point there, Kaidan. I appreciate your honesty."

* * *

"Oh my God, it is _freezing_," Ashley muttered as she trailed behind Shepard and Tali. The dock where the Normandy had landed was technically inside—it had a roof—but it was far from warm.

"Quit complaining, marine," Shepard ordered teasingly. "You sound like a _girl_."

"I thought you brought Chief Williams and me precisely because we were female," Tali commented.

Ashley could imagine the commander's scowl. He hated having his inconsistencies pointed out. "Nevermind," he muttered.

"Thanks, Tali," Ashley smirked.

Shepard raised a hand, signaling for silence. A small knot of Noverian security guards waited for them just outside the doors leading into the main business complex. Their weapons were unholstered. The sight made Ashley half-apprehensive, half-irritated. _They couldn't wait for us to get somewhere warm before threatening us?_

When they were within five meters of the guards, a human woman with Asian features and a hairstyle Ashley could only describe as professionally severe held up a hand. "That's far enough," she ordered.

"We're not here to cause problems," Shepard promised, holding up his empty hands. His voice was laced with charm; he was probably trying his disarming smile on the woman.

"This is an unscheduled arrival. I need your credentials." Apparently, this woman was immune to Shepard. Inconvenient though that was, Ashley decided to like her.

"I'm a Spectre, my name is Shepard."

The blond woman standing next to the leader of the security forces made a face. "Load of horsecrap ma'am." Shepard's shoulders tightened, and Tali shifted, as though she wanted to say something. It was all Ashley could do not to respond. The commander was honest almost to the point of stupidity. _Hope she's better with that gun than she is with her manners._

Fortunately, the blond woman's superior had more tact. "We will need to confirm that," she told Shepard. "Also… I must advise you that firearms are not permitted on Noveria. Sergeant Sterling," she ordered the blond woman, "secure their weapons."

Before Sterling could take more than two steps, Shepard, Tali and Ashley all had their weapons drawn. "Back away, nice and slow," Ashley ordered.

"Nobody takes my weapon," Shepard informed the security guards. _Good for you, Skipper._

"Charge and lock!" the lead guard ordered. "We are authorized to use lethal force," she informed Shepard blandly. "You have until the count of three to surrender your weapons. One. Two. Thr—"

"Captain Matsuo! Stand down!" A woman's voice boomed over the docking bay's comm system, cultured but stressed. "We confirmed their identities. Spectres are authorized to carry weapons here, Captain." Sergeant Sterling lowered her weapon slowly, an expression of extreme reluctance on her face.

"You may proceed, Spectre," Captain Matsuo told Shepard. Although Ashley detected frustration in the woman's voice, she displayed none. "I hope the rest of your visit will be less confrontational. Parasini-san will meet you upstairs."

"Behave yourself," Sterling ordered. Ashley wondered how Matsuo put up with the woman.

"That was… exciting," Tali offered as they made their way inside.

"Never give up your weapon without a fight, Tali," Shepard told her. "Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, the person asking you for it is planning to shoot you anyway. I'd rather go out fighting."


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter Forty-Five:**

**In Which Our Hero's Failure to Feel Welcome Continues  
**

Shepard stepped through a beam of blue light that reminded him of the decontamination chambers on the _Normandy_. As soon as he did so, alarms started blaring. Still wary after the confrontation with Captain Matsuo, his hand went to his sidearm.

"They're just weapons detectors! Don't mind the alarms!" A dark-skinned woman waved Shepard and his team over from behind a huge stone processing desk. As they made their way towards her, Shepard wished he was wearing his helmet. Although the woman's dress covered her from neck to ankles, it was _very_ form-fitting. He could feel himself blush.

"I am Gianna Parasini, assistant to Administrator Anoleis," the woman introduced herself. "We apologize for the incident in the docking bay."

"I appreciate your help, Ms. Parasini," Shepard replied. "Things were about to get ugly down there."

"You're welcome," Parasini nodded. "You understand; our security chief was only doing her job." Her voice was low and calm; Shepard was willing to bet it was a large part of the reason she'd been hired by Anoleis. _Nothing like a soothing voice over the phone telling you you're not important enough to see the administrator._

"It seems like pretty heavy security for such a small port," he pressed.

"The Executive Board does everything in its power to protect the privacy of our client corporations," Parasini said stiffly.

"I'm a Spectre on a mission," Shepard told her. "I can't have my investigation hampered."

"I'd advise you to tread lightly, Commander Shepard. The board can bury you in litigation. You'd need an asari lawyer to see the case through." Shepard blinked. _Was that a joke? _"One of my duties is orientation of new arrivals," Parasini continued smoothly. "Are there any questions I can answer for you?"

"Has anyone unusual passed through here recently?" _ Like an army of geth, perhaps?_

"Unusual?" Parasini frowned. "An asari matriarch passed through a few days ago. Lady Benezia."

"Saren's second-in-command?" Ashley piped up. "She's _here?_" Shepard made a mental note to discuss Kaidan's definition of "knowing when and how to shut her mouth," with his lieutenant.

Parasini ignored the interruption. "She left for the Peak Fifteen research complex days ago. To the best of my knowledge she's still there."

"If that's where she is, then that's where I need to be. How do I reach Peak Fifteen?" Shepard asked.

"You'll need to ask Administrator Anoleis for clearance to leave this port," Parasini informed him.

_Of course. _"Where can I find the administrator?"

"His office is on the main level. Left at the top of the elevator."

"Thank you again, Ms. Parasini. Can we go in now?"

"Of course," she smiled. "If you need any help, you can ask me at the administrator's office." Parasini left through a door in the wall behind her, presumably making her way to a private elevator that connected directly with the administrator's office.

"Commander," Ashley offered, "Maybe we ought to tell Liara her mother's here. Or bring her along. It might take Benezia off-guard."

Shepard considered. "I don't see any reason to bother Liara right now. If I know anything about bureaucracy, it'll take us a couple hours to get clearance to head to Peak Fifteen. And then we'll still have to unload the Mako. You're right though; it's probably a good idea to bring her along. Maybe she can talk some sense into Benezia."

"Optimist," Ashley muttered as they made their way to the elevators.

"Someone has to balance you out," he teased.

Tali made a sound that, had it come from any other member of the crew, Shepard would have guessed was an exasperated groan. It forced his attention back to the task at hand. They rode the elevator to the main floor of the dock in silence.

* * *

"You will excuse me if I don't stand up. I have no time to entertain colonial rubes."

To Ashley's surprise, Administrator Anoleis turned out to be a surly salarian seated behind several computers. He had barely glanced up from the screens in front of him when the _Normandy_ team entered his office, and his opening greeting was… far from tactful. As Ashley expected, Shepard's shoulders stiffened at the jab. _Don't mess with Mindoir,_ she thought.

Truth be told, Ashley was a little offended herself. She wasn't from a homesteader family like Shepard was, but she had lived in the Alliance colonies her whole life.

"Do you have a problem with colonials?" Shepard asked, his voice deceptively calm.

"No appreciation for economics. Protectionists and communists, all of them. This greeting is a courtesy. I will only cooperate as required by the Executive Board. Businesses come here to _avoid_ the second-guessing of galactic law."

The commander took a deep breath. "I'm conducting an investigation. It's a matter of galactic security."

"Yes, isn't everything?" Anoleis scoffed. "I will not allow you to harass our clients. This world is private property."

Shepard's shoulders pulled back another centimeter before he began to question the administrator about Matriarch Benezia. Ashley wasted a moment feeling sorry for Anoleis. Bad things tended to happen to people that offended the commander. Even though Ashley had never seen Shepard actively work to undermine someone, the universe seemed to balance itself that way.

"I'm afraid you cannot see Matriarch Benezia." Anoleis' voice was thick with ill-concealed contempt. "Peak Fifteen is a _private_ facility in the Skadi Mountains. Regardless, there is a blizzard in the area. Shuttles are grounded, and surface access has been cut off."

"Surface access, you say?" Shepard ignored the majority of Anoleis' remark.

"_Cut off_, I said. The roads are not suitable for travel. Don't make an issue of this, Shepard."

"You're telling me that there's no way—"

"_None._ You know, Shepard, every minute of my time you waste costs the company twelve credits. I will keep a running tally."

"In that case, I have no more questions… at this time." Shepard turned towards the exit, not bothering to wait for Anoleis' response.

"Good," the salarian shot at the exiting Spectre. "I received a dozen urgent messages while you dithered about."

Shepard came to a stop, looking inclined to give the administrator a piece of his mind.

"Forget him, Commander," Ashley said quietly. "If he won't play ball, I'm sure someone else here will. And, you know, if we can't find someone else, we can always try the administrator again. Next time, I'll hold him, and you punch."

Shepard smiled at her. "Well, at the very least, I'm calling my financial manager when we get back to the _Normandy_, and telling him to divest any holdings I have in the Noveria corporation or businesses with a presence on Noveria. He'll probably have a heart attack, and the Noveria corporation won't even notice, but it'll make me feel better. 'Colonial rube,' my eye."

Ashley didn't even pretend to understand the commander's financial ramblings.

"In Administrator Anoleis' defense, Commander, salarians place a good deal of value on a person's breeding," Tali offered. "Most salarians look down on any other species that doesn't keep track of bloodlines they way they do."

"They sound like my grandparents," Shepard muttered, his expression souring.

* * *

"Given your incredible frown, Commander, might I assume your meeting with Administrator Anoleis did not proceed quite as you had hoped?" Ms. Parasini was seated at her desk in the huge reception area outside the administrator's office. She looked up at Shepard as he entered the room with an expression of mild amusement on her face. "You've never worked in the corporate world, have you, Commander? You can't bludgeon through bureaucracy."

"So it would seem," Shepard admitted. "What do you suggest?"

Parasini's voice lowered to a whisper. Shepard had to lean in just to make out her words. "Talk to Lorek Qui'in. You should be able to find him at the hotel bar."

"Who—"

"Can't say more," Parasini hissed. "Not within earshot of Mr. Anoleis."

"Of course. Thank you, Ms. Parasini. I'll talk to you later." _What was that about?_


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter Forty-Six:**

**In Which Our Hero, a Quarian, and a Soldier Walk Into a Bar...**

Shepard led the way to the hotel bar. It took him a while to find the hotel; every hallway in the port complex looked the same. When the team ended up back at the elevators to the docking bay for a third time, he finally stopped to ask for directions from a hanar merchant. The discussion took quite a while, and ended with Shepard entering information into a datapad the merchant handed him. Ashley and Tali watched the exchange with interest.

"What was all that, Shepard?" Tali asked when the commander returned.

"I didn't get you a souvenir, if that's what you're wondering," he teased.

"So, you bought a gift then?"

"Maybe. Maybe I'm just smuggling weapons for him."

"Given all the security we had to pass through," Tali said seriously, "I imagine smuggling is a serious crime on Noveria. If we are going to be participating in illegal activities while we're here, Commander, I would appreciate the opportunity to return to the _Normandy_. There is some advanced ammunition for my shotgun that would make me feel much safer in case we encounter Sergeant Sterling again."

"Nervous Tali? Don't worry, kid, I'll protect you," Ashley volunteered.

"Williams, I'm beginning to think you have a complex when it comes to protecting people. First me, now Tali. Am I supposed to believe that you like stepping in front of bullets?" Shepard asked.

"Jealous, Skipper? Or do my offers of protection wound your masculine pride?"

"Spectres are above petty emotions like that."

"Could have fooled me."

Shepard rolled his eyes, and Ashley snickered. She'd abandoned her rigid professionalism around the commander, but neither one of them seemed to mind. _It's just harmless joking. I used to be this relaxed with the 212._ For that matter, Shepard was much more sociable than he had been when Ashley first arrived on the _Normandy_. Ashley wondered if Shepard's Spectre autonomy had given him a chance to realize that he could be friendly without worrying about repercussions.

They finally reached the hotel, and made their way into the bar. The commander scanned the crowded room (Ashley wondered why none of these people were _working_), and sighed. "Why didn't I ask Parasini what Qui'in looks like?" Shepard griped.

"Excuse me," an asari wearing a yellow dress too bright for the muted colors of the bar approached Shepard. "I need a moment of your time. The male human at the bar," she waved her hand in the general direction, and Ashley fought the urge to turn and look, "He is a sales rep for Binary Helix. His name is Rafael Vargas. I need you to speak with him."

"I'm sorry," Shepard replied, "but have we met?"

The asari flicked her eyes away from Shepard and gave a slight shake of her head. "Everyone knows who you are, dull stone," she told him in a tone of exasperation. Ashley frowned and glanced at Tali before remembering she wouldn't be able to read the quarian's expression. _Are bad manners a requirement before you can be hired to work on Noveria?_ she wondered.

"That makes you ideal for this job. You are a known quantity. Or so Vargas will think. He will assume you are here to investigate his company's dirty laundry, and that will distract him from your—my—real intentions."

"You want me to—why not just talk to him yourself?"

"I represent the Aramali City Council on Thessia. Our town is known for its biotic amp crafters. Much of Binary Helix's work relates to biotics. There are rumors that the Noveria branch has flown in powerful asari biotics—commandos to be specific. We want to assess any potential risk to asari copyrights.

"You will present yourself as a buyer—on behalf either the Spectres or the Alliance, I don't care which. Discuss their military enhancement programs, and keep Vargas talking, distract him. I'll give you a device that will crack into his personal wireless network. It will upload a variety of monitoring viruses that will infiltrate the Binary Helix systems when he logs onto their network."

For a moment, Shepard didn't respond. Ashley wondered if something was wrong before realizing he was stunned at the audacity of the asari's request. "Do you think this uniform's just for show?" he snapped. "My job is to enforce the law, not break it."

"Do you think that Binary Helix obeys all the laws? That they do not spy on other companies?"

The commander crossed his arms. "What they _might_ be doing somewhere else doesn't justify my acting against them here."

"Very well, Spectre. I'll be on my way." The asari lifted her chin as though continuing to make eye contact with Shepard was undignified and glided away.

"I hate this place," Shepard sighed.

Tali patted the commander on the shoulder. The sight made Ashley smile; Shepard towered over the quarian, so she had to reach up to complete the comforting gesture.

* * *

"Don't mind her," a deep, friendly voice advised. "Since she arrived here, that woman has gone out of her way to infuriate as many people as possible. A clear sign that she has a long political career ahead of her." The turian speaking to the commander lounged casually at his table, nursing a drink. Ashley noticed the datapad in front of him had been paused during the playback of a new action vid. _Seriously, does anyone __**work** on this planet?_

"Afternoon," the turian greeted Shepard when he turned. "Sit down. Have a drink."

"Are you Lorik Qui'in?" the commander asked hopefully.

"I am."

Shepard's posture straightened. "I've heard you might be able to help me."

"You are the Spectre that just arrived, are you not? What could an old turian like me possibly help you with?"

"I'm trying to find a way into the garage. I have places to go."

"You need a pass. How… fortuitous." The hair on the back of Ashley's neck stood up. She didn't like Qui'in's tone. He clearly had a favor to ask of Shepard; given the frigid social climate on Noveria, Ashley didn't think whatever task he set would be easy. Or safe. Or particularly legal.

"I'm the manager of the local Synthetic Insights office," Qui'in told Shepard. "For the moment, at least. Mr. Anoleis closed my office. He claims to be investigating reports of my corruption." Ashley was willing to believe everyone on Noveria was corrupt, but somehow she couldn't picture Anoleis being particularly zealous in investigating such accusations.

"The administrator is an interesting man. He has become quite wealthy since he took direct control of rents." Qui'in paused to let his words sink in.

"Do me a favor," Shepard told the turian. "Cut the double-speak. By 'rents,' you mean bribes for Anoleis."

Qui'in's mandibles flared in amusement. "Indeed I do. I acquired evidence of Anoleis' actions. His hired goons are now ransacking my office to find it. If you recover the evidence from my office, I will give you my garage pass."

"That sounds like a fair trade."

"I am glad you think so, Spectre. However, there is one other—what is that charming human expression? 'Fly in the lotion?'"

"Ointment," Tali said quietly to Ashley.

"I know," Ashley replied.

"Well, he works with humans. He should pay more attention."

Oblivious to their side conversation, Qui'in continued speaking. "Violence against Mr. Anoleis' thugs may be necessary. He has members of Hanshan's security team searching my offices. He is paying them under the table, of course. Ms. Matsuo is unaware of their outside employment. I doubt she would approve."

Shepard ran his hand over the scar on his nose. "I'll focus on trying to get your evidence. If I'm lucky, I won't have to fight anyone."

"Whatever you think is best." Qui'in pulled an identification card out of his pocket. "Here is my pass into our offices. It will activate the private elevator. The evidence is on my office computer." He produced an OSD and placed it on the table next to the card. "This OSD contains an encryption key to access it. Slide it into the drive, and it will auto-execute."

The commander picked the items up off the table, and handed them to Tali. "We'll be back when we have your evidence."

"Good luck, Spectre."


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter Forty-Seven:**

**In Which Our Hero Sees Red  
**

The commander stared down at the body of Sergeant Sterling. A biotic energy pulse had thrown the security officer against one of the walls in the Synthetic Insights offices, snapping her neck. Ashley tried to ignore the unnatural angles of Sterling's body; the broken slant the woman's head lolled at reminded Ashley of her father's death.

"She called me a cop-killer," Shepard sounded genuinely upset. "I didn't—I wouldn't…. _They_ attacked _us_. Those two we talked with left. They didn't fight us. She wouldn't even give us a chance to try—_Why_ does everyone always want to fight?" Without warning, Shepard's biotics glowed and he threw a chair across the room. It hit the thick windows on the far end of the offices and fell to the ground with an earsplitting crack.

Ashley fought the impulse to ask Shepard if he was all right. Joking with the commander was one thing, but they were on duty, and he was her superior officer. She didn't want to give the impression that she thought that Shepard couldn't handle himself. _Not that that stopped you on Pinnacle, _the most irritating part of her memory pointed out. Ashley focused on counting the number of scratches in the concrete wall next to her, waiting for Shepard to give the order to move out. She let Tali be the one who went over to Shepard, the one who put a hand on his arm, the one who asked if he needed anything, the one he smiled at and thanked.

_Admitting you have a problem is the first step in getting over it_. Yes, Ashley liked Shepard more than she should. But one thing Ashley M. Williams was _not_ going to do was ruin her career over Commander Shepard. _Wow, fifty-seven nicks in this wall, fifty-eight, fifty-nine_….

"Sorry about that, you two." Shepard sounded calmer, but Ashley knew he would have that careful bland expression on his face, with only his slightly narrowed lips hinting that he wasn't perfectly at ease. She kept her eyes on the wall.

"We should go. We've got to get the evidence to Qui'in, or no garage pass. The sooner we get out of this place, the better." Shepard took one last look at Sterling, and then headed down the stairs and out the door.

Gianna Parasini was waiting for them when they stepped off the elevator connecting the Synthetic Insights offices to the rest of Port Hanshan.

"Commander," she said brightly. "There've been reports of noise from the Synthetic Insights office. Would you know anything about it?" She glanced meaningfully at the elevator, and Tali stepped guilty away from its still-open doors.

Shepard squared his shoulders. "To be frank, Ms. Parasini, I've had just about all I can take of this planet's godforsaken doublespeak. Speak plainly: what's your interest?"

Parasini gave Shepard an appraising look. When she spoke again, her voice was sharper. "Not here, Spectre. Meet me at the hotel for a drink, _before_ you talk to Qui'in. I'll be waiting." Without another word or a backwards glance, Parasini left.

"You know, for some reason, I don't think she was asking me for a drink because she thinks I'm particularly attractive," Shepard sighed. "I wonder what she wants."

"Disappointed, Shepard?"

"Tali are you actually making fun of me?" he gaped. "And just when I thought today couldn't get any more bizarre."

* * *

Ashley hated elevators. _Hated_ them. Even worse than the long, slow rides in confined spaces was the surprise of having people waiting for you when you stepped off of them. When they stepped out of Synthetic Insights, Parasini had been waiting for Shepard with her cryptic invitation to meet for a drink. Several elevator rides later, they were back at the hotel bar, and—

"Kiss? _Kiss!_"

Noveria seemed like the last place in the galaxy anyone would be shouting the word 'kiss' out loud. Ashley wasn't surprised that Shepard stopped short and tried to locate the woman who was yelling. She _was_ surprised to see him grin widely and wave at the woman when he caught her eye. When the woman waved back, Ashley was even more surprised.

Shepard and the woman made their way across the bar with quick not-walking-but-not-running steps. When they reached each other, Shepard gave the woman a hug, and planted a kiss on her temple when they finally broke apart.

"Red!" he grinned. "It's so good to see you! How are you? What are you doing here?"

Red smiled at Shepard for a moment, then moved to hug him again. "I know this sounds lame, Kiss, but I missed you! It's been forever!" She hit him on the shoulder with the heel of her left hand. "You're terrible at keeping in touch. If it wasn't for the news, I wouldn't even know you'd gotten promoted!"

"You call Spectre a promotion?"

"Let's see, you've been made the first human Spectre, you've got command of your own ship…. Yes, you idiot, that's a promotion!"

"Well, there's no salary increase."

Red shook her head in mock disappointment. "You're lucky you're so good-looking, because you are _not_ the brightest star in the galaxy. If you want to make money, you have switch to private sector work."

"Is that why you're here? Don't tell me you're on the Noveria security team."

"Hardly. I'm a consultant for Rosenkov Materials. When I go civilian, I go all the way."

"Developing weapons is 'all the way' civilian?" Shepard scoffed. "I don't think so."

"I swear. I even have an office."

"Is it weird that I can't picture you sitting at a desk?"

"You've met my parents. I spent most of my childhood sitting at a desk."

"Well, yeah, you were a really lame kid. Into book learning. I thought you were over that."

"Cornfed colonial yokel."

"Stuck-up corporate suit." Shepard laughed and pulled Red into yet another hug, leaving a hand on her arm this time when they broke apart. "How you haven't gone crazy working here is beyond me."

Red cocked an eyebrow. "The salary helps. Plus, it's not like I've got a domestic situation that needs my attention." She brushed imaginary dust off of the commander's armor, and gave Shepard a small smile. "What about you? You seeing anyone?"

Shepard ducked his head, embarrassed. "Why? You're not going turn into a creepy stalker ex who drives off any woman I show interest in, are you?"

"Don't flatter yourself; you're not _that_ handsome. Anyway, I don't even have enough time to cook for myself, when would I stalk you?"

"Weekends? Don't you get the weekends off?"

"Kiss, Kiss, Kiss, you are so naive about how the real world works. It's probably why you're still single."

"I never said I was single."

"Oh, you didn't have to. I saw that interview you gave to the BBC reporter. She was _cute_."

Shepard blushed. "If you knew, then why'd you ask?"

Smirking, Red patted the commander on the cheek. "Because you're adorable when you're embarrassed."

Tali coughed, and Shepard finally remembered that he wasn't alone. Still smiling broadly, he slipped an arm around Red's shoulders and turned her to face Ashley and Tali.

"I'm sorry, I'm being rude. Red, meet Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams and Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. They're members of my ground team. Tali, Chief Williams, this is Katherine Sand. We went through N7 training together, and we served in the same unit for a few years."

"Please, just call me Kathy," Red extended her hand first to Ashley, then to Tali. "It's nice to meet you both."

"And you," Ashley replied.

"Shepard called you 'Red,'" Tali pointed out. "Is that not your name?"

Red laughed. "Nickname from my N7 days; we all have them. I got 'Red' because of my last name: 'Red Sand,' get it?" She put a hand on Shepard's arm. "Before this guy was _Commander_ Shepard, we all called him 'Kiss.'"

"Why?"

"He made the mistake of telling the story of his childhood nickname when we were trying to think of something for him."

"What was the story?" Tali asked.

"Red," Shepard warned, "don't you dare."

"So, from what I understand," Red began with a wicked smirk, "when Kiss was little, his parents called him by his initials, 'K.S.."

"I'm named after my mother's father, and he didn't get on with my father, so Dad wouldn't call me Karl," Shepard explained.

"Anyway," Red continued, "one day, little K.S. starts school. It's a big day. His mom walks him into town, and leaves him off at in the schoolyard. Well, when K.S. arrives at school, he immediately latches on to this girl—"

"Clara," Shepard offered quietly.

"—because she takes piano lessons from K.S.'s mom, and it's her first day of school, too, and she's pretty much the only kid there that K.S. knows. Social, he was not." Shepard scowled at Red. "So right off the bat, K.S. has lost some street cred with his peers. Add to that the poor spelling abilities of one of his classmates—"

"Mandy Jones," Shepard interrupted. "I can still remember her stupid pigtails."

"Apparently, this Mandy Jones misread young K.S. Shepard's initials off of his backpack as 'Kiss,' and loudly announced to the entire kindergarten class that his name was Kiss. And that he had cooties. But she didn't stop there. No, when taking attendance that morning, the young kindergarten teacher…." Red paused, clearly waiting for Shepard to make a clarifying remark.

"What?" he asked.

"Don't you want to supply your kindergarten teacher's name?"

"Not particularly."

"How will they get the full effect of the story then?"

"I think they'll survive."

"You don't know that they will. They might die of disappointment"

"Fine. Her name was Mrs. Singh. And she was a grandmother when I was in her class."

"Oh. Oops. Well, the _elderly_ kindergarten teacher tried to locate 'Karl,' but could not, because someone didn't respond to that name."

"Because no one ever called me Karl!"

"Don't interrupt, Kiss, it's very rude. Where was I? Oh, yes, so at the end of attendance, Mrs. Singh asked if there was anyone whose name she had overlooked, and of course, young K.S. dutifully raised his hand. 'Could you tell me your name, please?' Mrs. Singh asked K.S.. But before he could respond, Mandy helpfully piped up and said 'His name is _Kiss!_' and Mrs. Singh, perhaps numb after years of teaching children with strange names, didn't question the name. Although it was eventually explained to everyone that Kiss was, in fact K.S., who was actually Karl, it was too late. The nickname stuck. And it's followed Kiss for the rest of his life."

Red grinned at Tali. "Can you see why we just _had_ to keep it as his N7 nickname? I mean, that's a great story."

Tali chuckled. "I can imagine that Shepard was not pleased with the choice."

Shepard scowled. "The more you don't like a nickname, the more likely it is to stick. Thanks for sharing that story and destroying my professional image," he told Red. "I hate you."

"You love me," she smirked.

"We'll have to argue about that later," Shepard said, "I'm actually here to meet someone. Let me take care of things with her, and we can talk, all right? Don't tell my crew any more embarrassing stories about me." With that, Shepard made his way towards the high table where Gianna Parasini sat.

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**_ Yay, Red! I've been waiting to get to her for **months**__ now, you have no idea. She's only here very briefly, but she's mentioned over in _Katydid_, and in a possible accompaniment to that story that I might publish later. _


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter Forty-Eight:**

**In Which Our Hero Blunders**

Red watched Shepard walk away, raising her eyebrows when he sat down next to Parasini. "The administrator's secretary, huh? Hm. I wouldn't have pegged her as Kiss's type."

"Type? What do you mean, type?" Tali asked. This led to a discussion between Red and Tali concerning the linguistic differences and quirks that existed in the spoken languages of the various sentient species of the galaxy and the inadequacy of translators. Not having served in space very long, Ashley didn't have much knowledge of the topic; she certainly didn't have an opinion one way or another.

She kept quiet, and studied Red. The woman wore her long blond hair loose. _Bet __**she**__ doesn't get headaches from having her hair pulled back all the time._ To reassure herself that she wasn't jealous that being a civilian meant that Red didn't need to worry about getting shot if her hair got in her eyes, Ashley rested her hand on her sidearm. Red's tan was too even to be natural, but she was _tall_. Ashley was above average height; Red was at least five centimeters taller than Ashley, probably more.

Tali seemed to like Red. At the moment, she and Red were discussing the mechanics of specific translators. Even though the quarian was a mechanical prodigy, Red seemed to be holding her own. Red kept trying to include Ashley in the conversation, but she just held up her hands in surrender. Not only wasn't Ashley interested in the subject, but she couldn't understand anything they were saying. It was nice of Red to make the attempt. Then again, Ashley wasn't surprised by the courtesy; she couldn't picture Shepard… being friends with anyone who wasn't considerate. And Shepard was certainly comfortable seeing Red, despite their apparent history. He smiled more around Red than he did normally.

_Why do you even care about this, Williams? What happened to not ruining your career over Shepard? There's still time! You can stop acting like an idiot!_

* * *

"Are they talking tech?" Shepard asked quietly. Ashley jumped; she hadn't realized he was behind her.

"To tell the truth, sir, they left me behind a long time ago. They could be talking about vacationing on Thessia for all I know. Did you get everything squared away with Parasini?"

"_And_ with Qui'in. We've just got to follow up with a visit to Parasini in Anoleis' office. Wait until I tell you what was going on." Shepard glanced at the clock on his omni-tool and frowned. "That may have to wait though. Talking with Qui'in took longer than I thought. Ugh. We're going to have to wait until tomorrow to head to Peak Fifteen."

"Hey, Red," Shepard said, stepping away from Ashley and raising his voice to a normal volume. "We need to get back to work, but what are you doing tonight? If you're free, you should come to the _Normandy_. We have _eight_ different kinds of nutrient paste suitable for consumption as a meal substitute."

Red made a face. "Why, in God's name, would I ever want to go back to eating that crap?"

"I—actually, I can't think of a reason."

"I have a better idea. Come back here tonight, we'll get drinks and catch up." She glanced at Ashley and Tali. "Bring your crew."

"I don't know, Red. We're not on leave—"

"Don't be lame, Kiss. I promise to have you all home before midnight."

"But—"

"Did I mention that they wheel a piano in here every night?"

"A real piano?" Shepard grinned, excited as a kid at Christmas. "We'll see you tonight!"

* * *

"Are you going to go to the bar?" Kaidan couldn't quite read the expression on Ashley's face as she asked. Not that he looked at her for long; they were running on treadmills in the _Normandy's _gym, and Kaidan didn't want to risk falling.

"If I were a gambling man, I'd wager that you want me to say yes. I feel like a security blanket."

Ashley reached over from her treadmill and punched Kaidan in the arm. The momentum carried her farther then she'd thought it would, and she nearly slipped. "You're a jerk."

"I'm your superior officer."

"Sorry. You're a jerk, _sir_."

"That's better."

"So, are you going?"

"I don't know. It feels odd, just inviting officers and the non-Alliance personnel. Although I can understand not wanting a ship's worth of marines out drinking on Noveria. Anyway, bars always have those loud neon lights. Don't want to risk a migraine."

"This place is classy. Low lighting, zen fountains, the works. And anyway, even if you get a migraine, no need to worry. Dr. Chase is going; she can take care of you."

"Is Dr. Chakwas not going?"

Ashley heaved an exasperated sigh. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"You've never needed it before."

"A real friend wouldn't highlight my character flaws like that," Ashley panted. "But that's not what I wanted to say. Dr. Chase likes you. And I'm pretty sure you like her, sir."

"I don't—"

"Lies. I think half the time you head to the infirmary for migraine meds, you're faking just so you can talk to her."

"That's—"

"Stop being lame. Come to the bar. Flirt with Dr. Chase. Feel irrationally guilty about possibly being inappropriate tomorrow so I can laugh at you."

"What about the regs?"

"What _about_ the regs? She's a medical officer, so she's technically not in your unit or under your command. And it's not like you're a commissioned officer and she's an NCO."

Ashley sounded a little bitter when she pointed out that last hurdle. It half-confirmed Kaidan's suspicions about her relationship with—or at least her feelings for—Shepard. Kaidan, Joker, and the commander were the only single commissioned officers on the _Normandy._ _Better keep an eye on that. _Kaidan liked Shepard, but he liked Ashley more. If Shepard showed signs of interest in an improper relationship with the chief, Kaidan would find a way to set the man straight. Ashley had a promising career ahead of her, but even rumors of inappropriate liaisons could ruin her prospects. Scuttlebutt said the commander's tastes ran more towards Dr. T'Soni; still, Kaidan always liked to be prepared.

He shook off the heavy thoughts, and returned to protesting Ashley's matchmaking attempts. "Dr. Chase probably—"

"Excuses! C'mon, LT. Please?"

"You just don't want to go alone."

"Untrue. I have plenty of self-confidence. So… what are you going to wear? Your fatigues?"

"Oh no. I am not having that conversation, Ash." Kaidan turned off his treadmill and stepped down to stretch. "Gotta draw the line somewhere."

"Why not? I don't want to be underdressed, or be the only one in fatigues."

"Why don't you ask Dr. Chase what she's going to wear?"

"You just want to know so you can get her a corsage to go with her outfit."

Kaidan tossed his towel at Ashley. "Just for that, I'm not telling you what I'm wearing."

"What? No! C'mon, Kaidan!" When Kaidan reached the door he waved to Ashley without turning around. Just before the doors slid shut, he heard her yell, "I hate you!" after him.

* * *

When Ashley reached her locker she was sweaty and disgusting, but she felt surprisingly upbeat. Working out with Kaidan was always fun. She made a resolution to maneuver things at the bar tonight so that Kaidan would be sitting next to Dr. Chase. He'd been a good sport when she teased him; it was the least she could do.

Her locker door was stuck.

"Argh!" She smacked the door in impotent frustration. "I know I specifically arranged everything in there so you would not stick like this!"

After about three minutes of wrestling with the locker, the catch finally released. The door swung open with enough force to push Ashley backwards and send half her things tumbling to the floor.

Grumbling, Ashley started picking up her belongings. "Stupid, lousy Alliance engineers. Spend millions of credits on a top of the line frigate and don't even have working lockers?" Arms full she began to start stuff things back into the locker.

"What the—?" A nondescript black gun case sat at the bottom of her locker, hindering her ability to put her possessions away. "Great. Stupid, lazy Alliance marines. The elevator ride to the armory doesn't take _that_ long. Well, you should be below decks." She grabbed the handle to pull out the case, and saw a Spectre logo on the clasp.

"No way." Forgetting about everything else, Ashley knelt on the ground and opened the case. "_No way_." Inside the case was a Spectre HMWA Master Class assault rifle.

For a moment, Ashley just stared at the gun, stunned. After a few minutes, she tentatively reached out and ran her fingers over it, from the textured grip to the oversized heat sink. Finally, she lifted the rifle out of the case and held it to her shoulder, sighting down the scope.

"What the—?" _You really need to come up with some new phrases, Williams._ Something was blocking the view through the scope. Using her little finger, Ashley reached into the tube and pulled out a rolled-up piece of paper. _Why do they always put the warranty in the most random—_

It was a handwritten note addressed to _Guardian Angel Williams. _Inside was a poem.

_ What thoughts at heart have you and I/We cannot stop to tell/But dead or living, drunk or dry/Soldier, I wish you well._

_ Thanks for having my back. —K.S.S._

For one instant, Ashley smiled, feeling irrationally giddy. Then the realities of what Shepard was doing hit her, and it was all she could do not to rip the note to pieces.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter Forty-Nine: **

**In Which Our Hero Plays the Piano**

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

On any other day, Ashley would have been touched by Wrex's bad-tempered show of concern. Not today though. Today had been a bit much to take in, and a sympathetic krogran was not a surprise she was currently equipped to handle. First the ground team had been jerked around by every bureaucrat and self-styled lawman on this planet, then Shepard had ruined everything ever with his stupid 'gift,' and then, right as she arrived at the bar, Ashley's omni-tool—still set to local time on Eden Prime—had gone off to remind her that it was Armistice Day.

"Everything's fine, Wrex."

"Bullshit. You look like you just got back from a drive in the Mako with Shepard."

Ashley cracked a smile. "Are you telling me that I look like I'm about to be sick?"

"Is that what that face means? I can never tell with you humans."

"How do _you_ feel after Shepard's driving?"

"I never get sick."

"Well, aren't you special."

"Thank you."

"Not big on sarcasm, are you, Wrex?"

The krogan stopped leaning on the bar and stood up straight. "Are you saying that I'm _not_ special, Williams?"

"Are you trying to intimidate me, Wrex?"

"I'm a krogan; I don't have to try."

"Hate to break it to you, but you kinda do."

Wrex picked his drink up from the bar. "I'll keep that in mind." He moved towards the table where the majority of the _Normandy _party was sitting, then turned back. "You're too tough to mope. You should get over it." Hesitantly, he reached out and clouted Ashley on the back in what she was sure was meant to be an awkward gesture of affection, then walked away, sitting down next to Chief Engineer Adams and squinting at him until the man scooted his chair away.

* * *

"Hey, Chief Williams, do you want to come sit with the rest of us? Well, all of us except for Kiss. He's harassing the piano player."

Ashley looked up to see Red sitting at the spot at the bar that Wrex had just vacated.

"If I'm supposed to call you Kathy, you should probably call me Ashley."

"Ashley, then. Come sit with us. I'll tell you embarrassing stories about Kiss."

"Tempting," Ashley forced a smile and took a sip of her beer. Red didn't leave, and Ashley made an attempt to socialize. "So tell me, how long have you known the commander?"

"Since N7 training. So that's…. Wow, it'll be nine years in a few months." Red took a sip of her drink. "I feel so old."

Music started to drift out of the piano. The melody was quiet, slow and sad, a perfect foil for the snowflakes still whirling past the dark windows. Despite herself, Ashley looked over at the instrument. Shepard sat in front of it, eyes closed, a peaceful expression on his face.

"Is he playing that from memory?" Ashley asked incredulously.

Red made a face. "Yes. Ugh. I hate this song."

"Why?"

"Kiss has this thing—he thinks of people as songs. This one? It reminds Kiss of his first girlfriend, Clara. The one he rescued from her abusive dad who then lived with the Shepards until she died in the Mindoir attack?" Red shook her head while Ashley tried to process the fact that Shepard had started rescuing people _before_ he joined the Alliance.

"Sometimes I think he'll never get over her. I mean, _we_ dated for almost three years, and when he broke up with me," Red snapped her fingers, "…nothing. Not even a frown. I mean, what is that? For a while there, I thought he was it, you know, but then, we're on shore leave on Elysium—and we're staying with my parents, I should point out—"

It occurred to Ashley that Red had perhaps had more to drink than she first let on. Either that, or she didn't mind sharing her personal business with complete strangers.

"Towards the end of leave, we head down to the recruiting office with a bunch of N7s to put in our assignment requests, and the motherloving batarians attack the damn colony. And I think Kiss is going to freeze up, because it's just like what he went through on Mindior, I mean those bastards came out of _nowhere_, but he doesn't! He just gets incredibly calm—it's like he's a different person, a super-soldier, and he takes command, turns the damn town square into a stronghold. With about twenty-five marines, including the desk sergeants from the recruiting center, he holds the batarians off.

"Of course, everyone knows about his brave solo stand, plugging a hole in our front line by himself with his biotics and his stupid shotgun until reinforcements from the garrison could reach us." Red shrugged. "The whole damn galaxy heard about the incredible Lieutenant Shepard. The brass kicked him up the ranks, and put him in charge of the Candy Canes, and then suddenly, it was, 'Oh, sorry Red, we need to break up. It's not you, it's this promotion. I'm your superior officer now; it's against the regs.'"

Red gestured to the bartender for another round. "Just the promotion? Yeah right. Jackass never even thought about one of us transferring. Tell me something, Ashley: how do you get over your first girlfriend if you breakup only because she dies an unbearably tragic death?"

"I thought you and the commander were still friends," Ashley said uncomfortably. She did _not_ know Red well enough for this conversation to be anything but embarrassing.

"We are," Red said, sounding just as she had when she first started talking with Ashley. "That doesn't mean I can't be bitter about the breakup though."

"I guess you have a point," Ashley admitted.

Red sighed. "It's probably for the best," she said. "I mean, I love Kiss, don't get me wrong, but he does want to leave the military so he can be a _farmer_. And—I know how shallow this sounds, but his scars… not really a turn-on, am I right?"

Ashley tried to think of a tactful way to tell Red that she was over-sharing. Before she could say anything, however, the other woman moved off of the barstool she'd been sitting on.

"Sorry just to go crazy on you like that. That song really gets under my skin." Red cocked her head, listening to the music. It had turned bright and bold, full of jangling notes that made her grin. "Oh, this is better; I don't like it when he dwells on Mindoir."

Red swung herself off of her stool. "Anyway. You're a really good listener, Ashley. I knew I liked you." Ashley bit her tongue to keep in whatever sarcastic remark her instincts had prepped for this sort of occasion. "Anyway," Red patted Ashley on the shoulder. "I'm going to go back to the main table. Maybe flirt with that cute lieutenant of yours. If you decide to come over, I'll save you a seat!"


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter Fifty:**

**In Which Our Hero Celebrates Armistice Day**

"Hey, Ash." It was all Ashley could do to keep from pounding her head against the polished counter. How could she have not noticed that the music had stopped? She downed the remainder of her lukewarm beer and focused on not looking at Shepard.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Go away, sir."

"What?"

"_Please_ go away, sir."

"Ash? Are you okay?" Out of the corner of her eye, Ashley saw Shepard step towards her and she flinched away.

"If you wanted to get rid of me, sir, there are other ways to do it, sir." Ashley still couldn't bring herself to look at him. "I thought you'd at least be nice about it. You're nice to every dirt bag we come across out here—you even wanted to give Sergeant Sterling a chance today—I just thought…." She signaled to the bartender for another drink.

"Look, I found the note in my locker. Hooray, a transfer for breaking the regs against fraternization." Ashley clenched her jaw. "Or were you hoping I'd get kicked out entirely? Either way that's going to look great on the family wall of shame."

"I—" Shepard started to speak.

"With all due respect, I'm not done talking, sir," she cut him off and took a gulp of her beer. "Just tell me one thing; did you pick today special? Wanted to add an extra kick to my Armistice Day celebration?" Ashley finally glanced up at Shepard. She needed to see the expression on his face when he admitted he was just like every other officer in the fleet.

Shepard just looked confused. "What are you talking about, Ashley? A transfer? Armistice Day? What does that have to do with anything? How do you even _know_ it's Armistice Day?"

"Don't feed me that bull, _sir_. The Williams family always marks the end of the First Contact War. In our family, it's not really a celebration. More like an obligation."

The commander lifted an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.

"Don't even try to tell me you don't know about my family. My commanders always find out. How long have you known? Did Anderson tell you? You know, _he_ didn't seem to care. Or is it in my files? That's probably the easiest way to pass the information along."

"There's almost nothing in your files. Technical scores and a list of crap assignments."

"And you have no idea why I'd get those crap assignments? Fine. Make me say it." Ashley took a breath, reflexively glanced around to make sure no one else could hear her. "I'm General Williams' granddaughter." Shepard continued to feign ignorance. "Commander of the Shanxi garrison in the war? 'The only human ever to surrender to an alien race?' Ring any bells?"

Silence. Ashley glared at the countertop. Her face was burning. After a while, she heard Shepard settle into the seat next to her. "I guess now I know why you drive yourself so hard," he sighed.

"Drive myself so hard? _Drive myself so hard?_" Ashley ignored the fact that she sounded slightly hysterical. "'A Williams has to be better than the best, if only to avoid suspicion.' That's what my dad told me the night before he retired. He was wrong though! No matter what we do, it's not enough! Dad—he got passed for promotion over and over." The hollow, lonely look her father's eyes had in vidmails had always been a bit deeper every time his new CO had made it clear that a Williams wasn't going to get ahead on _his _watch. "And I think my record merits more than garrison duty on a backwater agri colony. Clearly, you disagree."

Shepard turned on his stool so he was facing her. "I'm sorry if giving you the gun made you uncomfortable. I—I was just trying to thank you for Pinnacle. I know, I _know_ I waited way too long, and the note was stupid, but I was trying—I mean, I thought—You know what, never mind what I thought.

"Just, tell me what I have to do to convince you that I'm not this…. How could you even think that I'm the kind of person who'd try to get you kicked out of the Alliance by—By _pretending_ that I…." Something in Shepard's voice made Ashley look up; the commander was blushing and shaking his head, determinedly avoiding her eyes in an attempt to hide his hurt. "I'm sorry, Chief Williams. Maybe I should go."

"Wait." The crestfallen expression on Shepard's face made Ashley doubt herself. "Shepard, do you swear to me that you had no idea who my grandfather was, and that that note wasn't just an excuse to get rid of me?"

He fastened his serious blue eyes on her, gaze direct and open. She realized before he spoke that she'd jumped to all the wrong conclusions. "I swear, Ashley."

Ashley squirmed; she hated apologizing. "I owe you an apology, sir," she managed, finally. "Ever since I got assigned to the _Normandy, _I've been waiting for someone to figure things out and send me back groundside. Even though you've been so—It's just that things never go this good for me for this long."

She sighed. "Look, it takes a special kind of thickhead to march into a job where your family's blacklisted. I did it anyway."

Her apology was rewarded with Shepard's bright smile. The sight of it made Ashley feel better, but part of her didn't believe that she should win his forgiveness that easily. "Are you trying to tell me you're a thickhead, Ash?"

"Is that really your only takeaway point from my entire apology?" Shepard just grinned, until Ashley finally had to smile back at him. "What if I offer to buy you a drink then, Skipper?"

"It's got to be non-alcoholic. I'm on duty again when we get back to the _Normandy_."

Ashley beckoned the bartender over. "You're always on duty, Shepard," she sighed.

"Ash, I'm sorry about… getting our signals crossed. I should have figured this out about your grandfather myself. And I shouldn't have—it was a stupid way to try and say thank you. I just—I don't know how I can help you."

Ashley frowned. "Look at who I am, Shepard. Do you ever hear me ask for help? It's not that bad things don't happen to me; if you stay with me long enough, maybe I'll tell you about some of them. But I deal with them _myself_.

"I don't need a shoulder to cry on, a knight to rescue me, or a man to make me happy. This is who I am. I like her," she smiled at Shepard, "and you'd better like her too."

With a disgusted look on his face, the bartender slid Shepard a short glass of ice water. Ashley knocked her bottle against the glass. "To not letting the Williams name go down with Arnold and Quisling. Granddad deserves better than that."

"As I recall, your grandfather refused to sacrifice his men to save face for humanity. You planning to throw yourself on a sword to save face for him?"

"Hot and cold much, Skipper? First you try to thank me for saving your ass—uh, butt, on Pinnacle, and now you ask me if _I've_ got a death wish?"

"Sorry?"

"No you're not. But I appreciate the sentiment. Anyway, even if I did, would it make a difference? Granddad's gone now. Dad's gone too. And who would it impress? I'll never be good enough for the Alliance."

Ashley took a final sip of her beer. "So."

"So," Shepard smiled at her.

"Was that an original poem?"

Shepard turned red. "No."

"Well, before I—It was sort of perf—um. Sorry I took it the wrong way."

"You apologized for that already."

"I know. But I just—Are you really interested in me?" Ashley blurted out. "Baggage and all?"

"Are you serious—" Shepard asked.

Ashley fought the urge to bury her face in her hand.

"—ly asking _me _about baggage? Everyone comes with baggage, Ash. The trick is finding a matched set."

For some reason, Shepard's answer only intensified Ashley's impulse to hide. "That's awful," she laughed. "Tell me you got that out of a fortune cookie."

"You don't think I could come up with pithy wisdom like that on my—"

"Hey! Kiss! What's taking you so long?" Red's face appeared over Shepard's shoulder.

The commander scowled. "Cool your jets, Red. I think I've almost talked Williams into abandoning her position here."

"Oh, great! I've got that seat saved for you, Ashley. As promised."

"Well, the offer's out there, Williams, so what do you say? I promise that if you give us a chance you won't regret it." Shepard cocked his head to the side and gave Ashley one last smile.

She smiled back at him. "I know I don't seem like the easiest person to convince, but if you want the truth…. I don't think saying no ever even crossed my mind, Skipper."

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**_ I've never bought that Ashley was so blase about Armistice Day aboard the _Normandy_. Anyway, huzzah for Chapter Fifty! I can't believe I've written this much, or that people are still reading this thing! As such, this chapter is gratefully dedicated to all you readers, whether you're just joining us or if you've been subjecting yourself to my writing since we met our reluctant hero in the first chapter. I appreciate it, I really do._


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter Fifty-One:**

**In Which Our Hero Chats Over Coffee**

Annoyed, Liara shook the coffee machine. _How is it possible that I can operate sensitive machines designed to perform excavations so delicate they're practically surgical, yet I cannot control this simple—_

"Try plugging it in." Chief Williams straightened from where she was leaning against the entryway to the kitchenette and walked over to the machine. Reaching around the coffee maker, she inserted the power cord into an outlet. "It falls out pretty easily," Williams explained, smiling.

"I—Thank you." Liara fidgeted, watching as coffee began to drip into the carafe.

"No problem." Williams pulled open one of the cupboards and took down a mug. She drummed her fingers absently against the porcelain, smiling to herself. When the coffee maker switched itself off, Liara poured herself a cup before offering the pot to Williams. There was a momentary delay before Williams realized what was going on and let Liara pour coffee into her mug.

"Thanks, Doctor," she said.

"Of course, Chief Williams." Liara watched in horror as the marine took a sip of her coffee and exited the kitchenette. Shaking her head in disbelief, Liara proceeded to enhance her own coffee with a good deal of sugar.

As Liara began to open several of the ridiculously small packets of creamer, she heard Chief Williams greet someone in the mess.

"Morning, Skipper."

"Hey, Ash. You up for coming with me for an early-morning chat with Parasini?"

"Of course, sir. What did she want yesterday, anyway?"

"I'd tell you, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. You're going to love it though."

"Really? After yesterday, I can't believe that you haven't figured out that I'm not really good with surprises."

"Considering that I haven't run for the hills, I can't believe that _you_ haven't figured out you're not the only thickhead on this ship. I've got to make a mistake over and over before I learn, I guess."

"See, now I'm trying to figure out if there's a compliment in there somewhere, or if you're just _incredibly_ thickheaded, sir."

Shepard's next words were tinged with laughter. "If you hit a superior officer Williams, I'll be forced to add a disciplinary note to your file."

"No fun, Skipper."

"No whining, marine. Go get suited up; I want to be at the administrator's office when it opens. Before you go, tell me: did you leave any coffee for your CO?"

"Dr. T'Soni made a whole pot, actually. She's still in the kitchenette."

The commander was quiet for a moment; Liara could imagine his face going still as his thoughts shifted to business. "Two birds, one stone."

"You haven't talked with her yet?" Chief Williams' voice had taken on a similarly professional tone.

"I thought I'd have a chance yesterday, but things didn't pan out. I'd better go talk to her now, while things are still quiet."

"I'll see you later, Commander."

"Meet me at the airlock at 0930. Oh, and tell Garrus to come. I think he'll get a kick out of this, too."

Liara heard Shepard approach the kitchenette and stirred her coffee frantically, reaching for an air of nonchalance she couldn't quite affect.

* * *

"I can't believe how corrupt you've become in such a short time," Shepard said as he poured himself a coffee. "I can just remember thinking that you seemed like such an innocent, pleasant person when you first came aboard the _Normandy_."

"Corrupt?" Liara yelped. "Me?" _He knows I was eavesdropping._ "What do you mean?"

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about." Shepard gently touched his mug to Liara's. "You're an addict now, just like the rest of us. Joker's a terrible person for introducing you to this stuff."

"Oh. You were joking."

Shepard's lips quirked slightly. "I can't help it. You actually laugh at my jokes sometimes." He sipped his coffee thoughtfully. "We missed you last night. Why didn't you come out? I think you'dve had fun."

Liara made a face. "In all honesty, Shepard, I prefer to be alone most of the time. Growing up, my mother's house was filled with her students… nearly all of them ignored me. It was a long while before I learned that being alone and being invisible are not the same thing. Longer still before I could appreciate being alone with my own thoughts. Now…" she laughed. "It sounds terrible to say out loud, but now, I don't find many people interesting enough to want to spend time socializing with them. Not when I could be doing something productive, like research."

"I'm tempted to ask you which camp I fall into, but I'm afraid of your answer," Shepard smiled. Liara opened her mouth to reassure him, but the commander held up a hand. "And if you get all flustered and start apologizing, I'll forget that there's something I need to talk to you about." He put his mug down on the counter and reached out to close the kitchenette door, but then seemed to think better of it.

"Would you mind if we moved this conversation to my cabin?" he asked. "It won't take long, but I'd like us to have privacy without depriving the rest of the crew of a chance to get breakfast." Without waiting for Liara's response, Shepard collected his coffee and left the room. Liara followed, realizing as she did so that Shepard hadn't really been asking if she minded.

* * *

"Have a seat." Shepard engaged the privacy lock on his door before sitting at the central table in his cabin, and gesturing for Liara to take the seat across from him. She sat, a growing sense of apprehension taking root in her stomach.

Shepard rubbed the scar on his nose. "I know you, at least, always read the mission briefs, so I won't rehash why we're here on Noveria."

"There were reports of geth presence on the planet, correct?"

"Right, right. But that was just our initial intelligence. Yesterday, we found out a bit more about the situation." He took a breath, and pulled his hand down from his face. His expression was unreadable, blank and professional. "Matriarch Benezia is on Noveria. I know that I hadn't planned on bringing you on this ground mission, but you must realize that your mother's presence on the planet changes things.

"I don't know much about your mother. You do, though. If you think you'd be able to handle it, I'd like to put you on the ground team."

"You want to add me to the team? With Tali and Chief Williams?"

"Not exactly. We've done all our training in small, three-person units. I don't want to change that. Too many people on the ground can be as bad as too few." Shepard's face twitched in the small expression that Liara had come to recognize as his usual substitute for a real smile. "Although, I suppose it's worse to have too few. In any case, I'm going to drop Williams and Tali from the team and substitute you in. I was thinking you and Garrus; you two work well together."

Liara bit her bottom lip. _Benezia is here. Shepard wants me on the ground team so I can talk with Benezia._ "I—Shepard, I told you when I first arrived on the _Normandy _that I don't know why Benezia has made the choices she has."

"I understand that."

"Then why are you asking me to do this? What do you think I can do, Shepard? I haven't spoken to Benezia in _years_; I barely know her anymore."

"She's your _mother_, Liara, I just want you to talk to her. If she's going to listen to anyone, she'll listen to you."

"I have nothing to say to her."

"You don't even want to try?"

"You already had a plan in place, Shepard," Liara stood up. "I suggest you proceed with that."

"Please, Liara."

Liara looked the commander in the eye. Despite her aversion to encountering Benezia, she didn't want to disappoint Shepard. Lifting her chin, Liara forced herself to ignore her irrational infatuation.

"You've worked with me long enough to know what will happen if you mother won't turn herself in." Shepard stood and moved to the door. When he faced Liara, she was struck by how haggard he looked. "I'm tired of killing people, Liara. I don't want to kill your mother, but if I can't talk her down, I will.

"I… I remember what I saw in your memories when you tried to interpret the visions from the beacon. You've fought with your mother, but I know you love her. And… I don't know if you saw my—my mother at all, in my memories, but I'd give _anything_ to talk with her again."

Shepard punched a code into his door, and it slid open. "Still, it's your decision. My apologies for badgering you, Doctor."

Liara hesitated. "You want to save my mother?"

His face softened. "I want _you_ to save her. I'd just be there to make sure you don't get bothered by the geth."

"Do you promise me you won't let her die?"

"You know I can't promise that, Liara, and I'm sorry. But I'll give her every chance I can."

Liara put a hand on Shepard's arm. "Then maybe together, we can help her."


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter Fifty-Two:**

**In Which Our Hero Witnesses an Arrest**

Garrus couldn't understand why Shepard wanted him along on this early-morning visit to the Noveria administrator. Yesterday, Shepard had told the turian in no uncertain terms that his disdain for red tape had factored heavily into the decision not to make him part of the Noveria ground team.

"Chief Williams, would you please explain to me again why the commander wants us to come along?"

"Vakarian, I don't know what you've heard about me, but mind-reading is not one of my many talents. Shepard told me that he thought you'd get a kick out of this mission, that's all."

"But I hate bureaucrats. We're going to see this Administrator What's-His-Name—"

"Anoleis."

"Right. We're going to see the top bureaucrat on this planet, and I hate bureaucrats."

"You said that already. And anyway, the commander just told me that we were going to speak to the administrator's assistant. You may not even have to meet the administrator."

"That would be terrible," Garrus quipped. "I was secretly hoping we'd become best friends, get drinks at that bar we went to last night, maybe get a couples massage in the hotel spa…."

Williams made what Garrus recognized as a repulsed face. "Why, _why _would you curse me with that mental image? In any case, even though I hate to destroy your dreams, I gotta tell you that there's almost no chance of you two becoming friends. Even though you're a pain yourself, Anoleis was a real asshole—"

"—Watch your language Chief." Shepard ordered, stepping into the decontamination chamber and hitting the 'SEAL' button.

"Sorry, sir." It was interesting to watch Williams transform from a jocular fellow soldier to a respectful subordinate. Garrus had a hard time turning his professionalism on and off like that. Fortunately, Shepard didn't seem to mind a little bit of good-natured insubordination.

Their group was forced to stop before they could enter the main building. A human woman stood between them and the entryway, gun drawn. The fact that she hadn't pointed her weapon at the group didn't reassure Garrus. She showed no signs of moving, and Garrus shifted uncomfortably; he did _not_ like the cold.

"Oh, I've got a bad case of déjà vu," Williams muttered.

"Captain Matsuo," Shepard nodded to the woman.

"Good day, Commander. I wonder… how have you been spending your time?"

"Oh you know," the commander shrugged, "Spectre business." He would never have admitted it, but Garrus envied Shepard's easy confidence. Where Garrus always struggled to find the right words and then spoke them awkwardly, Shepard merely lifted an eyebrow and breezed through. In a moment, the woman would smile and wave them on, completely won over by the commander's indefinable qualities.

To Garrus' astonishment, Captain Matsuo frowned. "That does not exactly answer my question." She paused. "My apologies for subjecting you to another security clearing, but there was a break-in at Sythetic Insights yesterday. Several of my officers were killed."

Shepard didn't quite flinch, but Garrus caught the guilty look that flashed across his face. C-Sec officres were trained to notice those sorts of things. If this Captain Matsuo was a member of Noveria law enforcement, she had probably observed it as well.

She _had_ seen it. "You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" the captain asked. Her posture stiffened, and her grip on her gun tightened. Out of the corner of his eye, Garrus watched Williams nonchalantly ease into a combat stance, hand on her sidearm.

"I… that was me, actually," Shepard said quietly.

Captain Matsuo's eyes narrowed. "I see," she said, after a long moment. "Would you care to explain?"

"Anoleis bought them off." There was real sorrow in the commander's voice. Garrus couldn't understand it. Corrupt law enforcement agents—mercenaries, really—had attacked Shepard. Shepard had killed the mercenaries. What was there to regret? "He had them ransacking the Synthetic Insights office for his own interests."

Waiting for Captain Matsuo's response put Garrus on edge. His superiors at C-Sec would not have responded kindly to accusations of corruption. "That is all too likely," she said finally, coldly. "Sergeant Sterling was highly mercenary. If what you're telling my is true, I bear no ill-will towards you." Her voice changed, taking on a more natural, regretful tone. "I warned my people against taking jobs on the side," she said, half to herself. "This is what comes of it. I appreciate your honesty, Commander.

"If you'll excuse me, I must compose the letters to notify their families." With a final, professional nod to Shepard, the captain stepped aside.

* * *

The number of turians on Noveria was astonishing, if you considered the fact that it was _snowing_ outside. Garrus couldn't understand it. He wouldn't say that the weather made him miserable, exactly, but… it did. He couldn't imagine living on this planet; it would be torture.

"Ah, Spectre," a human woman stood behind the large reception desk in the antechamber outside the administrator's office. Seeing her, Shepard grinned. Seeing Shepard's expression, Garrus nearly fell over in surprise. Even after spending yesterday evening getting to know the commander and seeing him in the company of his old friend, Garrus had a hard time reconciling his conception of Shepard as an affable but stern commanding officer with the Shepard he was now getting glimpses of.

"Officer Parasini."

The woman smiled. "It's silly for a war hero to call me 'Officer.' 'Gianna' works fine, Commander."

"In that case, it's 'Shepard.'"

"Fair enough."

"_Officer_ Parasini?" Williams asked. She sounded startled.

Parasini lifted one eyebrow and indulged in a tiny, smug smile. "Allow me to reintroduce myself. Parasini, Noveria Internal Affairs."

_Noveria Internal Affairs,_ Garrus thought. _At the administrator's office—Oh._ He suddenly understood why Shepard might think Garrus would enjoy this trip.

"So, have you given any more consideration to my offer?" Parasini asked Shepard.

"It took some persuasion, but Qui'in has agreed to testify."

Parasini's smile was predatory. "I appreciate it. That's a world of stress off my back." She extended a hand to Shepard. "I'll take the evidence for safe transport." The commander handed her an OSD.

"You know, Shepard," Parasini mused, tucking the disk away in a fold of her skirt, "I almost didn't think you'd help me. Being a Spectre and all." She smiled at him. "I guess some of you can be all right."

"I try," Shepard smiled. "And anyway, doesn't this help you? You don't seem particularly happy," he teased.

"I'm ecstatic," Parasini snapped. "But right now, I just feel like a long day of work is ending." She picked something up off the desk and handed it to Shepard. "And it's not like I've been sitting around braiding my hair and hoping the nice Spectre would do me a solid. While you were working on Qui'in, I got _you_ a garage pass."

"I appreciate it."

"Just be careful up there." For a moment, Parasini met the commander's gaze and smiled him. Then she sighed and looked away. "I have an arrest to make." She glanced down at herself and frowned. "Wish I had a chance to change into something easy to move in. I hate working in skirts."

"I hear that," Williams muttered.

"Would it be all right for us to hang around here for a little while?" Shepard asked.

Parasini grinned. "And watch the perp walk? Oh, he'll hate that. Feel free." Still smirking, she made her way into the administrator's office.

"I like her," Garrus said.

Shepard grinned. "Me too. When she told me she was undercover yesterday, I didn't react well. She told me to act natural; when I asked her what she wanted me to do, she said, 'You're meeting a beautiful woman for drinks. Smile and laugh. Pretend that you're flirting.' You've got to admire that kind of confidence."

* * *

After a few minutes, Parasini reappeared, pushing an angry salarian—the administrator, Garrus assumed—ahead of her.

"This is an outrage!" Anoleis yelled. "I'll see that you never work in this sector again!" He wrenched against his handcuffs and nearly tripped. Parasini hauled him to his feet, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, get a move on."

Anoleis caught sight of their small group. "You! Shepard!" he snapped. "I demand that you place this bitch under arrest!" True to form, Shepard frowned slightly at the administrator's language. Before he could say anything however, Parasini jerked the salarian to a halt and spun him around to face her. Garrus wasn't typically attracted to females of other species, but he was quickly realizing why this Parasini made Shepard smile so broadly.

"You have the right to remain _silent_," Parasini retorted. "I wish to God you'd exercise it.

"See you around the galaxy, Commander," Parasini called as she marched a now-silent Anoleis out of the office. At the door she turned back to toss Shepard one last smile. "I owe you a beer."

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**_Yeah, Kiss has a bit of a crush on Parasini. What? He likes kick ass women who've got a sense of humor and love their jobs._


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter Fifty-Three**

**In Which Omni-Gel Solves Nothing**

Liara's hands were so cold that for a moment she doubted that she would be able to pry them from the machine gun. The stretch of roadway before them was clear of geth, but at the cost of severe frostbite, she feared. The synthetics had been left behind by Liara's—by Benezia to guard the path to Peak Fifteen. The ground team had been encountering pockets of such resistance for the entirety of the journey. There had even been an attack when geth left in storage containers attempted to prevent Shepard, Garrus, and Liara from leaving the Port Hanshan garage. Despite the steady stream of resistance however, their team had managed to make progress. They were nearly at their destination.

"You must have gotten your brains from your father, Liara," Garrus quipped as they climbed back down into the Mako. "I mean, leaving geth to guard the route to your base where you're doing things you want to keep secret tends to give away the fact that you have something to hide. And it tells people what side you're on. Not the tactic I would have expected from—"

Out of the corner of her eye, Liara saw Shepard twist in the driver's seat under the pretense of stretching his back, and glare at Garrus where the turian sat in the backseat.

"Uh, no offense meant, of course," the turian said hastily.

"Of course not, Garrus. I know you meant no harm." Liara smiled to herself. Although she felt sick to her stomach at the thought of confronting her mother, and despite the fact that she was more than capable of taking care of herself, she couldn't help cherishing Shepard's concern. Then they reached the Peak Fifteen research station, and there was suddenly no room for Liara to feel anything but the biting cold. When Garrus cracked the door locks, she stumbled gratefully into the warmth.

While Liara stood in the facility's hallway, pulling waves of biotic energy over her body to help warm her up, Garrus clutched his assault rifle to his shoulder, as if expecting Benezia's commandos to suddenly appear at any moment. In contrast to both of them, the commander stood as though he were perfectly at ease, hand casually flicking aside the buckle that secured his pistol at his side. They stepped from the hallway into a main room.

"Get down!" Shepard yelled. He knocked Liara to the ground, not waiting for her to obey. She felt his biotics pulse and heard Garrus grunt. The knowledge that she wasn't the only member of the ground team being treated like an unprepared child made Liara feel better in the brief instant before she heard gunfire and realized that Shepard had just shot three geth troopers in quick succession. Liara suddenly appreciated the hours of practicing Shepard had done as a child to imitate the smooth draw of gunslingers from his father's stories. And the hours more he'd done with his right hand in the months after leaving Mindoir when he couldn't move his left arm.

She shook her head; those weren't her memories.

Quicker than Liara could have imagined, things were silent again, and Shepard was offering her a hand up. "Sorry about that."

"This was revenge for Therum, wasn't it Shepard?" Garrus drawled. "I'll have you remember, you _tripped_ off of that rock pile. I did not push you." He shook his head. "Such violence. So uncalled for."

"They say revenge is a dish best served cold, Garrus," Shepard retorted. "This place seems cold enough, don't you think? Why all the griping? Did you smack your head? Bet you're wishing youhad a helmet now, don't you?" The commander's eyes were narrowed slightly in amusement; he and Garrus had argued extensively over Garrus' decision not to wear a helmet on this mission.

Something in a dark corner of the room creaked and rustled.

"What was that?" Garrus swung his head around, eyes searching the abandoned room for the source of the noise.

"Animals? The wind?" Liara offered. "This facility is in poor condition." Perhaps she should have been more worried, but Shepard's rapid destruction of the three geth had buoyed her confidence.

A strange, huge insect suddenly burst from a ventilation shaft, screeching and spitting acid. Liara threw it against a far wall with her biotics before she realized she'd formed the intention to do so.

"What _is—_" More insects climbed out of the passage, cutting off Garrus' question.

In the confusion and chaos, Liara was unsure of how many insects she shot, or threw in the air for Shepard and Garrus to shoot. At one point she heard a yelp from Shepard, and spun to see him club one of the monsters with his shotgun. Smaller insects swarmed towards them; rather than shoot, Garrus began to stomp the tiny attackers, ignoring the poison they spat at him.

Finally, the room was clear again.

"Everyone all right?" Shepard asked.

"What _were_ those things?" Garrus finally completed his question.

Shepard shrugged and looked at Liara. "You're the one with the degree, Doctor."

"Xenobiology is not my field," she said. "Maybe someone in the labs knows."

* * *

Reaching the lab proved more difficult than they had anticipated. Something had happened, some kind of emergency (involving those bugs, Liara was willing to bet), and power throughout the facility had been shut off. For half a galactic standard hour, Shepard and Garrus stood in front of Peak Fifteen's main computer, arguing about how to crack the encryption protocol keeping the VI core from rebooting. The turian wanted to run the advanced decryption program he'd cajoled Tali into installing on his omni-tool; Shepard wanted to use lots of omni-gel.

Liara perched on a computer table, chin propped on her fist. At first, she'd tried to offer her opinion on how best to circumvent Peak Fifteen's security, but after being repeatedly crowded out of the conversation, she'd given up.

Shepard trapped Garrus in a stasis field and pulled out a container of omni-gel. Liara rolled her eyes, but panicked when the commander seemed inclined to just dump the material on the mainframe.

"Shepard, no! That won't work!" She sprang up from her perch and moved to stop him.

"Are you sure? It works for most problems."

"Just stand back. Please. Commander." Fingers flying across the console, Liara solved the puzzle that had been flickering on the screen ever since they arrived at the VI core. After a few minutes, the machine lit up. The entire facility began to hum with power. Liara couldn't help indulging in a victorious chastisement. "I realize that you are in command, but next time it might save time for you to hear me out when I try to offer an opinion. Commander."

Shepard's lips twitched slightly. "I will. Sorry. Uh," Shepard glanced at Garrus, who was slowly regaining his power of movement. "Sorry to you too, Garrus."

"No worries, Shepard," Garrus said. "If I had biotics, I can think of a number of know-it-alls I'd force to shut up."

They made their way to the tram leading to the research labs.

* * *

The tram station was as deserted as the main facility had been. "Be alert, guys," Shepard ordered, priming his shotgun. Liara pulled her pistol out of its holster. "I'm willing to bet that those… things came from these labs."

They made their way through the labs, although it took a while to make any true progress. It seemed that the facility had been constructed with an unusual number of elevators. Liara was glad of each elevator ride, however, as it provided a respite from constant watchfulness. For the past fifty years, Liara had spent most of her time shutting out her surroundings, focusing her mind on narrow tasks and analyzing thin slivers of data. It required a concentrated effort to be aware in the way Shepard demanded of his team.

Stepping off the final elevator, Liara gained a new appreciation for Shepard's unflagging vigilance. A cluster of ERCS guards crouched behind a hastily erected barrier. Clearly jittery, one of them let off a shot at the commander as he walked towards them. It pinged off of his shields; Shepard frowned at the turian who'd taken the shot.

"First one's free," he warned. "Save it for the bugs."

"Take a breather, Quinitcan." A bald man with dark rings under his eyes pushed the exhausted-looking turian down a back passageway. "Sorry about that. We couldn't be sure what was on the tram."

"Can those things work an elevator?" Shepard asked.

"No sense in taking chances," the man sighed. "Look, you're human, and that's enough that I won't shoot. But I'd like to know who you are."

"Shepard. I'm a Spectre. Are you in charge? What's the situation here?"

"I'm Captain Ventralis. We've been facing down those aliens since last week when they overrode the hot labs. The first we knew, the bastards were clawing into my command post. We had a lot more staff then," he said quietly. Regret, rage, and frustration played over the captain's face before he continued.

"The board sent an asari to clean up the mess. She went down to the hot labs yesterday, but we haven't heard from her since."

Liara held her breath. Her mother—Benezia—was a powerful biotic. Competent. Intelligent. If she hadn't returned from the hot labs, then whatever was down there must be truly formidable. Despite herself, Liara was nervous.

"Is she still down there?" Shepard asked.

"I don't know," Ventralis snapped. "I don't see what one person could do."

"A matriarch has the skills to keep herself alive for a long time," Liara said, aware she was only attempting to reassure herself.

"Here." Ventralis handed Shepard a pass card. "We've locked down all the elevators to the hot labs, but there's an emergency elevator out by the trams; it can take you down there. The card will let you activate it."

"Thank you, Captain," Shepard said. "We should get going; we've got work to do."

"Yeah, I hear that," Ventralis sighed.

* * *

_**Author's Note: **__Have you ever noticed in-game that Shepard wears his pistol on his left hip? Given that my Shepard wanted to be a cowboy when he was little, it makes me think he's probably a leftie, even though all the cutscenes seem to indicate otherwise. _


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter Fifty-Four: In Which There is a Family Reunion**

Liara balled her hands into fists and fought the urge to conceal herself behind Shepard. After fighting their way through the bug-aliens that had massed in the hot labs, the ground team had arrived at a restricted suite of research facilities. Despite its importance, the door between them and the restricted rooms was thin; through it, Liara could feel biotics resonating along a familiar wavelength. The commander must have felt them as well. He glanced at Liara, and she nodded.

"Benezia is in there."

"Are you ready?"

"If I say 'no,' may we return to the _Normandy?_"

An emotion Liara couldn't identify flickered in Shepard's eyes. "You could wait out here, I guess, while Garrus and I go talk to her."

"A tempting offer, Shepard, but I will not abandon you now."

"Is your mother the type of mother who offers your friends snacks, Liara?" Garrus asked abruptly. "I'm starting to get hungry."

She knew Garrus was attempting to assuage her anxiety, but his question disconcerted Liara. _I don't know; I never introduced friends to my mother. _"My mother has never been accused of being a poor hostess," Liara said, neutrally.

"Well then, let's hurry up!"

Shepard shook his head at the turian, and checked his shotgun. "Everyone ready? Liara, you should have your gun out just in case."

"But—"

"That was an order, Doctor."

Liara nodded and unclipped her sidearm. Shepard pushed open the door and they walked inside.

* * *

For the first time in years, Liara found herself in the same room as her mother. Benezia stood on a raised platform, staring at a huge specimen of the insectoid aliens confined within a thick glass prison barely larger than it was. The matriarch didn't even glance up when they walked into the room.

"_Mother_." The word slipped past Liara's lips before she could stop it from escaping.

At the sound of her daughter's voice, Benezia blinked and looked up. "_Mother_," she repeated scornfully. "You do not know the privilege of being a mother. There is power in creation: to shape a life; turn it towards happiness or despair." The gaze Benezia turned on the ground team was cold, distant, and terrifying. Try though she might, Liara failed to glimpse even a vestige of the parent she remembered.

Benezia gestured to the imprisoned alien. "Her children were to be ours, raised to hunt and slay Saren's enemies.

"I won't be moved by sympathy, Shepard," Benezia sneered. "No matter who you bring into this confrontation."

To her fury, Liara realized that she was hurt by her mother's indifference. She tightened her grip on her pistol and tried to mimic the stiff, emotionless stance of the _Normandy's_ Alliance marines.

"I asked Liara to come," Shepard admitted, "but she's here because she wants to be here."

"Indeed," the matriarch drawled. Her empty eyes shifted to Liara. "Here willingly? What have you told him about me, Liara?"

"I—" Liara automatically fixed her eyes on her mother's cheekbones, not meeting her gaze directly, as was respectful. Then she scowled at her submissiveness, and looked Benezia in the eye. "What _could_ I say, Mother? You've joined a rogue Spectre! Would you have me tell Shepard that you must be insane? evil? Perhaps I should have explained how to kill you! What could I say?"

There was silence for a moment. Then Benezia walked slowly towards the ground team. For a moment, Liara thought that her words had had an impact and that Benezia would respond. The matriarch stopped at the top of the stairs leading to her platform and returned her gaze to Shepard. "Have you faced an asari commando unit before?" she asked blandly. "Few humans have."

Liara stiffened her shoulders to mask her hurt.

"That's it?" Shepard asked. "You won't even talk with us? What about Liara; I can't believe you'd try to kill your own daughter!"

Benezia smiled. "I now realize that I should have been stricter with her!" She threw a pulse of biotic energy towards Shepard, simultaneously trapping him in a stasis field and signaling to a horde of asari commandos and geth troopers who swarmed into the room.

Liara tried to focus her efforts on the geth, attacking her mother's followers only when it was unavoidable. Once committed to an attack, a commando would die before quitting the field; Liara was afraid of finding corpses with familiar faces when the battle was over.

As always, when the fighting had stopped, it took a moment for Liara to register the fact. Shepard—freed from the stasis field—put a hand on her arm. "Your mother's still on the platform. Feel up to trying again?"

"She's not—?"

He shook his head. "I promised you that I'd give her every chance I could."

"That does not mean that you had to—"

"Yes it did."

* * *

Benezia crouched over a computer console, doubled over as if in pain. At the sound of the ground team's approach, she unbent. Liara felt her own spin stiffen a little in pride. Even when wounded and misguided, her mother was a force to be reckoned with.

"This is not over," Benezia panted, turning around. "Saren is unstoppable. My mind is filled with his light. Everything is clear!"

Shepard gave an exaggerated frown. "I expected better from asari commandos, to be honest." The commander's flippant tone brought his casual attitude towards the krogan that had threatened her on Therum to Liara's mind. _Humor is a method humans employ for dealing with stress,_ she reminded herself.

"I will not betray him!" Benezia snapped. "You will—You—"

The matriarch shook her head, as though clearing it. Impossibly, her posture straightened further. The look in her eyes changed; for the first time, Liara recognized the asari before her as her mother. "You must listen!" Even Benezia's voice had altered slightly, regaining the inflections Liara remembered. "Saren still whispers in my mind. I can fight his compulsions—briefly—but the indoctrination is strong."

Shepard turned to Liara, eyebrows raised in what she recognized as a questioning expression. Having no explanation for him, she shrugged. "How can Saren compel you?" Shepard asked Benezia suspiciously. "He's not even here!"

Benezia took slow steps towards Shepard. "People are not themselves around Saren. You come to idolize him, worship him; you would do anything for him. The key is _Soverign,_ his flagship. It is a dreadnought of incredible size and its power is extraordinary.

"The longer you stay aboard, the more Saren's will seems correct. You sit at his feet and smile as his words pour into you."

Liara blinked back a sudden surge of tears. _Don't tell me about choices! What do you or your followers know about freedom? They sit at your feet and smile as your words pour into them, never even wondering if they __**could **__think for themselves,_ she remembered. She'd spat those very words at her mother during their last fight.

"It is subtle at first," Benezia continued, oblivious to her daughter's newfound regret. "I thought I was strong enough so resist. Instead, I became a willing tool, eager to serve, and so Saren sent me here to find the location of the Mu Relay."

"Did you find it?"

"Of course, Commander. I transcribed the data to an OSD. Take it. Please." Benezia walked the rest of the way to the ground team and extended the disk to Shepard. Out of the corner of her eye, Liara saw Garrus train his assault rifle on her mother. She glared at him until he lowered it.

"Knowing the relay's location will not be enough, Mother. Do you know where Saren planned to go from there?"

Benezia looked sadly at Liara, as though she understood that there was more to say and not enough time or words to say it. "Saren would not tell me his destination. You must move quickly; I transmitted the coordinates to him before you arrived." She wrenched her gaze back to Shepard. "You have to stop me!" Benezia begged. "I can't—His teeth are at my ear. Fingers on my spine!" She clutched her head and moved quickly towards the console. For the first time, Liara noticed the gun lying on the table. "You should—" Benezia staggered. "Uh. You should—"

"Mother!" Liara stepped after the matriarch, but Shepard grabbed her wrist. Angrily, she tried to shake him off. "Mother, I—Don't leave! Fight him!" Liara pleaded. "_Fight him!_"

Benezia paused. "You've always made me proud, Liara," she said calmly. Reassured, Liara broke free of Shepard's grasp and ran towards her mother.

Benezia turned around as Liara drew closer. The older asari's blank stare stopped Liara in her tracks. Her mother had vanished again, replaced by the frightening stranger who had threatened them earlier. A purple corona of biotics radiated from the matriarch, turning her beautiful face into something terrifying. "Die!" she yelled.

Liara pulled her sidearm from its holster, fumbling as she tried to mimic Shepard's quick draw, determined to stop Benezia before she could hurt anyone.

"Liara, no!" Suddenly, Liara couldn't move. _Shepard! You—What are you doing?_ The commander had trapped her in a stasis field. Liara couldn't see Garrus, but she was willing to bet he was similarly indisposed. _Why?_

The battle between Shepard and Benezia lasted only a few minutes. Liara was partially free before the end of it, but she remained immobile, transfixed by the struggle she was witnessing. Benezia blocked bullet after bullet with quickly raised biotic shields, while the commander evaded the heavy wads of mass effect energy the matriarch hurled at him. Finally, Shepard dodged too slowly and was slammed into a far wall by Benezia. He slid to the ground, barely moving. Benezia triumphantly picked the gun up off the table behind her and walked towards the commander. He struggled to pump his shotgun with just his right hand, left hand pushing him slowly up the wall.

Benezia aimed her gun at Shepard, taking her time. The commander lifted his head, eyes searching until he met Liara's gaze. He looked apologetic. Then, too quick for Liara to follow, Shepard was standing, shotgun on the ground, pistol in his hand, the sound of a shot ringing through the quiet.

Benezia lay on the ground, hands pressed over the hole in her stomach.

* * *

"I cannot go on," Benezia said quietly. "You will have to stop him, Shepard."

Shepard dropped his gun and knelt next to the matriarch. "Hold on," he ordered. "We've got medigel, maybe we can—"

Liara realized what was happening and ran to her mother. Ignoring Shepard, she pulled Benezia onto her lap, helping her to sit up, determined that her mother not suffer any further blows to her dignity.

Benezia looked up at Liara and smiled. Forgetting about the blood on her hands, she took one of Liara's in both of hers before turning back to Shepard.

"No," she ordered him. "He is still in my mind. I am not entirely myself; I never will be again." For the first time in her life, Liara saw her mother close her eyes in shame.

"Mother," she choked.

Benezia opened her eyes and smiled at Liara. "Good night, Little Wing," she breathed. "I will see you again with the dawn." Her gaze slipped out of focus, and her grip on Liara's hand went slack.

Forgetting about everything else, Liara started to sob. "Please, Mother. Please, no!"

"No light," Benezia murmured. "They always said there would be a—"

* * *

_**Author's Note: **__Long time, no see! I've been distracted by other things, but Massive Epic is back, and should be updating regularly. _

_To those of you who offered information about quick- and cross- draws, I appreciated it. I didn't know a lot of the stuff you all mentioned! And while the in-game mechanics do have Shepard doing a cross-draw, and quick-draws in real life are implausible… this is Shepard. He's space-magic!_


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter Fifty-Five**

**In Which Our Hero Changes His Mind**

Shepard reached a hand out to Liara, wanting to comfort her, but she shoved him away. Awkwardly, Shepard pulled back, trying not to feel hurt. He should have expected this. He _had_ expected this. After a moment, he stood and limped over to Garrus.

"Think I cracked my ribs again," he complained quietly to the turian. "Dr. Chakwas is going to kill me."

"Commander," Garrus began hesitantly, "Why didn't you let us—Why did you take her on without help?"

Shepard glanced at Liara, who was still crying. "You saw, Garrus, Benezia had to die. I wasn't going to let Liara have a hand in killing her mother. And it's better if she only hates one of us, don't you think?"

Garrus flared his mandibles. "I won't pretend to understand your logic, Commander. Dr. T'Soni understands that there was no choice."

"I made her come. The original plan was for her to stay on the _Normandy_. I knew what would happen, and I made her come." Shepard turned towards Liara. She was still on the ground, clutching her mother's body. Purple blood stained her armor, obscuring the color. "Go give her a hug," he ordered Garrus. "She might not mind you. I'll be over by the big bug."

* * *

The commander leaned against the glass of the alien's prison. "Wonder what the Council's going to do with you," he said quietly. "Wouldn't want to be you; at best they'll leave you in there while they debate. At worst, it's curtains without debate." The volume and violence of Liara's sobs were decreasing, and the commander half-turned to see if his team was ready to head back to the _Normandy_. "Nope, wouldn't want to be you," he repeated, rapping his knuckles on the tank.

The alien slammed a limb against the glass, and Shepard leapt back. Something at his feet began to move. He glanced down and fumbled in disbelief for a moment before pulling his sidearm from its holster.

One of the asari commando corpses on the platform was rising jerkily to her feet. A corner of Shepard's mind marveled at the ability of the commandos to hold their strength in reserve; by any reckoning, the asari should have been dead. Something was wrong with her though. The commando's feet dragged along the ground; her head lolled on her shoulders as though her neck couldn't sustain the weight.

"What the heck?" Shepard shouted.

From where he stood behind Liara, Garrus also produced a sidearm. "'What the heck?' Come now, I know you know stronger words than that, Commander," he snickered. Shepard kept his eyes and his weapon trained on the asari, ignoring the jibe.

After a moment, the asari seemed to have regained control of her body. She stood straight, if a bit oddly, and looked at Shepard. Then she spoke. "This one serves as our voice." Despite himself, Shepard was reminded of the asari clones on Feros. "We cannot sing. Not in these low places. Your musics are colorless."

"Musics? What?"

"Your way of communicating is strange. Flat. It does not color the air. When _we _speak, one moves all."

"Is that right?" Shepard asked. "And who is 'we,' exactly?"

"We are the mother. We sing for those left behind. The children you thought silenced. We are rachni." _Of course. Would it be too much to ask for a mission to end without an interesting twist?_

Regardless of the innumerable impossibilities he'd already encountered on this mission, Shepard scoffed. "Rachni? The krogan wiped the rachni out a thousand years ago!"

"The sky is quiet now," the asari mouthpiece admitted. "Our mothers' songs are lost. And those who slew us now walk to meet the same fate." _A threat?_ "But we remain. We stand before you. What will you sing? Will you release us? Are we to fade away once more?"

"The rachni were a threat to the galaxy!" Garrus broke in. "Commander, those tanks are filled with acid; if she gets out of hand, they dissolve her."

From where she still knelt on the ground, Liara glared at the turian. "They made a mistake! The Council let the krogan go too far. This is a chance for us to atone. She has done nothing to us!" Shepard tried to catch Liara's eye, but she refused to look at him.

"Your companions hear the truth. You have the power to free us, or return our people to the silence of memory."

True to form, Shepard asked the rachni all the questions he could think of. When she told him that someday the rachni might seek to rejoin the other races of the galaxy, he frowned. Despite himself, he pictured the batarian attack on Mindoir, imagining what the carnage would have been like if the colony had been attacked by rachni rather than slavers. The grim images made up his mind for him.

"Make your peace with the galaxy," he ordered. "The rachni are a dead race." Pushing past the dying commando, Shepard reached towards the panel that controlled the acid tanks.

"Is our kind so frightening?" the rachni queen pleaded. "You would seek our silence if you cannot muffle our songs? If you cannot have us as your obedient claws?"

Shepard gritted his teeth and thought of all the human lives a rachni invasion would claim. He forced himself not to apologize.

"No!" Liara yelled. "Stop feeling and think! Even if you disagree with asari morals, you must see that she could be a valuable ally." Shepard turned towards the asari, prepared to disabuse her of her overly sympathetic notions. Liara was still bent over her mother's corpse, shoulders hunched, head down. The commander steeled himself; much as he pitied her, he couldn't just— "Please, not another mother." Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

Shepard doubted Liara realized he had heard her. He crossed his arms and stared at the ground, knowing he would give in to his sense of guilt. "I won't destroy your entire race," he said, finally. "You'll go free."

"You will give us the chance to compose anew?" Somehow, the rachni managed to infuse the asari's voice with disbelief. "We will remember," she promised. "We will sing of your forgiveness to our children."

"Not mine," Shepard corrected, pointing at Liara. "Hers." Without waiting for a reply, he punched the key sequence that would release the rachni. The large alien spared the ground team one last look before scuttling out of her prison and into the blizzards of Noveria. Shepard sighed, and pressed his forehead against the cold glass. _What have I done?_

"It was the right thing to do." The commander jerked himself upright at the sound of Liara's voice, and whirled to find her standing close beside him. Although her eyes were still bright with tears, she managed to smile at Shepard. "I am glad you listened to reason, in the end."

Shepard looked at her sadly, knowing that just a few hours ago, Liara would have emphasized her approval with a hand on his arm. _What have I done?_ he wondered again. "I listened to _you_," he replied without thinking. "If anyone else had asked, I probably would have ignored them." Leaning down to pick up his helmet, Shepard missed the faint blush that spread across Liara's face.


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter Fifty-Six:**

**In Which the Council Voices an Opinion**

It had taken the intercession of Gianna Parasini, but the _Normandy_ was finally allowed to leave Port Hanshan with Matriarch Benezia's body stored in one of the frigate's cold chambers. Although he didn't know much about asari burial practices, Shepard couldn't bring himself to just leave Benezia behind. He'd done that once, with Jenkins, never again.

Despite the fact that he wasn't certified to do so, Garrus had driven the Mako back to the port. Shepard had crammed himself into the backseat with the corpse. Liara had wanted to sit with her mother, but Shepard had forced her into the front seat. It wouldn't have been healthy. Mercifully, Liara had cried herself into an uneasy sleep soon after they left the Peak Fifteen facility. Back aboard the _Normandy, _the commander had found Serviceman Vega before handing himself over to Dr. Chakwas. He'd asked Vega to take charge of the grief-stricken scientist—the woman had taken Shepard's original request that she help Liara adjust to shipboard life seriously, developing a genuine fondness for the asari. When Liara arrived at the mission debriefing dry-eyed and showered, Shepard was glad she had let _someone_ help her.

"So what's our next move, Commander?" Ashley asked after all the ground team members had been brought up to speed on what happened on Noveria. "Head for the Mu Relay?"

Shepard blinked in surprise. He'd noticed Ashley's frown when he admitted to releasing the rachni queen. Wrex hadn't hestitated to call him an idiot, and he was sure that Ashley agreed with the krogan. _You're not giving her professionalism enough credit,_ he told himself. _If she wants to disagree with you, she won't do it in front of other subordinates_.

"The Mu Relay could link to dozens of systems," he pointed out. "Unless we know exactly where Saren's going, we'd just be wasting our time."

"The commander is right," Liara said quietly. She'd been silent throughout the debriefing. Shepard had been wondering whether she was even paying attention. "We cannot rush off blind. We need to learn more about Saren." Liara hesitantly met Shepard's eyes, and he smiled approvingly at her. Perhaps it was a remnant of their joining, or just a testament to her intelligence, but she always seemed to know the next step of his reasoning without his needing to voice it. Although it had taken a while for him to appreciate the connection, Shepard liked not having to always explain his thinking to her.

"Who put you in charge?" Ashley snapped. "Did the commander resign when I wasn't looking?" Liara straightened in response to Ashley's disapproving glare and opened her mouth, probably to say something cutting about Ashley's own lack of authority.

"We're all on the same team here, Williams. She's just trying to help!" He was being overprotective of Liara, true, but he wasn't in the mood to deal with the rivalry between Ashley and Liara. _This won't earn me any points with Ash, _he thought ruefully. Liara had lost her mother today though; Shepard wasn't going to let Ashley push her around on top of that.

Although she didn't stop glaring at the asari, Ashley leaned back in her chair. "Sorry, Commander."

Sighing, Shepard rubbed the scar on his nose. "Crew dismissed," he ordered. "Joker, patch me through to the Council."

There was no delay before the Council's holograms flickered into view. Shepard took that as a bad sign.

"Is this initial account true, Commander? You found rachni on Noveria?" the asari Councilor's tone conveyed both disapproval and disbelief.

"And you released their queen!" There was no room for disbelief in the turian Councilor's voice—he was hardwired for disapproval. "Do you have any idea what you've done? How many generations until they overrun the galaxy?"

Shepard didn't trust himself to reply.

"The rachni were one of the greatest threats the galaxy ever faced," the turian continued.

"I—"

"We'll be waiting for you to file your official mission report, Commander," the asari Councilor interrupted, severing the connection.

* * *

"Is that how your conversations with the Council always go?"

"Do you always hang around behind your CO's back after he's dismissed you?" Shepard collapsed into the chair next to Ashley's and smiled at her.

"Only when I need to apologize for speaking out of turn during a debriefing." Ashley studied Shepard's face, and the commander realized he was fighting the impulse to kiss her. "Or when he looks like crap and someone needs to tell him to get some rest."

"Leave it to you to dance around your point. Why can't you ever speak plainly, Ash?" She rolled her eyes and half-heartedly punched Shepard in the shoulder. "Here," he ordered, "let's practice. What's your opinion of the last mission?"

"You mean the rachni, right?"

"I almost didn't let her live," Shepard admitted.

"They were dangerous, Skipper. They proved that two thousand years ago. _I_ think it was a mistake to let them go," Ashley said seriously. "But that wasn't my call to make, it was yours."

"I just wish I knew if it was right or not."

"Don't know what to tell you, Shepard. If you were always certain you were doing the right thing, I wouldn't trust you. Zealots are always dangerous."

"Says the religious fanatic."

"Asshole."

"Watch your mouth, Chief."

"If I didn't know you were teasing me, it wouldn't be my mouth that needed watching."

"Sorry." Shepard closed his eyes. "It's been one of those days, you know."

"You didn't even get the worst of it." He heard the hesitation in Ashley's voice. "You know, you really should talk to T'Soni about her mom. She has to be hurting. Just saying, Skipper."

"I _killed_ her mother. Do you really think she wants to talk to _me_?"

"I know if it were me, I'd at least want you to make the effort."

Shepard groaned quietly. "You're right." He forced himself to stand. "Guess I'll go make the effort."

"That's my—uh. Attaboy, Skipper."

* * *

The _Normandy _crew had long since accepted that the computer terminals open to the whole crew were accessible only when Dr. T'Soni was out of her room. Stepping through the med bay into the back room, Shepard wondered if he ought to have some of the engineers move the machines into the mess hall or another public area. The lights in the room were dimmed, and he suspected it would be at least a few days before Liara was ready to leave her small sanctuary.

Liara herself lay curled on her cot with her back to the door. She didn't look up when Shepard entered the room.

"If you are here to talk about Benezia's death, you need not bother. She brought it upon herself."

Shepard lowered himself onto one of the crates by the door. "Don't pretend it doesn't bother you," he pleaded. _Ignoring it only makes it worse._ "She was your _mother_."

After a few moments, Liara rolled over. "She was," she said, eyes distant. "But she was not." The commander watched as the hand beneath Liara's cheek balled itself into a fist. "I prefer to remember Benezia as she used to be," Liara finally met Shepard's gaze, "before she was corrupted by _Soverign's_ power."

"I—" Shepard frowned, trying to think of something to say. He settled for saying telling Liara that the best of her mother lived on in her. "Her determination, her intelligence, her strength…."

Liara sighed and cut him off. "That is kind of you to say. I appreciate your concern, but I am fine." As if to emphasize her point, she sat up, but her posture was overly rigid. "Benezia chose her path, just as I have chosen mine. I am with you until the end, Shepard."

"I—Liara, I'm so—I wish we could've—That means a lot to me," he said, lamely. "If you need anything…. If there's anything I can do…. I should go."

"Goodbye, Shepard."

The commander had reached the door when he heard the muffled sound of Liara crying. "Hey," he said, turning back. Liara wiped her eyes and shook her head at him. "Hey," Shepard said again. "It's all right." He sat on the cot next to Liara and put a hand on her arm. Instead of pushing him away this time, she buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed. Her left hand convulsed, catching a fold of his shirt in her fist, and Shepard pulled her into a hug. "It's all right," he lied again.

"She's dead! Shepard…. Oh—oh, Goddess, she's dead! And I never—"

"I know," he soothed. "I know. It's all right."


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter Fifty-Seven**

**In Which There are Commander Shepard Jokes**

_What is wrong with me?_

Shepard had been in that back room with T'Soni for hours. And Ashley had been sitting in the mess not-waiting for the commander to emerge for nearly that long.

_I'm the one who told him to go talk to her!_

It was ridiculous to be this insecure. By now, Ashley knew the commander well enough to know that he wasn't the type to string her along if he was really interested in T'Soni. While it was still a little surprising that there was a man on the _Normandy_ that wasn't interested in the doctor, Shepard honestly didn't seem to notice that the entire crew thought he was head-over-heels for the doctor, or that every time he spoke to her, T'Soni brightened.

_Why do I keep pushing him at her, then?_

With a jolt, Ashley realized that some part of her _wanted_ Shepard to be interested in T'Soni. It would make things so much easier. If the commander would just tell her that he had feelings for T'Soni, Ashley could go back to focusing on her career, on her family, on the things she'd spent her entire life working for. She wouldn't be confused and distracted. Ashley would get over it if Shepard wasn't interested in her.

But he was interested.

She lowered her head onto the table in front of her. "I am in _so_ much trouble," she groaned.

"Do I even want to know what you did this time, Chief?" Shepard settled into the chair across from Ashley. Apparently he had finished comforting the doctor, although doing so seemed to have taken a lot out of him. There were dark circles under his eyes, the left shoulder of his shirt was damp, and his clothes were as wrinkled as if he'd slept in them. "Please tell me you haven't been badmouthing your CO. I don't know if my fragile ego would be able to handle such a harsh blow," he joked.

"So this would be a bad time to tell you that you look like crap?"

"You mentioned that earlier," he sighed. "Do I really look that bad?"

"Skipper, you need a hot shower and a good long rest."

"Haven't you heard, Chief? There's no rest for the wicked," he murmured, glancing back towards the med bay. "Liara's sleeping," he commented. "I've never seen someone cry like that before. She might be on to something. When I—" the commander ducked his head in an utterly adolescent gesture that made Ashley try to envision him as a teenager. "Usually when people die, I need to break some things to make sure that I don't…. That's pretty immature, isn't it?"

"Wait, go back. Why do you break things? To resist temptation?" Ashley smiled at him. "Somehow I don't see you eating your feelings." Shepard's face settled into even more serious lines. "Come on," Ashley cajoled, "you know all my dark secrets. What'd you ever do that was so bad?"

"Get high," he mumbled. He pushed up his right sleeve and exposed his underarm, revealing an intricate constellation of faded track marks. "My biotics? The reason the Alliance noticed me?" Shepard scoffed with self-disgust. "I owe it to secondary exposure—in the form of liquefied red sand." He leaned back in his chair and tugged down his sleeve. All without looking at Ashley.

Ashley scrambled to think of something to say. A small part of her was furious she'd pressed Shepard, but mostly she was terrified that he was willing to share this part of his past with her. It was too much right now; what was she supposed to say? She didn't know what to do. _When in doubt, make them laugh. _

"Great. Now I feel like my claiming to have baggage was posing. Everything you do is extreme!" Despite her flippant tone of voice, her smile was hesitant.

Shepard didn't react. He kept staring at the table with single-minded determination. His ears were red with embarrassment, and he was frowning. Shepard's was usually solemn, but not like this. Ashley squared her shoulders and resolved that she would make Shepard smile or be thrown out the airlock trying. She cleared her throat.

"In poker, Command Shepard's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush."

No reaction. She tried again.

"Gravity obeys the laws of Commander Shepard."

The commander didn't move, but the color was fading from his face.

"When Commander Shepard walks by, the Alliance flag salutes."

Shepard glanced up at Ashley.

"Commander Shepard goes into battle without a hardsuit because he's not afraid of bullets. Bullets are afraid of Commander Shepard."

The commander smiled weakly.

"Deep space exists because it's afraid to be in the same galaxy as Commander Shepard."

Finally, Shepard gave in and started laughing. "How many of these do you have?" he asked.

Ashley grinned. "It's possible that some of us on the crew compete to think of the best Commander Shepard facts."

"Really? No they don't."

"We're following humanity's first Spectre on his quest to save the galaxy. You bet your a—butt we do."

"Do you have a favorite one?"

"The Alliance is allowed to run humanity's government only because Commander Shepard is busy."

"Ha! You don't mean that. The Alliance isn't perfect, Ash, but it does well enough."

"Have to disagree with you there, Skipper. Giving aliens the run of our most advanced ship? Kowtowing to the Council?"

The smile dropped off Shepard's face. "So, I'd do a better job of leading humanity than the Alliance, but you think my letting aliens on board was kowtowing to the Council?"

"That… that came out wrong," Ashley admitted. "We may not always agree, but you get the job done for the Alliance. The Council races will always think of themselves first, is all. It's—human nature. We can't afford to trust them. Not if the survival of humanity is on the line."

"Ash, you believe in God. An infallible, all-knowing creator with a plan for the universe. You think the diversity of views in the galaxy wasn't part of that?"

"I don't know what God intends, Shepard," Ashley said, feeling a little defensive. "I don't think humans have some divine mandate, if that's what you mean; I don't think we're superior. Well," she teased, "maybe _you_ are, but the rest of us aren't that special."

"Humans are aggressive," Shepard stayed serious. "We think fast; we move fast. Wars have started because of our need for constant progress. The Council can balance that."

"That's—huh. I guess I never thought of it that way. All big-picture, I mean."

They sat in silence for a few moments. "Sorry to get all political on you," Shepard apologized finally. "You have the right to your own opinions."

Ashley smirked. "Commander Shepard doesn't have opinions; he has truths. Still… I'll think about what you said, Skipper. No promises." She stood up. "Go get some rest. Have I told you that you look like crap?"

* * *

Steam billowed out of the shower around Shepard as he stepped into his tiny bathroom. He strapped the brace Chakwas had given him around his torso. The doctor would have subjected him to bed rest in the infirmary if she knew he'd taken the brace off to shower—even though his ribs were only bruised, not broken—but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt the commander. And he'd _really _needed to clean up.

Shepard grinned and wrapped his towel around his waist. Waiting for him in the main cabin were fresh clothes and a bed he was almost certain he could fall asleep in this time. So what if he had no idea where to go next, he—

"Eep!" As the barely clothed commander entered his room, someone yelped and turned to face the wall.

"What the—!" Shepard threw himself back into the bathroom and stuck his head around the corner. Standing next to the table in his room was a _very _red ensign. "Ah," Shepard coughed. "Ensign— Draven. I'm sorry, I can't tell you and your sister apart."

"Ensign Rosamund Draven, sir. I'm just here to deliver a message from Lieutenant Moreau, sir. He couldn't reach you; he thought you might be sleeping."

"All right then, Ensign. Lay it on me."

"The Council is on the line for you, sir."

"Thank you, Draven." Shepard nodded. "You're dismissed." At his word, the girl saluted and all but ran from the room. Shepard sighed. It was true, there really was no rest for the wicked_._

* * *

"You certainly took your time, Commander Shepard."

The commander squared his shoulders and told himself that it would be unprofessional to hang up on the Council. "My apologies. I was… tending to some cleanup after the Noveria mission."

The asari Councilor nodded, apparently accepting Shepard's explanation. "We'll get right to the point, Commander. We have received information that may be critical to your mission against Saren."

"Are you certain? With all due respect, Councilor, you weren't that interested in helping me before. Why now?"

"The Council agreed that Saren was dangerous, Commander," the turian Councilor pointed out. "That was why we made you a Spectre. We only balked at unleashing the full force of the Citadel fleet against him." Shepard would bite his own tongue off before admitting it, but the Councilor had made a good point.

"Nobody on the Council wants to see you fail," the asari Councilor agreed.

"We've received an urgent message from one of our infiltration regiments in the Traverse." As usual, the salarian Councilor was all business. "We currently have several infiltration units scattered throughout the borders of Citadel space. This particular unit was gathering intelligence on Saren's activities."

"What did the message say?"

The salarian twitched. "Unfortunately, the message we received was little more than static. The infiltration team must be in a situation where they can't set up proper interstellar communications. But the message _was_ sent on a channel reserved for mission-critical communications. Whatever they were trying to tell us, we know it was important." Shepard had never heard the salarian Councilor talk so much.

"Considering your interest in Saren, we thought you might want to investigate this. Find out what happened to our team. The signal originated from the planet Virmire."

"I'll look into it," Shepard promised.

"Very good, Commander," the asari Councilor nodded and cut off communications.

"Joker," Shepard called. "You have those vectors? Let's go see what Saren's up to on Virmire."

"You got it, Commander."

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**_ I love torturing the Dravens._


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter Fifty-Eight:**

**In Which Our Hero Hits the Beach**

Shepard sat in the Mako, running through the pre-drop checklist. He wished someone else on the ground team was certified to do this; he really hated being solely responsible for prepping the darn rover. He also hated the fact that they were going have to start their Virmire investigation with a Mako drop. Under normal circumstances, the _Normandy _would have just traced the salarian signal to its point of origin and landed there, but Joker had detected heavy-duty defense towers from orbit. That meant that an advance strike team would have to be dropped in the Mako to take out the towers' targeting systems before the _Normandy_ could rendezvous with the salarian infiltration unit.

The commander was not looking forwards to the drop. The ground team had made sure he knew that his driving frequently induced motion sickness, but the drops themselves always made Shepard feel a bit queasy. The fact that he would be facing Saren soon didn't help at all.

"LADAR, check," he turned the screen on and paused before cycling through the rover's various scanners. "Thermoimaging, check. Radar, check. Plan for saving the galaxy… nope."

"Well, I sure hope you don't expect _me_ to step up and save the day, Skipper," Ashley said dryly, tossing her helmet into front passenger seat of the Mako. "I'm here before Kaidan? Awesome! Shotgun!" Grinning, she climbed into the rover.

Shepard blinked at her for a moment, confused. "I—" his shoulders tensed, giving him away before he could bluff his way out of it. "I guess you heard that?" He tugged at his gloves, wishing he could reach under his armor and pull down his sleeves, or that he could reach back to a few hours ago and stop himself from telling Ashley about the problems he'd had.

Taking a deep breath, Shepard managed to twist his lips just enough to form an expression most people would accept as a smile. "That'll teach me to talk out loud to myself. There's no privacy on this ship."

"Careful," Ashley teased. "I'll think you want me to leave."

"No, if I want privacy, I'll go hide in my cabin. Although even that's not safe unless I put the locks on."

"And if you did that, how would Joker send you messages?"

"You're missing the point, Williams. I don't want anyone to be able to send me messages." Shepard tried to run a hand over his hair, and Ashley laughed when he hit his helmet. "I tell you, as soon as this tour is over, I'm leaving the Alliance. For real. Screw the Spectres, I just want to find some quiet out-of-the-way homesteader planet and be left alone for the rest of my life."

"Someone's in a sharing mood today," Ashley said neutrally.

Shepard called himself ten kinds of stupid under his breath. "Sorry, Williams. Don't mean to put all this on you. Let's talk about something else. You follow sports at all? Baseball? Pyramid?"

"Permission to speak freely, Commander?" When he nodded, Ashley gave him a small smile. "There's a reason for everything that happens, Shepard. Even if you don't understand it at the time.

"Take your assignment to Elysium. It put you at the right place at the right time. Your character made you rise to the occasion. And that got you here: commanding the finest tin can in the Alliance Fleet. This is exactly where the galaxy needs you to be." She grinned at him. "No pressure."

With an effort, Shepard kept himself from smiling back. "It's good to know where I stand with the galaxy," he said quietly, wondering where exactly he stood with Ashley and stifling the urge to ask. "Thanks, Williams."

He caught a final glimpse of Ashley's smirk before she pulled her helmet on and secured its seals. "Nothing like a little perspective to make you forget you still don't have a plan, right?"

* * *

The three marines stood in the knee-deep tide pools that covered this part of Virmire, roasting slightly in their armor as they gaped at the planet's incredible scenery. The instant the Mako had bounced to a stop, Shepard had been out of his seat, scrambling into the sun.

"Commander! What are you… doing?" Kaidan had been quick to follow Shepard, concerned as always about his superior officer's willingness to abandon the mission plan without warning. As he had exited the rover, he could hear Ashley opening her own door, muttering "Boys," with affectionate frustration.

"I've never…. That's the _ocean,_" came Shepard's awestruck reply. He stared at the huge rock cliffs and the white sand beaches for a moment before turning his gaze back to the clear water that stretched towards the horizon until Kaidan couldn't tell what was ocean and what was sky. The naked admiration on the commander's face prompted Kaidan to take another look. This part of Virmire was unspoiled by buildings or terraforming. It really was—

"Beautiful." Kaidan could feel the commander's eyes jump to him as he murmured the word, but at this particular moment he didn't care what Shepard thought. He'd never seen an ocean like this. Before today, Kaidan's idea of natural perfection had been the quiet drift of the ice floes that froze the ocean outside his parents' beachfront home. The way the cold muffled noise and seemed to make the whole world crisp, clean, and pure was entrancing. Superior to the chilly green expanse the ocean presented in the summer. But this…. He copied Shepard and pulled off his helmet to feel the warm breeze of the planet against his skin.

"We'll have more time to tan when we've taken care of Saren," Ashley pointed out. She alone still wore her helmet, her arms crossed and hip cocked in a pose that radiated impatience.

As if to emphasize Ashley's reminder that the beauty of Virmire was a distant secondary concern on this mission, Joker's voice suddenly rang out over their suit comms. "We've got a clean drop, Commander."

Shepard blinked and flushed, like a student caught daydreaming. "Right," he said after a moment. "Good job, Joker. Keep out of range and stick to evasive maneuvers until we bring those AA towers down."

"I know the drill," Joker replied. "Meet you at the signal source once those towers are offline. Good hunting. Joker out."

"You know it's a bad sign when Joker's the one most on top of things," Shepard joked, pulling his helmet back on. "I'm surprised at you Alenko. Next thing I know, _you'll_ be the one instigating deviations from the plan."

"Not likely, sir," Kaidan replied, taking a last look around before they all reentered the Mako and continued on their way.

The pristine scenery didn't last for very long; soon they were taking fire from all sides. Stray shots blasted craters in the beach and knocked down the slender trees growing along the water.

Kaidan hadn't seen this many geth since landing on Eden Prime. They were everywhere: on the beaches, then patrolling the gatehouses, and then guarding the anti-aircraft tower control rooms. There was a greater variety of the synthetics, too. The worst were the quick flying drones, like the ones that he and Shepard had watched kill Jenkins and chase Ashley. Unsurprisingly, Ashley had volunteered to ride topside in the machine gunner's spot and watch for the small AIs. Kaidan had handed her an extra clip of tungsten ammunition for her pistol as she climbed up. "Have fun," he told her.

"Oh, I will," she promised, pulling the hatch closed behind her. The instant after Ashley was gone however, she was back, helmeted head suddenly popping back inside. "Don't take my seat," she warned.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Kaidan grinned. He was proud of Ashley. Comparing this mission to the first time they'd really worked together on Feros, the lieutenant realized that Ashley had done a lot of growing. She was self-assured and more relaxed, a better soldier. Kaidan liked to think that his support had had something to do with that.

"_Another_ gatehouse?" Shepard's grumbling as he stared at the map display on the LADAR screen snapped Kaidan back to reality. "How many does Saren need?"

"Probably more than just three, sir. Unless there's something _really_ nasty waiting for us in this one. There's been nothing really bad so—" The Mako pulled around a corner to reveal a gauntlet of huge geth armatures and colossuses standing between the marines and the final gatehouse.

"I had to jinx it, didn't I?" Kaidan chastised himself as Shepard jolted the rover in one of his daredevil evasive maneuvers, making it doubly difficult for the lieutenant to claim his place at the cannon. Above him, the steady roar of machine gun fire and profanity indicated that Ashley had already adapted to the unhappy change in circumstances. Straining his muscles, Kaidan managed to lever himself into position behind the mass accelerator cannon. Gripping it for dear life and ignoring the worry that Shepard would flip over the Mako, Kaidan took advantage of the damage Ashley had done to the synthetics' shields. After a few powerful bursts of transferred kinetic energy, the armatures were down.

Working seamlessly together, Kaidan and Ashley traded shots as they concentrated on the remaining colossus. Only the jerking of the rover as the commander danced them all out of the path of return fire interrupted the collaboration. Still, it seemed to take forever before the colossus began to teeter and spit sparks.

"Gotcha now!" Ashley yelled triumphantly. She leaned forward and pulled the trigger of the machine gun. It refused to respond. "Oh for crying out loud! It's jammed!" she called back to Kaidan.

"Don't worry, Ash," Kaidan reassured her. "I've got it."

"Like hell," she muttered, pulling her shotgun out from the small of her back. "This flashlight-head's _mine._" Priming the gun, she pumped a round into the geth, which gave a final shudder before obligingly collapsing.

"Everything all right up there?" Shepard's too-nonchalant voice over the comm betrayed his concern for his team. "That didn't sound like—"

"We're five by five up here, sir," Kaidan promised.

"Oh. Good, then."

Kaidan made sure his comm was turned down before addressing Ash. "A shotgun? Really? I was right here, I could have taken care of him."

"What can I say?" Though he couldn't see it, Kaidan could picture Ashley's cocky, carefree expression, tinged with satisfaction at having come safely out of an encounter with the enemy. She shrugged and patted her shotgun. "Nothing like a nice, relaxing stroll on the beach blasting bad guys with my boomstick."

Despite himself, Kaidan laughed. "Sun, surf, and geth. Bet they don't put that in the travel brochures."

* * *

The sky ahead of them had darkened abruptly sometime between when they had destroyed the colossus and when Kaidan had unlocked the final gate. Lightening arced across the sky, followed by the earsplitting crack of thunder. The Mako rocked from side to side suddenly, and Ashley turned accusingly towards the commander, who pointed to the LADAR screen where the sudden increase in the wind was obvious.

"That came out of nowhere," Shepard commented as rain began to fall in thick sheets. "Unbelieveable."

"Blew in off the ocean," Kaidan explained. "It'll wear itself out soon."

Ashley scowled. "It had better, or it'll take grenades to get me out of here."

"Don't like getting wet, I take it," Kaidan teased.

"What tipped you off?" she grumbled.

Kaidan leaned forwards to pat her reassuringly on the shoulder. "Clear skies by the time we reach the salarians, I promise."

Ashley sighed and slumped in her seat. "At the rate we're going, I'll have had a birthday by the time we reach the salarians. Think you could pick up the pace, Skipper?"

"Everyone's a critic," Shepard groaned, not changing the rover's speed. "And no, Williams, I don't think I could. It's coming down pretty hard out there, and I don't even have—I don't want to take risks. Safety first."

"_Now_ you decide to be a safe driver?"

Shepard didn't get the chance to reply. "Commander!" Joker's voice broke in. "The _Normandy's_ touched down at the base, but it looks like we're grounded. The salarian captain can explain when you get here."

"Well, that doesn't sound good," the commander commented.

"_Now_ will you speed up?"

"No. Why can't things ever be simple?" Shepard asked no one in particular.

Kaidan grinned. "You know what they say sir. When it rains, it pours."

* * *

_**Author's Note:** Why, hello! It's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry about that. Real life has been very busy. This chapter is affectionately dedicated to Sargent Reed over at the BSN forums, who also imagines Ash would call shotgun in the Mako. It's also dedicated to all of you readers who've stuck with me through this long hiatus. You know who you are! _


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter Fifty-Nine:**

**In Which Our Hero Asserts his Dominance**

Wrex would never admit it, but he had been fond of little Serviceman Vega ever since he first met her. He'd gone to the cargo deck to avoid the acrid-tasting air that surrounded the more populated levels of the _Normandy_. Although Wrex was more than old enough to understand that other species lived in constant fear that the krogan living among them would suddenly abandon all pretense of civility and initiate wholesale slaughter, that didn't mean he had to like breathing in the sour tang of their cowardice. Even Shepard was a little afraid of Wrex. A lesser krogan would have been disheartened by it all. Wrex was only annoyed. He'd sought out an isolated spot to try to get some fresh air.

Vega had stumbled across him when she went looking for some sort of cleaning product. Her eyes had gone big, and Wrex had waited for her to scuttle away from him as quickly as possible. Instead, she'd seemed genuinely interested in talking to him. She'd even volunteered to help him formulate his worst-case scenario plans. At first, he'd been too surprised to tell her to go away, but after a while, Wrex had realized that Vega had a good head on her shoulders. And she didn't seem to be afraid of him, which had to count for something.

He'd asked her about that once, about why she wasn't afraid. Her reply had been characteristically simple: "If I spent all my time being afraid of people who were stronger than I am, I wouldn't have time to do anything else. And there are a lot of other things to do." With an attitude like that, Wrex couldn't understand why Vega wasn't fighting on the front lines with Shepard. Or why she hadn't been born a krogan.

Talking to Vega had made it easier to talk to other members of the _Normandy_ crew. Wrex had been willing to tell Shepard about his family's armor because he'd told Vega about it first. Then the commander had actually found the damn relic. It was almost enough to make Wrex think that humans weren't so bad.

That was before all of this, though. Wrex had lived long enough. He should have expected betrayal. It was his own fault for going soft with these humans.

* * *

When the _Normandy_ touched down on Virmire, Wrex had been chatting with Dr. T'Soni about the prospect of finally encountering and dealing with Saren. The doctor had been as long-winded as she always was, talking about her hopes that Saren had kept detailed records explaining the motivation behind his search for the Prothean beacon because it could help future generations better understand what the actual downfall of the Prothean empire, blah, blah, blah. The only thing that had kept Wrex from falling asleep was the interesting emotions bubbling below the asari's calm surface. For all that they were a long-lived species, asari could be as mercurial as humans could. T'Soni wavered between anxiety, curiosity and anger. Wrex imagined she wanted to read Saren's records more because doing so would mean that the turian wasn't alive to answer questions.

Joker's voice had come over the ship's comm system, telling everyone that they might as well get off the ship and stretch their legs, since it looked like they were going to be here for a while. Eager to get away from the doctor, Wrex had been one of the first off of the ship, although the sight of Virmire's pristine beaches marred by the salarian STG group they'd been sent to rescue was enough to make him wish he'd stayed shipside. Miserable, arrogant salarians.

Navigator Pressly had quit the _Normandy_ for the main salarian encampment. From where he stood on the beach, Wrex had overheard the XO talking with the leader of the salarians, trying to figure out what was going on. When the salarians told Pressly that they were all trapped on this planet by Saren's anti-aircraft guns, the old man had sworn and jogged back to the _Normandy_, presumably to have Joker inform Shepard.

There was no point in trying to make nice with the STG members. Wrex knew from experiences that trying to hold a conversation with the miserable little runts would only end with dead salarians. Shepard probably would disapprove of that, although he would understand. T'Soni had told Wrex how the commander had lost it when facing batarians. Everyone had limits.

When the Mako finally reached their landing site, Wrex had watched with interest as Alenko and Williams climbed out, leaving Shepard to drive the rover into the _Normandy_. After a few minutes, the commander had reemerged, wading through the knee-deep surf to the salarian camp. He had kept staring at the sky, a smile flitting across his face. As he approached the STG unit leader though, Wrex had seen Shepard fall back into seriousness. The commander must have decided he didn't want the salarian captain to think that he was an impressionable yokel who'd never left his home planet.

"So what are we supposed to do now?" Williams' frustrated words carried clearly across the water.

"Stay put until we can come up with a plan." The salarian captain's voice rose in frustration, and Wrex smiled. Williams could be _infuriating_.

"At ease, Williams," Shepard had ordered, drawing even with the three debaters. "Are you in charge here?" he asked the salarian. "What's the situation?"

The salarian had nodded. "I'm in charge. Captain Kirrahe, Third Infiltration Unit, STG. Your ship has just landed in the middle of a hot zone. Every AA gun for ten miles is trained on this location. Might as well get settled. We need to stay put until the Council sends the reinforcements I requested."

Alenko had rubbed his temples. "We _are_ the reinforcements."

At those words, Kirrahe took a step back. "Impossible! I told the Council to send a fleet!" He shook his head. "The facility on this planet is Saren's main base of operations… I can't even imagine how long it took him to build it. It's extremely well fortified and crawling with geth. One Alliance ship won't be enough."

"Any idea what he's up to here?" Shepard had asked.

Kirrahe had glanced surreptitiously in Wrex's direction before responding. "I—He's breeding an army of krogan."

Wrex lost any interest in pretending he hadn't been eavesdropping. "Saren's doing _what?_ How is that even possible?"

The salarian shifted uncomfortably, and Wrex had gotten a mouthful of his nervousness. "It would appear that he's found a cure for the genophage."

All three of the humans had been taken aback. Their surprise nearly overwhelmed Kirrahe's fear. Alenko had recovered first. "This actually clears a lot," he offered. "Remember the krogan on Feros, Commander? The ones guarding the geth beacon?"

"And Saren sent a battlemaster after Dr. T'Soni," Wrex offered. "I knew I didn't recognize him. If he didn't come from Tutchanka, that could explain why."

The smell coming from Shepard had changed from surprise to exhaustion. "The geth are bad enough," he murmured, shoulders slumping, "but a krogan army? Saren would be nearly invincible."

"Agreed," Kirrahe spoke up. "We have to destroy this facility. We have to destroy that cure."

"Destroy?" It was only with an admirable exertion of self-control that Wrex had kept from snapping the little amphibian's neck. "I don't think so," he had growled. "My people are dying. This cure could save us!"

Wrex had never cared enough to study salarian body language, but he was certain that Kirrahe had sneered at him. "Even you must realize that letting the cure leave this planet would cause the krogan to become unstoppable. We can't make the same mistake again."

Self-control be damned. Wrex had stepped well inside Kirrahe's personal space, giving the fool a chance to rue his words and letting himself savor the captain's fear before responding. "We are not a mistake!" he roared. Then he had left. He didn't trust himself not to start killing salarians if he stayed.

"Is he going to be a problem?" Kirrahe's voice had followed Wrex. "We already have enough angry krogan to deal with."

Wrex hadn't waited to hear Shepard's response.

* * *

Wrex wasn't sure how long he had been standing here, shooting at the flying aliens that built nests in the cliffs along the water. He didn't care that he was wasting ammunition. Better to shoot a few animals than some salarians. At least for now.

Muffled footsteps on the sand, and Wrex recognized Commander Shepard's scent as the human approached him. Undoubtedly he'd come to talk down the wild krogan. The mistake. Wrex shot off a few more rounds without aiming. He just wanted to feel the discomfort of his shotgun's recoil. If he focused on the slight pain in his arm, he couldn't focus on the fact that Shepard was going to ask him to betray his people.

Wrex thought about shooting Shepard. He wondered how far he would get if he killed the commander, or if one bullet would even be enough to take the human down.

"This isn't right, Shepard," he said quietly. "If there's a cure for the genophage, we should be protecting it, not destroying it! I know you agree with me on this, you've told me as much! Or were you just trying to placate the big, dumb krogan." Wrex narrowed his eyes and stared at the commander.

"I get that you're angry Wrex, and you have every right to be. But we both know that I'm not your enemy. Saren is! Don't lose sight of that just because—"

"Really?" Wrex interrupted. "Saren created a cure for my people. You want to destroy it! Maybe you're unclear on what the words 'friend' and 'foe' really mean, Shepard!"

Shepard squared his shoulders and looked Wrex dead in the eye, stepping close to the krogan. Wrex recognized the commander's emotion from the last time he'd questioned orders: irritation, not fear. For what it was worth, Shepard had a quad. "You know how things work on my ship, Wrex," he said quietly. "Personal feelings don't matter; the mission does. This base gets destroyed."

Wrex took a step forwards, forcing Shepard to step back. He was a krogan battlemaster; he could play dominance games too. "Don't push me, Shepard. I've been loyal to you so far because I wanted to fight for something more than credits for once. Do you even understand what you're asking me? It doesn't matter how much you've done for me. I can't keep following you if you're making decisions for the wrong reasons!" He drew his shotgun and pointed it at Shepard. The commander responded in kind, not looking away even when he signaled the flicker of pink and white movement that had to be Williams to stand down.

Anger now from Shepard, but still no fear. "I won't tolerate mutiny, Wrex. All you need to know is that I'm giving you an order to stand down!"

"So that's it? After all this time, that's all I get from you? Well, I won't let you destroy this base! It's too important to the krogan."

To Wrex's shock, Shepard laughed, and lowered his gun, though anger still rolled off the commander in thick waves. "These aren't krogan, they're slaves! Puppets! Tools for Saren to use and then throw away. If _that's_ what you want for your people Wrex, go ahead and shoot me." He turned and began to walk away. "If not, get back in line."

After a moment, Wrex lowered his gun. He didn't like destroying the cure, but Shepard had a point. Despite a lifetime of relying only on himself, Wrex trusted Shepard. He loped after the commander. "Just one thing, Shepard."

"What?"

"When we find Saren, I want his head."

Shepard sighed, and Wrex smelt the human's tiredness, his frustration, and… his sadness? Under all that though was a faint whiff of amusement. "Tell you what," Shepard offered, "When we find Saren, I'll flip you for it."

* * *

_**Author's Note:**__ Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? My apologies. I promise updates will be a bit more regular in the coming weeks. Ideally, I'd like to get this story finished before Mass Effect 3 comes out!_

_So this is my first chapter from Wrex's perspective. I think I did all right, but I'm not sure that I'll be writing from his point of view very often. Still, there's no better way to kick off the worst part of Mass Effect than by trying to think like an angry krogan, am I right?  
_


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter Sixty:**

**In Which Our Hero Lets Go**

Although it felt to Shepard as though they'd taken forever, the STG had _finally_ come up with a plan. Right now the salarians were hard at work removing the drive system from their ship. The Alliance crew would have to convert system into a bomb strong enough to destroy Saren's research facility. To get the bomb in, the salarians would lead an assault at the complex's main gates, distracting Saren's forces and giving Shepard the chance to sneak in a shadow team to disable the AA towers. With no guns to worry about, the _Normandy_ would have a chance to plant the bomb in the facility.

But there was a catch.

"You can't be serious." Shepard had never had many dealings with salarians before today, and if Kirrahe was typical of the species, he hoped he didn't have to work with the STG again for a long while. The captain seemed to relish surprising people with bad news. First, it had been the anti-aircraft guns. Then the news about the genophage cure—which had been dropped in front of Wrex as well, so go deal with the angry krogan while I plot a little more, why don't you Shepard? Now Kirrahe wanted Shepard to send one of his own team on what the salarian had just admitted was more or less a suicide mission. Well, Shepard had had enough.

"I'm not going to commit one of my people to your command."

Kirrahe narrowed his eyes. "If your team isn't willing to face the risks every soldier must expect—"

"Don't talk to me about risk! Every one of my people understands what we're facing. But that doesn't mean I'm going to let them get slaughtered because you can't think of a better plan!"

"This is the best plan!" Kirrahe snapped.

"He's right, Commander," Kaidan spoke up. "It's not a very good chance, but it's the only one we've got."

"There has to be another way," Shepard snapped. It wouldn't be Kaidan who had to live with the deaths of good people weighing down his conscience.

"There isn't," the lieutenant said patiently. "One of us has to go with them, if only to coordinate radio communications. I volunteer."

Before Shepard could tell Kaidan that there was no way he was going to risk the only other commissioned officer with combat experience on this endevor, Ashley piped up.

"Not so fast, LT. Commander Shepard's going to need every tech we have to help arm the nuke. I'll go with the salarians."

"With all due respect, Gunnery Chief, it's not your place to decide."

Ashley scowled at Kaidan. "Why is it that when someone says 'with all due respect,' they really mean 'kiss my ass'?" she wondered. Kaidan bristled at the accusation, and the two began arguing.

Shepard ran his fingers over the scar on his nose. After Wrex, this was just too much.

"That's enough, both of you!" he snapped. "I make the decisions here! Unless you want to be thrown in the brig for insubordination, shut it, marines!" His unusual display of temper stunned the bickering pair into silence. Kaidan muttered an apology almost immediately, clearly ashamed of his behavior. Ashley seemed taken aback, but after a moment the surprise on her face gave way to a small, approving smile. Shepard forced himself to turn away from her. He hated her for being reasonable about this. Right now, he couldn't have cared less about responsibility; he just didn't want her to die. He didn't want to be the one responsible for her dying.

Lieutenant Alenko was a skilled tech, and a senior officer. Williams was a soldier in the strictest sense of the word. It wasn't even a real choice.

"Williams, you're with the captain."

"Aye-aye, Commander."

Shepard directed his attention back to Kirrahe. "I'm giving you my Gunnery Chief, Captain. I don't want to lose her, so talk to me about your exit plan."

The salarian sighed. "The three teams under my command will engage the geth for as long as possible. When you radio us that the bomb is in place, we'll fall back to try and escape the blast radius. If we're lucky, we should escape with acceptable casualties."

"What if you're not lucky?"

"Then our memories will live on as martyrs to a greater cause."

Shepard frowned, trying to ignore the dull ache that seemed to be spreading through his body. "If you start off by talking like it's a suicide mission, you're done before you even start," he chastised.

"Would you prefer that I lie to you, Commander?" Kirrahe snapped impatiently. "You know as well as I do that there's a chance none of us will make it through this alive, not even your team. We do what we must."

"I know," Shepard agreed. "I just…."

"Your concern for those under your command does you credit," Kirrahe said, more gently. "Get your people ready. I'm going to prepare my men."

"We'll be ready when you are, Captain."

* * *

Wrex trailed behind the humans as they all made their way to the stretch of sand where most of the _Normandy's_ crew was gathered. He wished the wind would shift. Fear was emanating from all three of them, thick enough to make him want to gag.

"I guess this is it," Williams said quietly. "Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, all right, LT?" She nudged Alenko with her shoulder. "That goes double for you, Commander."

"We'll be fine, Ash," Alenko said, his voice huskier than usual. "You'll see."

"Yeah," she agreed after a moment, "I know, but I just…. Good luck."

"Something on your mind, Chief?" Wrex was impressed at Shepard's ability to keep his voice neutral. Especially when the krogan could taste the man's worry. It had been the right decision not to kill him.

"It just… feels weird, going under someone else's command," Williams said, glancing at the commander. Shepard kept his gaze fixed on the cluster of Alliance personnel waiting for them. "I've gotten used to working with you—with all of you—" she bumped shoulders with Alenko again, and even turned to smile at Wrex.

"You'll be fine, Williams," the krogan offered, surprised at his desire to reassure her.

"We'll see you on the other side," Alenko agreed.

Shepard stayed quiet.

They had nearly reached the others when Williams came to an abrupt halt. Fortunately, Wrex was behind the lieutenant, or he would have walked right into the fool female. He wondered what the hell she was doing.

"Remember to watch your back, Shepard," she choked. Without any warning, she gave the commander a brief hug.

Wrex's eyes widened as he inhaled. Those two were lucky he was the only krogan around. Shepard's surprise at Williams' gesture wasn't strong enough to cover up the other emotions he was coloring the air with. Neither were the jealousy and disappointment that radiated from the commander when Williams released him to say, "You be careful too, Kaidan," and hug Alenko.

When the marine turned towards Wrex, he took a step away from her and stuck out a hand in a human gesture he remembered from his merc days. "Don't hug me," he ordered. He'd already pissed Shepard off once today, thanks very much. The last thing he needed was for the commander to think that Wrex was going to try and steal his female, too.

Williams laughed and shook his hand. "Keep an eye on them for me, would you Wrex?"

She thought she was going to die, and given the salarians' plan, she was probably right. It was too bad. He liked Williams. "I will," he promised.

* * *

It took more willpower than Shepard had expected not to run after Ashley and drag her back to safety as she left with Kirrahe and the other salarians. Years of training helped him to quash the impulse. Putting a tight lid on his emotions, he slid the visor of his helmet down, trying to buy himself a modicum of privacy.

"Alenko, I want you to stay here. Work with whatever engineers Adams can spare to get that bomb up and running. Tali," Shepard put an affectionate hand on the young quarian's shoulder, "tell Adams that you're on bomb duty. I don't care if he can't give us anyone else, I want you working on that thing. It's your baby."

"What—" she began

"That means you're in charge." He chuckled to himself at her surprised gasp, and pushed his visor up to look at Kaidan. The lieutenant nodded, not a trace of resentment on his face. The man was a model officer. Shepard didn't deserve him.

"Now, I know we've only drilled with three-person teams," Shepard said to Wrex, Garrus, and Liara, "but just this once, we're going to use a four-member formation."

Garrus raised his hand. "I'm not very good with change—" he began, trying to lighten the mood. Liara elbowed him in the ribs, the gesture causing both asari and turian to wince. When Liara looked up, Shepard smiled tightly at her in thanks. He couldn't handle Garrus' typical frivolity right now.

"Garrus," he said sharply. "You've got the most tech experience out of the four of us. We're going to be counting on you to do a lot of heavy lifting, even before we get to the AA tower. Tell me that you can do this."

The turian nodded sharply. "I won't let you down, Shepard," he said seriously.

"I'm counting on you," Shepard replied. "All of you. We have to stop Saren."

Kirrahe's voice crackled over the commander's suit radio, letting him know that the salarian teams—and Ashley—were ready to begin their assault on the compound. It was time to move out.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**__ What is this? Two chapters in less than twenty-four hours? Madness! It must be the end of days!_

_I probably should have mentioned this before: Wrex's sense of smell is loosely based on a snake's, so his "nose" is also his tongue. Hence why I keep using "smell" and "taste" interchangeably for him._


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter Sixty-One:**

**In Which We Meet Other Heroes**

Clinton watched as the techs swarmed over the drive core of the salarian ship. They reminded him of ants, with their frantic gestures and quick movements that made no sense to anyone, but somehow served to help them reach a goal too complex for him to understand.

"So," Hertz leaned over Clinton's shoulder and grinned. "On a scale of one to ten, how surprised are you that the commander put the quarian in charge of this project?"

Clinton frowned and pushed his fellow marine away. "Your breath is _terrible!_"

"You're such an asshole," the younger man complained. "Why can't you ever be any fun?"

"Don't you have better things to do than gossip about Shepard?"

Hertz waved to the pristine beach where the _Normandy_ has been grounded, as if to say, _Are you kidding me?_ The salarians hadn't bothered to take down their lean-tos before leaving with Chief Williams, and the abandoned tents and supplies had given the area an eerie, forlorn feeling. Despite that, the cove still managed to radiate peaceful seclusion, as though it was the only place in the galaxy safe from any kind of danger. The humans couldn't even hear the sounds of gunfire over the pounding of the waves, and if Clinton knew the commander, guns were being fired somewhere.

"Shepard's an alien-lover," Hertz insisted. "I mean, c'mon. The whole ship knows about him and the asari, and now he puts the quarian in charge of one of the most important missions we've been tasked with?" The blond shook his head disapprovingly. "It's ridiculous. What's wrong with Chief Adams? Hell, even Lieutenant Alenko is supposed to know his way around an omni-tool."

"Don't be an idiot, Hertz. You talk with Crosby from down in engineering all the time. Tali'Zorah is supposed to be some sort of prodigy."

Hertz snorted. "Crosby just wants to get into her pants. Which, by the way, is gross. Have you ever talked to her? She sounds like she's twelve. It's like perving on someone's deformed little sister. Who has to stay in an enviro-suit because she has cancer or something."

Although he knew he should set a better example, Clinton laughed. "You've got some serious issues, you know that, right?"

"Wait, all I did was point out how _wrong_ Crosby's crush is, and _I've_ got issues? Prodigy or not, that quarian is a kid."

A commotion from the techs distracted them both for a moment. Adams and Alenko were arguing over… over something, and work had come to a halt as everyone watched the two men square off. Before the quarrel to go too far however, the quarian was there, talking to each man in turn, before directing a question to a dark-haired junior engineer. The woman froze for a moment, clearly unwilling to weigh in on a dispute that involved two superior officers, but the quarian made an impatient, frustrated gesture that jarred her into speaking. Whatever her answer was, it made the quar—it made Tali'Zorah nod, and turn back to Adams and Alenko with a decisive air. Work resumed almost immediately.

"Guess Commander Shepard knew what he was doing, putting her in charge," Clinton smirked triumphantly at Hertz.

"Whatever. He's still an alien-lover. Have you heard the interviews he's given since becoming a Spectre? My dad sent me some clips from one that aired on Westerlund News. The stuff he said about working for the Council—it was ridiculous. I can't believe the brass put him forward as the first human Spectre."

"Hertz, man, shut up! Shepard knows what he's doing. And I've met your dad. He's nice enough, but you know that he's stuck in the past, obsessed with Terra Firma and the First Contact War. You're starting to sound like him."

Hertz frowned at his friend. "Maybe my dad knows something we don't."

"Come off it. Terra Firma are a bunch of xenophobic nutcases, and you know it."

"You say that now, but when there's a krogan embassy on Earth, humanity's given up its military, and the asari have taken all the ancient Egyptian artifacts out of Earth museums, you'll think different. You'll look back on this conversation, and you'll realize I was right, and you'll beg me to forgive you for being such an idiot."

"Not likely!" Clinton punched Hertz's arm. "For you to be right, Shepard would have to be wrong."

"And Shepard's never wrong?" Hertz rolled his eyes. "God, could you be any more obvious? As soon as the _Normandy _gets in range of a comm buoy, I'm sending a message to Aleksander, and telling him that you've got the hots for your CO. You mock my politics, I ruin your marriage!"

"And my career. You'll ruin my career too. Don't you think that's overkill?"

"Not at all."

Clinton ran a hand over his shaved head in exasperation. "I don't have a crush on Shepard," he sighed.

"Well that's good. In case you haven't been paying attention, Shepard likes his ladies blue and female-ish." Whenever Hertz grinned, the broad expression took over his face, making him look impish. It was impossible to stay angry with him, no matter how much of an ass he was. "Alien-lover."

"Talking to you is like ramming my head into a wall," Clinton laughed, making his way towards the _Normandy's_ other marines.

"I try." Like a particularly vocal shadow, Hertz followed his friend. "What are we doing?"

"Perez's monitoring the mission on her radio. I want to find out what's going on."

"Want to make sure Shepard's all right?"

Scowling, Clinton came to an abrupt stop and punched Hertz in the shoulder hard enough for it to hurt. "Shut up about that! Commander Shepard is a good officer, and I'm a good soldier. You keep talking like that and you'll screw both of us." He knew he was pushing it, but he slapped Hertz in the head for good measure. "I know there's a brain in there. Use it! Plus," he added with a smile, before starting to walk again, "I'm happily married, remember?"

"I remember," he heard Hertz mutter rebelliously. "You never shut up about it."

* * *

Marianne Perez sat on the beach with her radio, listening to the progress the salarians were making. One hand absently traced patterns in the sand; when she looked down, she noted with an amused smile that she'd been drawing the symbol of her sister's new clothing boutique. It had taken Elena long enough to reach this point, she'd put everything on hold, first to half-raise Perez, then to get married, and then to actually-raise her own daughters. Helen and Rosie were eight and six now, though, old enough to spend the day in school, and Elena was so excited to finally start her own business.

The last time the _Normandy _had put in at the Citadel, there'd been a package waiting for Perez. From George there had been a gift subscription to the asari fashion magazine _Element Chic_, with a note that she should try reading the political editorials instead of just skimming through to see which celebrities were wearing what this month. Colorful 'We MISS You!' cards, a video of their latest dance recital, and a few chocolate bars had been from the girls; they knew just what their aunt needed to keep her going, bless them. Elena had sent a business card with the logo and location of her store, and an order to 'come find something beautiful' when she got leave time. She'd slipped the card in the lining of her hardsuit immediately, and now she touched the spot where it rested, equal parts good-luck-charm and promise to come home.

"How are things going?" Lowe sat in the sand on the other side of the radio, pushing strands of blond hair out of her eyes. Trying not to touch her own, painfully unkempt, wire-tight hair in jealousy, Perez slipped her headphones off of her left ear, still half-listening, but better able to talk.

"Sounds all right," replied. "None of ours have been hit, at least." Truth be told, she couldn't tell whether or not anything had happened to the salarians. Chief Williams kept relaying status updates over the Alliance frequency, and occasionally they picked up one of the salarian captain's commands, but for the most part, all the radio picked up were tense, quiet orders from the commander. "It would be going faster if the commander didn't keep stopping to mess with the geth operations."

"What do you mean?"

"So far his team's destroyed a communications outpost and taken out a refueling station for their drones. Or they took out satellites, maybe, it's hard to tell. I think they've been responding to Williams' communications about tactics."

Lowe frowned. "I hope Williams comes through all right." Of course she did. Women with perfect hair tended to stick together. Still, Perez liked the chief all right. She preferred to hang out with the boys, rather than with Lowe, Perez, and Elias, the other female marines, but that seemed more like the natural instinct of a tomboy than the predatory tactic of a maneater.

"It must be hard for her to work with a new group, after working with our crew for so long," Perez offered after a few more minutes of radio silence.

"She's a pro," Lowe countered. "She wasn't even _on_ the _Normandy_ originally, but she made it on the ground team. Williams is a good soldier." From the tone of her voice, it was clear to both of them that she was trying to reassure herself. "And she's got all those salarians with her. It'll be fine.

"Shepard didn't think it would be fine. Were you there to hear him blow up at the salarian when he asked the commander to put someone under his command?"

"You worry too much. That was just allies trying to push each other around. Shepard and the salarian were trying to get a leg up on each other. You know how the upper ranks are."

"Weren't you watching when Commander Shepard came over to give the crew orders? Williams gave Alenko and Shepard hugs goodbye, you know. For a minute it looked like she was going to hug the krogan. How can you keep saying everything's going to be fine?"

"It will!"

An unfamiliar voice crackled over the radio. The turian, it sounded like, saying something about bypassing the facility's security systems. Perez slipped her headphones back into place. "Hush," she told Lowe. "Shadow team's in."

* * *

"So where's my money, Quincy?" Joker asked, smirking and twisting his hand to reveal the cards he was holding.

"Damn it!" Quincy threw his cards angrily onto the floor of the cockpit. "Why do I keep playing when I always lose?" He buried his head in his hands for a moment, and then pulled a small datapad out of his pocket. "How much did I lose this hand?"

"I think we're up to your firstborn child," the pilot laughed.

Quincy snorted. "Not likely. My wife would kill me."

Joker blinked. "You're married? How old are you, man?"

The young marine grinned. "Twenty-two. I've been married for three years, and as for my firstborn child, she's eighteen months old next week."

"You're shitting me."

"Nope. Want to see a picture?" He flipped through files on the datapad, and finally presented a holo of a chubby little girl with curly dark hair and eyes that were just a shade too dark to be called hazel. She was sitting on the lap of an older woman, smiling and pointing as though she could see whoever was on the other side of the holo.

"Don't tell me the woman holding her is your wife," Joker said, looking at Quincy dubiously.

"That's my mother, you jackass. Amy lives with her."

"Uh—what about your wife?"

"Amelia's stationed on the _Einstein._ She's a command deck technician."

"Huh. That must be rough."

Quincy shrugged, and darkened the screen of the datapad. "It's all right. We knew things would be tough when we got married, but we figured life is short, so why wait? Plus, Amelia's transferring to a colonial reserve garrison soon, so Mom and Amy will be able to move there and be with her, at least."

"Deferred education plan?" Joker guessed.

"She's trying," Quincy nodded. "We're hoping she'll get stationed on Elysium, since the university there is so good. The only thing is that it's so expensive to live there." He sighed. "It would probably help if I wasn't always losing half my credits taking bets. Which reminds me, how much do I owe you?"

"You know, it's not a big deal," the pilot offered. "You really don't have to—"

"Shut up, Joker, man. I can handle it."

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't know much about kids, but from what I've heard, they're kind of expensive to keep around. And if your wife is going back to school…."

"Just tell me how much I owe you! I can handle it," Quincy insisted. "I don't need you to look after me, Joker. Even if I lose some credits here and there, I'm still more than capable of taking care of my own family."

Joker told Quincy how much he'd lost, and the marine recorded the number in his datapad before tucking it away once and for all. When that was done, they sat in an awkward silence for a few moments. Eventually, Quincy picked his cards up off of the floor and shuffled them into the deck. His hands moved quickly, and the motions seemed to drain some of the tension from his shoulders.

"So…. Hey, how come you never mentioned you were married?"

"I dunno. You never asked?"

"Funny."

The marine shrugged again. "No one ever expects me to be married. It's this baby face," he explained, tapping the cards in his left hand against one of his round cheeks. "When Amelia and I were dating, people used to think I was underage. It doesn't help that she's a few years older than me to start." He chuckled. "You should have heard what this one waitress said to us…. Oh, man, I've never seen anyone get that angry at a stranger! Poor Amelia actually ended up crying. That woman was such a witch; she ruined our whole dinner. I was planning on proposing that night, too."

"You're ruining my entire perception of you, Quincy."

The younger man laughed. "Why? What did you think I was like?"

"Not a dad, that's for sure! I mean, you realize that you had that picture of—"

"Amy," Quincy offered.

"You had that picture of Amy totally ready to go. You're too old to be twenty-two. When I was your age…."

"You were busy drinking and messing around with girls? Out dancing every night?" Quincy teased.

Joker scowled. "Hardly. I've always been very mature for my age. No, when I was twenty-two, let's see, I'd just graduated from flight school, and I'd finally gotten my first assignment as a helmsman. Yeah, I was busy kicking ass—figuratively, mind you—which is something I couldn't have done with a wife and kid holding me back."

The expression that took over Quincy's face was intimidating enough that Joker held up a hand in self-defense. "Which is what makes you really impressive!" he added quickly. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with choosing the whole picket-fence lifestyle. I'm sure you don't have any regrets."

"None," Quincy rumbled, appeased but not quite willing to forgive.

A light on the _Normandy's _main console suddenly went dark, drawing both men's attention. Joker studied the display for a moment, before turning to Quincy. "Get everyone on board," he ordered. "Looks like the commander came through; the AA towers are down. That means that it's time for us to deliver our little surprise package to the galaxy's least favorite Spectre."


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter Sixty-Two:**

**In Which Our Hero has an Uncomfortable Conversation**

Shepard knelt on all fours, face inches away from the floor, trying to come to terms with the fact that parts of his head he hadn't even known _had_ nerve endings were screaming with pain. Despite the incredible headache this Prothean beacon had left him with, it was impossible not to be aware of Wrex. The krogan stood a little ways behind Shepard in Saren's private research facility, impassively watching the human's impressive display of weakness. The last thing the mission needed at this point was another clash for dominance. If Wrex decided to challenge Shepard's authority right now, the commander had no illusions as to who would win. He had to get control of himself. He had to get back on his feet. He had to be strong.

At least he hadn't passed out this time. Small victories.

Oh God, he was going to vomit. This whole thing was so embarrassing.

Someone crouched next to the commander. He didn't move. The pain was so bad that he couldn't even jerk his head up like a normal person when he was startled.

Whoever it was placed gentle, calloused hands on his temples. Liara, it had to be. If Ashley had been here he would have thought….

He forced himself not to think about that. About _her_. There hadn't been a communication from the salarian teams since Shadow Team had breached the breeding facility. Shepard focused on the pain in his head, letting it in to shut everything else out. Let Wrex go ahead and challenge his authority, hell, let Garrus lead the mutiny. He didn't care.

The pain in his head suddenly—well, it hadn't vanished completely, but it was bearable now. His eyes flew to Liara, and he stared at the asari. There was a hesitant smile on her face, as though she was afraid of how Shepard would react. Abruptly, the commander realized how far his relationship with Liara had deteriorated since Matriarch Benezia's death. Had he even apologised for what he had done?

He pushed himself up until he was sitting on his heels, catching Liara's hands in his own when she tried to pull them away from his head. "What did you _do?_" he asked gratefully, smiling at her.

She glanced down at their hands, and he was afraid she would twist out of his grasp. Then she met his eyes, looking for all the world like the shy, overwhelmed researcher who'd first set foot on the _Normandy_ months ago rather than like a veteran member of the ground team. "Did that help? As I have said before, xenobiology is not my area of expertise, and I was not sure that the technique would work on a non-asari, but you looked—that is, you seemed so—I could not do _nothing_. Did it help?"

"You're amazing," Shepard said reverently. "Do me a favor and teach that to Dr. Chakwas."

Liara smiled brightly, and the expression actually did more to make Shepard feel better than the trick she'd used on his headache had. "I am afraid a human doctor would not be able to—to fool your nervous system in the same way I did."

"You're just trying to keep the secret to yourself so you can set up shop on Earth and make a killing," he accused.

Her eyes went wide with indignation, and she tried to tug her hands out of his grip. "That is untrue! I am not—I would never—" Shepard grinned apologetically at her, and she relaxed, sighing in exasperation. "You really aren't funny at all, are you?"

"That's what I've been saying."

"Shepard!" Garrus' voice rang across the lab, his tone insistent.

The commander sighed, and squeezed Liara's hands briefly before releasing them. "Duty calls. Thank you, Liara."

* * *

Garrus hadn't been able to keep from poking around Saren's lab. He'd like to have pretended that his curiosity stemmed largely from his desire to prove useful to the commander, by unearthing something that would reveal Saren's master plan. The truth was that Spectres—that Saren—had always been heroes to Garrus. This was an opportunity to fulfill his every childhood dream. Despite the fact that Saren was the most wanted turian in the galaxy, a part of Garrus still idolized him. He wasn't about to waste a chance to see his hero's inner sanctum.

For the most part, the lab had been everything a younger Garrus could have hoped. Just the custom-made guns mounted on the east wall had been enough to set his imagination spinning. A table in the center of the room projected a perfect model of the galaxy when Garrus had hit the right button. After a few minutes exploring that, he'd realized that the projection could be adjusted to show just a single planet, and would offer up a detailed report on the selected world if asked.

There were enough rarities in Saren's lab to keep most people occupied for days, if not centuries. Fortunately, Garrus wasn't most people.

When he was younger, Garrus had been in trouble with his father more than once for letting his attention wander during an exercise or lecture meant to turn him into the perfect C-Sec investigator. During his time in the army, he'd realized that the only time he could keep his mind from wandering for any length of time was when he was sighting down the scope of a sniper rifle. Almost the instant he discovered some new object in the lab, he was moving on to the next. Until he was standing in front of the utterly alien console that sat on the edge of the upper-level catwalk. Common sense told him to stay away from it.

So of course he made his best guess as to which was the 'on' button, and pressed it.

A red hologram of an odd-looking creature tall enough to stretch from the ceiling to the first floor of the lab materialized. _"You are not Saren," _it intoned.

Garrus' mouth fell open, and his mandibles began twitching in apprehension. "This… is not good," he murmured. "Shepard!"

* * *

"What is it?" Shepard asked Garrus. "Some kind of VI interface?" He leaned over the railing to get a better look at the hologram, and Wrex grabbed his arm to keep him from falling. The four team members clustered together on the railing, staring at the image. Garrus had sworn it had spoken, but so far, no one else had heard anything. Prothean beacon aside, this visit to the lab was turning into a pointless side trip.

_"Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it."_

Shepard didn't just hear the hologram's voice, he felt it. It resonated in the back of his skull as though it had originated in his own mind. If he hadn't seen the stunned faces of the others, he might have thought he was imagining things.

"I don't think that's a VI," Wrex said.

_"I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign."_

Liara's hand flew to her mouth.

"What?" Shepard asked. "What's wrong?"

The asari had gone pale. "I—" she croaked. Garrus put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Liara flashed him a tight smile, swallowed, licked her lips, and tried again. "Soverign is not just a Reaper ship Saren found," she explained. "It is an actual Reaper!"

"Impossible!" Wrex scoffed.

_"Reaper. A label created by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction."_

"The Protheans vanished fifty thousand years ago," Shepard reminded Liara, unwilling to speak to the—Sovereign, whatever it was. "This thing couldn't have been there. It's impossible!"

_"__**Organic**__ life is a genetic mutation. You wither and die. __**We **__are eternal. The pinnicle of evolution and existence. You are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable."_

"Whatever plans you may have," Wrex primed his shotgun, "we'll put an end to them. You can count on that."

_"Confidence borne of ignorance. The cycle cannot be broken."_

"Cycle? What cycle. You're talking out your ass, Reaper."

Shepard elbowed the krogan. "Don't encourage it! This thing isn't real. It's just a projection."

_"The cycle has repeated itself more times than you can fathom. Organic civilizations rise, evolve, advance. And at the apex of their glory, they are extinguished. The Protheans were not the first. They did not create the Citadel. They did not forge the mass relays. They merely found them, the legacy of my kind."_

"I knew it!" Liara crowed. "I knew I was right."

"Somehow I don't think other asari researchers are going to take the word of a delusional VI," Shepard grumbled. "Think about it! Why would anyone—I'm not saying who, mind you—build the mass relays and leave them for someone else to find?"

_"Your civilization is based on the technology of the mass relays. __**Our **__technology. By using it, your society develops along the paths we desire. You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it."_

"They are harvesting us!" Liara sounded decidedly less enthused than she had just a moment ago. "Letting us advance to the level they need and then wiping us out!"

"Don't be ridiculous—"

She cut him off with a gesture. "Commander, willful ignorance can serve you no longer. This threat is real, and we must face it!"

Shepard shook his head. _Why me?_ "Fine. Sovereign. Since you've apparently got some master plan in the works, tell me, what do you want from us? Slaves? Resources? I don't suppose that there's any chance you'd be willing to work out a treaty with the Council, would you?"

_"Do not presume to understand us. We are each a nation, free of all weaknesses. You cannot even begin to grasp the nature of our existence."_

"We?" Shepard asked. "You mean you're not the last of your kind?"

_"We are legion. The time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world in this galaxy. You cannot flee, organic. You cannot hide. You cannot escape your doom."_

"I may be just an insignificant little organic," the commander snapped, "but at least I'm alive! You're not, not really. You're just a machine. And I'm really good at breaking machines."

"Just ask the Mako," Garrus quipped. His comment prompted a burst of semi-hysterical laughter from the ground team.

_"Your words are as empty as your future. I am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over."_

The hologram blinked out of existence just before the console exploded, knocking the team to the ground.

"Well," Garrus said, as they picked themselves up. "It would seem that this console's been disabled. Orders, Commander?"

Shepard touched the comm on his suit. "This is Shadow. All units rendezvous at the breeding facility," he radioed. "Let's set the nuke and get the hell out of Dodge."

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**_ So, I wasn't actually planning on writing the encounter with Sovereign. (I also didn't realize what a skeptic Shep was!) Bonus chapter, I guess? _


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter Sixty-Three**

* * *

Kaidan stood in knee-deep water, supervising as a contingent of junior engineers carried the bomb off the _Normandy._

"Careful, Crosby!" he ordered. "Remember what you've got there! It's not a sack of potatoes!"

"Is this it?" Shepard asked, eying the device. "Not really intimidating, is it? I mean, it looks a little bit like a ladybug."

Kaidan turned to defend the nuke, but Tali was standing at Shepard's elbow. The question had been directed at her.

She turned to address the commander, hands planted on her hips in the universal expression of teenage frustration. "You asked us to turn a drive core into a nuclear device, and we did, Commander. If you want to complain about how it looks, then next time you can rig the bomb yourself."

The Alliance crew members standing in the surf went absolutely still, waiting for the quarian to be chewed out for her insubordination.

Commander Shepard glowered at Tali for a few moments. To her credit, the young woman didn't so much as fidget. She faced the commander directly. Although he couldn't see her face, Kaidan just knew that she was glaring right back at Shepard. He had to pretend to cough to cover his smile.

The noise drew Shepard's attention. He turned his withering gaze on his lieutenant for a moment before letting his face dissolve into an amused smile.

"Good point." To Kaidan's surprise, the commander put an arm around Tali and gave her a brief hug. "You did good, Chickadee," he said quietly.

_A lot of people giving out hugs today,_ Kaidan thought, taking a moment to hope that Ash was safely on her way to the rendezvous point. All the affection was something worth thinking about. Maybe it was because the _Normandy _was such a small ship, or maybe it was having non-Alliance personnel aboard, but at some point during the mission to find and capture Saren, formality seemed to have been abandoned in favor of camaraderie.

As much as he liked everyone aboard, Kaidan wasn't sure how he felt about sidestepping the regs like this. It would lead to trouble eventually, he was sure of that. He made a mental note to mention it to Shepard after the debriefing. _Gently_.

A glance at the commander revealed that he still had an arm around Tali's shoulders, and was letting her brag and explain the device to him. For once, he didn't look interested in the technology. Instead, he looked proud. Shepard's interest in tech had finally met its match in his fondness for the young quarian.

"Are we all set?" Kaidan asked the servicemen who'd been arranging the nuke.

"Yes, sir," one of them nodded. "All that's left is to arm it and put up the final firewalls."

The lieutenant grinned. The firewalls had been his idea. He remembered how easy it had been to disarm the bombs the geth had left on Eden prime, and he had no intention of being that sloppy. There was no way this facility was going to see the sun set. Not on his watch.

Kaidan made his way over to Shepard. "The bomb's in position," he informed the commander. "We're all set here."

"Commander can you read me?" Ashley's voice rang out over Shepard's comm, loud and urgent. Kaidan felt himself grin in relief at the sound. He should have had more faith in her ability to survive. A little thing like overwhelming odds wouldn't keep her down for long.

"I've got you, Chief," Shepard was grinning too. "We're all set on this end. You and the salarians had better hightail it over here!"

"Negative." The sound of gunfire obscured some of Ashley's words. "Geth… pinned down on the AA tower…. –vy casualties. We'll never… time."

Suddenly, Shepard was standing ramrod straight, every muscle tense. "Hold tight," he ordered. I'm coming to get you."

"Negative!" came the reply. "Just make sure that nuke is set. We'll—"

Whatever Ashley was going to say was lost in a crackle of static. Or gunfire. _Static,_ Kaidan told himself. _It was static._

"Joker!" Shepard barked into his comm. "I want the _Normandy_ en route to the chief's position _now!_ Wrex, and Garrus, you're with me. Everyone else, on the ship. I'm not leaving anyone behind." His last sentence was quiet, probably not intended to be overheard.

"Commander!" It was Kaidan's job to speak up when his superiors had overlooked something. "I still need a couple of minutes to finish arming the bomb."

"I—you do?"

Kaidan nodded. "It's all right. Go get them and meet me back here."

"All right." Shepard glanced at the Alliance marines making their way back onto the _Normandy_. "Clinton… Quincy… Perez!" The three marines jogged back down the gangway and snapped to attention. "You three, stay here. You're Lieutenant Alenko's backup." He saluted. "We'll be back for you as soon as we snag Williams and the salarians," he promised.

"I know you will, sir," Kaidan said. "Now get going before there's no one left to save."

* * *

Chief Williams gave them the first warning. "Heads up, LT." Even with the distortion of Lieutenant Alenko's suit radio, Clinton could hear that the chief was panting. She must be exhausted. He hoped the commander got to her and the salarians in time. "We just spotted a troop ship heading towards your location."

At first, they hadn't believed her. For the most part, the _Normandy_ had been a fairly cushy assignment. Clinton couldn't remember the last time he'd fired his gun outside of a training simulation. But sure enough, just a few minutes after Williams had radioed, one of the oddly shaped geth ships had appeared. Suddenly, flashlight-heads were dropping from the sky more quickly than the three marines could fire.

Alenko only glanced up from the bomb for an instant. He didn't even scramble to the other side of the device, out of the way of the bullets that were now whizzing through the air. It was hard not to admire the man's dedication to his duties. As his omni-tool glowed, installing some sort of firewall, the lieutenant touched his suit radio.

"Commander!" he called, managing to make himself heard despite the insanity erupting all around them. "There's a geth ship here. It's bleeding synthetics all over the bomb site."

Good idea, contacting Shepard. The commander would save them. The man had saved Elysium. He had saved Eden Prime. He could save a few members of his crew. His talents were unnatural.

"Can you hold them off?" Shepard asked. He must not have reached the salarians yet.

The lieutenant turned and examined the area, calm as if he were safe aboard the _Normandy_. "There's too many," he said after a long moment. "I don't think we can survive until you all get here." He paused, and for a moment, Clinton met Alenko's eyes. The other man looked… apologetic? "I'm activating the bomb," Alenko said quietly.

This could not be happening.

"It figures!" Quincy called out to no one in particular. "The first time I get a taste of some action this tour, and—"

"Shut up!" Perez snapped, sliding a new clip of ammunition into her assault rifle. "Shepard won't just leave us here."

"Alenko, what the hell do you think you're doing?" The commander's response sounded panicked. At least Clinton wasn't the only one. Although actually, hearing Shepard panic wasn't that reassuring.

The lieutenant was bent over the bomb. It took him a few moments to reply. "I'm making sure this place gets destroyed. No matter what." He straightened and pulled out his pistol, biotics beginning to glow. "It's done, Commander. Go get Williams and get the hell out of here."

"Screw that!" Clinton couldn't keep from smiling at the Chief's irritated tone. If he hadn't known better, he would've thought she'd just lost a hand of poker to Quincy. "We can handle ourselves," she insisted. "Go back and get Alenko!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Quincy shouted. "No point in coming back for the lieutenant if you're just going to leave the rest of us here!"

"Shut up, Quincy," Clinton and Perez said together. The two marines smiled at each other briefly, and Clinton could see the resignation in Perez's face. She was right, of course. No one in his right mind would run _towards_ a nuclear device that had just been armed.

Perez stopped firing for a moment and touched something in her pocket. Clinton wondered whom she was thinking of.

Time seemed to stop as they waited for Shepard to respond. Even though he knew that there were at least four times as many salarians on the AA tower as there were marines at the bomb site, Clinton couldn't help hoping—

"Joker," the commander's voice came from Alenko's suit radio, and Clinton held his breath. "Stay on course. We'll meet you at the AA tower."

"Shepard!" Williams sounded horrified. "You can't!"

The lieutenant touched his radio. "It's the right call and you know it, Ash," he said calmly. Clinton wished he felt that calm.

"Kaidan—" she protested.

"It's all right," he said. "You know what they say about red skies and geth. It's all right. See you on the other side, kiddo."

"Alenko," Shepard said. "I—"

"It's been an honor, sir."

"It's been _my_ honor. It's been my honor to serve with all four of you." Clinton blinked. He hadn't thought the commander would remember the grunts who were getting left behind. "If any of you have any messages—"

Perez spoke first, hand flying to her own suit radio before the commander could finish speaking. "My sister. Tell her I love her, and George, and the girls. So much. And, commander, could you tell her that I say thank you? For _everything,_ tell her. And—and tell her how beautiful Virmire is."

"I keep a vid journal," Quincy said, when Perez had finished. "In my locker. If you could make sure my wife gets it, Commander…"

"I will," he promised. "I will."

"Clinton?" Alenko asked. "Any last messages?"

Clinton shook his head. "I always say my goodbyes before I leave—just in case."

The lieutenant nodded. "I get that." He switched his radio off. "Let's make this count."

* * *

To Clinton's shock, he was still standing when the bomb began to emit a deafening noise. He glanced worriedly at the lieutenant. Alenko smiled. "Safety precaution. If you can hear it, you're in the blast radius, and you'd better move your ass."

Across the clearing, Perez laughed.

The noise went on forever. The entire time, Clinton kept firing. He kept hitting synthetics, kept protecting the bomb, protecting the galaxy, protecting _Aleks_. Funny though, he couldn't have said what it was he was looking at each time he fired. He was thinking of his last leave, a night he and Aleks had watched a movie together. He'd fallen asleep on Aleks' shoulder and woken up to the world's most perfect smile. Just seeing it, just knowing it was for him, had made missing the movie worth it. It made this whole stupid mission worth it. With the warning blare of the nuke ringing in his ears, Clinton saw that smile again, and it made everything worth it.


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter Sixty-Four:**

**In Which Our Hero Loses His Cool**

The commander always gave them time to clean themselves up after a ground mission before the debriefing. Usually, everyone was grateful; they pushed themselves to the limit, and appreciated the chance to catch their breath before they were expected to come up with advice about the next course of action.

This was different. Even though Shepard had sent the Draven twins around telling everyone that they had an hour before he expected them in the comm room, Liara had arrived twenty minutes early, only to realize that she was the last one there. The last one, save for the commander.

The only noises in the room were the hushed murmurs of Garrus and Tali. The two of them had their heads close together, each explaining the events they had witnessed during the fight on Virmire to the other one, no doubt. Wrex sat in his usual seat, arms crossed, eyes closed, head bent. If he were not a krogan, Liara would have assumed he was mourning the loss of Lieutenant Alenko, or the other _Normandy_ soldiers. If he were any krogan but Urdnot Wrex, she would have assumed that he was napping. As things stood, she very much suspected that he was attempting to rationalize his support of Shepard's decision to destroy the cure for the genophage.

Chief Williams sat alone on what Tali had once jokingly referred to as the 'humans-only' side of the room. Knowing what the young marine had endured while planetside, Liara would have expected her to look exhausted and dirty, or to take advantage of the time they had to shower. Instead, she was almost eerily neat. The human woman sat rigidly straight in her chair, still wearing her armor, folded hands resting on the helmet in her lap, not a hair out of place, not a line of dirt on her face. Her blank stare was fixed on the empty seat to her left. Lieutenant Alenko's seat.

It was eerie. Liara had never been so grateful to take her seat next to Wrex. Despite his violent outburst on the beach, the asari's instincts told her that it was safer to be near him than it was to be near Williams at the moment.

Time passed slowly, awkwardly. Liara did her best to look anywhere but at Chief Williams, but her eyes kept being drawn back. She wished the commander would arrive.

Shepard didn't reach the comm room until thirty more minutes had passed. To Liara's knowledge, this was the first time he had been late to a debriefing.

Like Williams, he still wore his armor, pistol at his hip, shotgun nestled at the small of his back. Unlike the gunnery chief, however, he looked as though he had been in a fight. As he took his place leaning against the communications console, Liara noticed new gouges on his armor, and dirt on his face. His hair, though recently cut, was matted and disheveled.

Hardest of all to look at were the dark and ugly bruises that covered Shepard's lower face and neck. Marks of violence. It was odd that she could have lived in the company of marines for a few months but only now realized what war really meant.

"What happened today—" At the sound of his rasping voice, the commander frowned, cleared his throat, and winced at the pain. "We lost good people. But we saved good people, too." He gestured towards the floor, and Liara realized that the rescued salarian STG forces must have been on a lower deck. "And we won. It doesn't feel like that, but we did. Saren lost his krogan army, and we've gotten more proof that the Reapers are involved. Because of what we did today, because of the sacrifices of the salarians, and of our people, the Council will be ready…." His voice faded again. "Good job, team."

"Commander—" Every head in the room turned to face Chief Williams. "Permission to speak freely, Commander?"

Wearily, Shepard nodded.

"How could we just leave Kaidan down there?" she asked.

"Every marine understands what the risks are when he puts on the uniform, Williams. You know as well as anyone that there wasn't enough time to save everyone."

"It should have been me, sir, you know that. Kaidan was the superior officer; you should have saved _him!_"

At her words, something in the commander's face changed. Suddenly, it was like Liara was seeing Shepard for the first time. He squared his shoulders and scowled darkly, his face more expressive than it had ever been. "Chief Williams, I am your commanding officer. I won't tolerate your questioning of my decisions!" Liara could only imagine how the man had managed to raise his voice like that given how much pain speaking seemed to be causing him.

Williams flinched. "I—yes, sir."

"Sorry to interrupt, Commander." In the quiet after Shepard's shouting, Joker's voice suddenly boomed through the room like thunder. "You wanted to know when we were in range of a comm buoy. To warn the Council about Sovereign?"

Shepard sighed. "Crew, dismissed," he ordered, stepping away from the console and straightening his back. "Patch them through, Joker. They need to know."

The doors had barely closed behind the ground team when they heard the loud rumble of Shepard's voice.

"Goddess," Liara breathed. "Is he… _yelling_ at the Council?"

"Go to hell!" the commander roared, loudly enough for the words to be heard clearly through the door.

Garrus managed a weak chuckle. "That would be a 'yes,' I think. I knew working with Shepard would be more exciting than staying at C-Sec."

* * *

Ashley needed to hide. She needed to be… she didn't know what she needed. Everything was wrong. Yelling at Shepard in front of everyone… it served her right that he had chewed her out. Why had she said that? Even when COs had treated her terribly, assigning her crap duties and making sure the rest of the unit knew _why_ she was getting crap duties, she'd known to keep her mouth shut. But Shepard saved her life, and she attacked him for it? What was wrong with her?

She couldn't look at Captain Kirrahe or the salarians. Too many of them had died right beside her on top of that damned AA tower. They had all been ready to die. She had been ready to die. Then Commander Shepard had swooped in and rescued them. Ashley hadn't deserved to be rescued, but the salarians hadn't deserved to die, either. She couldn't face them because she would have preferred it if Shepard had left them all to die and saved Kaidan instead.

The salarians were below deck, between her and the armory. Maybe Dr. Chakwas would have let her stay in the med bay, but Dr. Chase was down there as well. Another person Ashley couldn't look in the eye right now. Dr. Chase's crush on Kaidan had been obvious to everyone but the LT. Ashley should have pointed it out to him sooner. It might have given them a chance to get to know each other. Kaidan had deserved so much more than this.

Somehow, she ended up in the cockpit. Joker was alone up there. Maybe they could be alone together.

"I _told_ you, Serviceman Rahman, I'm _fine_. If I need you to relive me, I'll let you know," the pilot snapped.

"Joker?"

"Ash?"

"Can I—can I just sit up here with you for a while?"

He hesitated, and then gestured to the seat on his right. Kaidan's seat. "Just don't touch anything."


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter Sixty-Five**

**In Which Our Hero Learns Things**

The debriefing had been as short as Shepard could make it, although it had seemed to drag on forever. It was as if everything had been skewed by his decision to save Ashley and the salarian team. Like the seat where Alenko normally sat—between Ashley and Shepard—had turned into a gulf to wide to even see across.

_You let Kaidan die because of 'us.'_ The accusation had hung in the air, although Ashley hadn't said it aloud. How could she think that? It was a miracle that she and the salarians hadn't died during the frontal assault on the research base. When he had sent her with the STG forces, they had both known she probably wouldn't be coming back. How many times did she want him to send her off to die?

It would have been bad enough if she had confronted him in private but she hadn't. He was going to have to read her the riot act again. It didn't matter how she was feeling, she knew better. You didn't challenge your CO like that.

Shepard slumped in Ashley's chair, imagining that he could smell her scent. Pretending he actually knew what she smelled like. And then, as he inhaled, he realized that he did know her scent. That too-brief hug goodbye on the Virmire beach had burned Ashley into his memory.

"Commander?"

He was too tired and miserable to open his eyes and fake a smile. Hopefully, Liara wouldn't mind. "Yes?"

"I—I have been thinking, and I believe I may be able to help you."

"Help me?" God, his throat hurt. That bastard Saren had grabbed Shepard by the neck and hoisted him in the air, almost dropped him off the side of a wall. He would have died, and that would have been it. Maybe then he would have had a chance to rest.

Liara nodded. "The second beacon. The one in Saren's lab. It is possible that it contained the information that was previously missing from your vision. I—I think—Perhaps I could help you put the pieces together?"

"You want to join our minds again?"

"I believe it will help. It may tell us what Saren plans to do next."

"What does it matter? The Council didn't believe me when I tried to warn them about the Reapers."

"I know." In response to his unasked question, she continued. "You were quite loud, Commander. We heard your… discussion with the Council." An amused glint appeared in Liara's eyes. "Please don't tell me that it was Councilor Tevos you told to 'go to hell.' She's actually quite a nice person."

Despite everything that had happened that day, Shepard felt the corner of his mouth turn up in a smile. How did Liara do that? "When I tried to remind them that I was right about Saren, Councilor Sparatus told me that even a broken clock is right twice a day."

Liara laughed. "I suppose I can understand why you said it, then."

* * *

Although there had been a flash of amusement in Shepard's eyes when he remembered shouting at the turian councilor, it burned away all too soon, and there was no light left in the man's face. He looked defeated.

Liara couldn't imagine what a toll the day had taken on him. She struggled with the burden of ending the lives of those who wished to kill her; she could only imagine how much worse the commander must have felt knowing that he had sentenced four of his own crew to death that day. She was worried about him. Although she truly did believe that the beacon in Saren's lab had contained information that would help them on their mission, part of the reason she wanted to join minds with Shepard was to make sure that he was all right. He couldn't afford to indulge his guilt right now.

"Can I be honest with you, Liara?"

"I would hope that you are always honest with me, Shepard."

The human sighed. "It's just—I understand what you're saying, really, I do. But I don't want anyone messing with my mind right now."

Liara narrowed her eyes in exasperation. Why did the one human capable of saving the galaxy from the Reapers have to be so incredibly dense? She struggled to be patient. "I understand that you are grieving, Commander, but—"

"I said no. The last time I checked, I was still in command of the _Normandy_."

"The last time _I_ checked, you had finally realized that wallowing in self-loathing was unproductive and unbecoming! Like it or not, Commander Shepard, you are the best hope for stopping Saren and the Reapers. What you want doesn't matter. You have a duty. Believe me, if I could avoid rifling through your mind, I would. Someone as strong-willed as you… it's exhausting! But unlike you, I understand that I have a responsibility I must fulfill." Quietly, she added, "You are not the only one of us who is grieving, though you are the only one who seems to expect the world to stop in deference to his grief."

Shepard didn't respond. Liara did her best not to fidget as they sat in silence. A silence that she would not break. She had said what needed to be said; there was nothing more that she could do. _Goddess, please don't let me be wrong about what kind of person he truly is._

The commander sighed. "I was wrong about you. You shouldn't be a matriarch when you grow up," his lips pursed slightly in the weak smile Liara had come to cherish when it appeared on his face, "you should be a drill sergeant. You're right," Shepard admitted. "I'm sorry." He reached out and took Liara's hand in his own armored one, folding his long fingers around her palm and resting it on his knee. The asari blinked, suddenly struggling to concentrate.

"I—it—it is quite all right, Shepard. I'm sure you would have remembered what is expected of you on your own."

"You give me too much credit." He leaned forward in his chair. "You need to touch my forehead for this, right?"

Liara nodded and reached out with her free hand. Shepard's skin was warm under her fingers, and she could feel the fine hairs on his brow. His eyes were closed in anticipation. If only he would look at her. If only he was doing this because he wanted Liara to discover _him_, not discover information about Saren's plans. If only she wasn't such a coward. If only—

"Embrace eternity," she whispered.

Immersing herself in the commander's subconscious felt like falling through mud. Though she could sense his intent to share with her, his mind instinctively resisted the joining. She had to bludgeon her way past his mental defenses, and it was impossible not to glimpse things he undoubtedly did not intend to share: the inscription on his mother's piano, getting sick after his first battle with pirates, crying as he fought through the horrible pangs of red sand withdrawal.

Finally, Liara found what she had been searching for. The vision from the beacon was as vivid as she remembered. Horrible, horrible images sharp with pain, panic, and desperation. Tears of sympathy pricked at her eyes. How could she ever have viewed the demise of the Prothean Empire as an intriguing academic puzzle? It was a tragedy, a genocide. How could she not have seen it before?

Just before the vision ended, there was a flash of something. A place, a ray of hope, a myth. She recognized it from her research. Ilos!

"Ilos," she breathed, her fingers still resting on Shepard's forehead, his hand still holding hers in place on his knee.

The commander opened his eyes, unsure. "Ilos? My translator doesn't have that word."

"No, it's not…. Ilos is a place. The beacon in Saren's lab completed the vision. I could understand everything!" Despite the dire nature of the beacon's message, Liara smiled. She had understood everything. "The beacon contained a warning, broadcast across the Prothean Empire. A warning about the Reapers, though it came too late."

"Was that all? Wasn't there any information about the Conduit?" Shepard frowned and moved away. Left alone in the empty air, Liara's fingers bobbed uncertainly, and she pulled both her hands back and placed them on her temples.

"No, there was more. At the end, there was… almost a map. Places I know. The name of the planet where we will find the Conduit is Ilos!" She met Shepard's gaze and smiled encouragingly. "Don't you see, that's why Saren needed to find the Mu Relay—it is the only way to reach Ilos!"

"I guess I know where we're going next," he murmured.

"Shepard, no. The Mu Relay is located deep within the Terminus Systems. Alliance ships are not welcome there. Neither are Spectres, for that matter."

"The Conduit is on Ilos. That's where Saren is going. I'll be there to stop him." The commander smiled; the expression was real, full, and warm, like nothing she had ever seen on his face before. Liara caught her breath. "It's my responsibility," he reminded her as he stood. His smile shone at her for one more moment before fading away. "I promise though, I'll submit my report to the Council before we go tearing off. Now," he held out a hand to her, "I know these joinings tire you out. Can I walk you back to Dr. Chakwas' office?"

* * *

_**Author's Note: **I don't know where Liara's backbone came from, but I like it._


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter Sixty-Six**

**In Which Our Hero Writes Some Letters**

* * *

If anyone asked, he was going to say he was down here observing the engine. Because of his love of tech. People would believe that, probably, maybe. Even though it wasn't true.

Shepard was hiding.

He'd handed Liara off into Dr. Chase's care and then let Dr. Chakwas fuss over the bruises on his throat. During the examination, she'd scolded him several times for trying to talk, but she had still updated him. The preliminary checkup of the salarians seemed to indicate that all the survivors would be fine. Dr. Chakwas had also mentioned that Ashley hadn't come in to be looked over, and hadn't responded to any of her pages.

When the older woman had finished with Shepard, she'd given him a box of lozenges, orders not to talk more than absolutely necessary for the next day or so, and run a hand affectionately over his hair. The gesture was reminiscent of how she'd parted from him the day his grandfather's lawyer had taken him from the crew of the _Einstein._ It was Chakwas' way of telling Shepard that she was there if he needed her.

When he left the med bay Shepard had gone to his cabin to finally change out of his armor. He'd collected his datapad and music player and headed to the mess hall to write his official mission report for the Council. He hadn't wanted to be alone.

He still didn't, but the stricken look on Dr. Chase's face when he'd brought Liara into the med bay, and the way the off-duty crew's mournful, subdued conversations had dropped off when he had walked past them in the mess had forced Shepard to acknowledge that it would be easier for everyone else if he was alone.

The report had been finished for at least a half an hour now, laboriously typed up on his datapad and emailed to the Council, but Shepard was still hiding away in a dark, silent corner of the engine rooms. Like a stowaway. Or a cockroach.

There were still letters to write. The worst kind of letters,

Saving Ashley and the salarians had been the right decision; it was simple math. There were more of them—a dozen salarians and Ashley, as opposed to four Alliance marines. Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, Corporal Marianne Perez, Private First Class Derek Quincy, Private First Class Benjamin Clinton. Their names were etched on Shepard's soul, more deaths that he would have to atone for someday. Saving Ashley and the salarians hadn't been the right decision, he admitted. The right decision would have meant that no one but Shepard had gotten hurt.

He pulled his music player out of his pocket and slipped the earpieces into place. _It should have been me._ The salarians, the Alliance marines—they all had people who were relying on them to come back. No one was waiting on Shepard. _It should have been me._

Except that it couldn't have been the commander. He had been the only one with the message from the beacon in his mind. If only Liara had had thought to join their minds earlier….

That wouldn't have changed anything. There would still be letters to write.

* * *

_Dear Mrs. Stavros—It may come as a surprise to you that your sister, Corporal Perez, was always quiet and reserved when we interacted. As such, I cannot claim to know her well, but I know that she was proud to be a marine, mostly because she was always teasing the servicemen on the _Normandy _about how much better it is to be a marine. I also know that she loved you and her nieces more than anything else in the galaxy. When she talked about you all in the mess hall, her voice was usually so loud I could hear her in the med bay. Before she died, Corporal Perez asked me to tell you that Virmire, where she died, was beautiful. It was more than beautiful. It was a paradise. I've never been on a world like it, where the sun and the ocean and the sand all blended together into a landscape that almost hurt to look at for too long. Corporal Perez saw beauty and peace at a time when many would only have despaired. She died defending not just the Alliance, but the entire galaxy. She did not hesitate to do her duty. She was a credit to her uniform, and to you. I am sorry for your loss, and I mourn with you._

* * *

_Dear Mr. Broz—Your husband, Private Clinton, was an exceptional marine, and it was my privilege to work with him. Many of the younger members of our crew looked to him as a mentor and a role model. They could not have had a better one. He was not only diligent and responsible, but compassionate and kind. I cannot count the number of times I was notified of a possible conflict between two members of the crew and responded only to find that Private Clinton, our peacemaker, had already cooled all tempers. At all times, he embodied the ideals of the Alliance Military, and truly was a brother to all of us aboard the _Normandy. _Indeed, even the non-Alliance members of the _Normandy _crew were put at ease and made to feel welcome by Private Quincy. While he served with us, he left indelible impressions on all those he came into contact with. He died defending not just the Alliance, but the entire galaxy. He did not hesitate to do his duty. He was a credit to his uniform, and to you. I am sorry for your loss, and I mourn with you._

* * *

_Dear Serviceman Quincy—Despite his many qualifications and outstanding qualities, what I remember your husband, Private Quincy, best for, is the time he spent on guard duty aboard the _Normandy_. Although all of our marines take their duties seriously, Private Quincy was the only one who could not keep from smiling as he carried out even the most tedious tasks. Every time an officer passed his post, he snapped to attention with a grin, rather than a marine's traditional, stern expression. I confess, I never had the heart to reprimand him for it. On some days my fleeting glimpse of his natural optimism served as a reminder to me of the most important aspects of humanity, and reinvigorated me with enthusiasm for my own duties. Before he died, Private Quincy informed me that he kept a vid diary and requested that it be returned to you. It will be sent to you ahead of his other possessions the next time the _Normandy_ is in dock. He died defending not just the Alliance, but the entire galaxy. He did not hesitate to do his duty. He was a credit to his uniform, and to you. I am sorry for your loss, and I mourn with you._

* * *

_Dear Mrs. Alenko—Words are inadequate to express my sorrow at the loss of Kaidan. He was more than a model officer and an important part of the _Normandy's_ crew, he was my friend. Almost from the first moment I set foot on the ship, your son was present as a support and a resource. I valued his opinion and relied on his expertise, and will be the poorer for his loss. As a member of the ground team, he not only proved his courage and resourcefulness on numerous occasions, but he also saved my life, the lives of other crew members, and the lives of many, many civilians. Always level-headed and rational, Kaidan never hesitated to make tough decisions, or to put himself at risk when the lives of others were on the line. Even his death was a sacrifice made to protect the entire galaxy. Although we feel the pain of his death with an intensity great enough to make us question the worth of that sacrifice, the truth is that Kaidan died a hero's death, and without his sacrifice, every living creature in the Milky Way would be facing unimaginable, but very real, danger. Although I would do anything to bring Kaidan back, in the days to come, all I can do is strive to live up to the example your he has set. He was a credit to his uniform, and to you. Please accept my sincere apologies for your loss. Know that I mourn with you._

* * *

A year, an hour, or no time at all could have passed. The letters were written, and Shepard hated each one of them. His words felt hollow, cold, and inadequate. Still, he had to send them. The longer he delayed, the less chance that they would be received by the brass in time to be printed on heavy, official Alliance stationary and sent along with blank-faced officers to shatter four families. He read each letter repeatedly, taking out one word here, adding a sentence there, erasing the whole thing and starting again over and over.

Someone put a hand on his shoulder, and the strangled noise of surprise that came out of his throat hurt enough to jerk the commander back to reality.

"Shepard?" Tali asked. "What are you doing down here?"

For a moment he considered telling her his lie about the engine, but talking would be too painful. In any case, he didn't want to lie to Tali. He turned off his music player and pulled off his ear pieces before handing her the datapad.

The young quarian studied the device for several long, silent minutes. Not for the first time, Shepard wished he could read her facial expression.

"I'm sorry," she said finally, handing back the datapad. "My father… he writes the same sort of letter on occasion. It always takes a toll on him. It's hard to watch." She started to sit, then stopped. "Father prefers to be alone at times like these. If you'd rather I leave…."

The commander shook his head, and reached for the datapad. _You don't have to leave,_ he typed.

"Then I won't." Tali sounded pleased. "Is there anything—"

_Tell me about your father, _Shepard typed.

"My father?"

_You never mentioned him before, Chickadee._

"I—What's a 'Chickadee'?"

_You're changing the subject._

"No, really. I don't know what it is, but you keep calling me that." Tali's voice took on a teasing quality. "It's not an insult is it?"

_If I tell you, will you tell me about your father?_

The young woman made an exasperated noise that Shepard was sure had been accompanied by an eye roll. "Fine. Since you care so much."

Shepard picked his music player back up, and gestured to Tali to take the earpieces. She held one in her hand, and brought it close to the side of her mask. The commander wondered if quarians had ears on the side of their head like humans, smooth skin like the asari, simple holes like the turians, or something completely different. Shaking his head to regain his focus, he pulled up the song he wanted.

_A chickadee is a sort of bird, I think. I've never seen one. They live on Earth. _

He played the song. When the music ended, Tali handed him back the earpiece.

"I'm still not sure I understand," she admitted.

_I used to call my sister 'Chickadee.' She loved this song more than I did. I used to sing it for her._ Shepard closed his eyes and remembered dancing with Willa, swinging and dipping her small body through the air as he sang to her.

_I changed the words for her, _he typed suddenly. '_Our dance,' instead of 'romance.'_ He cocked an eyebrow at Tali. _It would have been sort of creepy if I didn't._

"Right," Tali agreed, "because she was your sister."

_Exactly._

"And now you call me 'Chickadee' because…?" she prompted.

_You remind me of her. I like to think she would have grown up to be a little like you._

"Like me? I'm a quarian."

_What? Really? I didn't notice! God, Tali, when did that happen? Should you head up and see Dr. Chakwas?_

"Ha-ha."

Shepard smirked and placed a hand on Tali's helmet. If she had been human, he would have ruffled her hair. _You're kind, Tali. You're smart, and brave. Without you, we wouldn't even have gotten this far on our mission. Why wouldn't I want a little sister like you?_

"I love you too, Shepard," Tali said wistfully.

_Whoa now. Who said anything about love? I just compared you to my __**little **__**sister**__. If you weren't an only child you'd realize what a big insult that is._

"I take it back," Tali said. "I hate you."

_I get that a lot._

"I'll bet."

_So, tell me about your dad? You don't have to._

"I don't mind." She paused, considering how to start. "Remember the geth data you gave me? To bring back as my Pilgrimage gift?" Shepard nodded. "It's the perfect gift," she explained. "New information on how the geth work… it's worth more than bringing back a new liveship! Well, maybe not that much. But it's worth a lot to my people."

_Because you created the geth?_

"Not just because of that. The quarians live in exile, Shepard. The geth took our planet from us. Someday, we'll retake the homeworld. To do that, though we need to know how the geth have evolved in the three hundred years since they drove us away."

_What does that have to do with your father?_

"I needed a big gift from my Pilgrimage, because my father is the senior member of the Admiralty Board. He's one of only five people who can overrule the decisions of our civilian government for the good of the Migrant Fleet. He's responsible for the wellfare of our entire race—seventeen million people have put their lives in his hands. And I'm his only child."

_Tali, are you the heir to the quarian throne?_

His question made Tali laugh so hard that she had to grip his shoulder to keep from doubling over. It took a few minutes before she regained her composure.

_Was it something I said, your highness?_

"Ah—ah—ha—ha—oh. Keelah, Shepard. I haven't laughed so hard in ages. Thank you."

_I take it you're not royalty, then?_

"Not at all. My father's position isn't hereditary. Although, there is an unspoken expectation that I'll live up to his example. Everyone was waiting for me to do something great on my Pilgrimage. Something that would forever change our lives for the better." Tali put a hand on Shepard's arm. "Thanks to you, I won't disappoint them."

_Glad to hear it._

"Growing up, everyone knew who my father was, even before he joined the Admiralty Board. I know my childhood was easier than most, but in some ways, it was harder. Father had to set an example for others, and he expected me to do the same. Plus," she chuckled, "he was very strict. You know how military men are."

_I can imagine._

"Yes. He's not the kind of person you bond with. Not that I had the chance. He wasn't around much. He was always busy. And he never smiles. Ever."

_Could you tell even if he did smile? I mean, quarians do wear enviro-suits all the time…._

Tali slapped Shepard lightly on the arm. "Very funny," she said dryly. "But… thanks. I know my father loves me. He just doesn't show it in the usual way. I guess the best thing I can say about our relationship is that we respect each other."

_I bet he smiles when you bring home the geth data._

"Maybe."

_If he doesn't, let me know. I'll take some shore leave and come teach him how._

"Right. Because you smile all the time."

Shepard scowled at Tali in mock irritation, and then rose to his feet.

"Time to get back to work?" she asked. He nodded. "Do you feel better at all?" The commander nodded again, and pulled the quarian into a hug.

"Thanks, Tali," he whispered.

"Any time, Captain," she replied.

Before he could remind her that he was only a commander, an engineer stepped into the room to run some diagnostics, and it was time to move on.

* * *

_**Author's Note:** The song mentioned is "De-lovely." I'm partial to the Ella Fitzgerald version._

_I realized the other day that it's been a while since I voiced my appreciation for all my readers and reviewers. So, thank you, all. I appreciate your taking the time to read through all this, and I hope you feel that it was worth it. _


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter Sixty-Seven**

**In Which Our Hero Suffers a Grave Insult**

When Shepard had showed up on the top of the AA tower with Garrus and Wrex, the three of them had taken out the geth that were attacking before Ashley had a chance to stick her head out of cover and take another shot. She still wasn't sure whether that was because of Shepard's biotics, or because Wrex had had an assault rifle and an excess of aggression.

It had been unreal, how quickly everything had gone quiet, and a part of Ashley had thought that there might still have been enough time to get out of there and take the _Normandy _back for Kaidan and the others. Commander Shepard had snatched an impossible victory out of thin air again.

That had been before Saren showed up, floating on a hoverboard and tossing explosives like he was a high-tech softball pitcher. The three rescuers had been sent flying through the air by the detonations. For a terrible minute, Shepard had lain on the ground, not moving. It was like that time on Eden Prime, after the beacon had self-destructed, but this time Kaidan was too far away to check on Shepard's vitals and calm Ashley down.

Saren had focused on Shepard completely. The bastard had jumped down from his stupid hoverboard and stalked toward the helpless human, snarling like an animal. He'd grabbed Shepard by the throat and dragged him across the tower until he was standing at the edge. Ashley had been lining up a shot, ready to take Saren out, and then he'd hoisted Shepard into the air, dangling over a drop that would kill the commander for sure.

Shepard had struggled, clawed at Saren's hand trying to free himself, but the turian had just held him there, waiting for the life to drain out of him. The commander's lips were moving; Ashley could only imagine what sort of insults he was hurling at the rogue Spectre. Whatever Shepard had said had seemed to resonate with whatever part of Saren still had any honor. He'd shaken his head and shaken the commander, but he hadn't let go. It wasn't until a loud klaxon had sounded from somewhere else in the compound that Saren had taken his eyes off of Shepard.

The distraction was enough. Shepard pulled back his arm and punched Saren in the face, biotics glowing. The turian lost his grip, and Shepard had broken free. Before he could land another punch—or better yet, put a round through Saren's head—the traitor had been back on his hoverboard and soaring out of range of the nuke.

Then the _Normandy_ had arrived, and it was time for everyone who could to escape. They had. Ashley, Shepard, Wrex, Garrus, the salarians, they'd all gotten away. The mission was a success.

_Yeah, right_.

* * *

The last time Ashley had been in the CO's cabin, she'd been convinced that Captain Anderson was about to kick her off of his ship. Kaidan had been there though, to reassure her and wish her luck at the last minute. He'd pushed the button on Anderson's door and made sure she'd gone in. When she'd come out of that meeting with her first shipside posting, Kaidan had waved away her thanks for his recommendation, introduced her to Joker, and made her feel like part of the _Normandy's _crew.

She hadn't known Captain Anderson as well as she knew Shep—_Commander_ Shepard. It should have been easier to let herself into his cabin, even though she knew that he had only paged her so that he could chew her out for what she'd said in the debriefing room earlier. Plus, Shepard didn't lock his door the way Anderson had—his tendency to drop dead of exhaustion in his cabin rather than fall asleep like a normal person meant that the crew needed access to the cabin in order to wake him for messages and missions.

Ashley couldn't make herself open the door. No matter what the commander planned to say to her, she knew that she was going to ask him why he'd chosen her over Kaidan. She had to hear what he would say. And even if Shepard told her that the decision had had nothing to do with 'them,' she wouldn't believe him. The knowledge that Kaidan was dead because of her relationship with Shepard hurt so much that Ashley had been having trouble breathing. Losing Kaidan, Clinton, Quincy, and Perez was worse than losing the 212. This time, the deaths really were her fault. If she'd died on Eden Prime, if she'd never met Shepard, would the others still be alive?

It might have helped if she could have convinced herself that it wouldn't hurt _more_ to believe that the order to save her and the salarians had nothing to do with the way Shepard felt about her.

As the thought flitted through her mind, Ashley couldn't believe how selfish she was, how shallow. She hated herself.

_Grow up Williams._ _Save the pity party until you've got enough shore leave to really indulge._

* * *

The door slid open just as she was lifting her hand towards the sensor. The commander was halfway out the door before it had opened all the way, nearly colliding with Ashley. When he caught sight of her, he stepped back abruptly and pulled his shoulders tight.

"Chief Williams," he rasped. Shepard's voice wasn't as bad as it had been a few hours ago during the debriefing. He had changed out of his armor, and the bruises on his neck were clearly visible.

"You paged me, sir," she reminded him. How was it that no matter how close the two of them got, they always seemed to end up back in this formal, angry place?

He stared at her, and then nodded. "Follow me."

She trailed after him as he led the way to the stairs, followed him up to the crew deck, and into the debriefing room.

"I'm here, Joker," he said quietly.

"All right, Commander. Patching the Council through now."

Ashley had watched Shepard debrief the Council once, and she'd been impressed with his ability to keep his mouth shut when they treated him like the galaxy's biggest fuck-up. It had pissed her off. There was no one who could do what Shepard had done. The Council should have been down on their knees thanking him for being willing to handle the dirty Spectre they hadn't been able to control, and instead they blamed him for things no one could have expected to go wrong.

Shepard deserved better.

As the Council's holograms flickered into view, Shepard shot her a look that was a clear order to keep her mouth shut.

"Commander Shepard," the asari councilor began, "we've received your report on the Virmire campaign."

"Congratulations again on the success of the operation," the salarian councilor added. "Thank you also for your efforts to retrieve Captain Kirrahe's team. He speaks highly of you and your people."

Ashley wondered if Shepard was keeping silent because his throat hurt or because he honestly felt that it would be a waste of time to say anything.

"Captain Kirrahe's report confirmed some of what you told us when last we spoke," the asari councilor said. "In particular, he shares your concern about a possible attack by Saren and the geth."

"Yes," the turian councilor sounded decidedly unenthused. "The Council has decided to organize a joint species fleet to deal with this threat. We're requesting that you and the _Normandy_ return to the Citadel as soon as possible. Ambassador Udina will accompany you to the Citadel Tower for a war summit when you arrive."

Shepard didn't have a chance to respond before the communication cut out.

"Joker," he said in his pained, gravelly voice, "did you get all that?"

"It sure took them long enough!"

"I'll, say," the commander glanced up in the general direction of the pilot's voice. "Set a course for the Citadel. I want the _Normandy_ at the head of that fleet."

"You got it, sir."

"Thanks. Give us some privacy now, would you? I don't want to be disturbed until we arrive."

* * *

"I guess that _is_ how your conversations with the Council always go," Ashley said quietly after a few moments had passed.

"Chief Williams," Shepard sighed, bringing a hand up to his face so that he could run his fingers over the scar on his nose.

Ashley controlled her sudden impulse to walk over to Shepard and pull his hand down by clasping her own hands behind her back and standing at attention. "Yes, sir."

He opened and closed his mouth, thinking over what he was going to say. "You know you were out of line, earlier."

"Yes, sir."

"I don't care what's happened, Williams, you don't question me like that. I'll tolerate a lot, but not insubordination. Next time it happens, you're off my ship."

"Yes, sir." She wouldn't mention that he put up with every non-Alliance crewmember questioning him at the drop of a hat. Hell, Wrex had pulled a gun on him when they landed on Virmire. _A Williams has to be better than the best,_ she reminded herself.

"Marines die. Our friends die. We don't die with them."

"Yes, sir."

He stared closely at her. "Are you all right?" The question was quiet and gentle, and Shepard ducked his head in a shy little gesture when he asked it.

"Yes, sir."

A hurt expression flickered over his face at her response, and he turned away from her, leaning heavily over the communications console. "Fine. You're dismissed, Gunnery Chief. Keep my warning in mind."

Instead of leaving, Ashley took a couple steps towards Shepard. He glanced over his shoulder at the sound. "Why did you leave Kaidan?" she asked. "It's not that I'm not grateful to be alive, but he was the superior officer, I would have gladly stayed behind—"

He turned angrily around. "Say it," he ordered.

"There's noth—"

"If you're going to accuse me, Ash, have the balls to do it to my face. Don't dance around like this."

"Fine," she snapped. "Did you let Kaidan die because you want to get into my pants?"

There was a flash of blue as Shepard's biotics flared. Ashley gritted her teeth and stood her ground. "Is that what you think of me?" he asked forcefully, wincing and putting a hand to his throat. "If it is, you can go to hell," he murmured.

"Shepard—"

"Save it." He scowled. "I could tell you that it was simple math. More salarians than marines. I could tell you that only a suicidal idiot runs towards an active nuke. I could tell you that saving the salarians was the smarter move politically. All of those things occurred to me, as did the fact that Kaidan's experience and expertise made him a more valuable member of the crew than you are. Of course, we both know that that's why I sent you with the salarians in the first place."

The commander clenched his hands into fists and released them a few times.

"Or I could tell you that I sent the _Normandy _to save you because I want to get in your pants. Would that make you happy?"

Shepard was pacing now, arms wrapped tightly around his torso. "Have you ever had someone be part of your life so completely that you didn't realize you needed them to breathe until it was too late?"

Ashley shook her head as her stomach dropped. He was really going to admit it. He was going to put it all on her, on whatever chance they'd had at a relationship.

"I have," he told her. "When my sister died. You can't even imagine what that's like. You can lose everyone in the world, and it doesn't mean anything compared to that kind of loss. That kind of pain never goes away. And every day you wake up, and remember again that she's gone, and you want to _die_."

He stopped and stared at Ashley. There were so many conflicting emotions on his face that he didn't even look like Commander Shepard. She'd gotten so used to seeing the commander conceal what he was feeling that anything else was disconcerting for a number of reasons.

"I didn't save you. I saved your sisters from a pain you will hopefully never understand. That isthe _only_ non-tactical factor I considered in making the decision. If that's too close to _wanting to get in your pants_, then so be it." He turned back to the communications console.

Well. She felt like a terrible person now. "Shepard, I'm sorry."

"Yeah," he sighed. "Me too."

Ashley made her way towards the door.

"Wait!" Shepard called. "Please," he asked, more quietly.

She didn't come any closer, but she stopped and turned around. He was still facing the wall. "Yes, sir?"

"I—I don't make friends easily," he whispered after a long, tense silence. "I didn't expect to make any on the _Normandy,_ but I did, somehow, and I lost one of them today. I don't want to lose two. Between you and me, I don't think that I could take it."

Before she could think about what she was doing, Ashley was standing next to Shepard, holding his hand. "I probably couldn't take it either."

He squeezed her hand. "Good."

After a while, he took a deep breath. "I really am sorry. What I said about Kaidan being more valuable…. If that's true, it's only true on paper." He winced. "I mean, it's not true. You are valuable."

"You don't have to—"

"You _are_," he insisted. "I sent you with the salarians because I needed Kaidan's tech skills for the bomb, yeah. But I also sent you with them because you're the only other person on this ship with command experience on the ground.

"And their deaths—Kaidan, Perez, Clinton and Quincy—their deaths are on me. The call was mine to make, and it had nothing to do with you. Or any hopes I might or might not have about your pants." He tried to smile at her.

Ashley made a sound that was part laugh, part sob and rested her forehead against Shepard's shoulder. "Good to know."

They stood in silence for a few minutes. It was surprising to Ashley how much better she felt just standing with Shepard.

"I'm sorry too," she said finally. "For everything I said. I just don't want any deaths on my head."

"I told you—"

"I know. No matter what though, I'm always going to feel guilty." She sighed. "It's funny. I don't have any fear of dying. But when I think of someone dying for _me_…. Can I ask how you deal with it, Skipper?"

"You know. Drugs. Or violence. I'm probably not the best example."

Ashley pulled away from him. "They were good people. They're probably with God now. Probably happier. I just have to remember that."

"Look at you, all optimistic," Shepard teased.

"I had a good example."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **I think I'm happy about the way this chapter turned out. It certainly went in a different-and much longer-direction than I'd planned!_

_Also: shameless self-promotion. I've got another Mass Effect fic up (the brilliantly titled 'FemShep') that has nothing to do with KS Shepard or Ashley_. _It's a sort of bonus for not getting Massive Epic done in time for the release of ME3. Head over and take a look, if you're interested._


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter Sixty-Eight:**

**In Which Things Do Not Go As Planned**

Turians had been trying—and failing—to make sense of humans since the Relay 314 incident. All his experience working with humans in C-sec and aboard the _Normandy_ made Garrus something of an expert on the species, but even he didn't understand them. Like any good investigator, he had used his chances to observe them to formulate theories about what humans were actually like.

Judging empirically, the human race was insane.

After hearing Shepard yell at the Council loudly enough to be heard through the heavy doors of the debriefing room, Garrus had gone to his datapad and tried to find some basic information on human biology. The commander had never shouted like that before Saren had crushed his windpipe. Maybe humans were like vorcha, in that when they were injured their bodies repaired themselves to be better than normal. He hadn't been able to find any information like that, although it turned out that there were animals on Earth that had similar abilities. Humans just weren't one of them.

So, Shepard hadn't been healing, the Council had just done something to make him furious enough to shout at them. No one with common sense shouted at the Council.

Further proof that humans were insane.

It was a new side of the commander. It was impulsive, a little stupid, and too passionate for the man's own good. It reminded the turian of himself. It made him feel as though he understood Shepard better.

Much as he liked the idea that he and Shepard might actually have personality traits in common, Garrus knew that shouting at the Council did not earn you a spot on their list of favorite people. Even if you were a Spectre.

When Shepard told the ground team that the Council had called them back to the Citadel for a war summit, Garrus had known something was wrong. Every officer in C-Sec was trained to deal with politicians. Once that was over, you actually interacted with them, and learned that they could hold a grudge longer than any sentient being should be able to.

So it was with serious reservations that Garrus trailed after Shepard. Across the Presidium, to the Citadel Tower, up the incredibly high elevator, into the wide, open rooms, across the narrow bridge to stand at attention behind Udina, the human ambassador. Despite everything, the commander seemed more or less oblivious. The turian caught him smiling excitedly at Williams while they waited for the Council to initiate discussions.

Williams and Garrus were the only two accompanying the commander. As much as the turian wished his presence was a result of the esteem Shepard held him in, it was not. He, Williams, and Shepard were the only three members of the _Normandy _crew with clearance to be here. Alenko used to have clearance. If it had been Garrus left behind with the bomb, Alenko would have been in the Council room instead. If it had been anyone else left behind, Alenko would have been here. Garrus never measured up to the lieutenant.

Sparatus glanced towards Garrus and he tried to stand a bit taller. He might not have been the first choice to be standing at Shepard's left hand side, but he was damn good at his job. He had found the information on Saren when no one believed in it, and he had proven himself valuable enough that Shepard had made him a part of his inner circle. The turian deserved to be here, even if the commander hadn't quite realized it yet. And, damn it, he was going to prove himself to everyone. Irreverence didn't mean incompetence. If what they learned at Saren's compound was true, a war was coming, soon. Before anyone knew it, there would be dozens and dozens of people for Shepard to choose from and Shepard would going to pick Garrus.

Standing behind Shepard and the human ambassador, Garrus decided that he was going to prove that he was the best turian for the job. He would follow this crazy human to the ends of the galaxy if he had—

The Council started talking about plans to set up a naval blockade at all the relays that linked to the Citadel? It had been a while since Garrus was part of the Hierarchy's armed forces, but he was fairly sure that that wasn't the fleet that Shepard had been talking about earlier. Did—did the Council lie to Shepard to get him to come in quietly?

Udina smiled at their team. "The Council can take it from here," he said kindly. Garrus felt his teeth set on edge. "With my help of course."

Williams was better at understanding politics than Shepard, apparently. While the commander stood there, motionless, as though he either didn't understand what was happening or didn't _want _to understand, she scowled and stepped forward. "You bastard!" she spat. "You're selling us out!"

As if her words were the only things needed to prompt the commander into action, Shepard blinked, like a sleeper waking up. He swallowed, readying himself, and Garrus wondered how much his throat was hurting him. A lot, the turian decided, since when Shepard finally did speak, he was quiet, barely more than whispering.

"Nobody stabs me in the back, Udina. Nobody."

Quiet as he was, the human's voice carried through the room. As one, the coucilors frowned and looked to Udina to take control of the situation.

And just like that, the _Normandy_ was grounded.

* * *

_**Author's Note: **I apologize for the long wait between updates and the extreme brevity of this chapter. I'm battling some serious writer's block, but the inestimable Janizary managed to give me enough of a boost to crank this out. Hopefully things get better soon and I get back to more frequent updates in the near future! Thanks for bearing with me!_


	69. Chapter 69

**Chapter Sixty-Nine:**

**In Which Emotions Fluctuate **

The damn locker was as hard to open as ever. It took all of Shepard's self-control not to pound his head against the thing. Not that it mattered whether or not he ever managed to get it open. Almost ten years had passed since the last time he'd had any red sand on him. More than ten years, maybe, actually, now that he stopped to think about it.

Anyway, he'd only ever kept the little kit he used to shoot up in with the rest of his toiletries. On those occasions when he'd stumbled into a shelter on Elysium and had clean clothes and a toothbrush pressed on him. And his shaving kit was safely ensconced in the so-small-it-was-almost-invisible closet in his laughably tiny bathroom. So even if he had had drugs, when he opened the locker, there wouldn't be anything worth caring about in it.

This urge was the dangerous sort, he remembered being told time and again during his two months in rehab, during his who-cared-how-many-years sober. Ignore it for too long, pretend it wasn't there, and it would rise up to take control. If he didn't face it, didn't stand up to it, it would run roughshod over him, drag him away from the person he'd worked hard to become and turn him back into the person he'd fought so hard to leave behind.

The right thing to do would be to find a meeting somewhere on the Citadel. Or call his sponsor. The _Normandy_ was grounded, he didn't have the excuse that he couldn't get in touch. He wondered if his sponsor would remember him. He didn't give a shit. The world was going to end soon, and he'd tried everything he could think of to stop it, and nothing had worked.

He didn't want to be sober when the Reapers got here. Although if he ended up high, he might not remember to yell 'I told you so!' at the Council right before they were all killed.

"Fucking hell!" he roared, slamming a fist against the locker as his biotics flared. "Open the fuck up!"

"Tsk, tsk. Watch that language, soldier. The commander'll write you up and ground you if he hears you swearing."

Shepard's shoulders rolled forward. Of all the people to catch him, of course it had to be Ash. Most of the crew had taken advantage of being grounded to catch some shore leave on the Citadel. He'd even seen Wrex and Liara head off with Serviceman Vega and a couple of the other enlisted crewmembers. As far as he'd been aware, aside from Joker and himself, the ship had been empty.

The last of his self-restraint went into getting his biotics under control and keeping himself from ramming his head into the useless locker. He turned around and slumped against the locker, not even bothering to glance up at Ashley.

She took a few steps closer to him. "How are you holding up, Skipper?" She sounded concerned. The irrational urge to punch something in the face rose in Shepard again. He didn't need comfort, didn't want it. He didn't deserve it.

"I don't want to talk about it!" he snapped. He needed to be alone. Ashley had religion; he didn't, much as he wanted that sort of reassurance. The world was going to end soon: within days, if not hours. He needed to be alone to make his peace with that. He needed to be alone so that he could figure out whether or not he believed he might see the rest of his family soon. If he did, then the galaxy could burn for all he cared.

Telling himself lies didn't work as well as it used to.

Funny how he'd spent so long after Mindoir trying to die and now that he was about to get his wish, he was scared out of his wits and mad as all get-out, and for the first time in who knew how long he just didn't want to die at all.

She nudged his foot with the toe of her boot. "Just going right to the surly part of this, are you? And not even taking the time to compliment me for not saying 'I told you so.' I know _I'm_ impressed with my restraint."

He opened his mouth to tell her to just go away already, and that this really wasn't the time. Not for jokes, not for whatever weird flirting thing they'd had going on since practically the first instant he saw her, not for anything but self-pity and preparation for inevitable doom. Then he glanced up. She was just… there. Looking down at him with this tiny worried line pulling at the left corner of her mouth. Big eyes dark and soft and there for him. He glanced up at Ash, and realized that he couldn't look at her without thinking about how beautiful she was.

How much of his reluctance to accept the fact that he was going to die had to do with the woman standing in front of him?

Almost all of it.

"Shit," he hissed.

"Wow, you're just breaking all of your own rules today, aren't you?"

He frowned, pulling his knees up to his chest and tucking his face into them, like a child. His bootlaces stared back at him, best as they could. "I thought they'd listen," he mumbled. "I really thought the Council would listen to me. God, I'm such an _idiot—_"

"Hey, hey!" Ashley crouched down next to him, barely hesitating before placing warm hands on his knee and the side of his face. He glanced up, startled at the gentle, intimate contact. "You're an optimist, Skipper. _Not_ an idiot. I might make fun of you, but…if more people were like you, maybe we wouldn't need Spectres or soldiers."

"Looking to get out of the game, Chief?"

She grinned at him. "What game? The end of the world'll be here in a few hours. Any retirement plan I try for isn't going to last me very long."

"The world isn't going to end." He reached out to put one of his own hands over the one cupping his cheek. "I promise; I'll do whatever I can to stop Saren."

"There's the Shepard I know. I was wondering when he'd get here." Ashley shifted her weight so that she could stand more easily. "I'd hate to have followed him this far for him to just up and disappear."

"I'm not going anywhere, Ash."

"I know." Her hands slid slowly away from him as she stood up. "And I—For what it's worth," she sighed and squared her shoulders, "I…want you to be happy. So, whatever you need, I'm there." A hand stretched towards Shepard. "Sound good?"

He grabbed onto her hand like it was his last link to the world, grateful that she didn't flinch even though he was holding onto her too tightly. "Yeah." With quiet grunt of effort, she pulled him to his feet. "Yeah, that—"

Maybe he'd underestimated her strength, maybe he'd tucked his feet too close to his body, maybe…. Well, the maybes didn't matter so much. All that mattered was that suddenly their faces were inches apart, and Ash's breath smelled _incredible_, and her lips looked softer than anything, and the world was probably going to end soon, so…screw the regs.

He swallowed and leaned in a little, smiling when she didn't pull away. She was still holding his hand. "That sounds…."

"_Sorry to interrupt, Commander,_" the sound of Joker's voice booming over the intercom wreaked havoc on whatever was left of Shepard's courage. He jumped away from Ashley like a frightened rabbit. She scowled and shook her head at the commander, not letting go of his hand. "_Got a message for you from Captain Anderson. Want me to run it down to you?_"

"Does he sounds smug to you? He sounds smug to me," Ashley grumbled. "I'm going to break his legs into little pieces."

Shepard grinned and squeezed her hand. "That's all right, Joker," he called. "I'll be right there."

"_Sounds good. See you in a few_."

"That jackass has the worst timing."

"Yeah," Shepard agreed. Feeling bold, he lifted their clasped hands and kissed the inside of Ashley's wrist before letting her go. "Thanks," he whispered.

To his utter shock, the woman was blushing. "Always happy to kick your ass, Skipper," she mumbled.

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**_Thanks to all of you who've been sticking with me during this long hiatus. This chapter is for you, with gratitude. A special shout-out to my old friends from the BSN. Yale, look, I followed through!_


End file.
